Since my kids went back to school, I've been doing a bit of tutoring. Elementary math, reading, nothing too challenging. Well, one of my mother's friends has a teenaged boy who's gone off the rails. He hates school, and is mostly not bothering to go these days. He's very bright, but completely unmotivated. Normally I'd say, "Wow, that's a shame. Good luck!" But my mum's been talking me up to her friend. "My fabulous daughter can teach anything to anyone!" And now she's campaigning to have me start tutoring this boy. Her friend's response was, "We tried signing him up with a tutor, but he wouldn't go." However she's now excited because I charge about half of what an actual certified teacher charges. Except, I've never taught high school level anything! And I haven't the faintest clue what this kid needs. Ack! I'm very uncomfortable with this. But I feel like I should at least talk to the boy's mother. Have any of you been in this situation before?
Sigh.... He's unmotivated. There's nothing you can do then. My first response is to say you'll give it a month and see how it goes, but if he knows that, it could just become a waiting game for him. He makes you miserable for a month, and he gets his way and stops coming. The other option would be to have HIM pay you if there's no improvement, rather than the parents. But that's really a parent thing, not a tutor thing, and the parents probably wouldn't go with it. I'd be uncomfortable, too.
I was a teenager not so long ango, and if a teen in unmotivated there is no budging them. Don't go into it until you know EXACTLY what your getting into. Is he just simply unmotivated and not understanding, or does he have a serious attitude problem that get's in the way of his willingness to learn? If he doesn't understand and it's frustrating then you might be able to help with that. If it's an attitude problem then it's really the parent's issue. If he's skipping out on tutors and people who want to help him then chances are it's more of an attitude problem. Do you want that attitude problem in your house around your kids, and are you ready to handle a teenage attitude meltdown? These are things to think seriously about before you commit, IMO.
Thanks, everyone! You're definitely helping me think of the right questions to ask, when I talk to his mom.
I agree for the most part. As sad as it is to see a child falling through the cracks, as much as we may feel a desire to help, we aren't always the one equipped to do the helping. This parent needs to find out why her son is unmotivated and seek appropriate assistance. Fears of failure or feelings of inadeqacey can often be at the root of attitude issues, especially if there is a learning disability. Whether or not this is something that is reinforced by the parents (is his father present?), school system or elsewhere, the first thing this child likely needs is someone to believe in them, some way to establish some self-confidence. This is not necessarily going to come from acedemics. He may have to be linked up with a mentor who can teach a skill he's interested in while providing a listening ear. Someone who can earn this boy's respect and trust. It all depends on the source of the insecurities and how deep they run. Of course there are always teens that just figure "I'm a teen, I'm suppose to be like this", but I honestly think they are few and far between. If you feel that you should speak with the mother you might ask her what she feels is his reason for a lack of interest is school, if the lack of motivation extends to other things and what kinds of things really do interest him. Does he like to work on cars or with horses or maybe wood working? Are there things he's never had an opportunity to try that he might like to? How might she be able to arrange for him to have access to some of these types of opportunities? If his father is absent, is there another responsible man in his life who might be compelled to take an interest? A job is probably not going to be the answer yet, but the right type of hobby or relationship might encourage him to actually work at something.
