I'm new here and hope to start hsing in the fall. My kids are kind of interested (probably for the novelty of it) but their main concern is, "But will I get to see my friends?" I told them no, not as much but they'll meet new friends with other hs families, co-ops, etc. They are 9, 7, and 5yo twins. Do I gently nudge them or make it completely their own decision? And, I'm worried a couple will choose to hs and the others will choose to continue at the public school. I'm wondering if it will change the family dynamic and if I will feel more bonded to the ones I get to stay home with everyday. Any thoughts on that?
I can only answer as one who homeschools all of her kids, so tender this answer with that information in mind. That and my kids have never set foot in a public school (well, okay, except for when they come with me to vote! LOL!). With children your kids ages, it is not THEIR decision how they are schooled. YOU are the parent. So if you decide you want to homeschool them. Then homeschool them. Let the 9 year old maybe help pick out areas of study, etc. The kids who've been in school longer will always choose to be with their friends (okay not always, but probably a larger majority would). What are your reasons for homeschooling? (this is rhetorical, you don't have to defend your decision to me - or anyone else for that matter). Is it so that you can be with your kids more often? Is it so that you can control their education? Is it to protect them from bullies? What is your motivation, make sure your kids KNOW that motivation. Sometimes that helps them in the transition. That all may sound harsh and cruel. But I will say, if they think the decision is theirs - one day they'll want to, somedays they won't. If you let them decide that they want to go to PS, but get a teacher they don't like, or have a couple bad days in a row or whatever, then maybe they'll say "I want to homeschool". Conversely, if they have a bad day homeschooling, they may say "I want to go back to school". Etc. Children are fickle and for the most part their emotions are fickle and they'll usually make decisions based on what's easiest for them, not what's best for them. I remember i went through a rough patch for a while and I threatened all the time to send them to school. I finally told my husband that I was going to send them to school b/c I couldn't handle it any more. My husband's response was that he'd come home from work and homeschool them. I could play with them all day, he'd come home and do their education. He was committed to them homeschooling. That helped me be committed. It's amazing when you commit to something, how easy it becomes! We sat the kids down, we told them this is how it is and they either got with the program, or they would have consequences (no tv, no computer, no activities, etc). It was a major attitude readjustment for them. It's amazing how seeing US committed to it made THEM committed to it. My waffling and insecurity allowed them to be the same way. I hope this all makes sense. If it's easier on you to say, let me start with one or two of the kids, then fold the others in at a certain point....let them know that too. Say, I'm going to try this with the 9 year old. After X weeks, we'll reassess and if we think its working and I want to, then we'll do the 7 year old, etc etc..... Just my .02 (okay, that might have been more than .02)
We are a family who has been in a couple of the scenarios you mentioned. We homeschooled and then had them both in public school for two years while we built our home (they were in 3rd and 6th when they began ps). After those two years, our Ds asked to come back home for 8th grade as his school experience was worse than terrible. Dd, however, was having a great time and one of our friends was her classroom teacher, so she wanted to continue in ps. We had always planned on them coming back home after our house was completed, but we allowed Dd to stay in school. By the middle of that school year, she was begging to come home again, too. She was doing very well with friends and school work, but she missed the time at home with us. All of that to say....there is a time for every homeschooling situation you can imagine. But I agree with Krista in that kids are fickle, especially the ages yours are. Our kids knew that when they came home again, it was for keeps. Whatever your family believes is the best decision should be followed through with rather than leaving it entirely up to the kids. Input is always great, but the weight of the decision should rest on you.
For us, homeschooling is our lifestyle. Just like a vegan family, or a very outdoorsy family, this is how we raise our children. The kids aren't always going to like it. But we made a choice to raise our family a certain way, and we believe in it very strongly. To us, it would be very awkward to homeschool one but not the other. We don't let our kids choose the dinner menu, they'd pick all junk food. But I make sure that we always have something that they like. similarly, we don't let our kids choose their method of education, but I make sure they are happy with how we do it. As far as school friends go, how much time do they really get to spend with them at school? you can't talk in class anyway, so you get what, recess and lunch? They'd get more quality time with after school playdates and weekends. You don't have to give up PS friends. Keep in mind, this is just how WE do it. other families may do it differently. Just giving you a different perspective.
So many good points! Krista's hit home about letting the kids know we're committed and how they'd go back and forth if it was their decision. I totally see how that would happen. I just worry about their happiness since I am the one wanting to hs, they aren't the ones asking for it. Mostly I want to hs for the family bonding. I think we could use it (as I listen to my children scream at each other over a video game.). :| I hope I'm not being selfish.
Choosing to be a home-educating parent is the most selfless thing I have ever done in all my life. It will demand more of you than what you expected at times, but you and your family will by far gain more than you ever give.
I'm with Leissa. It has NEVER been a "choice" for my kids. It's what their father and I have decided God is calling us to do, and the kids are expected to follow. Having said that, we also decided to place the oldest in "cyber school" this year. It's been a good choice for us, as it allows her to take college classes free, something she's mature enough to deal with. It is NOT a choice I would make for her younger sister, unless I see a great deal of maturing on her part! There are those who feel they need to allow the kids to decide certain things. That is NOT "my" (meaning my husband and myself!) way. I'm NOT saying it's "wrong"; just wrong for MY family. Those that choose to give choices have very good reasons for doing so, and it works for them.
My daughter wouldn't be given the choice to make when it comes to how she will receive her education. There is nothing selfish in wanting a stronger family unit. Your children will be out of the house before you know it. Enjoy the time you have with them.
When I decided that ds was coming home (end of 4th grade beginning of 5th) he got NO say! He didn't like the idea, but he DID like the idea that the same kids who came over to play while he was in ps were the same kids who came over to play while he was hs - only he actually got to go out and play, since he wasn't bogged down with ps homework! He also liked it when a group would get together and they would talk about the content of their lessons, and he was able to say "oh, I already did that!" He didn't like it that he couldn't play football, but I informed him that he wasn't going to play football no matter where he went to school. We saw to it that he got to play basketball and baseball (both community-based teams) as long as possible, though. He didn't like it that "everybody" had a girlfriend but him, or that he "missed out" on prom (he actually did get invited but fickle girl rescinded her invitation so she could ask someone else - boo!) He was liked-it/didn't-like-it back and forth, up until his older son started having problems in public school. Bad grades, being bullied, etc. Now all of a sudden, it's SO cool that Mom can teach him "like you did me". And I still get the occasional "I wish I'd paid better attention to my schoolwork when I was at home." He likes it, for example, that his 6 year old knows the difference between insects and arachnids and how many body parts and how many legs each has (ds's nickname used to be "the Bug Man").
As someone who struggled with this same dilemma last year, I can completely understand your feelings. For us, the final decision centered around peace. We needed it in our lives, in our home. I will say that homeschooling has provided that peace, along with a whole lot of other benefits (academic rigor, family closeness, opportunities for kids to pursue personal interests, control over influences, etc.) We spent nearly two years agonizing over this decision. Our two concerns-- is this right for our children/family, and can we handle the financial sacrifice (we were both working full time). As others have mentioned, if the kids feel like they have complete control over where/how they receive their education, they will want something different every day. Kids are not only fickle, but easily bored and ready for something different. Socially, I would say homeschooling has opened more doors than it has shut. We have met many wonderful families and we still have lots of friends that go to public and private schools that we play with after school and on weekends. We have been able to provide more for them socially than if we were both working and they both had two hours of homework every night. We go to museums, plays, the zoo and science center, skiing, etc. The bottom line is that this decision is a very important one, and your kids do need to understand your motivations. However, nothing is permanent. If you try it for a semester or a year, and it's not working, so what? Worst case, you got to spend that time with your children and they are probably ahead academically when they go back.
I might also add that a high schooler who want to attend a "real school" and an elementary kid are totally different. If you've got a high schooler with a "good reason", such as the potential of a sports scholarship or (as we did) to be able to attend college for free, that's one thing. "So I can spend more time with my friends" won't cut it, lol! A high schooler is on the verge of going out into the "real world", and we need to help guide them into making responsible decisions.
This is our first year homeschooling (dd K and ds 4th) and I had all the same feelings. My DD started K this year and I agonized over 'stealing' this from her. She's watched her big bro go to school and has been dying to go ever since he started. I felt bad that she didn't get to get her little backpack on and go..you know? But I remembered the other parts of K--her being gone all day, standing in line a lot, having a teacher yell, kids being snarky, possible teasing/embarrassment, homework... and I tried (still try when its hard) to remember why we are doing this: so that our kids have a strong foundation in the Bible and family. We are only planning to do until high school, at the latest, but will possibly seek the kids' opinions for junior high. At first, my son cried everyday and begged to go back to PS. I just told him that this is what we're doing this year and that is that. I think it REALLY helped him get fully into it, without so much caution and hesitancy, that he had absolutely no say in the matter. I guess I'm trying to say, if you're going to do it, do it! own it! rock it! Don't give them a say because it takes all regret/hesitancy/emotion off of them. It will be hard, especially at first, but being firm as parents in the decision will let them fully focus on school. KWIM?
We never gave our children the choice. We knew that home education was the best thing and as the parents that was our job to do it. My oldest children went to public school until I learned of home education (early 90's) and they fussed a bit. Later they told me that they had missed their friends but now wouldn't want to leave their homeschooling friends All of our children but one has now graduated from our home school. A few of them graduated 1-2 yrs early even. I miss them all being home but now have been blessed with many grandchildren that are also being educated at home.
I know it isn't the same as sending the kiddos off to school, but you can still do special things to make your homeschooling years special. I still bought Ems a backpack, lunchbox, and special supplies. We used lunch trays for lunch. I would set the food up so she could pretent to pick what she wanted to eat. She would have her special drinks and we would go outside to eat or watch a short video. Sometimes we would pack a lunch and walk or drive to the park. Aside from a few things, you can do a lot of what is done in the class at home, especially in the younger years. While they might see older siblings heading off to school, we need to set a posivite light on staying home especially in a country that pushes a government education.
