Help with Discipline!

Discussion in 'Other Conversation' started by Meg2006, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. Meg2006

    Meg2006 New Member

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    Oh. My. Lord. I am having some serious issues with my older son, Beau. I REALLY need some sort of guidance on this...

    So...I can't sugar coat this...Beau is weird. He is, quite possibly, the weirdest kid I have ever seen...and I've seen a lot. Here is a list of the STUNTS he pulls...

    *Empties his drink into inverted giant duplo blocks and pretends it's a potion, and inevitably spills said "potion" onto the couch, or the beige carpet of our RENTAL!!!

    * "Web slings" people in public (doing the Spiderman...hand thingy...to people. Thankfully only a few notice and give disapproving looks...) He does this even when I tell him to stop and I explain how rude that is.

    * He cries about EVERYTHING! He's going to be 6 in July and he. cries. about. ANYTHING. and EVERYTHING!! He has the wrong cup, his brother wants one of the 6 million toys he's hoarded, he doesn't want the bologna sandwich he asked for at lunch that he made himself, what he really wants is shells and cheese even though he said bologna he really MEANT shells and cheese.....omg, the list goes on...and on...and on.....

    He exasperates me! I start out the day with the BEST intentions but by the end of the day I CAN'T hardly stand to be in the same room with him! Talking and explaining doesn't help, and I feel he blatantly ignores me because he barely makes eye contact! I often say to my husband out of sheer exasperation that we got the wrong kid evaluated and maybe we should have made an appointment for Beau instead of Pat. I feel awful for feeling this way, and I don't know what to do to help things!!!!!!!! Do any of you have any advice??
     
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  3. 2littleboys

    2littleboys Moderator

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    I'm not a doctor, and I'm not a parenting expert, but I have an Aspie, and some of the things you mentioned are just like him. He uses "the force" in public, cries, doesn't make eye contact, has to have things done in a particular way, etc. He cried last night (he's 7) because we were at a meeting after church... a meeting that always involves ham sandwiches, his fave ... but this time they served soup & cornbread. Cried.like.a.baby! Ugh! He's a great kid, very well behaved, and all that, but he's weird, too.
     
  4. Renae_C1

    Renae_C1 New Member

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    It does sound like he may be somewhere on the Austism spectrum. It can't hurt to have him checked out.
     
  5. Jackie

    Jackie Active Member

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    Plus he has a special needs little brother. An otherwise "normal" kid sometimes are torn between loving a sibling, and getting frustrated with all the time that special needs sibling demands from parents. And sometimes that shows itself in behaviors such as you described. Just a thought.... But checking out for autism is a very good idea, too.
     
  6. Meg2006

    Meg2006 New Member

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    Jackie, you brought up a good point. I know when Pat was first diagnosed and he was nonverbal and totally shut off, we spent ALL our time trying to get him caught up. It worked, because he is on grade level, and communicates very well for an autie diagnosed when he was 2. I know we should have spent more time with Beau, but we made it up when we could, such as taking him places with us alone, reading him special stories, and having little dates every once in awhile.

    My husband refuses to get him checked out because he says he's just a little eccentric. Whatever. He says Beau takes after me because he has all of my "weirdness", and....I don't think so.

    (Right now, it's breakfast time. He asked for a poptart, and now he says he REALLY wanted a cereal that we don't have...and he's crying because I'm a cereal Nazi and I supposedly have it held hostage somewhere.)

    We did have trouble when he was young. He was saying words and phrases at a little over a year old, and then he got a series of vaccinations and all Hell broke loose (excuse the language). It started with a fever that lasted a week, excessive swelling around the injection, then hives, then head pain. SHortly after he started pointing to his head and saying "OWW!" he stoped talking all together, started head banging, staring at fan blades, and just being absent. Well, he finally started talking again when he was 2, but his eye contact never recovered fully, and he's just odd.

    I've tried everything, time outs, explaining, just giving him hugs and reassuring, sending him to his room, writing sentances, and none of it seems to be affective.
     
  7. crazymama

    crazymama Active Member

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    Ummmm... the web slinging and making potions honestly sound like normal kid things to me.

    The crying all the time *might* be something or it *might* not. Some kids are just, well, bawl babies. Some kids are just emotionally immature. My aspie doesn't cry over things, but boy can he get mad at the drop of a hat. (If you have ever watched the show Parenthood, Reagan is like Max's stunt double).

    I really think it may be a feeling of his little brother getting all the spotlight. It's hard for kids to grasp the whole "he needs more attention but I love you no less" concept.
     
  8. mschickie

    mschickie Active Member

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    It really sounds like a 6 year old boy to me. I know lots of kids who do those types of things at that age. The crying sounds like a typical power struggle/attention grabbing device more than anything else.
     
  9. mykidsrock

    mykidsrock New Member

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    Remember that what works with your ASD child will on some level work with any typical child too. (from a former behavior therapist). Deal with those tantrums exactly the same way. Easier said than done, but if you can go into 'therapy' mode, and have an 'unexcited' voice, very basic simple answers and clear follow through - that approach often works for any chronic tantrumer. (including my 'typical' DD)

    Remember that every parent has days when they just don' like their kid. Not that your love changes, but some days it's just hard.

    One thing that I remember working on with a couple of families was that some of the siblings of the really tough kids needed to think about the needs of their typical kids more. Sometimes behavior issues show up because they are effected by the stress of all that is going on at home too.

    All that said, it's totally possible that your older boy has Aspergers, but if you DH doesn't want to test, you probably already have a lot of the skills you need to help him, just from what you've learned from your younger.

    Remember, when nothing is working, take a deep breath, keep it short and simple, with a clear instruction and simple consequence. Oh, and pray! Not sure where you stand on that one, but a lot of peace can come from a simple, under your breath, "Jesus help".

    ((hugs)) Trust your gut momma! You can do this!
     
  10. vantage

    vantage Active Member

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    sorry about double post. Edited and ended up with two. removing first draft.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2013
  11. vantage

    vantage Active Member

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    I can only advise along the lines of what worked for me in seemingly similar issues. One of mine seemed a bit weird, but with time has become a regular kid. Sometimes such weirdness comes from a child's being precosious (sp?)

    If this is the older child maybe you could give him special older brother status. Let him stay up later. Get the younger special needs child to bed earlier, then give about 30 or 45 minutes of one on one time right before bed. If you need time with the younger, get him up earlier or stagger nap times or put the elder bro with some screen time or educational computer time to get one on one.

    I did this with mine and would play a simple board game or card game for like 20 minutes then read a short story or part of a longer book. We would also sometimes do a few minutes of flash cards for math or read word cards. Later, we did our reading lessons at night then had game and story time. This did not take more time, just moved a bit of school to the end of the day and gave that special one on one time needed.

    I also noticed that worsening behavior was almost proportionate to the amount of commercials that they viewed on TV. Certain programs like Cayue or what ever that brat's name is were also bad influences. We only let the kids watch through netflix or videos so they avoid the commercials. They watch too much still but eliminating the commercials helped with bad attitudes.

    With food struggles, I used to give 2 choices that I knew they liked okay, and that was it. A peanut sandwich was an alternative. At some point food textures and so forth became a real issue with the youngest. She was almost impossible to feed. DH wanted to use "starvation treatment" to get past it but I know she was too stubborn for that. I just made informal meals of healthy things. Peanuts a banana and tomato slices or perhaps crackers, cheese and an orange, or rice, diced up turkey slices and raisens with milk. Some days she ate sardines and crackers with v8 juice. I have the only kid on the planet who wont eat mac and cheese, hamburger, or other normal kid foods.

    Now the picky eater makes her own alternatives and has since 6 years old. She makes her own version of the smokehouse turkey they sell at Panera.

    I would allow some potion making but it would have to take place in the tub or in a kiddy pool or outside. My younger DD had a potion and water thing going for a while. I gave her spray bottles and water paints to color them with and let her spray them on the walls of the shower/tub unit. Also make up solutions. They sell bathtub paints that can be used with pots and plastic mixing bowls for potion bath time. Turkey basters, salad dressing bottles, and old spice bottles. OR perhaps make up colored water with food colorings. vinegar in one bottle, and some baking soda dissolved in another will give fizzing when they mixed. The off gas is the same as a soda, no harm. You could change the color you put the vinegar in to surprise from one time to another.

    I read bits and pieces of parenting books when pregnant. I only grabbed onto a couple things from all of that. One of them was in a Dobson book. He said, and I am totally paraphasing, that you perhaps use corporal punishment but only when you have willful disregarding of your authority. If the child does wrong in the line of playfulness, clumbsiness or inattention you use other means but if you are going to use corporal punishment you use it for challenges to authority.

    This way if you yell Son Stop! as they are running to get something and a car is coming they will stop. It also sets the parameters that Parent is Parent and child is child. I have rarely spanked my kids but the few times I have were such occasions when my authority was blatantly challenged. I usually sent them to the room, told them what was going to happen and why then told them I was leaving to "make sure I was not angry" when I applied the spanking. This time to think and worry did most of the work so that when I came back a few minutes later and put them across my knee, only a couple of light swats were applied. I then reassured them that I loved them and told them that once they came out of the room this even was over but they had better come out with an attitude adjustment. One of mine was a bit of a drama queen and had to practice her repetroir of crying sounds for a minute or two before coming out.


    Screen time revoking has worked for the other stuff.

    Toy hording, I solved this by saying that all of the toys were mine. Some stuff was individually owned as they got past being a toddler, but not everything could be. IT was up to older sister to keep things in her closet away from younger. She had the right to close her door to pay with some stuff or sometimes would go to the kitchen as there was a baby gate at that doorway that way I could keep an eye on her and she could be separated from baby so polly pockets or legos were not interfered with. At times we moved a baby gate to the older childs room.

    Spider man imitation seems normal to me. If you are spending time one on one and notice you are not getting eye contact over a period of say a couple of weeks you might want to see what is up. ( Too long for a typical grudge know what I mean. )
     
  12. gardenturtle

    gardenturtle New Member

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    This is probably way in left field, but I'll mention it anyway, because it has made a difference (thankfully) in our home. About a year ago, my dd began experiencing some skin issues...two doctor opinions labeled it eczema and suggested I slather her with Eucerin and steroid creams. I had a problem with their uber-quick diagnosis, their suggestions (which can't be good for a five year old on an on-going long-term basis), and their claim that "this is not something you fix, it is something you learn to work with.". Call me a Mom, but that just wasn't good enough! :)

    I began researching and researching and researching.

    Her skin issues worsened big time, becoming very noticable on her face and chest...huge dark circles under eyes, vast scaly patches on chest, continually peeling eyelids and cracked bleeding lips that would leave blood on her pillow. I would lube her up with stuff and she would look like a parched desert in 10 minutes. Her behavior went from very mature and intelligent, school loving and sweet girl to petulent, constant crying, very loud and obnoxious, super hyper at times, complaint focused, school loathing, uncomfortable be around, very bossy little girl.

    Long story, short...please consider the effects that processed foods (things with artificial dyes, flavors and preservatives) could be having on your family. I thought we ate "good," but decided to give it a try. Over the course of a year we have nearly eliminated processed foods from our regular consumption. I am VERY happy to report that her skin issues are almost completely gone, her behavior is consistently positive most days. We are not perfect, but the excessive crying and bizarre hyper and LOUD behavior is mostly a thing of the past.

    It has been a good thing for all of us. Our weight, moods, attitudes and food tastes have changed for the better!

    My favorite resources during this time of intensive learning have been: 100daysofrealfood.com, heavenlyhomemakers.com, Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon and the Kroger natural section at first. There is a host of other info out there too. I believe there is a interview with Robin (spelling might be different) O'Bryan. She, and others believe that these food ingredients are the lead cause of the 4As...asthma, autism, ADHD and allergies. I also appreciated the convenience of Azure Standard bulk and natural food company (search for a drop point in your area) and Greenling, another local, organic food source that is rapidly expanding.

    When I first began this journey, it was very overwhelming and I spent lots of money getting comfortable and trying out lots of natural foods. However, our financial situation is very different at the moment and I'm doing good to make ends meet in the grocery department. But, the good news...besides, God provides our every need!...is that now that our tongues are "clean" from the chemical foods we regularly ate, we actually all like and/or tolerate cheap, real, basic foods like beans and rice, potatoes, veggie soup, etc.

    I can immediately tell when we have been at relatives, or celebrating holidays...all our behavior...including mine...becomes very short tempered and "crazy!". Once we finish the candy and leftovers, I see an immediate return to our normal, mostly sweet home. Our sugar consumption, even for home baked treats has dropped considerably. And I find my former nemesis...dark chocolate chips, cold from the fridge...be still my heart...much less of a temptation (most of the time!)!! Good thing since they are not in the current budget!

    Again, I know this may seem way off your inquiry, but I thought our experiences were worth mentioning for your consideration. It might not be anything technically "wrong" with him, or your parenting skills, it could be your food.

    Hope that helps...I'll be happy to answer anything else in detail! :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2013

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