I have an 11 year old son that is my oldest, is a complete perfectionist and is showing signs of OCD. He comes unglued when you change anything on him that is part of what he feels is his routine and it seems to be getting worse. I too am a perfectionist and can certainly have OCD tendencies and have been working on them for a long time and am much better. My husband is starting to believe that him being home with me all these years has contributed to his problems. I am starting to think he is right. My husband is beginning to threaten public school and I really don't think that will help him. Anyone else struggled with this? I love homeschooling him but I want to do what is best for him as well. I would love any wisdom or insight that anyone has. Thank you for your help Rhonda
My youngest is 3 and shows signs of OCD, I'm learning how to help her keep the fits away. I would imagine that PS would be worse for his OCD because he really doesn't have control over anything that goes on there. I imagine keeping him home would be better for him. I believe that OCD is not something that is copied, unless the tendencies are already wired in the brain. I do think that habits are picked up, but I do not in any way think it is your fault! :hug: Try to do some research onling about kids and OCD, kids with parents who have OCD, and the affects of PS on OCD kids. I obviously don't know your relationship, but I would try to talk to dh about a future time that you can come back together and talk about a plan of action to help yourself and your son. Do you have health insurance? Can you get in to see a therapist with your son to get some ideas on how you can teach him to cope with changing situations? I'll be praying for you. some quick Google searches. effects of public school on OCD children efects of homeschooling on OCD children effects of ocd parents on ocd children
I think it depends on the child, but in general I think people with conditions that cause anxiety are better off in a calmer environment. I have OCD and my son does also. He went to public school until 7th and he did OK, but when he looks back at it, he tells me that he had a hard time. I find that being away from a normal routine is good sometimes, but I would not overwhelm him whether you keep homeschooling him or send him to public school. Whatever you decide, I would encourage you to break the routine from time to time. I would, however, let him know ahead of time. It can be VERY difficult for some to do things out of order, but as we all know life does not always happen in order. Even if you don't have insurance some counselors go on a sliding scale. My son gets counseling and it costs $30 for an "hour." Not cheap, but cheap compared to the going rate for that kind of thing.
YES! $30 is cheap in the realm of psychotherapy. Although, I understand it is expensive to some. If you're able to find a good counselor on a sliding scale, it is worth every penny. :hug:
My son is also like this, but he has Asperger's. Threatening to put him in PS is like threatening to dangle him over an active volcano full of alligators on speed. :lol: PS isn't the answer for him at all, and although I tried to convinced my husband of that for years, it was a group of highly regarded psychologists and an expensive flight that finally changed his mind. He should've just listened to me. It would've been cheaper. *giggle*
You might also look into inositol. It's part of the B-vitamin complex family. Unlike a lot of stuff out there, inositol has undergone clinical trials and been shown to be as effective as prescription medications in treating anxiety disorders. It's worth researching on your end and giving it a shot. My daughter has anxiety, and we're currently working on finding the right balances for her. The inositol did wonders for her initially, and we're trying to get that back into her system after going off it [we had gone off it to try out a doctor-prescribed medication that ended up not working out at all].
I would say that my oldest also has these tendencies. I try to help her cope with changes the best way I can. I, too, tend to be a touch OCD....long line of perfectionists in my family. The key for her is being very calm when explaining a change. Also, with her school schedule I give her some control. I schedule out her things, but allow her to do the work in the order and way that she wants. i.e. she does all her "busy work" in one day, Math all one day, etc. She feels a little less OCD when she's in control of that. Giving her coping techniques and dealing with sudden changes by letting her feel what she feels BUT helping her finding better ways of expressing them. I usually start by saying "I know we had planned THIS, but, we now need to do THAT." And give her a 5 minutes for a breakdown. And then ask her to verbalize what she's feeling, etc. This usually helps her b/c I can combat her "fears" with "truth", etc. I can't say it ALWAYS works, but most of the time. She's learning to be more verbal about those stresses and frustrations because she's ALLOWED to feel them. Sometimes trying to shut down the frustrations is the WORST way to react. I think allowing them to feel them, express them, and then giving them a coping mechanism to make it easier is better. IMHO.
I would also advise that when your child is having a lot of anxiety and maybe even acting out some that you give them some room. I had to learn this because I made a lot of mistakes doing the opposite. I used to lecture and punish and raise my voice right then and there. I find that even if I have to give consequences it is much easier and peaceful to let him calm down and then deal with it in a peaceful, matter of fact manner. My son needs time to just sit and think periodically. I have to sometimes realize that it is necessary for his mental health to just look out the window or sit on the swing out back to refresh his mind. The only trouble I have with this is that he always wants to do this when something needs to be done (LOL).
MY dd has always been like that but I did not worry about it she has been a really good kid and super good schooler, home schooling is great for OCD kids cause they really can set their schedule, but yes you do need to teach him boundaries. He needs to know that just because he wants it one way does not mean it will be that way and he has to learn to accept it. My dc was extremely prefectionistic ( created the word lol you get what i mean) and still is really, but she has learned to handle it with a sigh or a groan haha. He must be extremely smart? I would think you could try to allow him to have some control of his days by planning out on a planner, turning in to you how he wants the day to go for his part at least, then get the okay by you and dad, or not. This would be one way to allow him a little control ( age thing for males I believe) and have consequences in his plans as well? Just my thoughts, hope they help
Thank you all so much for your help. You have given some great suggestions and things that I need to think about. I do believe that it is best for him to stay out of public school, now I am just hoping that my husband will see it that way as well. I am trying to convince my husband that all of us need to go in for some family counseling just so we all know what we need to do to get through the situation. I appreciate all your support. Rhonda
