When your Dr questions your homeschooling

Hi, I'm CJ and this is my first real post

So I'm at the Dr's office and homeschooling comes up (my oldest dd is just turning 4), and my Dr at first is very curious and hasn't heard much about it (she's from India, but that probably doesn't have much or anything to do with her not being familiar with it); she even says that it will save them from alot of bad things in schools and other kids etc...

..However, the next visit she wants more details and seems more concerned: how will you teach difficult, high school subjects? what if your dd wants to become a Dr?

...so I try to not get flustered- cuz forgive me if I'm not well prepared for questions re: high school, when my dd was only 3 and a half years old! :roll:
I just tried to calmly reassure her that there are endless resources, programs, classes, groups etc that are available, and that I have many years to look into it and prepare.

But she just didn't seem thoroughly convinced, and I fear this may be a reoccurring interrogation making me kinda nervous for every time I go to the Dr (and switching Drs is not really an option, unless she gets nasty, cuz it took me forever to get her).

It left me feeling very vulnerable, not being able to show as much confidence as I feel because she's a Dr, so I can't just roll off a witty remark if I feel like it, or say "MYOB"
...I know I have the motivation, determination and ability to see this through (with God's and your help!)
I just feel like she has one up on me, and I don't want her to start investigating me over the years or whatever.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Any suggestions or encouragement?

TIA
CJ:love:

 

If this were me, and I really liked our doctor, I would come back next time armed with TONS of general homeschool references for her to check out on her own -- even if it meant showing up with a printed list of titles of books she could check out at the library or order through Amazon, as well as a list of support organizations (parent groups, homeschool networks, and non-profits). Personally, I would not take just a list of websites, because some people don't take that terribly seriously. I would not make this about what *my family* was doing, but about homeschooling in general. Kill her with kindness -- OVERdo anything she expected in terms of information.

If you are using a curriculum you have a lot of enthusiasm about, you might choose to share that with her. Some people (particularly those who are still entrenched in the established system) are more impressed to see that you would basically be following directions set out for you by those they perceive as experts. That's not a guarantee, though.

You might at some point decide it's worth the effort.

"she's a Dr" means she has intensive education in her area of expertise...which is *not* childhood education. I'm not downplaying her areas of expertise, I'm just pointing out that extensive (or possibly even surface) information about the education of children was most likely not a part of medical school. Now, if she was a teacher before she went to medical school, she may have a different perspective!

 

I would seriously look for a different doctor if at all possible.

And I would tell her that since my kids are NOT in high school, that's not an issue at this point. I would let her know that this is NOT a debatable issue, and has NOTHING to do with the physical health of my child. I go to her for MEDICAL reasons, not EDUCATIONAL ones.

 

Same here. Homeschooling is such a personal FAMILY choice that there is no way I'd answer those questions, and no way would I waste my time doing all the work pulling resources together. I might tell the Dr that there are plenty of resources available on the internet, and to look for herself if she really wanted to educate herself on homeschooling.

 

Yeah, I feel like I want to prove myself...Any suggestions for a list of books?

I don't have any curriculum in mind yet. I don't intend to "formally" start until next year or grade 1, and I think I will be a more eclectic curriculum style of homeschooler, than a 100% full curriculum set type.

haha!! I totally agree! :lol: I feel like saying, 'when I reach a point in her education that I no longer understand; do not have the resources for; or cannot teach it myself- then I will put her in public school.'
...Not to mention the fact that I have a life's love and determination for my own children that no teacher could ever attain; so that I may faint but will not fail to give them the best education they could get, cuz I'm their mother...yeah I'll just leave that part out! :angel:

 

hmmm yeah true...I don't know where people get off thinking that because they sat at a desk longer; wrote more papers and tests; memorized more facts; and (let's be honest) paid more money and make more money! that that somehow means they have the right- responsibility even- to tell me in what manor I should raise and educate my child.

And I find it kind of silly that someone so educated can't logically conclude that anyone can read a book and learn anything for themselves! What makes teachers so much more qualified? Teachers college?? ..Well, since I went through high school, should I not therefore be able to guide my child through the same course? Much better with all my attention on them, and not 30 other students.
I'm sure I will be re-learning right along with my kids.

So I guess I'll get a little spiel together of something I'm comfortable saying (taking note of advice on this forum!), and a 'back-up' list of info/books on the success of home education :wink:

 

I'd find a new doctor.

We had a practice that grilled us every single time they came in for well visits. We also don't fully vaccinate. We do SOME, but not all....which always got us a good grilling also.

Then we found out the doctor my husband and I go to is actually a FAMILY practice and did children also. Our doctors do not homeschool, but know my kids and know that they're AWESOME, and don't question a thing at all!

The other option is to keep going to this doctor, and let the proof be in the pudding. That's how I had to turn my parents around.

 

Since you're new here, I'll refer you to the article on bean dip! Passing the bean dip really does help!

http://www.homeschoolspot.com/showthread.php?t=5712

 

So true, thank you for your post,
That's actually how homeschooling came up!
We don't vaccinate either, so I was trying to soften that news by saying that we will be homeschooling, hoping it was just a passing comment.
It never is.

I actually just got this Dr because the last one had no time for the non-vax crowd, so I wasn't about to test him on homeschooling views.
This Dr was comfortable with non-vax, and seemed ok with homeschooling at first, but I guess being from India she got curious of how it works here with the gov. etc

She asked me if I will have to send work in to be graded, and if not then how will she have actual grades?
And then the questions re: how will I be able to teach at high school level, cuz it didn't seem to make sense to her.

I hope it's just a genuine curiosity and that she's satisfied enough for now.
But I hate feeling so inadequate just because I don't live in a box! :|
KWIM

CJ

 

Thanks Jackie! I'll have to check out what this is...

 

"Pass the Bean Dip" was cool

I do think it's harder it being a Dr though, almost like a social worker would be- like I'd love to tell her that 'it's my choice and I'm happy with it', but I wouldn't want to get her back up; so I have to tread more carefully, with maybe a bit more info offered than she deserves, because of her position?

I admit I have that worst fear in the back of my mind, that someone one day, will call Child Services to evaluate my parenting/schooling, and I will have to go through some dreaded trial while they hold my little ones hostage, traumatizing both them and me...yes, I know, very dramatic imagination I have.

So maybe I'll just stick with that I have researched it lots and she should too, cuz it's fascinating! and that if I ever have any trouble, the Public School System is always there for me when I need it. (while trying not to snort

CJ

 

I did not read all the posts here. Just let me say this, if you are uncomfortable and can change doctors, DO!

I know of 3 physicians families in our community who are homeschooling through high school. 3 homeschool students in our area were national merit finalists last year. There is at least one family whose son is in med school.... Need I say more!!! Kids who are homeschooled through graduation can do anything they want to do.

 

Woohoo! I love your passion! Thanks!
It's true, I'm so shocked at people's ignorance of homeschooling to be honest.

CJ

 

Ha, I talked to DH and he said "it's none of her business. we pay her for medical advice. She works for us, we don't answer to her- and it's not even in her field, which is obvious because she doesn't even know anything about it."

I will keep this Dr and see how it goes, because we have a shortage, and I want a woman; but if she goes beyond curiosity to serious concern with this, then I will have to deal with finding a different Dr. :/

CJ

 

I didn't read all the responses, but I would have to find a new dr. Any dr who is not on board with my parenting choices and respectful of the fact that I am the parent who is raising them, while they are just in charge of making sure they are not needing any medical interventions in their life, is not a dr that is worth having to me.

 

In this woman's defense, how much would we all really know about homeschooling if we weren't actually doing it? And how very curious would we find it if all we'd ever known was brick and mortar schooling? And even after we started homeschooling how many of us though, "How am I going to teach Algebra when I slept through it in high school?!" I'd go with the assumption that it is lack of knowledge prompting her questions rather than disapproval. I like the idea of educating her; otherwise, she'll form an uneducated opinion which is never good! In fact, I think I'm inspired to work on my own pamphlet for my area to educate professionals who work with children. My doctor is ok with it, but we had a speech therapist who was not, and her opinion was most definitely born out of ignorance.

 

I once went to my doctor's and told her we were homeschooling and she said, "What on earth are you doing that for?" It really took me by surprise and I had no answer. I was really upset because she said it in front of my daughter, I thought she had no right to question me like that.

But generally I don't argue or answer questions unless they are genuinely interested. In a hostile situation like the doctor's, I just say it's my decision and close the subject.

 

My step mother is a family practice doctor.

Let me just say, looking from the inside out...(the other view) is as a doctor she personally does NOT get very much socialization outside of the office. She does have ten children though. (6 adopted, and one step-me!) But, seriously she has very LITTLE knowledge of the world outside her home and office. I take most things she says with a grain of salt in the view of her lack of social realm and time. She works from around 4 am-starts doing hospital rounds, in office by 7am, and then sees patients from around 8 am till 5 pm, comes home, and does dictation and paper work till around 11 pm or 12am. She works this schedule from Mon-Thursday and on Friday it's about half a day instead of her full day. The last few years she does not work on weekends but when she was younger she did those too on her "on call" weekends as well.

So it may be genuine. OTOH, from what I can tell, some doctors spend so much time doing their doctoring, and then their family obligations too. They are socially stunted, and really don't have much knowledge outside that realm. So she may and probably is totally ignorant to homeschooling. I know my step mother is/was!

But, you do NOT owe her any explanations. I would leave it vague. I personally just change the subject when I don't want to argue with people. IE answer the question quickly or NOT at all, and say wow I love your shoes, where did you get them? Kind of like the old trick dad's like to play on their kids-look over there, is that big bird?!?! and steal a piece of their toast. lol haha Same concept! lol haha

 

I might just leave the high school option open in your conversations with your doctor. I understand the difficulty in finding a doctor accepting new patients. Let her know that you will consider the possibilities for high school when she is older. That may satisfy her. And if she is still your doctor in 10 years she may see how well your daughter is doing with homeschooling and change her mind.

 

Honestly, I really wonder if it's not a cultural thing. There are certain groups of Indians who expect their children will become engineers or doctors. Your doctor may be fascinated to know that your family has chosen a very different path than the one she grew thinking was expected. If it's just questions, I would just answer them as best you can. If it becomes a point of contention, I might switch doctors.