Does anyone else have this problem? I want to share with other moms (my friends) what my homeschool plan is for the coming year. I guess I'm looking for some affirmation that it's a good plan, fitting for the age/grade level, etc. But I also don't want to come off as bragging about what my kid is doing compared to his friends, or what a great HS-ing mom I am. I feel this subtle tension when I talk with my one good friend (whose son is the same age as mine) about what we're doing, almost like we have to justify ourselves to each other. It's weird and uncomfortable. It's almost easier not to discuss lesson plans at all...but then I'm missing out on her good ideas, too. I've ALWAYS struggled with comparing myself with those around me, always patting myself on the back if I think I'm "better" or freaking out and feeling like a failure if I think someone else is "better." This is kind of a rambling post, I know. Have you found it easier to just not discuss the details of your homeschooling?
Share here Yes, I've run into that. I've had to stop talking homeschooling specifics with the only other homeschooling mom in my church. She didn't like how I homeschooled. Since that was really the only thing we had in common, we didn't hang out too much. Our kids were close in age, but even our kids didn't mesh too well. I tried letting it be one-sided for awhile letting her talk about her homeschool plans and such and be very vague about what we do. It was just temporary because sometimes I would slip and say the wrong thing and she would go silent and cut off the conversation. True friends, imho, will accept you for who you are and not view homeschooling methods as a competition. The comparing game is one I'd try to avoid. Kids are different. My kids aren't the way they are because of my great teaching or something, but because they are who they are. Their areas of weakness aren't weak because I haven't put forth an effort either.
Are you a Christian? I ask because if you are, I HIGHLY recommend getting the book Hope for the Weary Mom The truth.... the truth will set you free. Talk to your friend, tell her you love her, your love her kid, but you are both different, your children are different, unique individuals, etc, that you are not comparing or saying you are better or she is better, but that by talking about curriculum, you can glean wisdom from each other, bounce ideas off one another, etc. Tell her you're a hot mess, if she's honest, she'll admit she's a hot mess too. Because we all are in our own ways. I've become very disillusioned with homeschool blogs and pinterest etc, and even blogging myself, because we can choose to put our best foot forward, we can choose what to show others in our online world. Some say it's because they only want to post encouraging things, and that may or may not be true, but the thing is, many find it overwhelming and feel like they don't measure up to this impossible standard of other women, because you don't see her 24/7, you don't see her scream at her kids, you don't see her messy kitchen, you don't see her mountain of laundry, you don't see her breaking down and crying, you don't see her burn dinner, you don't see her crying over her husband being addicted to porn, you don't see so much What you do see is the brave face she puts on for the world, cause she's afraid others are judging her too. You see the the science experiment that worked out perfect, not the 3 before it that failed and ended with kid in tears and a frustrated mama. You see the spotless corner of a room because she made her kid move to the one clean spot in her house to take a picture of her holding her homeschool craft.... Unless you live with someone, you probably don't know them well enough to compare yourself to them.
I really have NO ONE except y'all here at the Spot to talk to about how our school is going. I have this one friend I can go to, have tea, relax with, but she's the mom of one of my kids, and doesn't really want to hear me moan and groan about other parents' kids, and then there's that "confidentiality" thing, too... There's no anonymity with any other church members, either, because for the first time, ALL of my school are members of my church! So I can't talk with any of them about "I got this kid who..." because they'll know exactly who it is and it's not their business. Most of them don't want to hear about my school much anyway, because they're all public school people, or (bigger, church-sponsored, rich people's private school people, not that interested in my successes ... or failures, either, for that matter. Nobody else homeschools. That's why you guys/gals catch all my flak. The only people I'm pretty sure I'm "better than" is the public school system -- not the teachers, the system. No "comparing" there -- they don't even recognize we exist.
I'm with you. I have one friend who lives across the country with whom I talk about once a week but nobody here to get together with. That's why I come here! I love this place!! I don't usually mind but I would really love to have ONE good, local, homeschool friend. But that would mean that my introverted, social anxiety ridden self would have to put in efforts and risk rejection. I'm not sure that I'm up for all that! :lol:
Sound like me.. I had one really close friend and I had to cut the friendship off because it was actually toxic.. I usually don't allow myself to get close to anyone because I'm so afraid of rejection, but this friendship just clicked.. or so I thought.. Knowing what I know now, i feel like a fool. I will avoid relationships at all cost because The feeling that I don't measure up is VERY strong.. I was VERY hurt from that friendship.. I will instead, pour ALL I have into my family.. My husband is my best friend and what I can't talk to him about I come here to do As far as talking homeschool curriculum with other homeschooling moms, I use those conversations to help enrich my kiddos homeschooling.. I do what I feel is best for my kids.. I'm always open to new things but I wouldn't want to be ridiculed for the way I'm doing "school" I would probably not talk with someone who made me feel that way..
I agree that we usually see the best sides of people when it comes to blogs and pinterest... I subscribe to a homeschool blog called "meet penny", and the other day she posted one of her best posts yet.. a photo of her MESSY house! I was SO excited.. It's nice to know that after seeing all her perfect posts of her homeschool journey and how it all seemed to work out great, she also has an imperfect side
Oh! Make the time girl, make the time! I've had ti on my kindle forever and never cracked it open, things were goign pretty good adn I didn't feelt hat weary at the time LOL The other day I was so frustrated I thought, yeah, I'm weary, I should read this now. LOL So refreshing. The chapters are pretty quick reads with some 'study questions' at the end to make you think.
I call myself an old mama. My husband and I never conceived children and eventually adopted; two girls. During my 20's and early 30's I never fit in with a group of other women, nor my husband and I with other couples. Conversations always drifted to pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing, etc. I grieved for children all those years, but I am thankful to have become a mama, finally, when I was a bit older. I have found that self confidence, humility, and respect for differences in others comes with age, and that has made me a better mother. I could not have advocated for my girls in my 20's as well as I do now. I was incredibly shy and unsocial for many years. I grew out of that though, and don't worry about image as much now. Is there not a local homeschool association you can join? I feel so blessed to have a huge homeschool association in our small city, which has been a fabulous resource. When I talk with other moms about curriculum, it's within the context of seeking out advice for areas in which we tend to struggle in our homeschooling. I get very encouraging and genuine responses when it's in response to my admitted need for advice. I will say, though, that when I talk about homeschooling with one of the moms of my daughter's former public school classmate she gets defensive about the school that we withdrew from. On the other hand, several other parents have pulled their children from the same school to homeschool. It's a girl/mom thing to compare and to struggle with esteem issues. I love the other posts about what is real for most of us (unkempt house, miles of laundry, etc.) Realizing that that is the reality of life, and focusing on your relationship with your children is the best advice I can think of. It's a priceless gift to be a mom!
Speaking of the whole blogging thing, sometimes we do eacch other an injustice by posting only perfection. That isn't encouraging at all to make more and more homeschooling moms feel worse about themselves... u really can't compare your behind-the-scenes to their encore moment... we just don't see it all
