Original post here: http://www.homeschoolspot.com/showthread.php?t=31515 I'm just a little bit upset this morning. Dad missed his oncology appointment last week. He told me days before it was on Wednesday but then Tuesday night last week insisted it was on Thursday (so I ran around thinking I was losing my mind). When I called him Thursday night, he said he missed the appointment (on Wednesday... imagine that!!) and that it had been booked again for today (but it delays the start of any treatment by a week). I told him I would be calling him this morning to remind him of the appointment and then again this evening to find out what he learned. The appointment is booked for 2:30 this afternoon. I've been trying to call him all morning and there's no answer! I've called the hospital to make sure he hasn't been admitted (and he hasn't). Makes me wonder if he's out trucking again and whether he's going to be at the appointment or not! I'm sooo frustrated with him!! He isn't taking this even a little bit serious. He figures because the cancer is "only" in one lung (as well as other places), he'll be ok :shock: (and says it as he's lighting up yet another cigarette). Every bit of me thinks if he misses this appointment, I'm washing my hands of it. Let the cards fall as they may! It has been a rough emotional roller coaster ride since this all started and it's all a big joke to him. If he doesn't want to take it serious, why should I?
Updating to say I finally got a hold of him and he's on his way to see the Dr in a little bit. He's about to face the battle of a lifetime and has to deal with some 'girl friend' drama. God is good and will sort it out (if I don't get to it first)
I will pray for him today. As lightly as he may appear to be taking it, I am sure it is on his mind and he is trying to deal with it.
He's wishy washy about it. Not taking it serious one minute but then thinking about funeral arrangements, wills, power of attorney, etc. It may not totally sink in until the chemo and side effects of it begin. When I was frantically trying to get a hold of him this morning, he was out dealing with "gf" drama. She's used to him wastefully spending money on her and has decided he needs to save because he knows this is going to be expensive for him. And she has decided she wants nothing more to do with him. I'm sure it's difficult for dad to accept but he's about to begin the battle of a lifetime and needs to focus his energy on what is important right now.
The fact that he's trying to get his paperwork in order before the chemo and radiation make that very difficult, says to me that he is taking it quite seriously. I'm sure he has to be devastated to think that someone he has invested so much time and affection in, was only in it for the money and doesn't care enough about him to stick around through the tough stuff. "Not taking it seriously" is probably just a perception of yours that he promotes. And about the cigarettes -- what's it going to do, give him cancer? Ooops! too late. He's lost his girlfriend and doesn't have a bright prospect in front of him, so for now let him cling to that one small pleasure. My mom had her last cigarette ("quitting is easy, I've done it a hundred times") in her hospice-provided hospital bed in her living room, about three weeks before she died, about a week before slipping into a coma. Just pray for him, that he'll get right with God through all this. Knowing that I'll see my mom again made it all bearable.
When I step out of my skin and put it all into perspective (which isn't easy to do), it's probably very much the stages of grieving that even he will go through. One minute he might accept it, the next be bargaining or in total denial. DABDAD He has smoked for 55 years so to give it up now would be a huge challenge for him and honestly, a battle not worth fighting right now. At least if he's smoking, he's still deep breathing. He did go to the oncologist today and was told it's stage 4 in his lymph nodes on both sides of his neck and in his left lung (non small cell which, of the two most common lung cancer types, is the least aggressive one). He's being booked for surgery this week to have the lymph nodes removed (because they're causing his esophagus to swell and he can't swallow very well right now) and then going to be starting chemo (waiting to see that doctor on Thursday). He is incredibly sick..... he has lost 9 lbs since last Thursday.
Brenda, I'm so sorry. With my dad, it was kidney failure and six months of dialysis. With my mom it was lung and brain cancer and one round of 10 radiation tx, and ONE chemo treatment until she just said no. It's never easy when our parents take ill. I hope it's not too tough on him. Or you. Praying for y'all.
My husband's mom had breast cancer the first time around, had a mastectomy and then went through chemo before going into remission. When she was diagnosed the second time, she was told it was in her head, stomach and liver. She went through 10 radiation treatments right away and then 3 consecutive beatings of chemo (because each time they would tell her that they were making progress but now it's in "X" spot and we can get it) before she finally said enough was enough. She fought a lot harder than even we thought she would. Just after she was diagnosed the second time, she gave her heart to the Lord and it made her journey so much easier. To see her witnessing to people when she was facing death..... there are no words for it! The most incredibly difficult part of all of this right now is knowing that as of right now, dad is not saved. If knowing he was, it would be so much easier to cope with (but I'm not giving up on sharing God's plans for him).
This is what I will be praying. This knowledge makes it bearable. My father just passed away a few weeks ago. I prayed for thirty years that God would not take him until his name was written in the Book of Life. It's a long story, but I believe God miraculously extended my father's life and worked on him for nearly all of those thirty years. I think he took the same path as I did to salvation, but it just took him much longer. When I recognized I was a sinner, I made a bargain with God--protect me from the consequences of my sin and I'll go to church every Sunday, do devotions every night and be good. I was at that place for a year before God convinced me that I was completely inadequate to save myself. Dad's journey began with several life-threatening episodes and contineud for 24 years. I think that Dad finally stopped trying to justify his bad deeds with the weight of his good deads as he was actively dying. I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to quote John 3:16 to him and to tell him that God's grace was free. Dad couldn't give me the verbal verification I would have liked, but he did relax when before he had seemed agitated and even frightened. I guess we can't KNOW about the salvation of anyone; only God knows the heart, but God did give me a sense of peace and assurance that my Dad was in the presence of the Lord. All of that to say that I undersand your desire and will be praying for your Dad.
Brenda,, first I want to say is (((HUGS)))) second I want to say don't wash your hands. I have been through this 3 times. Twice with dh and once with his sister. Now I was told my sister has it the same kind as your dad and is in stage 4. She already had surgery and everything taken out. Right now she says she is not going through any treatment. Well by going through it three times before you have to know there are many stages they go through. First is they are in denial.. its not them no way. second is they don't care they want nothing done. Brenda. once they work through them and hear all there love ones out they usually go through with it. So, hang tight be strong. I know we are going through with my sister right now she has 5 weeks to make up her mind they say. I told her the sooner they start the better she will be. She don't care right now. But, I do remember Andy doing this till I sat down with him and talk to him.. (((HUGS))) its alot on plate but you do need to be strong and you need to be there weather they go through treatments or not. We have to remember its there life. The treatments are very hard on there bodies.. So, they are more then likely thinking is it worth it or not. We are here for ya girl
I was just talking to dad and he was debating whether he wants to have the surgey done to remove the cancerous lymph nodes or not. He's afraid that if he does it the cancer will spread (which is a reasonable concern). So I asked him "What are your options? If you don't have the surgery, the tumors grow and block your wind pipe more than they have already and you suffocate to death. If you have the surgery and the cancer does spread, that's why they're going to bomb you with the chemo to eliminate or shrink what they can". So at this point I think he's going to have the surgery done. He lives in a seniors complex and had been outside socializing with other residents tonight and who knows what others may have said about experiences they've heard of. It may have been enough to scare him but I presented it to him in a different way and hopefully it will give him something to think about. Kind of like a mom getting ready to deliver her first born child - all you ever hear about labor stories are the horror stories and rarely the good ones. I'll be there with him every step of the way. I was frustrated yesterday when I couldn't get a hold of him and thought he was going to miss the appointment again but he made it and he's going to give this whole disaster a fighting chance and that's all I can ask of him.
