I don't mean "constructive criticism". I mean things like "you are a bad mother." The thing is, I am a strict parent, and I am fully aware of this. I plan ahead compulsively, and in doing so have managed to avoid just about all the behaviours that I felt were not good for children, both for the sake of others and their future selves. Both my son and daughter follow basic rules of politeness, and they aren't rewarded for behaviour that I consider necessary. I expect them to be polite all the time, rather than rewarding them the few times they bother to be. Rewards are for good behaviour, rather than what should be standard. A child who readily throws tantrums and is spoilt is severely disabled in life, and I want the best for my children. It's not that big of a deal. And because they aren't busy trying to rebel or be 'cool', they enjoy learning and are fantastically self-motivated. We won't just go to the beach. We'll take sand back home to look at under the microscope, find diatoms, discuss why salt water has a lower freezing point, talk about why there are seashells in the Sahara, and so on. Every second of the day is like this. But anyway. That's just how we roll. The other day, I had two stickybeaks in a row tell me what they thought of this. In a shop, my son asked for a treat and I said no. He replied 'ok.' This was enough for the man in line in front of me to say something along the lines of "if your son doesn't scream over not being allowed something, then you are too strict and aren't allowing your children to be themselves," as though letting an 8-year-old kick and scream on the floor is 'being himself'. I explained that he was just well-behaved, but was met with "if he wants to be naughty, let him. It's cruel of you to stop him. Some mothers know how to be good parents, but not all I guess." Hoo-kay. End of conversation, then. On the way home, there was a vine on a fence that had some seed pods, and we stopped to have a look. My daughter was leading a conversation about how seed pods work and telling us all these things she had read about them. Another pedestrian walking by thought it prudent to stop and say "NORMAL kids talk about video games. Do you keep them locked in the basement or something?" Anyway, having two in a row really got under my skin. Apart from being hugely inappropriate, unless my children are being a nuisance or are miserable, what does it matter? But it's still annoying. How do you respond to unkind comments about your parenting? I think homeschoolers get more than most sometimes. People can be so quick to judge.
Two complete outsiders (idiots, too BTW) I would not even put ANY weight on those opinions! Most "normal" people would tell you that that was positively delightful!!! I get comments all the time about how my kids behave - but in a positive way. I hate when complete strangers think it's their business to comment anyway! You're doing an amazing job, and it sounds like your kids are fabulous, and the kind of kids I'd want MY kids to be around. And that I would like to be around. Don't let complete strangers cause you to feel anything badly about yourself. You're doing GREAT!
You really should not be talking about those two people who criticized you. Talking about mentally ill people is not nice! Okay maybe that was mean but in my book you must be mentally ill to say anything to a mother because her kids are polite and smart. Your kids sound delightful and I sure would have rather been around them at Walmart this morning than the two I saw who were screaming at their mother and grandmother for at least 15 minutes non stop! Ignore the nuts and keep up the good work mom!
Ooohhh, sounds like someone is jealous! Parents of rotten kids are more likely to criticize good parenting. I've been told I'm a mean mom before, and I smile with pride and say "Thank You". Mom, what you are doing was for hundreds of years just considered regular child-rearing. Now it's some sort of rare occurence. Keep at it.
Wow! Sorry you had two weirdos in a row. Did your children hear the comments? If not, I would probably ignore them. If so, then I would respond back with a compliment about your children and leave the vicinity with your children.
I concur with the consensus -- your children sound perfectly delightful and someone I'd love to be around. Okay, they're talking about "normal" -- "The Norm" is the most-frequently-occurring whatever it is (behavior, test scores, etc.). The Usual. I would take it as a compliment for someone to tell me my kids are not Normal, because I'd prefer to think they're considerably Higher Than Average. Just because it occurs most frequently, doesn't mean it's desirable or beneficial. On standardized tests, "the norm" is the 50th percentile, but "everyone" (except these idiots in your neighborhood) knows that homeschoolers "average" about the 85th percentile... considerably above the "norm". Homeschoolers are also considerably above the average for being socialized, which means knowing how to get along in society and has nothing to do with "socializing" but that's a whole 'nother post. Just take it as a compliment that your children are not "normal" but considerably above average!
I think a polite "thank you" would be appropriate in this situation. I know I would take it as a compliment that my kids weren't throwing a fit in the grocery store or only talking about video games.
I agree with everyone else-you're doing an awesome job! Your kids sound wonderful, well-behaved, smart and very UNLIKE most kids today. We are at a point in time where manners are not taught, not expected (for the most part). Those of us who do expect proper behaviour from our children are considered too strict. If that's too strict then so be it. I will not raise rude-mouthed, snotty, brats.
EXACTLY! Parents of children who throw fits, and shove their heads in video games all day and have no time to learn and show interest in things other than something on a screen are jealous. Plain and simple. They wish they had kids that were polite and showed initiative! Way to go for you! I would want MY children to have out with YOUR children! It seems like too many kids these days are ill behaved and have no boundries.
The comments of those two stranger are so bizzare that I have to wonder if they were actually trying to be funny. The person in the store couldn't be for real...no one could say that and mean it. I bet he was just a dead-pan humorist who was actually impressed by your children and was attempting to convey that with satire. That's what I'm going to believe...I just don't want to think that anyone that wacky is walking the streets!
If someone commented that my children were not normal, I'd say. "Thank you so much. That is such a compliment. When normal is what it is nowadays, I'm glad my kids are not normal." For the first guy in the grocery store, I'd be like. "Huh????OOOOOKAAYYY!!!" With a grin and a wink to my kids that said, look the nutcase, trying to tell us our business!
What strange things to say, especially the guy in the store. I'd hate to be around his kids if he has any. It kind of sounds like he probably doesn't, though. The only people who have ever criticized our parenting were my parents and my dad's mom. They thought we were too strict. Now, they have all at separate times said they were wrong and they see the fruits of our efforts. They really appreciate well-mannered grandchildren. I used to tell them as politely as possible that we were responsible for raising our boys and if we wanted advice we would ask. They eventually learned to keep their mouths shut. I don't know what I'd say to strangers, though. Wow. Talk about awkward.
Thanks for the reassurance, everyone. I know my children are lovely (I'm their mother--it's my job to think that!), but sometimes the things people say start to get to you, you know? Part of the problem is that I'm a very approachable-looking person. At least once a day, someone will ask me for directions or something similar. But it also means that, more than the average person, I get a lot of unwanted comments like this. I like the idea of saying something like "they're not normal, no, they're better than normal" and thanking them cordially. I think I'll try that next time. There's no point trying to explain things properly to people like that; if they're that rude, then chances are they're not going to listen anyway.
Critics You and your children are wonderful! You are parenting the way you should. I had a woman make a comment at church one day. My boys usually wear dress clothes to church. Not suits, just pants, shirts, shoes, maybe a tie. The woman commented that our house must be one of "dictatorship and domination" for the boys to dress like that. They have never fought or commented on dressing for church, it has always been presented as appropriate attire for a specific place. She was probably jealous as her ONE teen wears all black, baggy clothes with chains all over them, and does not even remove his hat at church.
I'd take those two comments as compliments, I'd smile and thank the person nicely then redirect my attention. I've had a person say that homeschooling is neglectful and abusive. Another person said that homeschooling is worse than any label, bad habit, or trauma that ps could ever dish out.
