This may be a little long, So I apologize ahead of time. Here is our story: I have two children 4 and 7. I knew I always wanted to homeschool even before I had children. So when my 7 year old came along, it was only the natural thing for me to do when he was old enough. This problem has been a problem from the time he turned about 5. He is a very smart, sweet child. But we are having some serious issues with him. I am almost positive that he has some form of ADD or ADHD (his dad was diagnosed as a child and took meds) We are on a very routine day, since I can tell this really seems to help him. He knows exactly what is expected, but when it comes time to start school, it is one problem after another. He will yell at his brother for doing this or that, sing and move and stare at his paper, talk consistently. I mean anything he can do. I timed it and one day it took him 45 mins to finish one handwriting worksheet. I try and give him fun things to do and make learning as untraditional and fun as possible, but some things you just have to do in order to learn. His behavior has gotten so out of control, I find myself putting him into his room to calm down several times a day which means we are just wasting the school day away. No form of discipline or correction seems to work. We have tried everything! He argues about everything, is disrespectful, consistently whining especially when asked to do school or a chore. I am at my witts end. I don't know WHAT to do. I really just want to send him to school so I don't have to deal with this anymore. Although I know if he went to school that would just be a new set of problems because I would have teachers calling all he time. His 4 yr old brother is nothing like this. He is a calm child who loves to learn. Since this has gotten really bad I can see the behavior rubbing off on my little one and this just hurts. I feel like I spend so much time disciplining and trying to teach basic concepts (he is suppose to be in 2nd grade but is on a 1st grade level because he isn't a great reader and his handwriting is horrible) that I can never spend time or teaching time with is brother. I am getting bitter and angry. I have thought about medication, but honestly I am more of a naturalist and do not want to become dependent upon a chemical. I have also thought about food allergies as I've heard these can cause problems for kids who have ADD. I feed him very healthy. We try and avoid junk and excess sugars. I don't know WHAT to do. I am so beside myself and this is running me into the ground emotionally as well as physically. I have prayed and prayed and just do not know what to do. Any advice is more than welcome!! Thanks for listening!
EVERY child is different, sounds to me at this level he just isn't ready yet.... You may want to research, better late then early.
First, prayers and hugs! I know there are others on this board who have dealt with difficult children, so I hope they have some advice for you. Don't give up. Home with you is where he needs to be. Have you considered having him formally evaluated for ADHD or even Aspergers? I don't blame you for not wanting to give him medication, but it may give you all some relief.
hugs. if you're feeding him a healthy diet, but he's allergic to tomatoes, the diet won't change his behaviour. You might want to try a fail safe type diet as adhd can be triggered by lots and lots of things (it's celery and nuts for me) also, have you tried giving him more choice in what he can do? have you tried to find out his level of knowledge? it's not uncommon for kids to misbehave simply because they are bored or feeling incompetent.
I feel your pain! I have a few children who sound just like your son. I hate to say medicate him if he needs but if I were you I would at least talk to his pediatrician and if medication is what works than so be it. My disclaimer here is that I am very natural in taking care of my kids. I was a firm believer that medication was bad and would only do worse things....then I had my daugther. She was so sweet and nice and then one day pre-puberty hit and she was a hellion. I tried talking to her, giving her lots of praise for the good things she was doing, and trying every natural supplement and diet change I could find. It was to the point the I seriously thought of sending her to school or to live with her grandparents. So grudgingly I took her to Dr. just in case he had any suggestions because I had seriously run out of options. I will say we had been dealing with her horribleness for nearly two years at this point. Her dr. Recommended we try putting her on a super low dose of anti depression/anti anxiety meds. I was VERY VERY hesitant but decided that the worst thing that could happen is she wouldn't change. I was told it would take about 10 days to see any effects. Within 3 days I noticed she wasn't screaming at me all the time. My dh and I both noticed she was more calm and helpful. I was actually shocked that it was working. She has now been on medication for 4 months and it's like I have my daugther back. I share this with you because I have been there. I never in my life thought I would medicate a child but it ended up that she really did need it. Even my daugther says she is happier and feels better about herself and life. Since your dh was medicated as a child I think that would be a indicator that medicine might be what your son needs. It is not an easy decision to make. I know.
If his condition were diabetes, would you be reluctant to give him insulin? Then don't be reluctant to give him whatever med he needs for ADHD. My DS was the most hyper kid I'd ever seen, and I was a school social worker! Ritalin made it possible for us to be in the same room with him. Now his son lives with us most of the week, and Ritalin is making it possible for us to school him, too. We tried herbal stuff, with no change. We tried the new stuff, but this one had no effect, and that one lasted TOO long, so we're on good ol'fashioned Ritalin and we're able to function. Even the 8yo himself realizes that it benefits him and takes it willingly because he knows that he doesn't do well at learning without it. It kicks in in about 40 minutes, and kicks out about six hours later, so he can eat breakfast, have a late lunch after school, and a good supper, and go to bed at a reasonable time. (With his daddy, it would kick in in 30 minutes, kick out about lunchtime, then he would need another dose for the afternoon.) I appreciate wanting to do it all natural, but IF meds are the key, don't be afraid to try them.
Working with an ADD-brained child is exhausting! However, I think they are the ones who perhaps can benefit the most from homeschooling. They aren't made for brick and mortar schools. I think they are generally stunningly brilliant but just can't tap into that brilliance at will. It's like they have wild mustangs in their head, and we just have to help them figure out how to harness those wild animals occasionally. That take patience, time, more patience, more time, lots more time and way more patience. I've found http://www.additudemag.com to be a good source of information and ideas. http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/7042.html talks specifically about homeschooling and ADD.
I want to add that you may want to step back from whatever you are doing school-wise now. I bet you are putting more pressure on yourself and on your son than is necessary. I think that we all do with our first born, first homeschooled child. My suggestion: Do interest-driven school for a while while you research and regroup. Get rid of TV, video games and anything other than text on the computer while you are doing this. I've found that with the numbing option of media is out of the question, then discovering something new about science or history suddenly is much more interesting. Good luck!
I agree with regrouping. My oldest child is a very calm and quite kid, but at that age, school was almost impossible for her. I had to step back and regroup for a while then we got past it. During that time we were still learning, just not in the order that most curriculums were taking things. I found that if I worked with her side by side she would stay engaged. We just stripped down to the basic 3R subjects and I showed videos for history and science and geography at that time. As far as diet goes, I agree you might consider possible allergies. Also look into removing aluminum from the diet, perhaps google this and see what has aluminum in it and take it into consideration. I find that eating more fish and nuts in my diet helps with ADD symptoms as does getting enough b complex vitamins.
All three of my boys are some form of ADD/ADHD, my youngest being the most classic/severe case of the three of them. I am not someone to push medications on anyone and try to find alternatives when ever possible HOWEVER, I agree with Lindina that if his diagnosis was a heart condition or diabetes etc I'm sure you would medicate accordingly. It sounds to me like: 1) You need a definitive diagnosis - suspecting he is ADD/ADHD, while momma's observations are important, isn't a medical diagnosis 2) You can successfully homeschool an ADHD child - I did a couple times with my second son and it was an incredible experience. Sending him back into a school full of vipers was difficult to do but he asked to return so we tried it - he graduates this year. 3) Homeschooling offers flexibility that you willl never get in a public (or private) school setting. You can teach in a way that he doesn't even realize he's doing school work and suits his learning style. It doesn't have to be binders of paperwork. Figuring out his learning style will take some time and then you run with it adjusting as needed (I learned VERY quickly that my son was not a 'sit him in front of papers and expect him to learn' kind of child. He was a hands on learner and once we were able to figure that out.... he excelled). One of the most hated words I heard often while raising each of the boys in their younger years was consistency <ugh>. They need consistent rules, routines, expectations and structure. Set your expectations and don't give an inch. You CAN do this and you CAN be successful at it. Don't give up, don't give in. Public school is a brutal experience for the main stream child - throw a 'special needs' child into it.... viper pit doesn't even begin to describe it. Browse around the site, you will find a wealth of information here and a great group of parents who can (and will) support you along the way. Here's a lighter side of looking at ADHD 1. Lots of energy 2. Willing to try new things - take risks 3. ready to talk, can talk a lot 4. Gets along well with adults 5. Can do several things at one time 6. Smart 7. Need less sleep 8. Good sense of humor 9. Very good at taking care of younger children 10. Spontaneous 11. See details that others miss 12. Understands what it's like to be teased or to be in trouble so are understanding of other kids 13. Can think of different and new ways to do things 14. Volunteers to help others 15. Happy and enthusiastic 16. Imaginative and creative 17. Articulate - can say things well 18. Sensitive and compassionate 19. Eager to make new friends 20. Great memory 21. Courageous 22. More fun to be with then most children or adults 23. Charming 24. Warm and loving 25. Cares a lot about family life
I would get help from somewhere, your doctor, the school district, etc. My now 20 year old ds wasn't diagnosed until he was 10 which I really regret. He has ODD, bipolar disorder, ADD, and sensory integration issues. I just thought it was developmental. It was so exhausting and really hurt our relationship.
Doctors are great for conditions that can be clinically diagnosed, but for ADD/ADHD there's no medical test. They make that diagnosis based on the observation of parents and teachers. So, I'd just add that you need to go to a doctor fully informed, ready to be an equal partner in devising a care plan. Doctors are experts in medicine; you are an expert on your child. Use the "professionals" as a resource. Also, before you attempt to get a formal diagnosis, you should research what that would mean under your homeschool laws where you live. If you want services from your school district, it's necessary, but you might also be giving up some autonomy in your homeschooling. I THINK that in PA, if you have a LD diagnosis, then you must have an IEP, and I know that your evaluator must be either special ed certified or specifically approved to do special ed evaluations.
Talk with Melinda Boring at www.headsupnow.com She has homeschooled three children, two of which are ADD/DH. She is also a speech therapist. Her site has all kinds of useful information, she speaks at the homeschool conference in Ohio, and writes articles about it. Send her an email, and she might have some ideas for you.
