If the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the family and they aren't doing so then what an I supposed to do as far as church when the hubby says he won't go anywhere but the church we were going to but never goes.. The church we are going to visit he will not set foot into because of rumors we heard that were going on there.. Basically the church ended up falling apart and now is back on its feet with a whole new pastor and way of doing services.. I'm excited to visit this church and he says NO WAY is he going there.. That church was having the same issues that our former church is going through right now.. Only my husband is so LOYAL to that church that even though he doesn't go he claims it as his church.. I can NOT continue to allow my kids to be emerged in a toxic environment.. I've prayed and prayed over this and stuffed down my feelings that it's time to go so many times.. It is time to leave! Hubby doesn't see things in a spiritual way and I know that I am supposed to be submissive to him but as far as following Christ goes, he doesn't. PLEASE pray for my husbands heart... The church we are leaving is the only church he has ever been to... Not open to any other one.. It doesn't make sense to me.. so please pray that God will soften his heart.. My heart breaks everytime we discuss church or anything Godly.. He is NOT open to it...
Pray for your husband. I will. You are to follow your husband as he follows Christ. If he isn't following Christ then the deal changes.
If your Dh is ok with you attending a different church, then I would find a church that is a good fit for you and the kids. God will have to draw Dh and He doesn't have to use the church he has gone to in the past. Find the church where they are in God's will and you can trust the Lord to handle drawing your Dh back to Him, not any certain building. If your Dh won't allow you to find a new church, it would seem to me that going to the toxic church is worse than not having a church home for a while. I'll be praying for your situation as you are brought to my mind and heart.
I agree with this 100%. You do not have to follow him into sin and this church is a toxic environment. You should leave. I'll be praying.
Does your husband say that he is saved? My SIL's husband says that he is saved but he will not go the church, he thinks it is not necessary. She had to tell him that she would go the the church she likes and he has no say about it! He still tries to give her a hard time, but for the most part he doesn't say a word. Praying for you.... you have to be the spiritual leader since her husband is not.
I'm agreeing with Brooke here! You have to follow the Lord, and believe that at some time in the future your dh will also listen to the Lord and go where the Lord leads. There was a time at our house where I was going and taking the kids, while dh "worshipped at St. Mattress". He would come for "special events" (like dinner on the grounds, fellowship supper, a special program like Christmas, etc.). Eventually the Lord drew him in, changing denominations and everything, and years later now he's a deacon...
I completely agree that you are to follow your husband as he is following God. If he is not living a Christ-filled life, I don't think that God expects you to follow him into sin. I think that you need to find the right church for you and your children. One that it is not spiritually toxic and one that follows God. I know that can be hard but God will change your husbands heart. I will be praying for y"all and that the Lord will lead your husband to go with you.
I don't feel that this is a matter of "following your husband into sin". That's a very broad statement, and unfortunately we as women can twist it into justifying our actions. Now, I'm NOT saying you're doing that!!! I agree that where you are is extremely toxic to your children, and you need to get out. But not being submissive to your husband can be just as toxic. I agree with Brooke that you can attend a different church with your husband's go-ahead. And, to be quite honest, I'm not sure you need the go-ahead since he's not attending anywhere. However, if he says straight out that he doesn't want you attending Church A, then you don't go there. God is quite capable of changing your husband's heart, whether you husband is following God or not. He sees and knows what is best for you and your children.
Continue to pray, definately. I agree that you need to leave the church you are in. Perhaps sitting down with your husband and explaining that you understand his point of view, but that these are your reasons for not wanting to be part of that church environment at this time. Explain to him you want to try visiting other churches and that this church is one of the ones you would like to visit -- that you are not committing to this church or any other at this time, but that you and your kids need to try some different things for awhile. Explain that him you don't expect him to go with you, but you would appreciate his understanding in this. If he forbids it, then as a submissive wife, you must yield to that decision. Perhaps there is another option he wouldn't object as strongly to. It may take time, but in the meanwhile, stop going to the "toxic" church and focus on other ways to worship and fellowship with other believers. "Where 2 or 3 are gathered together in my name, I am there among them."
If he's not attending anyway, I think you should proceed to visit the church you are feeling led to. Pray that God will give you peace and wisdom and will soften your hubby's heart and attitude. I wouldn't "throw" it in his face that you're going somewhere else, but certainly let him know the reasons you are leaving "his" church. I would also let him know that you are potentially open to returning to said church when the matters are resolved that have led you to leave in the first place if you feel like that's what you should do. Keep your chin up and trust God to do His thing here.
I really don't know what the best thing to do is, but someone else said that God will change your husbands heart. I have to speak up--that won't necessarily happen. Your husband has to cooperate with God to have a change of heart. I believe God can change hearts, but not over the control or wishes of a person. It may happen and it may not.
I should probably tell you that if I listened to the gossip and rumors about our current church while we were shopping around 8 years ago, we would have never attended. We are now members...and I LOVE my church. I will pray for your husband's heart. What he is hearing is all gossip and rumors. IMO, the least he can do is try it and assess the church himself. Just because one church may not be for one person, doesn't mean it's not for anyone. There is also going to be drama anywhere he goes. Some may be more apparent, but there will always be drama...regardless if it's apparent or behind closed doors. Sins don't stop at the door when we walk into the church. He needs to realize that. Praying for you.......and I'm glad you are leaving the toxic environment. Last time I was here (I don't get to visit often) I remember you talking about the youth band and see that things have just gotten even worse and out of hand. I'm sorry you have to deal with such childish behavior...esp. from adults! As far as following your husband's lead...well...as much as I believe following your husband's lead and him being the spiritual head is important, I also feel like sometimes we take the submitting situation a little too far. If my husband is not coming from a Godly place, then to me, the whole submitting issue is null. However, I do think it's important to find a church you both enjoy. I have talked to people whose spouses go to different churches, and it really kind of does a disservice to their marriages because they aren't growing together. While they both may be growing, it's still separate. JMO though. Perhaps you can just go yourself to the church you want and get a feel for it, then you can tell your hubby your thoughts. It's too easy to listen to gossip and rumors and assess a situation from the outside.
While I agree that going to different churches is doing a disservice to marriage, I disagree with not having to submit if he's not coming from a Godly place. We are often required to submit to those not coming from a Godly stand, whether it be in our employment, government, or parental. As long as we are not being told to do something which violates our Christian conscious. And this, in my mind, doesn't fall under that. Let me give you an example. When I was in college, I knew a Godly couple that were dating, and believed it was God's will they get married. But her non-Christian dad told her no way would he "allow" her to marry this guy. Now, she was in her Senior year, ready to grauate. She was "an adult", and most of us would say she wasn't under her father's authority anymore. But they chose to respect her father and broke up. Within a year or two, her father had come around BECAUSE OF THIER OBEDIENCE TO HIM IN THIS ISSUE. Not only were they married, but Dad also accepted the Lord. If they had chosen NOT to be obedient and married without his consent, it could have stood between them and her father for the rest of their lives.
To me, this does violate a Christian conscious and falls under that. He doesn't go to church. He isn't wanting to leave a very toxic environment. Keeping my children in that environment could be detrimental to their relationship with Christ. That wouldn't fly with me, and if my husband was too bull-headed to see how it's ruining the faith within my children...I would not, and could not stand there and watch it crumble. The whole 'submitting to my husband' only goes so far with me. And that's saying a lot...because I use to completely shrug it off years ago...but I'm coming around. ;-) lol JMO.
Lol! I hear you! But has he said outright that she CANNOT go anywhere else? I was thinking he didn't want her going to the one church she really wanted to visit. But maybe I read it wrong....
You know, that's a good question. I suppose that would make a difference, and I may think about it differently depending on the answer too. If it was just about going to that one church, at least there is room for compromise and understanding between husband and wife. I had read it as if he didn't want to budge at all and not leave their current church, even though he never attends and the church is a disastrous environment. I could be reading it wrong too.
We ARE actually called to be respectful, submissive wives to ungodly husbands. The only time we are not to follow their lead is in sin. It is not sin for us to not attend church. Yes, it is not profitable, but certainly not sin. In fact, we are told that through our respect (and men register respect as love), the unbelieving spouse might be won over to Christ. Not saying that is easy, but it is taking the higher calling. I Peter 3:1-2 "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior."
Here's where the root of the problem lies. The church doesn't save you. Jesus saves you. The church isn't the building, it's the people, and people are fallible creatures who only deliver an infallible message. (I Cor 1:12-17 and 3:4-8) If the church you attend isn't following the will of God, you don't need to be there. Your loyalty should lie first with God, then with your husband, then with the rest of your family.
I wasn't necessarily posting that in direct response to you, Jen. I noticed that there were many sisters in Christ who may not realize that we are called to be of a submissive spirit even if the husband is not a believer. Also, I didn't post to be argumentative, I really just didn't think some people realize that this exact issue is defined for us in the Word.
