I have a 10 year old DS in public school currently who wants to homeschool next year for 5th grade and beyond, which I'm thrilled about. Here's the problem, his dad and I are divorced and I don't know if he'll go along with it. DS is a very smart boy, but doesn't qualify for the gifted program, and he's started to give in to the whole "average is good enough" thing that I feel public school promotes. Average is great if it's your best but his best is so much better than that. He's started failing tests and getting bad grades on things that I know he can do better on. Of course, his teacher says he still has a B/C overall in subjects, so he's fine. I'm just not satisfied. Anyway, DS' dad is the "part time parent" in every sense. He loves his son very much, but is far more interested in being his friend than dad. He only sees him 4 days a month, so it's not a big issue but when it comes to making tough decisions for your kids because it's in their best interest, he just won't do it. I've talked it over with him and he says he's "leaning toward no". If he won't listen to reason and make the right choice, do you think I should just overrule him and say yes anyway? He could take me to court (which he won't) but I don't think he'd win so long as I can show that DS is succeeding. I was considering saying that I'm giving a try for x-months and after that he can veto it if it's not working or DS is unhappy, which I think he'll be okay with. Of course, I'm hoping to persuade him to just say yes, but if that doesn't work, what would you do? Leave your son in public school and let him continue to slack or pull him regardless of whether the non-custodial parent wants you to or not? It's such a tough call for me.
Are there any local homeschool groups? If so maybe you could arrange for your ex to meet some other families and their kids to get a better idea of what hsing is. If he has a better idea of what it is all about and the benefits for ds he might be more willing to sign on board. Do you have full custody if so you are well within your rights to hs. It is easier if he will be on board. I would not give him the outright power to veto it although I would say why don't we try it for a year and then evaluate it at the end of the year.
Honestly, I would not give hiim that much power. Definitely not veto power. My older daughters are from my exhusband and that is why we are waiting until the end of this school year to HS. That said- my ex has no say in the matter. I am just being considerate. Who has legal custody of your son? Is it shared or do you have sole? That will make a big difference. Honestly, you have your son for an overwhelming majority of each month and as such your opinions should be weighted more heavily in decision making. Good luck.
Yes, we have a fantastic homeschool community here, so I'd thought about doing that. Maybe he could attend a weekend field trip or something and see that these kids are not weird or socially awkward. I've already been gathering links with stats about homeschooled kids so he can be informed. We have joint physical custody of him BUT our divorce papers clearly state (at my request) that I get to make the major decisions involving his medical care and schooling, which he signed off on. Legally, he doesn't really have a leg to stand on if he ends up disagreeing. I'm trying to be considerate of him as well, but sometimes parents have to make major decisions and he isn't a true parent to him. Obviously, we're divorced for a reason, but I can honestly say that I don't dislike him. We were only married for 2 years, so I think I got out before I started to hate him. We actually have a really great relationship for DS' sake, which is why I don't want to upset him. He is a logical, rational person, for the most part, so I think if I make him think I'll give him veto power later, he'll be less upset. I actually don't mean he gets the final say, just that we'll re-evaluate if he doesn't feel it's working out. In the end, I think rationale will win out and he'll see that it's doing so well for DS that he'll be on board. In the event he doesn't see it that way, then I'll likely still do what I want and he'll just have to deal with it. He can take me to court if he wants, but he'll have to know that I'll win and he really can't afford it (he's single and makes very poor decisions with his money, therefore he never has any) but he knows I can afford to fight him.
If he only sees the kid 4 days a month, legally, it sounds like he doesn't have any say-so in the matter. If you want this, the kid wants this, and it sounds like the better overall solution for mediocre work, then yeah... it would be much less stressful for both of you. You won't have to deal with the schedule of the school, the assignment, the fees, on and on and on ... what does that have to do with dad? If he's paying child support, more of his money will be spent directly on his kid, not on fees or "have to's" that go along with being in PS.
I haven't gotten the "yes" from his dad yet, but I'm pretty sure we're homeschooling next year. He has really become lax in his attitude about school, and I won't stand for it anymore. If I can't get his dad to say yet, then I'm just doing it anyway.
Well, after I posted this, I had something change my mind and DS' last week of school is this coming week. He's been starting to feel really sad and left out because Bub and I are doing so much cool stuff (I feel bad too, I don't like him being in ps when we're hsing) and today he literally made himself sick at school because of sadness. I don't want my children feeling any needless anxiety, so with this in mind combined with the fact that he doesn't care about his grades any more, he's being bullied by this so-called friend of his, and the fact that he is so bored and being held back, I'm pulling him. He agrees with me and tonight we are telling his dad. I don't know how that convo will go, but I'm hoping for the best. I think I'm buying a used copy of Switched On Schoolhouse from a local store to use to finish 4th grade with him. I'm not happy that circumstances have turned out the way they have, but I am happy he'll be home with me full time starting in one week. Now I'm off to see how I should withdraw him from school.
It went very well. He is very hesitant, but I think he'll say yes. DS was very firm in his choice and I think he really heard what he has to say. I gave him until Sunday to give me his answer, but we've already made up our mind. I'm still hoping for the yes from him for less drama, but I am his custodial parent so I get the ultimate decision.
