Having a lot of questions about how to handle the situation with our former church.. I've had one person come to me and want to know exactly why we were leaving.. He thought it was all because of the youth pastor and asked specifically what he had done to make us leave.. I didn't really want to tell him but I did.. i didn't talk with him about the other issues though.. I don't know if what I did was considered gossip. Now, I have been doing some soul searching after the pastor "spanked" me about my service in the church.. Which I DID do.. I DID serve! Where I felt God wanted me to.. Anyhow, that is neither here nor there.. What I need to know is if it's okay to answer questions from people about why we left.. I honestly feel that church is toxic and not based on biblical principals.. It's a BAPTIST church so you assume this stuff happens only in non bible believing churches.. But it happened there.. The wolf in Sheeps clothing And satans servants who often come as angels of light keep bothering me.. Wouldn't it be my duty to let others know why we left?? My intentions are NOT to tear a church apart.. I honestly don't think the pastor sees what he's doing as being wrong.. This church is growing by leaps and bounds and is currently in process of building a balcony to fit all the members they are getting.. it's not a giant church as we live in a town with the population of only about 10,000 people.. I value your opinions so please share.. If you have scripture to back up what you feel about this situation PLEASE give that as well. I only want to do what is pleasing in the eyes of God.. Thanks Angela
The first thing I'd ask if why are they asking. Are they concerned or do they just want a little of the gossip juice? The second thing, have scripture to back up what you say. That's why we need to hid HIS word in our hearts. Search out the scriptures, but be careful. Don't use them out of context. People are doing it way to much today. So it would probably be a good idea to have at least two or more scripture to back you up. Also ask your husband what he would do. He might see a different side to this. Praying for you.
To me, gossip is spreading news about other people. If you're telling people why YOU left without saying "so and so" made me want to leave (just that an unresolved situation made you leave), then I don't see how that's gossip. If you feel that the situation might also be detrimental to another person, perhaps they're just looking for the courage to leave as well.
When we left our church a few years ago (that we had attended for 10 years and had become like family with lots of the members there), I just kept my answer very generic when people asked. I would just say something like "We just feel like God is calling us to do something different." I didn't want to be the cause of tension within the church and our friends. I don't have any scripture to back it up, but I think you shouldn't discuss your reason for leaving with people outside your family. Just keep your old church in your prayers and allow God to open their eyes.
I'm with Tiff. Like I said, I've recently left my church. Very few people know the real reason. I feel it wouldn't accomplish any purpose to tell people our reasons, except maybe to tear down the ministry there. The difference is that in my situation, I don't think it's "toxic". Yes, changes need made and those involve an attitude on the part of the pastor. But no amount of talking will change that. Plus, if you did, the pastor would take it as "proof" that you were trying to "steal his sheep". If it's as toxic as you say, people will discover it and leave.
Personally, I would refer people to your former church's leadership team and would not go into details. That's just being tactful. As for assuming that "Bible-believing" churches are not subject to hypocrisy, unfortunately we are all human and subject to that danger. Sadly, the history of the church is riddled with people who have used 'guilt trips' to demonstrate power over others - as if quoting Bible verses somehow wraps a cloak of holiness around their words.
This is what eventually happened at our former church. About a year and a half after we left, the pastor and his family ended up leaving the church because of some issues similar to the ones we had dealt with. He wasn't ready to hear what I had to say, but in God's time, his perspective changed. Again, I would just say that God is leading you in a different direction and leave it at that.
I agree with everything that's been said, That is, first know the reason they're asking (concern or just nosy?), and second, say as little as you can get by with, not going into all the gory details. Such as "we feel God is leading us to do something else at this time" Maybe adding something like, "we're happy with our decision. Please be happy with us." If someone is a real and true friend, and you know they can be trusted with the truth without changing it all up and "in one ear and out the mouth" with it, then maybe I'd say a bit more about some details, still without slandering the church leadership, but citing simply "disagreements". BTW, Baptist churches are famous for "shooting the wounded." So hypocrisy is no stranger in the denomination.
What's irritating in the situation is that a "4th generation" church member twisted words around and talked to the pastor about us and according to him we are trying to steal "his sheep"... Because of that persons twisted words.. Wouldn't even listen to us when we tried to tell him it wasn't true.. And now the whole church thinks we did this and everyone is mad at us.. I am so sick over this.. I KNOW we didn't do this and I KNOW that the person who twisted the words around will be held accountable for their actions but I still would love to set the record straight.. But apparently that's not going to happen.. I'm just trying to be careful of my actions and glorify God in what I do.. My kids are watching me...
It's hard to say nothing, but, it is the right thing to do. There is a verse or two that went through my mind when my husband and I suffered a trial at the hands of "the church". Can't remember where they are, but one is "Vengence is mine, says the Lord.". and another is "it is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of the living God". Pray for the church and pray for the people. Pray that if there are enemies of Him within the walls and are in the pulpit, that HE, HIMSELF will remove them. all that is hidden will be revealed. (((hugs)))
Thanks guys! You wouldn't believe the stuff that's happened today.. WOW!! That church needs to be prayed for!! I am in awe that someone so evil can be in leadership and allowed to stay there.. And the fact that EVERYONE is blind to what's going on is crazy!! God WILL take care of them. I have to stop fretting over what everyone there is thinking of me and stand firm in the fact that I DID THE RIGHT THING when I left!! And all they are saying and doing is NOT OF GOD! You would seriously NOT believe this mess.. Prayers of protection over my family, over their hearts, over their bodies, and over their minds!!! Satan is working overtime in that church.. WOW!!
Depends why they want to know. Gossip or concern? We've had issues with ours. Out of respect for my grandfather and while he's still alive, I will stay a member,have been visiting another church in the meantime. We've actually checked out several. While my husband is catholic, I'm protestant, but the church I'm visiting is neither. For me, it's what I feel deep down. My husband doesn't mind one way or the other. He hasn't actually been to his church in 15 years. I'm the one who chose my church for the wedding, the baptisms etc.. I left my own, because one day I was sitting there listening to the sermon and realized....I felt nothing! So I started visiting other churchs...all denominations etc...non-denomintational etc...and finally one day I found one that I 'felt' God in. Since then, that's where we go. Just the kids and I. Hubby has his own reasons for not going, but I don't pry. It's his decision. Anyway, I'd ask myself why people want to know. OR whether or not you feel your reason should be shared. Is it a reason that may affect them as well? If so, then let them know. But tread carefully, if it's centered around certain beliefs, then they may not want to know, but if it's a 'conduct' issue, then let them know if need be.
Maybe you could just be vague about it without any details. You could simply say, "We left because we didn't agree with some issues we saw." If they press harder, let them know if a friendly tone, "I don't want to go into detail."
People tend to leave a church yet they do not leave the problems behind. :angel: If you are going to continue to live and deal with the illness of the church, then might as well return to the church. Basically, ask yourself why you left. Was it to continue with the sickness or was it so you can move on and grow? What these people are doing shouldn't be surprising. After all, this is why you left the church in the first place. You removed yourself physically now remove yourself emotionally. You will not find peace if you do not allow it to rest in God's hands. I do not think you have any right to share what went down even if they are saying things about you. This makes you no better than them. Simply tell people that you are not discussing it. All you will do is feed the fire. The sooner you stay quiet and allow God to do the revealing, the sooner the talk will end. Tell them that you have moved on and are looking ahead and not in the past. It benefits nobody to share why you left. Besides, if things are as bad as you say they are, they wouldn't believe you anyways. Forgive them so you can move on. You can't change them. Deceivers will be deceivers no matter how hard you try to clear your name.
It comes to mind to say that those there who really are your friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, will know you well enough to sort out truth from fiction. The rest don't really matter. And if no one there knows and loves you enough to sort it out and continue being your friend, then tney never were and you need to be gone from there in every sense of the word.
You are COMPLETELY right!!! I was trying to forgive and let it go but more and more stuff was happening to us. Just when I was at a point that I felt I was able to let it go something would happen again.. It was rediculous! BUT I really feel that Satan has been attacking us in order to keep our minds on this mess rather than on the ministry that he seems to be calling the kids to.. Fundraising has come to a halt and our minds weren't on trying to get funds together to pay for SDS to come.. We only have 2 weeks left to make $1700 and satan works the hardest it seems when something good is right around the corner.. He is doing all he can to stop this from happening.. Including the former youth pastor using bribary to get kids to back out of the band.. We have 2 kids that are from our former church playing with the kids.. BUT... I have decided to give this whole matter over to god.. I am not going to "worry" about things that are not in my control and I am giving this completely over to God.. He is in control even when everything feels so totally out of control.. Wise counsel today told me that God doesn't allow anyone in ministry that isn't there for a purpose.. Good or bad God allowed it.. And God will take care of it. Was told to leave the situation alone because nothing I do is going to change what's going on.. GOD will have to do that.. I'm trying REALLY hard to pray prayers of blessings over the ones who have hurt me and my family.. It's not easy.. But I WILL love these people and I WILL continue to be a testimony to GODs grace by the way I treat them and the way I talk about them.. I appologize for my sound offing on here.. That wasn't the way to handle this.. I was so upset and had no outlet to decompress.. appologize and THANK you for those of you who set me straight!
And sometimes forgiveness is not just a one time thing. I've found in my situation that I'll have to forgive, and then something a month later brings it all back, and I start getting upset all over again, and I'll have to take the time to forgive again. Fortunately, however, forgiveness is based on OUR CHOICE, not based on whether the other person "deserves" it, or has asked for it, or is even "sorry" for the behavior.
