I am selfish. Not really with material things, but with my time. I am very serious. I have a hard time doing what others want to do sometimes, because all I want to do is what I want to do (quilt, read, watch tv/movies or whatever). I do better sometimes and then, BAM, I just want to do MY own thing. I know it is not bad to do my own thing sometimes, but I have used a lot of time in these past years while my son grew up on myself. I work full-time, so I need to realize that I won't have as much free time. When I start thinking about this stuff, I realize that we have so many forms of entertainment that we are entertaining ourselves out of relationships. I wish I had raised my son without TV or at least with more strict limits. My son is 17 and almost ready to leave and be on his own. I regret (already) not doing more with him. We do things together, but not as much as we should have. He is a great person to be around. He just happens to have different interests than me. (I can't believe he doesn't want to quilt!
I know how you feel. My vice is the Sims 3. I love that game!! I am easily on that game for hours a day because time slips right through your fingers on it, and I get super cranky when I'm bothered and have to leave it for a short length of time. I hate that I feel that way and I don't want my kids to tink I care about the fictional lives in the computer more than their own. I have to set boundries for myself and try hard to stick to them. No Sims until naptime for the baby when the boys play something quietly to themselves. If it's a really nice day (which has been rare out here) then I will walk away from the computer (even though it can be very difficult) and take the kids outside. A few months before Patryk was diagnosed with Autism I had to throw my Sims 2 out in the trash. I knew it was a distraction, and that Patryk needed ALL of my attention, and if that game was in the house he wasn't going to get it. We do have alot of entertainment options out there, and it's easy for us to get caught up in it.
Cabsmom, you sound like you are being really hard on yourself. Being a mother, let alone a homeschooling mother who is with the children 24/7 is really tough. Without those little distractions, those moments to yourself, it would have been very hard to be rested enough to do everything you had to do. Im sure you didn't ignore your children, and they also need time to develop and grow, and develop their own interests apart from their parents, especially as they grow up. We all do the very best we can do, and of course mothers deserve some downtime! Please don't be so tough on yourself!
Kitson, Thank you for your kind words. I know I can be hard on myself sometimes, but then again they are only young once and my ONLY child is almost grown. I think it is just that realization that I missed some great opportunities. If I could start again, I would do some things way different. I would turn the TV off instead of wasting so much time or at least limit it A LOT. With computers and TV and video games and cell phones (thank goodness I don't have a smart phone to distract me) it is so easy to pass time in enjoyable activities that really suck away a lot of time that could be used in more worthwhile pursuits. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think that every minute of the day has to be filled with purposeful activity. I do believe in rest and play and such. I just think that instead of going automatically to some isolating activity, we should more often choose to join our loved ones in our relaxing times. I don't mean that we can't do some alone activities, but just keep it limited. I have observed myself and others in my house simply going to the computer or turning on the TV just because there was nothing else obvious to do at the time. When really there are plenty of things to do if we really try to think about it. So, yes, I think you are right in some ways. I am hard on myself sometimes and maybe this is a little bit of a middle age meltdown. But on the other hand, I know I am not the kind of mother I set out to be. I feel the deep need to make these last months (years) count even more.
That last sentence you wrote is what's really going on, I think. He's almost grown, and you feel like you're almost out of time. But guess what. He's a wellrounded young man, and like you said, a pleasure to be around. You've done well. In the end, that's what our job really is, right? Getting them ready to be on their own. I get what you're saying about feeling kind of guilty when you use the free time you have to do something for yourself, where you dont want be disturbed. We all do that, and its not really a bad thing. Being a mother takes a little bit away from your personal time and space. Its not a bad thing or a good thing, it just is. Like Kitson said, please dont be too hard on yourself. We all need some time to ourselves, and yes, we all get a little carried away sometimes I'm supposed to be drawing up next week's lessons right now, but instead I am browsing around, listening to music and justifying it all by telling myself I am on homeschoolspot.com, so I am doing hs related stuff, ergo I am not wasting time
