My oldest will begin homeschool 1st grade after being homeschooled through kindergarten. Now, I'll have two more starting homeschool kindergarten this year. My girls are very social and want to go to school like their friends, are very intrigued by the school bus, etc. From time to time they'll say, "Pleeeease, Mommy, I don't want to homeschool." Obviously, as the parent I'm in charge of these decisions and my reasons for homeschooling are such that I'm not going to just say, "Oh, o.k, I'll send you to school" but I have to admit that their attitude is unnerving me at a time when I'm struggling to get organized, am feeling overwhelmed in general (I have another set of twins--boys who just turned 2), and don't have alot of support from family members. I want homeschooling to be a positive and enjoyable experience for them, not something that they'll resent. Have any of you experienced this problem and what did you do? After years of being so determined to homeschool once I had kids old enough, I'm now beginning to doubt my decision and my ability to make homeschooling a positive experience.
Do you have a church and/or Homeschool Group that you can do things with? People thought my kids would so lack in socialization, but we had church friends, homeschool group, sports classes, etc. We had so much going on that at one point my oldest asked if we could slow down and not do so much! Just involve them in activities with other kids. There are Y classes, sports teams, church activities, homeschool groups and trips and activities, library story times, tumbling/dance/gymnastics classes, etc., etc. They CAN be kept busy enough that they don't constantly long for school. Let them know how special their school is cuz they get to sleep in (or whatever reasons you have and come up with), they get to go places during the day when other kids have to be in school, etc. You can take them to museums and make special meals for them. Do lots of hands on stuff to keep their attention. When they say they want to go to school, ask them why? Tell them they can do much more and neater, more fun stuff when they homeschool! Tell them the good stuff about homeschooling, so they can learn to tell their friends the good things, maybe they're not sure how to do that yet. Don't get mad at them for asking to go to school. Just keep doing what you've always wanted to do, make it interesting and fun for them, and help them learn the positive aspects, and I think it will turn around after awhile.
Why do you homeschool in the first place? I'd really like an answer to this, but more to help you define what you're doing and why. How you respond to your child will be based on how you answer this question.
Before anything else, I must say, do not doubt what you are doing for a moment. You are doing a special thing for your children and yourself. They have the gift of being with you and sharing their day with you instead of being locked away in a class all day being taught by a complete stranger. The support from others will come in time. Right now they do not understand homeschooling. We did things to get those who did not understand involved so they could understand. Em's calls up people to share a poem she memorized or calls to share if she scored high on a test. She paints pictures and mails it to them. Her grandma is her pen pal. There is so much to bring understanding to others. When my family realized she was not socially lacking they became more comfortable with it. Not that we need their approval but it does help when you can work together for the good of your child. I am very involved in my church and Em's being my traveling companion , gets to meet and socialize very often with people of all ages. She is also in ballet and has made friends here as well. We go to the park and sometimes run into other homeschooled children. We are involved in a homeschool group so we take numerous of field trips. As Deena already stated, there is a lot of things you can do to get your children involved. Em's wanted to ride a bus so bad. She asked almost everyday when the bus drove by. At her age, she had no idea that the bus was hot, noisy and really not fun. It is just something they associate with school. So one day my husband said, "Take her on a bus ride." We were going to ride the public transportation around town. My friend ended up driving her school bus in the parade and asked us to ride with her instead. After the ride, Em's never wanted to ride again because it was to crowded and noisy. I do not know if you could do this where you live but when Em's started Kindergarden, we were allowed to sit in the Kindergarden class, at the private school, and view how the class worked. She became board because they could not talk, not even during art or lunch. I was glad I did it because it also made me enjoy the reasons for homeschooling even more. Your children have a certain idea of what they think public school should be. They haven't experienced it to know they are not missing much so don't take it to heart when they ask to go. Stick to your guns. You are a good parent and your children will appreciate you for it later. God bless!!! Patty
Oh yeah, the bus.......I was going to ask if you could get a ride for them on a bus. I'd agree with noise and crowds, it may take that wish out of them after they experience that.
When we began hs'ing, my dd8 was in K and, we were bringing my ds10 home. My dd kept saying that she wanted to go to "real" school. After several conversations with her, I realized that she really only wanted a backback and lunchbox. She remembered her brother shopping for those things. We let her get a lunch box and backpack, and all was well. I agree with the other gals. There are so many things you can get involved in. At your girls age, homeschool play days would probably be a great thing! Welcome to the Homeschool Spot!
Here's the response to Jackie's question about why I homeschool (Sorry if this will be long-winded but I'm really so full of self-doubt right now that I just need to "talk"). When I was in college, my brother and his wife talked of homeschooling and at the time I thought it was such a nutty idea. About seven years later I landed a job as a long-term substitute (2 years) in a local school district at the middle- and high-school levels. It was a "good" district and yet I was shocked to see graduating seniors who couldn't write a proper sentence, students who didn't know what a verb was, etc. Sure, there were "good" students but even then there was an air of "dumb-downed-ness" and apathy. Also, I didn't like what I was seeing socially within the school. It was as if I was bonked on the head with a hammer and brought to my senses and I said "I don't want my kids to be a part of this--I'm going to homeschool!". By the end of my 2-year teaching stint I was pregnant with my first child and I continued to feel confident and sure of my decision. . .until now Anyway, during my almost 7 years of motherhood my reasons for homeschooling have morphed into the following: * I want my kids to learn how to think, not what to think. *I don't want my kids pumped full of the system's "flavor-of-the-day" ideas. *I want to spend time with my kids. I have heard other mothers say all too often "Once they're in school, their childhood flies by so quickly"! *Why should I turn my child over to someone else to be educated when I have done just fine teaching them what they need to know up until now. *I believe institutionalized schooling is inherently flawed and is better suited to producing "cogs in the machine" than it is to producing children who love learning, who know how to think, etc. *Why should my children spend all day at school when they can accomplish much more in less time at home? *Why should my family be a slave to the school's schedule and other demands (my neighbor is always telling me how she has to sign things pledging to do this-and-that) *(O.K., some of you may think this last one is a bit extreme, but I do have a conspiracy-theorist side to my personality!! ) Anyway, I fear that slowly "the system" is trying to take over as surrogate parents, promoting an "education" system that is constantly trying to wrench our children away from us at an earlier and earlier age. Emma's mom said Emma was bored in a kindergarten class but, knowing my girls' personality, I think they'd like it if I let them experience it. (My husband said I should put the girls in school for one year until the boys are older and then homeschool, but I think that just gets too mixed up.) And it doesn't help that relatives play up the whole school thing. Recently, my sister had my girls with her when she went to the school prior to school starting and made a point of showing them the kindergarten room complete with all of the play stuff!! Of course they come home whining about "real school". And then one of my girlfriends and a neighbor, who know how much I struggle with my MAJOR MESS of a house, always tell me how much free time I'll have if I send the kids to school. I hate that train of thought because yes, I get frustrated with my kids and enjoy occasional breaks but gosh darn it I didn't have them to turn them over to someone else to raise!! (I just hated that back-to-school Office Max commercial a few years ago where the mom is strolling down the aisles with her shopping cart buying school supplies and singing "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"). But it does make me feel better about my decision when I hear children just a couple years older than mine say "Ugh, I don't like school" or "Aww, I don't want to go back to school". What a sad approach to learning!! Just the other day the neighbor boy, who is beginning 2nd grade, said "I hate school" and I looked at my husband and said "See what I mean!" I know that my kids are at an impressionable age and I hope that some day they'll realize the benefits of being homeschooled but right now I fear that my kids will cling to the myth of what school is like and years down the road will say, "Why didn't you let us go to school, Mom?" What if they totally overlook what a labor of love homeschooling is?
Thank you, sixcloar. You've probably hit the nail on the head!! Thanks to all of you for "listening" at a time when I feel like I'm failing. . .I look forward to reading more replies.
Does your family know how important homeschooling your kids is to you? If they do, I really think it stinks that they would go against what you are trying to do and encourage them to go to "real" school. I would be setting some boundaries with them and explain you would appreciate some respect even if they don't agree with your decisions. Also, my dd loved "real" school all the way up to 3rd grade. Now, we do have a really good elementary school here, so she didn't get too messed up by the school system yet. But...by 3rd grade, she began really withdrawing from her "normal" self and just wasn't excited about going to school anymore. So, we decided it was time for her to come home (we were already hs her brother). After she was home, her excitement for learning came back immediately, and we learned that it was the kids that made her not like school anymore. Kids can be VERY mean and exclusive. We were thrilled that she was ready to come home, but sad that she had to learn what kids can be like. But she handled it great and couldn't be happier at home. Try and really listen to the reasons why your kids THINK they want to be in "real" school....maybe all it is, is the backpack and lunchbox thing (which totally makes sense for a girl!) and get her those things. Or if it is the influence your family is having, then it may be time to set your family straight and ask for some respect from them in your decisions you make for your kids. (that can be done in a loving way...it doesn't have to be ugly) Or...if it comes right down to it, and you can't get any peace about it, maybe do what your husband said and let them go for a year or two, and then bring them home...that's what worked for us. It won't have lasting effects on them at their age.
Well, this may sound strange, but putting them in school for a year or two may just make things worse. I speak from our experience. My dd attended a wonderful (expensive) private school for prek and k. She loved the friends, playground, little bus, etc. I pulled her out after that to homeschool. Our reasons were different. I didn't like the ps and the private school's tuition was outrageous. My dd misses the friends she made and the idea of playtime for an hour or more on the playground. She forgets that she cried every single day and had horrible tummyaches for two years. She forgets that she hated the "catered food" they served. She forgets the bad and remembers the good. She still remembers the good things and she has been homeschooled for 3 full years. Shoot, I (being a former K ps teacher) still walk down the aisles at stores and touch the school supplies and ponder getting them even though we may not even need them. I love school supplies, lol! I think we get caught up in what "back to school" idea....new clothes, new school supplies, new friends, etc. It's not hard to do those things for our homeschool children either. I let my kids pick out some new clothes and buy them cool notebooks and pens/pencils when all the other kids are busying their supplies. The only thing I haven't done is buy a small bus, lol! The funny thing about the bus.....kids find it fascinating for some reason. It's big, it's bright and there are tons ok kids on it is the reason I suppose. My dd also had a little fascination with it. She rode the private school mini-bus to school a few times and that cured her of the affliction. Around here, parents are complaining in the papers that the kids have to ride on an "unairconditioned bus" (like ours were air-conditioned with televisions and snack machines). How soon we forget the miseries, lol! I would stick to what your heart is telling you. If it's telling you to homeschool then go for it. The kids will soon see how wonderful homeschool is afterall. After a few years, their friends will probably come home complaining everyday about the things they dislike about school...the novelty finally wears off.
I have to agree that you might want to ask your family to not place a negetive spin on homeschooling especially in front of the children. My sister-in-law is a teacher as well as my sister. She was so against homeschooling that she would call me everyday to tell me why I should not homeschool. If Em's answered the phone, she would drill her as to what she learned or if she was already finished with her work for the day. My husband had to talk with his family and kindly ask them to back off because homeschooling is going to be a major part of her life and they could help make it easy or difficult. We bought lunch boxes, backpacks, and all the exciting things we could get our hands on when we started Kindergarten. We bought Em's a school desk and allowed her to hang up school posters all over her room. It made it more like a classroom. kyzg, I think your reasons for homeschooling are more then admirable. Many of us homeschool for the same reasons. Things will come around. Good luck. Patty
I agree, Kathy, I homeschool for many of the same reasons! One thing I can't understand is why are we fine to raise our own children until K age, then suddenly we know nothing and should have them in school where "professionals" will deal with them???!!! I don't want others raising my children, I'm sooooo glad I am homeschooling!!!
I totally agree with your reasons for homeschooling. What worked with my oldest was pointing out how boring public school is, he did not like the idea of sitting for most of the day. I also made a big deal out of how if he was in school he wouldn't be able to go do fun stuff with us during the day. He hasn't said anything about it lately, so maybe that worked. Lisa
I also homeschool for the same reasons, including your last one. That's too bad that your sister doesn't help with the situation by taking them to school and showing them the toys. Maybe if they understood what school was REALLY like, they wouldn't be so egar to go. Rachel went through a stage where she wanted to go to school, at age THREE! I explained to her that school isn't all glamorous as it seems, it's boring, you don't learn as much, there's wasted time, and there's some mean kids there. I promised her that not only will she have her friends at church on Sunday in her Sunday School class, but we'll get together with other kids that homeschool, and they will be nice friendly kids. That seemed to nip her school curiousity in the bud! She hasn't spoken of it since, and when people in stores talk to her and mention school, she replies with an enthusiastic, "My mommy homeschools me!" Maybe just being up front with your girls about school and make homeschooling look better in whatever way you think is best for you. . . Then again, maybe you've tried that already with no luck, I don't know. Just saying what worked here. I like what others have said about getting the backpack and lunchbox (or whatever is attractive to your girls) may satisfy them. I know of a homeschooling mom that sent her boys to school in K and 1 after having homeschooled them up to then b/c she just had another baby and was overwhelmed. After a couple months she ended up pulling them back out and went back to homeschooling b/c her sweet little boys' behavior was changing. . . for the worse. She also had issues with the teacher not challenging her above average 1st grader enough, so he was really bored with school, and he actually asked his mom to be taken out of school. So, I wouldn't recommend the 1 year in school trial, unless you want to reteach correct behavior to your kids afterwards! Keep giving it a try if that's what you feel is right for your kids in your heart. Don't get discouraged!
There is no such thing as failing for doing what your heart leads you to do. :wink: Several mentioned it but...I would figure out why they want to go to "real" school. Is it the backpack, the posters, new clothes.... In the past my son has said sometype of I don't want to homeschool remark and I always would tell him that if he were in public school that he would have to wait for all the kids to finish their work and he'd have to sit at his desk all day even though he was all done. That usually was enough for him to realize how good he has it. :wink: Big HUG!!!!
I tell my kids that if they were to go to school they would have to go to a baby sitter because I would be at work, they wouldn't get to eat what they do for lunch, they would have to wear a uniform, and if me and grandma went to lunch they wouldn't get to go........... this deturs them for the most part.
Stick to your guns girl!! My family also disapproved of homeschooling, so after stating my position, and I let them know that it is my husbby and my decision ALONE, they seemed to back off--I dont worry what anyone thinks because I know beyond a doubt that what I am doing is right!! Also, in additon to back packs and lunch boxes, do they have desks? That could mean "real school" to them also. Try joining a hs group, the library story hour, dancing, karate, ect as other posters suggested, that is probably all she will need! If you know anyone else that hs, it would be good for your kids to interact with them also so they don't feel like they are the only ones in the world that hs!! My very best friend hs and when from time to time dd doesn't fell like doing a particular subject, I will tell her, "I bet Nannie 'Nita and the girls are doing math right know!" and that does the trick! Last year , we attend our hs group's All Saint's Day party, and it dawned on me that I had forgotten to tell dd that all the kids there were hsd-- you should have seen her face light up when I told her!! She was thrilled! My dd is a social butterfly and she LOVES hsing! She is in dancing and cheerleading , which are great because I can monitor these activities as compared to traditional school, where they are unsupervised for the day. If you need help getting your housekeeping done, I would like to suggest "A Mother's Rule of Life" by Holly Pierlot. She is Catholic, but her methods and advice can apply to all Christian Hsing mothers! This book is a lifesaver for myself and other hsing mothers I know. The Flylady website is VERY helpful and cute as well! You could not have picked a better forum to come to as the ladies here are AWESOME as you will quickly find out!! Everyone here is the nicest bunch you could ever want to be around and everyone always gives great advice!! :love: Blessings, Shawna (sorry if I seem to ramble---I just LOVE hsing!!:love: )
I agree with Mom2ampm, sometimes sticking your children in public schools for a year or two does more harm than good. My 10 yr old dd (her b-day was Sunday & she keeps making sure everyone knows she's 10 now) was homeschooled till kindergarten & then I put her in public school because I bowed to my parents (I was a teen mom) who said it would be better for her, even though they homeschooled me since 6th grade. She was ruined, metaphorically speaking of course. She had great handwriting skills before she went in, knew her letters & numbers, was beginning math & reading; all by 5 yrs. In K, her handwriting got soooo bad that you couldn't even read her name, she forgot just about all the reading skills she had learned, and lots others. I pulled her back out for 1st grade, but it was hard because at the time I was going to college myself at the time. Then I moved on campus for early morning classes, I didn't have a car or license, so I couldn't drive myself every morning or I wouldn't have done it. While I was living on campus, my parents decided to put her in ps again for 2nd grade, that was a bad idea. She got to thinking that she was stupid because she asked tons of questions. Now, its like pulling teeth to get her to ask a question or to ask for help when she needs it. She's slowly getting over it, but it's not easy. The ps wanted to hold her back a grade because her grades were all C's & D's. My mom told them no & made her do 2nd grade work all summer while my siblings (12 & 13 at the time) got to go out and play all day. She absolutely hated it. I've been homeschooling her since last schoolyear, & I've got 2 problems to deal with this year. She is constantly saying that she doesn't want to be hs'ed because all her friends are in ps and I'm still working on her asking questions. Luckily I let her have the summer off this year, so she didn't have such a problem when school started back up Aug. 1. But now with ps just starting & all her friends talking about how cool it is, I hear how she wants to go to ps a couple times every week. I know the reason she wants to go; her friends go to ps & she wants to be with them all day, and she has forgotten the thing she hated about ps, the no talking, the no music (she loves to listen to music), and having to wait for everyone else to finish their work. It helps that right now she gets all her work done in the morning so she has all afternoon to play or do whatever she wants.
Jacob wanted to go to public school, for 2 reasons 1 was the new school supplies shopping and the bus so what i did was take him to walmart get a school supply list (Even though we had all most all that was on it i let him buy what we didnt have and on the bus issue he will be riding on the church bus and that made him happy, Now he does not say anything about public school I think its the idea of the new stuff .
