I need some new consequences ideas for my teen that just messes around and doesn’t get finished with his school work each day. Not having evening screen time, isn’t working any more and he doesn’t have any friends that I can keep him from seeing. We need a new consequence before we start back to school on Tuesday, so please throw me some ideas.
I don't have teens and don't remember my mom caring too much about my schoolwork, but you might read up on Love and Logic. I've found many of their strategies applicable to our homeschool setting (for younger kiddos, at least).
What about extra chores??? I'm talking things that nobody else does on a regular basis like washing windows or scrubbing down the baseboards with a toothbrush.. I have teen boys and before they got a social life that's what we did.. It was a pain in the hiney for me because I had to keep on top of it.. Now they get grounded from the phone or ipod.. That really hurts all of us
Hello Mom24boys, School was not finished at our house until all subjects were completed. You might assign him extra chores to do around the house since he has so much time to waste during school. One thing that helped my daughter (who is now in college) was to give her a block of work to do. I would assign a certain amount of work in each subject and give her a deadline to have it finished (i.e. two weeks). She learned to schedule her time in order to get the work done in a timely manner. She learned to take responsibility for her work. The work had to be done, so she could graduate. It was her education. She was the one who wanted to go to college. Also, I gave her the freedom to choose the order of her classes. She could spend most of the day on one subject as long as she completed all assigned material by the deadline. I did give her some tips on how to manage her time well. I gave her checklists to check off as she finished each part of the assignment. It really helped her to be ready for college. She finished her first semester at our local university with a 4.0 grade point average. Keep in mind that my daughter has ADHD, learning disabilities, and a processing disorder. I am very proud of her accomplishments. Does your son plan to go to college? If he does, he needs to see that his education is his responsibility. He needs to take ownership and begin to make a plan to be ready to move on to college. There are many skills needed above academics. He must be able to organize himself to do the work in an environment where no one is pushing him. He must be motivated to get his work done, so he can achieve his goals. If he does not plan to go to college, he will need a high school diploma for most jobs out there these days. He cannot graduate until he has completed all of the work necessary to get his diploma. If he does not finish his work and seems unmotivated, he may need to see that you are prepared to let him choose to fail one or more courses. That is what would happen in any other school (private or public). He would have to retake the complete the course. That would be a natural consequence of refusing to finish his work. I have to work on dinner, but I will be glad to answer any specific questions that you have later. Both of mine are in college and doing well. Blessings, Susan
I second the extra chores. Another thing would be to let him fall behind and do what a friend of mine did to her homeschooled son. She made him do school work every day until he got caught up.
I can't say I agree with using school as a consequence. How old is your son? How close to driving age? How about picking a deadline in the day...say 3:00...any hou beyond that where he hasn't completed his work is a day longer that he has to wait to get his drivers permit or license? Why does he drag his feet? I DO AGREE TOTALLY with encouraging him to take ownership of his own education. I do not have teens, yet, so it's hard to say because I have not faced it with teens.
He is 14yo. We have tried the "you can't do anything except school work until all of you school work is done." That didn't help either. Nothing we try seems to work. I hate to ask a dumb question, but how to you get them to "take ownership of his own education?"
Not to get too personal, but there may be other issues here-- I would be very concerned about a teen with no interest in friends, consequences, and school. Normal rebellion against parents and school is one thing, but disinterest in normally pleasurable activities could (I stress COULD) be a sign of something more significant (i.e. depression, etc.). I'm going to go the opposite way of everyone else on this one and say this boy needs something to care about first-- social activities, friends, maybe a volunteer opportunity at a homeless shelter or somewhere that someone else might be able to give him some perspective on his choices. Right now, what's the difference if he does it or not- the way he sees it, life is the same either way. Obviously, I don't have all the information, but wanted to give another way to look at this issue.
I didn't say that he has no interest in friends. He has friends at church it is just that where we live all of his church friends are at least an hour away so it's not like he can get together with his friends. I will say however, that he does need an interest, we just haven't found it. As far as consequences go, he sees them as my fault. For example, if I tell him ahead of time that he can't watch the family movie with us unless he is finished with his school work then when it comes times for the movie he gets mad at me. He sees it as my fault that he can't watch it because I am the one that made the rule and I didn't have to, I could let him watch it. This is how he sees it, he doesn't see that it is because HE didn't finish his school work. The next day, he didn't learn a thing from it and doesn't finish his work again. Don't know if that makes sense or not? Thanks for the "other way to look at this issue."
I agree completely. As I was reading your post I was thinking maybe you need to step back from school work for a little while. Maybe he needs to develop some new interests, find ways to build good relationships, feel good about what he is doing. Then he will have a reason to care about school work. If school work is all he has, it could get a little depressing. Once he has more to care about, that will probably spill over into other areas. Sometimes when nothing is working, you need to step back, drop it, and look at everything from a different perspective. Don't think of it as a school problem. Try to find out what else could be causing the issue. Prayers going up for you all!
Hi Mom24Boys, I just want to throw out some ideas for helping your teen take ownership for his education. Since I do not know you, I will just include everything that I can think of that may help. You may have already tried all or some of these things. I am just sharing what helped my kids or others that I have known. I know how daunting it can be to deal with unmotivated teens. I hope some of these ideas are helpful. What does your son want to do with his life? Is he interested in going to college? Does he want to go to technical college? Does he have interest in some particular job after high school? I had to help my daughter see that she had to plan for life after high school. School isn't life. It is preparation for the rest of his life. If he has no goals for after high school, then you may need to step back for awhile as others have suggested. He definitely needs to be involved with other teens. He needs the chance to explore careers that may interest him. Could he get involved in boy scouts or another club? If he does want to go to college, then you need to help him see what he will need to do to achieve that goal. He needs to see that he has choices. The choices he is making today may limit his choices after high school. Maybe you could take him to a local university to talk to someone in the field that he is interested in pursuing after high school. Talk about the projected salaries for each career. That may help him to see that he needs to work toward those goals. If you are not sure what his goals are for the future, then help him to explore different choices. Let him take some interest inventories. Maybe he could volunteer at a library, animal shelter, or local food bank. He definitely needs to develop some interests. He might like to join the boy scouts or 4H. He might like a debate club. Maybe he could take an art class at a local art guild. He needs to explore new ideas and meet new people. If he likes computers, he might like to get a job at a store that sells computers. Is there a local home school group with a coop? Can you start one? Maybe, you could start weekly or biweekly game night for home schooled teens. Maybe you and your son could plan some field trips that would interest other teens his age. You could announce them to your home school support group. I remember asking my daughter what she wanted to do after high school. She wasn't sure, so we looked online at our local university website. She looked at different majors and the requirements for each. It helped her to see that she was working toward her own goals not mine. We had a lot of talks about the reality that she was almost grown and needed to think about her future. You have to reach a child's heart in order to teach them. They have to see that you are on their side. Another thing we did was to sit down together to make a plan for high school. We looked at the state requirements for high school. We talked about which classes that she had to take to graduate. We talked about what choices she could make for herself. We looked online for ideas about electives. I found out she wanted to learn about photography, so we found an online photography course. She wanted to learn about marine science, so we found that as well. You need to involve him in the process, so he can see that high school is all about meeting his goals for life. Make a plan together. If you need to step back, you may have to work on your relationship with him. He needs to see that you in a new light. You might want to take him on "date nights" with you. My husband and I did that with our children. We spent one on one time with each child doing what they wanted to do. It does not have to be expensive. You could just take them out for a soda and a game of miniature golf or to a sporting event. You could just make his favorite meal and rent a movie he wants to see or play a game. Take him on a hike or play a game of tennis/basketball/football. You may already be doing these things, but I just wanted to throw some ideas out there. I hope some of these ideas help. I know teens can be hard to figure out sometimes. Blessings, Susan
My 15 year old does this.. He's the kind of kid who really pushes buttons.. I used to second guess my decisions as far as punishment goes but I stopped doing that. It was getting ME nowhere and he was getting away with WAY too much because he found ways of making me feel guilty.. What it boiled down to is that I know what's best for him. I do take his feelings into consideration but I don't allow him to manipulate me anymore.. It can really get out of hand. He doesn't take ownership of his education either. I've finally decided that I can't force it down his throat. I am responsible for his education and I give him the tools. It's up to him to grab them and use them.. He would be this way even if he were in public school which he was for 6 weeks this year.. Failing his classes because he just didn't care.. I really would like to find a way to show him that his education is valuable but I haven't found a way to do so yet.. Just because he doesn't care doesn't mean that I don't punish him.... He's the only one of all my kids that does this. My 14 year old tried it but has since calmed down and gets his work done.. The extra chores did the trick with him and the fact that he has a girlfriend that homeschools as well and they challenge each other to get their work done helps alot... Anyway, I don't know if any of that pertained to you but your son reminded me a lot of my 15 year old so I thought I would throw that out.. (((hugs))) It can be VERY frustrating and draining to have a strong willed child.. Hang in there
