Oh man, my 6yr old and I are having a rough time of it this year. He's in 1st grade and has three younger distractions....er siblings. My husband says I don't discipline him enough for his poor attitude and constant whining/complaining about helping with chores and doing school. I'm at my wits end over here. I cannot stay on top of him all day and still keep up with the other three kids too! I feel that at 6yrs old he should be capable of completing a simple assignment without my having to remind him to stay on task every two minutes. Math has been a constant battle and even though I've taken to allowing him to do most of it orally and I write for him it's STILL a huge battle. Today I gave him a hundreds chart to fill in. Some of the numbers were already there and he has to fill in the blanks. He filled out three rows of it then brought it to me like he was done. He has this tendency to only half finish his work and I'm terribly guilty of not having the time or energy to fight with him about it and letting it go. But I'm DONE. So I sent him back to the table with it. He "erased" holes into it and spilled water on it. After 1.5hrs with it he still hadn't gotten past the fourth or fifth row and it was too ruined to finish so I wadded it up and printed him a new copy to start all over. Oh I forgot to mention the two broken pencils. So I give him the new sheet and new pencil, he's two rows done and I hear "I broke the pencil again". I sent him to his room for the rest of the night and he won't be doing ANYTHING tomorrow until that chart is done. Am I being too harsh? I'm just so done with the disrespect and I want to teach him a good work ethic as far as finishing what he starts and helping around the house chore wise. I know he's six and handwriting isn't his favorite thing BUT it's the only handwriting I asked of him today so I don't feel that it's an adequate excuse.
Sorry, but that sounds SO typical 6 to me. I'm schooling dgs this year, and it's pretty much that way with us too. After we talk about Bible or science, you'd think he could sit there and color a picture, but no, it's pretty much like you described. Which if he was the only one, wouldn't be so bad, but I have three other (until today it was 5 other) "customers" to see to, ages 14, 12, and 8. (We're schooling Other People's Kids.) It's tough. I have put a second desk right next to me, so I can multitask and oversee his paperwork in between going over stuff with the others (in between questions, I mean, not in between kids). Most days, dh is right there too, so he can see to the other kids' math or Bible or science or something, and he also sees to dgs's math.
I hate to say this, I don't want to discourage you, but my 9 yr old does this too. He'll even tell me, "Mom, I'm never going to get this done with you all the way over there on the other side of the room. You're going to have to sit by me so you can keep saying 'focus, Wyatt'." LOL And yes, he goes through about 5 pencils a day. I'm continually sharpening pencils. 6 is pretty young to be expected to work independently,IMO. Patience and consistency will pay off eventually. Dd11 is just this year working almost entirely independently, but then again, she's a girl and I think that makes a difference.
Six is pretty young. I would pick the most important thing he needs to work on and find time to work on it with him, maybe when younger ones are napping? It may be only 10 minutes. If he can have 10 minutes of your time to train him to do it well, I think it will make a big difference. Then once you have him doing that you can add another subject Doing one line of handwriting and doing it right beats fighting with him all day and him never learning to do things well and having him do bunch of different subjects. What ever you think is most important and you KNOW he is capable of doing, focus on that so that at some point he can do it somewhat independently which will probably be a little while at the ripe old age of 6. That's my philosophy at least. I have the same philosophy for chores. Train him to do some chores by doing it with him, even if that means other things you could be doing may get left undone for a day or two. Once you know he knows how to do it then you can expect it. I have often found myself expecting my kids to do stuff where they didn't really get much of my attention in learning how to do it and then I got mad. It was my fault for not training them though. :/ It's hard to remember that things that seem so simple to us are actually difficult for them. I realize 10 minutes of uninterrupted time is hard to come by, my youngest is 4 and he has three older siblings so I have just been through that stage so don't beat yourself up when things don't go right.
Maybe I wasn't clear in the OP - he does not do all of his school independently. I was asking him to do this one page independently. Most of the curriculum we're using this year is very teacher intensive. Math is the ONLY subject that I can ask him to do anything independently with. At this point its a matter of attitude and obedience. I know the knowledge is there for the 100's chart and I won't ask him to fill another one out anytime soon but he WILL fill out the one he began today. I really don't think that 6 is too young to ask to do a single workpage alone while I'm in the next room.
I thought I should update: my son was sent to his room for the remainder of the day after the 3rd broken pencil and almost 2hrs at the table with the math page. He sat on his bed and read books and my husband took his supper up to him. He got up this morning and was sent straight to the table - he didn't whine or complain at all (HUGE) and finished the page in about 30 min as I knew he could. Hoping this is a turn in the tide with him.
That's great, Sam! I hope it continues like this for you. It's certainly more convenient when you can get them to do ANYthing for like ten minutes without your immediate attention! Occasionally dgs will want to take something "to my real desk" (as opposed to the one right by my warm side) and will actually do it.
I totally understand. I actually sat my son down to do the SAME assignment yesterday, and he had a hard time, too! I realize that with math, I really do need to be in the room with him, even if I'm doing something else. My son can do his math really fast if he is motivated, but if not, he will sit and complain that he "just can't" and "it takes too long" etc. Same with folding his laundry. So I started "racing" him. I'll have lots of laundry to fold next to his half-basket, but we'll race to see who can do it first. Or to see if he can finish his math before I finish washing the dishes. And if I'm feeling especially generous, I'll let him have a treat or watch his favorite show when he's done. And it helps a LOT. I see a lot of myself in him this way--I was always motivated by similar competition or rewards.
Another option is to give him a reasonable amount of time to do it in, say 30 minutes. If it's not done by then, it is put away and you move on. Then he can do it "later", when Dad's home, preferably during an activity he REALLY likes. I did that once with my daughter, telling her she could do it at 6:30 that night. She was all smiles, until she realized, "But I have soccer practice at 6:30!!!" "REALLY? Well, then, I guess you'll have to call Coach to tell him why you won't be able to make it tonight..." She had it done in ten minutes (after, up to then, she'd done nothing for close to an hour!)
Yes, it's amazing what motivation can do. I was amazed how fast my son could clean his room (and no everything wasn't under the bed) when I told him he couldn't go to Grandma's if she showed up before it was done. Currently mine likes to finish all his seat work before breakfast so he can go dribble his basketball in the basement while all the other kids are working on their stuff. A six year old does not do very well at dealing with things like being tired well, neither do I. I'm glad it worked out for you first thing in the morning. Hopefully it will become a routine for you.
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