I will try to make this brief. Years ago, when I was 16, I was saved. I had no prior exposure to any real reading of the Bible for myself. I had been somewhat of a Catholic in my early childhood. I got tripped up on the story of Abraham and how God wanted him to take his son and offer him as a sacrifice. This among other things got me so confused, that I basically put religion on the backburner. Yes, I do get hung up on things very easily. Then I rededicated my life to Christ when I was about 26 years old. I followed what my church said. I read the Bible (I think at one point, I had read the whole thing). When I did read it, I guess I didn't let some of the stuff get to me or I didn't even catch what it actually said. Now, since early summer, I have gotten tripped up on some verses here and there and I can't let them go. I don't let it get me depressed (in the past it has), but it causes me to question the very base of my faith (hanging on by a thread). I don't want to name the verses. I will just say that they don't make sense to me. When I do read the Bible now, I stay only in the parts that make sense to me. I don't ever see myself reading the OT again or at least most of the OT. Has anyone else known a Christian who was fearful of reading the Bible?
I read the whole Bible... I can say that when You look into the OT, it seems kinda violent, but that was how the world was then. I love reading the OT, but I tend to skip over the geology and the one other that I can't remember... (embarrassed face)
I would look into bible studies by Beth Moore. She does a great job of making the bible more relate-able than any other bible study I've seen. It's easier with her studies to see the big picture, rather than just the actual words in any given verse, if that makes sense. Jen Hatmaker is also a great bible study writer. I hope these help. Sometimes the bible is really hard to relate to and it's easy to misinterpret or miss what it's really trying to say. It's not just you that gets bogged down with it. I"ll be praying for you.
You might want to try a group Bible study. Sometimes it is helpful to get other view points on troubling verses. If your Church or any of the local Churches (probably most likely UMC or Nazarene) are offering a Disciple Bible Study course I would take that. It provides some great information and persective in studying the Bible. We have some great discussions in our group. The courses are normally long but well worth the effort.
I understand where you are coming from. For me, my Dh and I have such different backgrounds that the things we disagree on we can each back it up with a number of verses with opposing views. What we have come to realize is that God's Word never contradicts itself and His character never changes. So, if I don't get something, the discrepancy is within myself (or Dh, or whomever). And I finally am ok with taking His Word on faith and admitting that I don't--and don't have to--understand every detail about Him or His Word. He will reveal to me what I need to understand when I need to understand it. It has made me a much more humble person in general and it has allowed me to truly love my brothers in sisters in Christ and respect our differences of opinions as long as they preach Christ, and Him crucified, as scripture states. So, I don't fear reading God's Word. I just know that if I don't understand something, or if His judgments seemed harsh, it's because He is a just god and I am a mere human who won't understand Him and all His ways until He changes me in glory.
Maybe I can draw an analogy here. At several points in history, 999,999 out of a million scientists simply accepted extant theory. One person, though, would uncover something that was at odds with that - something uncomfortable. Peer pressure would urge them to dismiss the data or to explain it away; however, those scientists who stuck with it often made great discoveries and transformed science as a whole. Today we regard them as great: At the time, they were ridiculed and scoffed and laughed at. It takes courage to wrestle with awkward facts, to keep pulling at a thread even when it unravels a beautiful "man-made" work. It's the same with faith. There was a time when 99.9% of believers, including almost all church leaders, dismissed the idea that the earth could be orbiting the sun - because, in one Bible story, the Lord stopped the sun one day so it did not set. Those who picked at that uncomfortable thread were sometimes hated and imprisoned - but ultimately they were right to challenge the majority. There was also a time when 99.9% of believers, including almost all church leaders, accepted the practice of slavery. Those who picked at that thread were hounded and accused of being enemies of society and the church. Again, though, they transformed the history of the Western church by not letting go. So, don't avoid those awkward verses. Often, by truly understanding them (and not just going with the flow), our faith can be transformed.
