How do you handle the socialization questions?

How do you guys handle the socialization questions? That seems to be the number one question that I get asked the most. People are more concerned with that, than a quality education and family time. And what types of activities do your kids do outside of school?

 

http://www.tnhomeed.com/LRSocial.html
http://www.homeschoolnewslink.com/blog/?p=629

I laugh, say we're too busy to socialize them, and then either "pass the bean dip" or talk their ear off about all the stuff we're doing and why it's so hard to "socialize" them between all their activities and playdates.

We have:

Sunday - Bible school classes, morning worship, evening worship, and every few weeks we'll also have some sort of social gathering outside of worship that evening

Monday - vision therapy

Tuesday - (trying to schedule a Classical Conversations group for this day, but so far they're all full) Our main day for the bulk of our school work and laundry, as well as any outside-the-ordinary errands or appointments

Wednesday - gymnastics and Bible classes

Thursday - physical & occupational therapies

Friday - weekly playdate with friends (we do little or no school work on this day, depending on how much we were able to accomplish earlier in the week)

Saturday - bowling league and sometimes the kids help me with work (I run my own business selling children's books at community events and educational conferences)

We've also considered boys scouts and university-modeled homeschool classes, and we've also done Lego classes in the past, but again......... we don't have time! :lol:

 

My new response is

"The youth in Nazi Germany were socialized by the government school system of their time..."

 

Josie, you must be fun to have around, just to stir things up a bit!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Anyone who knows my children don't bother asking that question. BUT....

One time we were at my nephew's b-day party. A young couple was there, someone who were friends with my bil and sil. My sil inttroduced me to the woman, and explained that we homeschooled. The woman was thrilled to hear this, because she was interested in hs'ing her prechooler, but her husband had questions. So we discussed some of "his" issues (including socialization). Well, in the mean time, her husband and mine had gotten together in the other room (while I was telling her that her dh needed to meet mine, lol!). Turns out, the husband was an English teacher at a high school for Columbus Public. So when he brought up "the 'S' word", dh told him, "Do me a favor. Monday during lunch, I want you to go and spend just five minutes in the lunch room, watching and listening to the interaction going on around you. And think about whether or not this is the type of socialization you want for your daughter. Then call me, and we can discuss it...." The guy just nodded, and said that he didn't have to; he knew EXACTLY what my dh meant!

 

I tell them that my daughter is involved in lots of activities. She does co-op classes once a week, soccer, baseball, American Heritage Girls and swimming. There are also other kids in the neighborhood who she sees and plays with.

 

Jackie that is perfect!! Love it.

Socialization - or rather have socially awkward children was definitely one of my husband's concerns at first but I asked him if he thought a certain child at church was shy or socially awkward and she wasn't remotely, she was one of the most outgoing kids there and I said, well she's homeschooled. That was the end of that concern for him. And it turns out our kids aren't shy at all. And they feel comfortable talking with people of all ages.

We don't really get this question or concern much at this point. The ped brought it up once and I just looked at him like he had 10 heads.

My kids attend church on Sunday mornings going to children's church in the process, they attend Wed night awana, during the summer we play at parks and with neighbor kids, we go to the library regularly, my kids definitely have plenty of social opportunities that are far healthier than the school room opportunities provided. Plus they have each other, every day, all day, and given that there aren't quite 5yrs between my oldest and youngest they are IMO similar aged peers themselves and get plenty of practice.

 

Hmm...I think I was only asked once by my brother. I just discussed several facts about socialization. He wasn't in agreement with my position, but that is fine. He values popularity with peers and I don't. If I was asked by a non-family member I'd probably just state that my kids are fine.

I sometimes think that if my kids can all learn to get along with one another they can get along with anyone. Conflict resolution is practiced many times a day. They have to learn how to compromise, put others first, and work out win-win situations EVERY DAY!

Activities build friendships and expose kids to people with different perspectives. The weekly class at church is a good fit for socializing. They don't learn a great deal, but I take responsibility for that at home. My older two are also taking swim lessons, but I wouldn't say it was a good fit for socializing. They are learning how to swim though. I don't buy into the "have to get a child socialized" through events, activities, etc. I seek to let my kids be who they are and let them follow their interests.

I mainly look at my kids and see if they are content with their little world. I look to see how they handle new situations and social situations. One mom came up to me when my boys were playing with another boy. She was touched that one of my sons stayed with her son when he was hurt and tried to comfort him while my other son ran to get her. Sometimes I've realized that a little instruction on social skills is necessary like when my ds corrected an adult and wouldn't budge from his position.

 

It really does depend on WHY they are asking. The couple I mentioned above had honest questions, and they deserved honest answers. Others are just being nosy and spouting off; those I might make a more flippant (or even militant, "in-your-face") answer (thank you, Josie!!!). Others I just give a good helping of bean dip to!

 

I truly (and my husband, too) only get this question from people who have not met my kids at all. I.e. Hubby's coworkers. My husband is a little more rude about it and will say "Well, ya know, we're trying to raise social misfits, that's totally our goal". Where I usually say that I don't worry about it at all because my kids are involved in activities and they have many, many friends. Even my oldest was complaining because when planning her birthday party, she has more people that she CAN'T invite than who she's allowed to invite. She rotates each year. There are 3 ABSOLUTES to any birthday party, and the rest she rotates through each year.

My children lack nothing in social skills, and many adults are quick to point out how wonderful my children are in social situations. My middle son always seeks out the "misfit" kids and makes them feel welcomed, loved and needed. It's a special gift he has. We went to a indoor playground where he spent the better part of our time there trying to draw in a kid who just didn't seem to want to play, but my son kept going back to him, talking with him, telling him all the awesome things that he could do if he just went inside the play structure. He wouldn't leave him be. Later, this boy's mother came and found me. In tears she told me how her son was severely autistic, and most kids ignore him, or pick on him. She was just overwhelmed with how genuine my son was with her son, and in the end, her son engaged and DID start playing. She'd been going there for over 2 months, and never once had her son even attempted going in. He would sit on the chairs and just watch the other kids. She was beside herself. As was I.

I don't know. I just usually brush it off and say it's not an issue, or ask them if they're happy about the "socialization" that their public or private schooled kid receives?

 

I usually say, "Do you remember school? So I'm sure you understand exactly why I do not want my children exposed to that sort of socialization."

Or something similarly snarky.

Unless....
They are genuinely interested in having a conversation, rather than idget strangers acting superior.

 

If people are genuinely interested in it, then I am more than happy to talk their ear off about it. I think mostly I get genuine questions, since I have an Autistic boy and he socializes GREAT (will start conversations with people, introduce himeself, try very hard to keep up with conversation and play), and people with disabled children(or people who have kept up with the stigma of disabled children) want to know how I did it. I'm quite happy to go on and on about it, and I spout off advice like a fountain! LOL

However, it has happened that I get the occasional sideways glance, and snarky comment about socialization. One particular moment was at a Dillards when a lady we were talking to in line was commenting on Pat's behavior (DIllards has lots of perfume and it was getting to him, so he had begun stemming by flapping and hitting him head). I told her that my sons behavior was none of her concern (and since we were talking to a lady behind us about homeschooling...) this person spouted off that he acted that way because we homeschooled. I found it hard to keep my cool. However, for the snarky folk I will happily remind them of what they discussed and did in school, and usually it shuts them up.

 

Haha, I was in a hurry when I answered. That isn't ALWAYS my answer. But ti depends on why they are asking. And you can tell if it is "are they going to socialized properly if they aren't socialized like everyone else?" or if it's "well you're going to be raising freaks who won't have any friends and you're a dumb person for doing so"

Most of the responses I get when people find out we homeschool is positive though. Hubby has gotten a few bad responses, but to be fair, those are usually from people who have never met our kids, they are almost always with me, so when I tell people they are homeschooled my kids are right there, and have probably already talked to this person and asked them 50 questions in 10 minutes LOL so they can tell they know how to socialize with adults....

My response to someone who is genuinely concerned about the socialization aspect of kids being homeschooled, I explain what socialization is...which is a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position. Which is something I don't want my kids learning from people who don't hold the same morals as me and I certainly don't want them learning from a bunch of other 6 and 9 year olds!

 

I even had a woman come up to me one at a Nature Center and asked if we homeschooled. (And we were there in the summer, NOT a during a "school day"!) But she was watching me interact with the kids and talking about different things and explaining and then they were sitting on the floor, trying to draw the snapping turtle swimming around in a tank.... Turned out her daughter was interested in hs'ing, and so she wanted to ask me some fair questions. She seemed very open to her g'kids beng homeschooled (especially after watching my kids, lol!)

 

Here pretty much everyone knows we homeschool so it don't come up much now that we are moving I am sure we are going to have to answer this questions once again as we meet new people, again. Sometimes I am nice about it and other times I get grumpy. I think my new answer is going to be something along the lines my children socialize just like any other child. Then I will change the subject.

 

Roughly 99% of all the comments I have gotten about homeschool have been positive or just pure curiosity, so I don't really have any good comebacks. However, I usually have my kids with me, and my oldest will talk just about anyone's ear off, so I don't think people question his social abilities.

I can only think about one instance where someone asked me how they would learn to socialize. This same person later asked me how they would learn how to be quiet! Of course I mentioned that the kids I went to school with in high school hadn't learned how to be quiet in class.

 

If the questioners have kids, I often find myself thinking that I am thankful my kids are not around the questioners' kids.

 

If the questioners have kids, I often find myself thinking that I am thankful my kids are not around the questioners' kids.

My husband worked with a woman who was quite concerned about my kids being socialized. Ironically her sons were both bully without mercy, and took psychotropic drugs to deal with it.

 

Socialization: We Did: family, neighbors, parks, boy scouts, sports, Church, friends,summer programs,That was plenty.
I really thought that this was not an issues anymore. I guess it could be if you are the type of homeschooler that wants to isolate.
Jody

 

My two cents worth here lol over the years I have been asked that many times. I explain that putting children in a classroom with only children their own age is not socialization. this is isolation to me. my children can interact with adults as well as children their own age and children who are older and even younger than they are. my children are placed in many different social settings that public school children are not. I feel public school is defiantly isolation.

 

I didn't read all the responses but I find it a very funny question. My kids will talk to any child, where as we meet public school kids at the park that won't make eye contact or talk with them. I feel sorry for my kids bc they think there is something wrong with them when in all actuality there is something wrong with the way public school kids are socialized. I've gotten to the point I don't even answer. Just shrug your shoulders.