How do get teenagers to WORK? My older guys want to talk and chatter and show off. One gripes about every assignment I give him (And the others buy into it). One cracks jokes (non-funny) and acts "dumb" to the point I had to explain that he was causing trouble with the "littles" . (They can't remember the ABC's b/c he says them wrong and he adds wrong on purpose.) They want to share work (and I wish they could) and share ideas but no one's "work" gets done. I have a half done science experiment in my kitchen. And I rushed through our art class today. I think 2 out of the 3 got most of the work done (if not all) but it feels like a chaotic tornado ripping through my house. (And the football talk! AGH! We just spend ALL friggin' weekend playing and watching football, do we need to recap again??) I tried putting a video on for the "littles" (which we have watched multiple times, in a different room) and 2 kept sneaking off to watch. How do I get some "peace"? or do I?
school rules, you need to set up somelimits for them. My kid would play on games all day and talk away if I let him (15) yu need to set he rules, write them down and give them consequences. Do they have a place where they can be seperated and given a time limit to get it done? I mean some of us have a place we can send ours to in another room or whatever to get them singled out.
We have rules and consequences. It just won't "stick" with these two. (It is fine with my other kids but these two are like twins. Twins that are no good for each other!) I had another horrible day. (HORRIBLE! TERRIBLE! NO GOOD DAY!) Anyway every one is telling me the solution is PS. (Even Dh is at his limit. And he went from I don't care if the kids EVER go to school again to they need to go to school.) All in a week............ I keep wondering IF maybe they should go to school. I'd keep the 10 and 5 year old home but send the teens off. I DO NOT want to that but I ask myself why? I don't think it is best for them. Either of them. I keep being told it would be easier but I'm not so sure it would be....... (It would be easier during the day for me. Not easier in the morning, not easier in the afternoon, not easier at night or on weekends.) This is not about failure, unless you are talking about failing my children. (I am afraid of that!) I'm afraid I'm going to give in to the pressure and make a rash decision. They are lazy when it comes to chores AND school work.
Perhaps speak with them and see what they would like but I would not send both out at once. It will only get worse. IF they think they can get whatever they want by acting up then they will continue to do so. IF they are not going to listen to you with both of them there, then send one out. Decide who will go by whatever means, I prayed when my older ds wanted to go out to school he was stubborn and such, I prayed and I told him he needed to prove to me he could handle it. Then he picked up is work and obeyed with doing the lessons on a timely fashion. God came through with the cost delima and poof he went out. It did not stop his subborn rebellion , but gave me more problems than before, sometimes God allows this to happen/. numb hands cant fnish now
They both claim that they want to be HS. The oldest consented to being sent to the PS for all subjects except Math. He wants to do Math at home. But there is the struggle. He is lazy with his math. (Because he understands it.) I can only grade his geometry from the book. I just don't have a concept of it myself. He tries to explain it to me and why it is correct. (Which was fine for other math.) But IF he wants credit for this class then he has to do it "by the book". And that is a fight. BTW: I talked to my Dh and he's better. He agreed sending them to school is NOT the answer. He is just as frustrated with their behavior as me. We are going to pray and work out some new rules and consequences tonight and have "another" talk with the boys.
Well I don't have teens so no advice but wanted to give you a virtual hug (cause one day I WILL have teens too! LOL) And say most things worth doing (like homeschooling) are hard. But don't get discouraged, some days are rougher than others. I'll be praying the talk goes well tonight and you find what works for your family.
Sorry you are going through this. Have you considered trying some computer based courses for them? Maybe they would focus better then on their own studies rather than distracting the other kids? I am experiencing some issues with my daughter (not wanting to do her work, not doing chores, hates reading etc.). Consequences don't seem to matter much. I have found that she is very responsible when doing her math lessons (teaching textbooks) on the computer. When she is doing that, she is fully focused.
Every time he starts to chatter or side track me, I immediately redirect him back to what he is supposed to be doing. If he starts talking about something he wants to do outside, I will quickly say "You are supposed to be doing your science reading!" etc. We are having a very trying day today, and he wants to do everything BUT his work. lol The same goes for chores. "Come on, quit talking about Pokemon, you're supposed to be doing the dishes." We have these discussions all the time. I know what you are going through!! I hate having to constantly be babysitting him or acting as the cheerleader, but that's just the way he works. I hope he gets better with age, otherwise I feel bad for his future wife.
I read a book Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing CLEAR, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries last night. I'm trying to be clear and firm with my requests. Today has been MUCH better. Though today is my birthday, so they are trying really hard to be good. And the 2 oldest have their first football game today and they know no work = no football. (Not that they have to be 100% finished but they have to put out effort.)
I am using time deadlines and putting it all on my son. We have a weekly lesson plan that we both use and highlight as he finishes things. That way he knows what needs to be done on a given day and week. For bigger projects, I type up an official assignment instruction sheet with due dates and expectations clearly written. If he whines, I give more. If he does shoddy work, I make hime redo it. If everything is done by the end of the week, he can go to his friends' houses, play computer (he has his own laptop which I can "own" until he is done) etc. Sometimes I feel pretty mean, but I know if I let anything go, he will run with it and we will have issues later. So far, it seems to be working out pretty well.
I am not a person who believes that consequences do not work. As a parent, you need to hit them where it counts. What might seem like a consequence to you as a parent, might not be a big deal to your children. If they want to play football, their behavior must stay on track everyday, not only the day they want to play football. Find other areas that matter to them. Make a list of what is important. Also find a way to apply "punishment" and discipline via natural consequences if possible. Natural consequences allow our children to see the problem and the resolution for themselves without us constantly flapping our mouths at them. Our "nagging" is what they hear. Living it places everything in a different light.
Yeah, They play for the school. Missing 1 day wouldn't get them kicked off the team but missing several days would. We have gave them a deadline of having a better attitude and getting work done. If by the deadline there is little or no improvement then no more football. And football matters here. So does "family" TV time and earning Wii time. (Though with football Wii time is very limited.) Natural consequences are my goal. Decent day today. #1 didn't get as much done as I wanted BUT he has "homework" after football. I think that will be a big consequence today b/c his brother has a "game" and he will have to sit in the car and do his work instead of being able to cheer his brother on.
Boys, right? I'm sure part of this is the independent/rebellious streak that many teens go through, but I'll wager it's also about how boys react. In our house, it meant that I, as father, had to step in. Also, one of our boys was most definitely an outdoor type: The more time outdoors, the happier he was; the more time indoors, the more cranky. We had to plan sufficient activities outdoors (fields trips, homeschool baseball, soccer practice, etc.) to keep him going. As I'm sure you're more aware than I, boys learn very differently from girls. They need more activity and competition, less sitting at a desk. They like to show off, so find a way they can show off by excelling at schoolwork. This may be a silly example, but I remember it vividly. It was my first day at "big" school in Cornwall (equivalent to 6th grade). The math teacher told us to work through the textbook for 30 minutes or so. I spent most of the evening and part of the night finishing half the book and answering hundreds of questions just to show how much I could do. Boastful and showing off? Yes. But did I learn the material? Yes.
Would you mind sharing some ideas that are working? I can't buy the book right now and our Library doesn't have it and I could really use some good ideas for my teen DS. Thanks!
