I am having big problems with my 1st grader since school started last week. She is whiny, sad, and completely ungrateful acting. She 'confesses' all kinds of things from the past, things that don't really matter, like 'one time I put a booger on the carpet' or 'i ate candy at my friend's house without asking you'. She tells me that she just doesn't love me anymore (or dad, or her friends, etc). We went to an amusement park, that she loves, and on the way home I was like, "Did you guys have fun today?". Her response is "not really". She's told me people that she sees in public are ugly or fat or whatever. She acted this way last year after I had our 3rd child. (Kids now ages 10 boy, 6 girl, and 1 boy) I don't think she's doing it to be mean or rude on purpose, because it seems to upset her so much. She knows she's not supposed to feel/think that way and it seems to upset her that she is thinking that way. What she's says doesn't upset me, per say, because I know she does love me and I know she's a sweet girl, but I'm SO SO SO sick of her being sad and upset all the time. And rude. I don't know what to do. I tried doing things just the two of us, I've tried getting her some small gifts, I've tried talking to her more. I've tried discipline, I've tried talking it out. Only 2 weeks ago she was totally fine. Now she's a mess and I'm nearly to my wit's end. What gives??
Just wondering I guess if any other homeschool parents have had issues like this when school starts? That's really the only thing that has changed. She just makes the day sooo difficult and I can tell my other student picks up on the stress. Not sure how to do school with her, of if we should take a break. This is our 2nd year and she LOVED school last year, was excited every single day. Makes me think I'm not doing something right, you know? sigh
Honestly, it sounds like personality a bit, too. Sure, something might be triggering it, but it sounds like personality. A few years ago, I never would've thought something like that, but after my second child came along, everything I "knew" went out the window. He's just a completely different character than any child I've ever known. He purposely gets in trouble sometimes, always says/does the opposite of what is expected in a situation (even though he knows what's expected), and so on. Like yours, he's very sweet, and I know he loves me very much, but he can be a pill sometimes, and I just don't know why. He's much worse when he's tired or hungry (like we all are!), but I just don't know. Sometimes it helps to say "would you rather..." and then give him a choice I know he won't take, but even then, he'll sometimes take the rotten choice just to get his way! (... and yes, I give him whatever the rotten choice was, too, even if he suddenly changes his mind. He needs to learn that's not appropriate.) I guess my point is that I understand your frustration, but so far, I haven't come up with a solution, either. Dh just took him on a father/son trip to Houston... zoo, circus, museum, swimming, etc. He says he didn't have any fun. Yeah... right! But it really upset dh a lot. He says he won't take ds on trips like that anymore.
Just to jump in here, it does sound like a personality thing. My DS is 7 and he is sweet and loving as well. However, he is kind of a pessimist. It gets worse whenever he is feeling pressure to perform, like when there is a more difficult concept introduced in school. I don't think I can really change his pessimistic tendencies, but I do work to encourage his self-esteem. I also try to teach him that he doesn't have to do everything perfectly, and that it is okay to fail once in a while. I don't know if it is the same issue with yours, but I hope this helps.
Some of this sounds like the age too. Dd went through a similar thing in the confessing part at that age. She also would say things like she did not love us when she was mad. We had to sit down and talk with her about how that made us feel and also if she said something not nice about someone else. We asked her how she would feel if someone said that to her. We kept reinforcing postive talk from her and eventually she grew out of it.
Wow, you guys have made me feel sooooo much better! Some of it probably is personality. She is our only girl, also the middle child, and she's always been sort of 'extreme'. Our oldest is very cautious, obedient, quiet, and independent. She is the type to openly defy you, if you know what I mean. Thank you so much for responding. Seriously, I feel much better. It was really starting to shake my self-esteem and confidence in being a homeschooler and just being a mother. It is nice to hear that I'm not the only one. Every personality has good and bad to it, I suppose. I will try to remember that as she tests my patience this week. Again, thank you guys so much. I don't feel so alone now! 2littleboys: I have felt that same way your DH does after the trip. It's easy to think, well if they don't appreciate it, I'm not doing it. I'm sorry for them, because you know your son enjoyed it! I am going to try to remember that the personality that leaves me in tears some nights is also the same personality that makes her spunky and eager to try new stuff. Renae_C1: Thanks, I think my daughter is maybe not a pessimist, but just extremely realistic, though that can be the same thing much of the time. She may need some self-esteem boosting with school. Reading isn't coming very easily to her and that does frustrate her. She says things like "I feel like you think I'm a baby" when we're doing school. It was so easy to teach her older brother, but I guess they're just different. That may be some of her issue. mschickie: I am SO glad that someone else has heard of the confessing. Most of my friends think its so funny when I've talked to them about it, but it's not funny here! How did you encourage the positive talk/discourage the negative? I try to react positively when she says nice things, or even neutral things, but I struggle with finding a balance between addressing the problem and not giving her too much attention for negative behavior. Thanks so much!
I have had many friends with girls to call 6 "the sassy sixes". It seems that most little girls go through harmone changes and growth sperts about this time and it is completely normal! I would personal just make special time for her and also secudule alone time for her as well. At six kids don't fully understand how to explain their emotions in words, therefore they lash out in anger or use hurtful words to let you know something may not be just right in their world.
When she does the confessing we will usually just ask a question like "was that the nice thing to do, or what should you do next time that happens", play it very calm and cool and try not to pay too much attention to it. We normally do not apply consequences for those things unless she hurt someone else, then we make her apologize or rectify the situtation. Dd (9) will still do it occassionally and I tell her I a happy she tells me these things (because I want her to still be doing that as a teenager, kwim :lol and then we just make sure she knows why it is wrong and what the proper behavior is. It really is a good thing that she is telling you all that, it means she recognizes wrong behavior and there is some guilt feeling for it. Just love her, tell her (or have her tell you) what is right, thank her for being honest and give her a hug.
