I'm thankful for insomnia b/c I was awake and heard her fall, and heard her call for my husband. I took her to the ER. They didn't really do much. Her knee is HUGE, but they x-rayed and said it's not broken and to follow up with our doctor in a few days. They want her to wear an immobilizer….she refused. I'm sure her doctor will want her to get an MRI. I know she will also refuse that. She is a stubborn old bird. Anyway, please pray that it's really nothing, and that her absolute refusal at treatment (besides pain meds, she sure does love her pain meds. Sigh) will not end up biting us in the booty later. ALso, now my husband and I are leary of going away for Thanksgiving. We were planning on leaving her here (we're going to see his stepmother, so taking his mother would be awkward). She's usually fine alone, she's not THAT dependent on us. But, now this makes me nervous. She would not have been able to get up on her feet without us there. I really want to go away! I really want to see his stepmother! Thanks
Is there someone who could stay with her? I would be a little concerned about leaving her right now, too! Believe me, I HEAR YOU!!! We finally got my aunt moved into Assisted Living. She's now at the place where she's bathrooming herself independently (meaning getting from the wheelchair onto the toilet, cleaning herself up, and getting back into the wheelchair). We had JUST had a re-evaluation about this, and two days later we get a call saying she fell in the bathroom. She said she was fine, but is now complaining about pain in her rib area. I'm guessing they're either bruised or cracked, both of which there is nothing really to do except pain meds and taping them. But she has a doctor's appointment on Thursday to have it checked out.
Oh no. I'm so sorry but I am glad for you all that you were awake and heard her cries. I'll pray that you find an adequate solution to your holiday dilemma.
Can she stay with another relative for the weekend? Does she have a girlfriend? Perhaps someone could check in on her for an hour or so a day. If she is mobile enough to leave for the weekend by then, you might consider having her meals and stuff prepared in advanced so she can spend less time on that leg. A walker would be a great thing to have on hand even if she says she does not need it.
Thanks for the suggestions. All of her friends are similar to her…older, in others' care, etc…so her staying with a friend is not a good idea. My SIL and one BIL are within an hour and will check in with her, they did when we went away in September, and she did FINE. I am not sure why she fell. Her food is really not a huge issue, she buys a lot of pre made stuff and cooks for herself. She's pretty independent, even though she lives with us…she has an apartment in our lower level. I don't know. Hubby and I are praying about what to do. We REALLY want to go away. As much as I love her, I do like a the idea of a break of being her caregiver.
{{{{HUGS}}}} I hope your mother in law is feeling better and that she is resting. I know exactly what you are going through, and I am sorry! I'm here if you need to vent! It is so hard and overwhelming (we've got my MIL all the time, and on weekends I go to NJ to help my sister with my immobile mom who lives with her). You definitely need to get away for Thanksgiving, if only for a few days. Breaks are hard to come by, but are essential. Although everyone thinks we can do it all and that we have everything under control (at least in my case) most of the time this is not at all true. Caregiving takes so much time and energy, and add that to an already overloaded schedule of homeschooling, kids' activities, working, being a wife, housekeeping, meal preparations church and/or other commitments, there is nothing and no time left for you. My MIL is a retired Army captain AND pediatric nurse, so she is also a tough bird who thinks she knows more than her doctors! She has fallen 3 times since October--once down the steps outside our home, once in her bedroom, and once out of the bed. She finally, this week, agreed to PT, but it took a loooong time for that to happen. Have you looked into one of those life alert systems? I know... she will probably refuse that (my MIL still won't agree to it), but maybe by starting to mention it she will eventually consent. As far as the bed goes, my MIL absolutely will not agree to having a side-rail on her bed, she said it would make her feel like she was in a crib! So, her PT suggested giving her one of those long foam pool noodles to put underneath of her fitted sheet when she goes to bed to act as a buffer. So far, so good. She is in control of that and she doesn't feel trapped in her bed. We went away this summer for 10 days, and my MIL refused to go and stay with relatives or friends. One thing we arranged with our neighbors was that if they saw that she had not taken in the mail daily by 5:00 p.m., they would come over and check on her. If the mail was gone, there was no need to "invade her privacy." Sorry this is so long! But really, if you need to talk, or need anything at all, I'm here. I understand. You are not alone. I'm ending this with some of the lyrics to one of my favorite songs: Think of the times you’ve asked the question Down in your heart, “Now just what shall I do?” Then you confide in your friends and loved ones, But they have troubles, too; There is a God, who rules earth and heaven, In Him there’s relief from every pain and care, For He knows; yes, He knows, Just how much we can bear. Tho’ the load gets heavy, You’re never left alone to bear it all; Ask for strength and keep on toiling, Tho’ the teardrops fall. You have the joy of this assurance; The heavenly Father will always answer prayer, And He knows; yes, He knows, Just how much you can bear. --Chelle
ABSOLUTELY!!! I like the mail idea. Would she be willing to let someone call her at a certain time every day?
Ha ha ha ha !!!! The thought of my MIL walking down the driveway to get the mail!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! Sorry, she's also becoming more agoraphobic as the days progress. She doesn't much like to leave her little apartment. HA HA HA HA!!! I feel bad for her, but I understand. She has a pretty strong fear of the unknown. I try to shake things up every now and then…take her to lunch at a place she's never been before (but I know that there would be something on the menu she'd enjoy), and stuff like that….but she is a slave to her routines, I think they make her feel safe. I do believe we are going. Last night SHE expressed that she was nervous about being alone. All told it will ONLY BE 3 nights. We leave Weds early a.m. and come home Saturday late p.m., so it's only 3 overnights. My SIL, BIL and my friend will all be calling her to check in on her daily. My BIL is coming to take her to Thanksgiving Dinner. And she has friends who are coming either Weds, Fri or Sat and they'll go to lunch, I believe. She has become OVERLY cautious at night, she's making her bed differently (she fell b/c she was reaching for her covers, we think she wasn't in the right spot in her bed, overreached and then rolled over and out…then she got trapped between the bed and the wall and couldn't roll over.) i've suggested a couple of times about moving the bed closer to the wall so that if she fell that she wouldn't really get stuck there. She is NOT for that b/c it will effect how she can make her bed in the a.m. SMH. I think I might say - hey, how about just while we're gone on vacation, then we'll move it back? She is doing well. I did have to blackmail her to do the follow up with her primary (that the ER suggested)…she wants to get her hair done (what is it about getting their hair done!?)….so I said, "no doctor, no hair". LOL Thanks for praying, please continue to pray as we put things in place for while we're gone.
Not sure if you could afford to pay someone, but if you (or her) can spare a little extra money, could you at least pay someone to come check on her 2-3 times a day, maybe sit with her an hour or two a day to do anything she might need that she can't do herself? Maybe you could visit a local nursing home and find a CNA willing to pick up some extra cash? (I suggest scoping out a nursing home for help because in our state, by law, they have to pass a background check before being hired, so at least you know they shouldn't be a convicted felon....) What about a respite care service? Insurance will sometimes cover this and there are also state and federal programs to help pay for it. There are in home options where they come out 1-3 times a week or adult day care options where you drop them off, or options where once every month or two they spend a weekend or week in a nursing home or assisted living facility. There is respite care for just about every situation. This link has links to some good resources http://aoa.gov/AoARoot/AoA_Programs/HCLTC/Caregiver/index.aspx Also contact local home health agencies, see what they offer. I don't know if you'd have time to set this up for Thanksgiving, but it's worth looking into for the future. Do you know any homeschoolers who are considering going into nursing? Maybe they would be willing to look in on her, get some experience and less cash than a CNA? Maybe you could even make it an on-going thing, where weekly or bi-weekly they come in and provide respite care. You might also be able to find someone to do it on a volunteer basis cause it'd look good on a college application...
Or would your bil be willing to come and spend the night? My kids were taking turns spending the night at G'ma's this past summer, because her health was failing. Another thought would be to tuck the blankets, etc., in all the way up that side. Though I do like the idea of a noodle. A body pillow might work just as well, or a rolled-up blanket. (Pillow also work well when you've got kids sharing a bed, and one rolls all over. Put the pillows between them, and the roller will stay on her side of the bed!)
