long rant...am I depriving my kids?

Not having read all the posts....

I'd tell her to MYOB, and start looking for a new friend who appreciated your differences!

 

You know... my mum raised me "weird". We didn't own a TV, we couldn't afford a lot of food and she wanted to feed me only healthy stuff, so what we had was what she made (fortunately she's a great cook!). I didn't taste Kraft dinner until I was seventeen. I wasn't allowed colouring books because she felt they'd stunt my creativity. I wasn't allowed to read certain books, either, unless they were classics. So... The Cat Ate My Gymsuit was verboten, but Orwell's 1984 was A-ok. Christmas was a strange elaborate ritual involving the reading of poetry. Certain friends were... discouraged.

Now - I DID grow up weird and socially inept, but I don't blame my mom. I have my frustrations with her, and I chose to raise my own children differently, BUT I was destined to weird and socially inept no matter what she did. It's how my brain works. It's how her brain works. It's just something that runs in our family.

And you know what... I'm NOT "socially inept" any more. I just had my own timetable for figuring this stuff out. As an adult, I get regular compliments on my ability to manage people, and negotiate compromise. People ask me for advice!

Now - my own children are teenagers. I raised them with plenty of TV, and a moderate amount of processed food (though I still mostly cook my own). I'm not into censorship, and I adore pop culture, so they've grown up very much a "part of the world". And yet... they're both definitely weird. My daughter is socially inept, and my son is socially talented. I'm not concerned in either case. I know it's just something in their biology. As I've told my daughter when she's been struggling to fit in, "You were fated to be weird, the moment you got us as parents."

And besides, she's socially inept in the nicest possible way, much as I was at her age. For example, three of the girls in her high school Health Studies group got themselves suspended last week over drugs. My daughter came home with her eyes wide, saying, "There really IS drug use in my school! I had no idea!" :lol: She's in tenth grade, for goodness sakes!

Maybe "weird" is the wrong word - maybe we should call it "radical innocence".

My only concern with regards to a very carefully controlled childhood, has to do with the implied (or blatant!) judgement of other people. That was my biggest issue with my mom. I've always made sure to tell my own kids, "We do things our own way. Other families do things their way. You'll make your own decisions for your family when you're grown." I don't need to judge others negatively, in order to justify our own life style. We do what works for us, as do you.

When your friend starts in on this sort of thing, just pass the bean dip and ignore her. If your children are happy and your household is (reasonably) peaceful, then you're doing the right thing.

 

Thanks all of you! I guess weird really isnt all that different than normal. At least on this board, and, I'm sure, most others like this one

Most people I know stick to what they have learned and what they are spoonfed. Just the other day, BIL says to hubby, "well, how can that be bad for you? If it were, it wouldnt be on the market"....
Talk about being clueless!!!

I have been receiving flak ever since I had children, but "at least" they went to school. Not that they're home, I'm discovering a lot more about friends and relatives than I would ever have known!

I really appreciate all of you responding to my little rant. I feel much better now, and ready to carpe diem once again!

 

Sorry I'm just seeing this and I don't have any more to add, but I I'm feeling very encouraged reading the posts.

 

My favorite phrase for friends and relatives who disapprove of the way I'm raising my kids - "Well, despite everything, they seem to be doing okay." Said with a bland smile. Another useful one (when people suggest lifestyle changes), "That's interesting, but we're happy the way we are."

And I try to remind myself that they are only speaking out of concern for the children. It's a privilege to have so many people in our kids' lives who care about them, even if they're misguided in their concern.

 

As bizarre as it seems, there are people out there who feel that kids NEED to do like everyone else is doing and if you aren't allowing them to have that kind of childhood you are a bad parent. It doesn't make sense to me either, but I've accepted the fact that they're there.

Ultimately, each one of us needs to make the decisions for ourselves about how we're going to raise our children. We were blasted by some for our choice of lifestyle on the bikes - some people felt we were abusing our kids by taking them out to show them the world. Here's my reply: http://familyonbikes.org/blog/2010/05/are-we-self-absorbed-parents/

I think you just need to know what you're doing and why, then stick to your guns!

 

I remember reading about how you were exploiting your kids! Twenty years from now, the boys will still be talking about that trip and what a wonderful time they had, and the things they learned from it!

 

GASP!!! I guess I am depriving my children too....


I'm a terrible mother. I should allow them to watch hours of TV unsupervised, dress and behave like Miley Cyrus, scarf sodas and junk food, and they can be brainless idiots that follow the standard path of society.

 

I must be so very "behind the times" or "out of the mainstream," because I do not even know who Miley Cyrus is and I don't even want to Google the name to find out!

 

Oh, googling Miley's safe enough. :lol: She's Billy Ray Cyrus' teenage daughter (he's a country singer). She's been working for the Disney Channel, and trying to carve out a career of her own.

Honestly, my kids did watch a lot of TV, but never unsupervised as we have a small house. I have fond memories of singing along to Sesame Street with them. Now that they're teenagers, my son and I share a passion for Doctor Who, and my daughter and I adore Sherlock. Dress is a matter of culture and circumstance. I think my children dress decently, but other folks may disagree. Of course, they've drunk soda and eaten junk food. But they also eat three home cooked meals a day, and I've educated them both thoroughly on healthy living.

There's more than one way to raise a happy, healthy child. It's not about saying, "Miley Bad, No-TV Good." It's about doing what's right for you and your family, without concern for what others do.

That said, I think most of what the Disney Channel produces is mindless commercial pap, and I have no personal interest in Miley Cyrus. I'm glad my kids have outgrown that kind of thing and moved onto projects such as "I must listen to all 100 of the greatest albums in history!" (my son) or, "I just like listening to music, I don't care who makes it" (my daughter).

 

Megcanada, Miley - bad, No tv- good

hahaha

 

Now that I read back on my previous post, I suppose it did sound a little condescending.

My apologies.

I do agree with you that parenting decisions are personal and there are more than one way to raise a great kid.

For instance, growing up my family ate horribly. Soda, meals from boxes, junk foods, sodas...we watched (blushing) Seinfeld. (I'd be so embarrassed for my kids to watch that show with me now. I am embarrassed that I thought it funny, although parts of it were/are funny, the lifestyles of the characters don't mesh with my values now.) But I never wore pants or shorts. Always in my culottes and dresses. Now that seems so incongruous!

I still turned out as a decent, responsible, normal, Christian adult. My family eats healthy, watches clean TV, and tries to dress modestly by our own standards. But it is up to us to do what we feel is best, and we really don't care what others think too much.

 

Wow, I admire what you are doing. And I would be willing to bet that many others think it is great!!!

As far as how your children are living---well they are very blessed. Just imagine--kids that like being with their family- how odd!

Why is that good stuff is being labeled bad and bad stuff is being labeled good these days?

 

You aren't depriving them, you are blessing them.

 

PLease, Lord, let my children be what this world considers "weird"!!!!!

 

You would thnk that some things in life are basic truths, but apparantly, they are not. Was having a conversation with someone the other day, and he was talking abut buying this iphone, and that laptop, and those clothes, and when asked why he was trying so hard to buy things he clearly couldnt afford, he said "everyone has their heart's desire. Its not wrong to do whatever you can to attain your heart's desires. Everyone else has one, and so you feel left out if you dont have it."

And it left me wondering....while I have an ipod that I like to use, it is not my heart's desire, and I would not pine away forever if I couldnt afford one. My hearts desire is to have a healthy happy loving family, that is close to God, and does good stuff...that sort of thing.

Apparantly, there are other things you can pine away for too.

 

BAD MOMMY! Just kidding!

We didnt allow those things and my kids turned out just fine! Sometimes when others criticize they criticize what they are most jealous of and wish they had the need or desire to do. Huggs!