I will NOT air my dirty laundry on FB.. So I'm gonna air it here.. I have a situation that's been going on for awhile and I thought had stopped.. It's a MAJOR trust issue.. A friend of mine that I have known for a little over a year seems to like to stir up stuff. She can twist things better than anybody I have ever known.. Things like when my 15 year old was wearing his long sleeves during the summer.. Then she heard that is a sign that a child is cutting themselves.. All of a sudden, my son "confided" in her that he has been cutting his arms and his stomach.. AND this was told to me as sunday school was starting up.. she left me bawling my eyes out and didn't bother to try and comfort me. Almost like she WANTED to see me hurt.. Soon after, my son was injured and I was able to examine him and NOTHING.. GRRRR! Then she has an issue with a man here in town and told me she saw him at the youth rally last night and had to walk past him and was having issues with it and turned around today and told me he didn't even go to the youth rally because his son had a seizure and they were at the hospital.. The seizure was true.. THEN, she said my 16 year old son took a drink of someone's "drink" at the youth rally and said it was Liquor and tried to offer it to her daughter.. I was REALLY upset over that.. So I told her that we would have a sit down with him tonight and discuss what happened.. When he got home from school I asked him what had happened and he had NO idea what was going on.. I had to ask him if Taylor brought alcohol to the rally and he annoyingly said "NO". And proceeded to question as to why I would ask that.. He said that it was a slush from Chicken E and someone made a JOKE about it having alcohol in it.. They were talking and cutting up about it on the way home.. My friend brought both my boys home.. I asked my 15 year old separately and he told me the EXACT same thing! WHY would a GROWN WOMAN LIE about things like this?????? I am absolutly stunned that she would do this.. I should have left her alone when she did this the first time.. Now I am questioning EVERYTHING she has ever told me.. Drama seems to follow her where ever she goes.. I'm not a confrontational person so what I WANT to do is ignore it and HER. BUT at the same time I think I need to confront her on this.. Which is NOT going to be pretty!! Anyone else gone through this with an ADULT?? How did you handle it??
I am not a contronational person as well and had gone thru something that was so high school. To the point I and my husband were like come on people we are all over 30 nearly 40 years old already. We did not do an in person controntation because I wasn't comfortable with it so we did an email and CC'd it to all that needed to be in the know. So far it has worked out.
I just get so tired of someone who talks Jesus out one side of her mouth and out the other side comes LIES..
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It can be very stressful and hurtful. Here are a few scriptures to think about before you decided what to do. Matthew 18:15 - If your brother wrongs you, go and show him his fault, between you and him privately. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. Psalm 26:4 - I do not sit with false persons, nor fellowship with pretenders; 1 Corinthians 15:33 - Do not be so deceived and misled! Evil companionships (communion, associations) corrupt and deprave good manners and morals and character. I hope things work out for the better.
I think the lady needs some extra attention...... good or bad (just like a little child)......... don't give in ...... get out....... a friend like this isn 't the worry. Its hard I know, been through it.
I third this. I think some people love to dwell and wallow in drama. Like they have to be the center of the "here and now", the "hinge" of all the drama and gossip. I think it gives them a rush of addrenaline and satisfaction/fulfillment. As for what you should do, I think you should point it out to her, woman to woman, and then let her know that you cannot be her friend anymore because of past transgressions. DOn't be at all surprised to find out that vicious rumors will go on about you behind your back from this person too, because people like that rarely like being called out about their behaviors. Just ignore it, and let your actions portray what kind of a person you are inside, so that when people hear something that contradicts your normal behaviors, they are more apt to brush it aside. I'm so sorry you are going through this!!
I had a "friend" similar to this a while back. Ovet time, I came to see that everything she said was a lie to get extra attention and to stir stuff up. I really cared about her (still do) but I didn't like the influence she was having on me and my kids. I prayed and prayed about it. I prayed that God would show me how to deal with her or that he would help me remove her from our lives. Soon after, her daughter's father decided that he didn't want her in Tae Kwon Do anymore (which is where we would mostly see them) and then her cell phone got turned off for a while. So, we pretty much just lost contact. She did text me a few months later saying her phone was back on and asking me a few questions. I just responded nicely but briefly and when she started in with some drama about her ex, I just let the text sit. I don't hear from her much anymore. Occasionally I see something from her on FB or she'll send a mass text on a holiday, but she and I don't talk. I continue to pray for her though and I believe someday God will help her change. I just can't be a part of her life until then. My best advice is to pray and let God work it out. In my experience, confronting a person like that just gives them more ammunition to use to create more drama. I'm sure anything you say to her will be used against you later, or twisted into something you didn't even say. Try to avoid her as much as possible and if she tells you some "shocking" news, just take it for what it is-drama. Try not to react at all because that's what she wants. With my "friend", my best answer to her became Oh yeah? Hmmm..." I just wouldn't say anything else and the subject would get dropped. Good luck! People like that are hard to deal with.
SeekTruth has highlighted some very good scriptures. Along with meg2006, don't be surprised to find there are rumors going around about you. This person has major issues. I would stay clear of her, not have anything to do with her.
I don't have many friends.. I am happy with one good friend and that's all I need.. This is REALLY hard because I do LOVE her and she is fun to hang out with.. But I am very careful to keep myself to the standard of God.. All that I do, I do FOR him.. My actions and my words.. I have found myself pulled down by her several times.. Angry at someone for something she said they did.. Or taking her side.. Some of the things she says happens just seemed to unbelievable.. I guess I'm gullible because I will believe anything.. I trust too much, and I love totally and completely. When I give someone my friendship it's a BIG thing for me.. Takes a while to earn my trust then I give it all to ya.. So right now, I'm feeling very used, abused, and taken advantage of.. I'm extremely hurt.. She is an AMAZING person with some awesome qualities.. but this "problem" that she has is ruining it all.. I can not be associated with it anymore.. I am finished..
I have a mom like this. It's very hard and we don't do a lot with her or spend a lot of time with her. Jesus out one side of her mouth and drama out the other. It's incredibly difficult. Experiencing that I am super careful not to maintain friendships with people who seem to have the same issue. I prefer to be drama free.
I read your words and I hear myself about this time last year. I loved my friend so much and she accepted me, which was a big thing for me. We were new in town, new to our church, and I felt like I had no one here except my mom, which is not the same as having a friend KWIM? It was so hard to let go. I remember praying and crying and begging God to send me a real friend! It took a while and it was soooooo hard, but He has answered me more than I could have imagined. He sent not one, but TWO awesome ladies into my life who are the best friends I could ever want-and many others who are becoming great friends as well. Hang in there! God has an awesome friend there for you, but this is not the one. Let her go and continue to pray for her. You never know what's in store for her down the road. Just wait and let God bring your friend to you in His time!
Thanks Tiffharmon2001!! I know you are right! I haven't talked to her ALL day.. It's been hard.. She sent a text asking if I was mad at her.. I didn't answer her.. I am not really "mad".. I'm more hurt and aggrivated that she would do these things.. My husband says that I need to confront her on it, but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it... I HAVE to tell her something. I don't feel right to just ignore her texts and avoid her without an explaination.. She had a really rough week.. Some of the things she has done to others has come back to haunt her this week.. We are having a city wide youth rally over the weekend and she was not permitted to be a part of it.. She had signed up to be a host home and have a group stay at her home over the weekend.. She has proved not to be on the "right" path to lead a group of youngsters.. I feel so sorry for her.. She WANTS to do what's right and she KNOWS what's right, she just can't do it.. There's a strong hold there.. She's already ranting over the way they treated her on Fb I blocked her... Not unfriended but blocked her post from showing up on my wall. :/ it's just so hard..
Things like this ... it's why I deleted my facebook. My problem is the drama queens in my life...are family. I had to walk away from many of them. And I tell ya, you can forgive someone and harbor no ill feelings toward them but not have a relationship with them again in order to protect yourself and your family. I've had to do it. I can pray for them without being their best friend and not get dragged down by hanging out with them.
It is really hard and I agree that it wouldn't be fair to just ignore her totally and not give an explanation. Maybe you can just reply that you're sorry it took so long to get back to her. Then, if she texts back, just try to keep your replies neutral and brief. Don't be rude, just don't let her pull you into any drama. If you are somewhere that you have to physically be around her, keep busy with other things...It will be hard but you'll have to just begin to distance yourself from her more and more. You may have to explain to her that you have enough going on in your life already and you can't be involved in any outside drama. When she wants to rant to you about the youth rally just tell her that you are neutral (I told my friend I was Switzerland ) and you can't pick a side. I spent many, many days at Tae Kwon Do sitting in the exact middle of the parents reading a book and not speaking to anyone so I could stay out of the drama she was stirring up. I spoke politely to everyone when necessary, but I didn't get involved in their "stuff". You'll be in my prayers. Just let God show you what to do.
Well, I did finally answer her text and told her I wasn't mad.. Because I'm NOT.. More disappointed than mad. And we discussed a little bit of what went on.. My son was upset because she "unfriended" him on fb.. She said that was based on my son's profile that he posted.. She felt it was directed at her.. Funny thing is that SHE, a grown adult, posted almost the EXACT same post on her facebook.. So apparently what is wrong for others to do is fine for her.. I left it alone.. It's not going to help one bit to point out the obvious to her.. Using it as a teachable moment for my son.. He already knows that airing dirty laundry on FB is a No No.. But sometimes you just have to vent I guess. So I will be civil to her and I will continue to pray for her, but I am distancing myself.. I would rather be without friends than to have one like this.. I do feel bad for my son.. He is best friends with this ladys daughter.. They have a very close knit circle and this little girl can be ruthless.. Just like mama.. I'm trying not to dwell on what has happened and try to guess what's going to happen now.. I'm just going to focus on what I know is right.. And I will watch my words.. And let all I say glorify the one who made me It's all part of His plan, right?? Yep..
I agree with this ^^. I have/had a friend just like this. He lies about everything. He will say, "So, Kari called me yesterday and said... blah blah blah...." and create an amazing story. I usually call or text the person he has mentioned to verify. Almost 100% of the time, he hasn't even talked to Kari (or whomever the story was about). It is crazy. We have brought it up to him, questioned him about it, teased him about it, stopped speaking to him, talked to his family, etc... just about everything we can think of but he won't stop lying. It's pathological.
