I can't get into all of the details now, I have to take my kids to camp, but lately I've been struggling with being a submissive wife. I can pinpoint when it began-- when DH was laid-off from his job. I read and re-read Bible scriptures that admonish me to be submissive, but honestly, I just cannot seem to make it happen! Lately, I find myself making decisions, and THEN telling DH about them...if I tell him at all. We seem to also be at odds when it comes to disciplining our teenage son, and I feel DH's approach is less than adequate and mine is more relevant (of course)! It has caused some friction and, while our marriage is still solid, there is some tension. Please pray for me during this transition when DH is looking for work. We are okay financially, so that's not causing the tension. Maybe it's him being around all the time? If anyone has any resources/books, CDs, whatever that might be helpful, PLEASE...PLEASE let me know. THanks, Michelle
I can tell you that with my husband here. all. day. long. I get very frustrated with him. Its not that I am unsubmissive... its just that I see myself working around the house, unpacking, cooking, waiting on him hand and foot.. and I see him just being lazy (in my mind) on his computer.. doing this and that. I do know that my husband is studying and preparing for Church sermons and such, but I don't see that.. all I see is him sitting doing nothing! lol We all struggle with it... just know that keep praying and the Lord will help you.
Like Shelby says, "We all struggle with it." My husband is lucky enough to have Saturday and Sunday off from his work at the Prison, and I love the man to death, I have since highschool, but he can drive a priest to drink sometimes! He sleeps in on those days (I get to sleep in on my Birthday and Mother's day), I still cook all the meals, corral the kids, and he gets to be on the computer, watch his shows on the TV, and so on. It drives me batty because he seems not to realize that weekends are HIS day to relax and I never get a day to relax. However, he changes a little bit all the time, and now I am able to go to my mom's for awhile on the weekend, take a nap, and he will play with the kids on the floor for awhile. I don't think it has much to do with being unsubmissive, it, IMO, is mostly about him being home when he's "not uspposed to be". WHat I mean by that is that during the work hours YOU are the boss and head of the household and when he get's home you surrender a portion of that. However, when he's home all day long, suddenly things are different for you and you have to run things by him first that you would normally just do on your own. I just think it's a different dynamic. Try and tell him how you feel and how different this is for you and try and get him to tell you about how he feels. Write down a different schedule for yourselves and include each other.
Maybe it can start with apologizing, Michelle. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking and went ahead and did thus-and-so without talking to you first. I'll try to be more aware next time." Hearing yourself say it out loud is key. VOE talking... (voice of experience) I'm probably the most UNsubmissive deacon's wife on the face of the planet. We've been married almost 30 years, and we're both learning as we go. Maybe one day before the Rapture, we'll both get it right!
That's my husband in the summer! He's a teacher, and seems to think that June, July, and August are his vacation to sit around and play on the computer all day. It does NOT sit well!!! I'm dreading his retiring in a few years!
He starts work next week so... maybe I will not be so frustrated with him.. :? I think that we as wives and mothers never seem to get a break and when they are "relaxing".. you are still "working". I like what Linda said... maybe that's what I need to do..
DH and I have kinda worked it out now where he's the head of the house/family, but at school I'm the acknowledged head since that's my area of "expertise".
I will pray for you. Know this: Submission may look different in your home than what others "think" submission is. I don't want to start a submission debate. I do submit and am in submission to my husband. If others look at us from the outside they may think that I am not in submission to my dh. It just looks different on some issues in my family. I make some decisions alone. We been married over 20 years and I know my husband's thoughts, feelings, beliefs in areas where I make decisions. In our family, that IS being a helpmate to him because it takes somethings off his plate so to say. One example: in the past I've been the one to buy several of our cars. I've made the decision. He DELEGATES these things to me and I am not going against our goals and missions for our family. I could go on but don't want to start a debate. ... Suffice it to say: I wear my hair and clothes how I like; I do some things "my" way, not "his" way.... , Pam
I think the "delegation" is the big part. My mom made almost ALL financial decisions, because she was better at managing money than he was. Yet she was still submissive to Dad (most of the time ). It's a wise man who knows what needs to be delegated to his wife for WHATEVER reason, and a blessed man who has a wife he can trust to do so.
Praying, Shelle...not sure I have any advice to add, so I will just pray that the Lord reveals to you some scripture to meditate on, and that you and your husband have some time to sit together and talk without tension to deal with things. (((HUGS)))
I don't think there is a woman alive who hasn't struggled with submission! I'm very bold and ...to the point. I have a strong personality. My husband is much quieter. So in our relationship it has took a lot of learning curve to be the submissive wife. Especially when if anyone outside of our little family of 4 needs to be dealt with or told 'no' or needs a firm hand dealing with them, he delegates ME to do it! LOL My approach has been "pick your battles" Learn to be submissive in the little things first. As a man, loosing your job (even if you are financially okay right now) can be a hard blow to the ego. Maybe try looking as being submissive as a way to build your husband up. Something that helped me be more submissive was to ask my husband each morning "What can I do for you today?" or "How can I be of help to you today?" or "What do you need from me today?" Then make whatever he said a priority that day. Not only did it make me more submissive, it made him feel like the head of the household that each day I was asking him what I could do for him that day. Sometimes it was to 'do my laundry', other days he'd say 'go get your nails done'. Just remember it starts with the little things. Submission and mutiny both!
I think maybe I struggle with it to a point because after his accident 10 years ago, I was jolted into the role of needing to make all the decisions while DH was unable to do so and he never really took that role back. I would love to be the submissive wife again, to take my lead from my husband.
Shelby hit the nail on the head. DH has been laid off, but does some freelance work from home on the computer. I do see him on the computer for what seems to be the better part of the day while I am shuttling the kids all over the city, homeschooling when we can, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc... I don't ask for help with the household chores and I don't (usually) complain about them because I do believe that I have been called to be a wife and mother and those things are a part of my calling. And, DH does occasionally ---very occasionally cook dinner. And will bring something home for dinner a few times a month. But, I do seethe inside seeing him sitting on the couch with his feet on the coffee table I just dusted, with his laptop propped up on his lap while I am cleaning around him. GRRRR...and then that puts me in a foul mood, and if he asks for anything I want to throw something at his head instead of complying! And, when it comes time for decisions to be made, I find myself no longer asking DH for his opinion. I even told him last week that I am finding it better to ask forgiveness than to seek permission! I love DH dearly, so I am praying hard!!
This just came to mind....I went to a woman's conference quite a few years ago - think i was pregnant with #2. The woman who was the main speaker was talking about how a friend of hers, who's husband had recently passed, came to visit for a week. The speaker had spent the week while her friend was there complaining about all of her husband's little habits to her visitor. On her last day, the visitor said, "I would give my eye teeth to have my husband around to leave his socks out, leave his dishes around, read the paper while I"m working, etc.". She talked about how this had put those petty annoyances into major perspective. And that she learned to be thankful that he was there to do those things! HEr encouragement to us was to Thank God when they do those things that annoy us. So now, every time my husbands socks are on the floor, I pick them up and say "Lord, thank you that my husband is alive and well, and can leave his socks here". Or "Thank you, Lord, that my husband is here, and that the dishes he left in the living room are proof that he is alive and well, can walk and can eat, etc". It's amazing how that perspective changes the little things as well as the big things.
