I have been homeschooling my 2 boys for the last 2 yrs. I have an high functioning autistic 15yr old who just seems to be stuck. He reads at about a 4th/5th grade level. Math is hard for him, he can't memorize multiplication. With math we are stuck with multiplication and division, he kind of gets fractions, is ok with place value to an extent. He has problems with counting money etc. He is also very bad with spelling, writing, can't remember what an adverb, noun, adjective etc. are from 1 day to the next. I have a 9yr old (4th grade) that is reading at 6th/7th grade level, wonderful with math. Pretty good with spelling, likes to write stories, loves to read. My older son gets frustrated because his much younger brother can do things he can't. Gets upset and yells at younger brother, yells at me etc. because he can't do this or that. Younger brother gets upset with older brother for yelling at mom. Tells him he's "being stupid" or says things like "we can't help it that your stupid" or "its not our fault your stupid, don't get mad at us". I have tried to explain to younger son that he can't call his brother stupid, its not nice, it hurts his feelings. Younger brother doesn't seem to understand. He says well what am I supposed to say? Sometimes younger brother is in a good mood and tries to be nice and help older brother with trying to understand things... usually older brother gets frustrated and upset because younger brother can do things that he can't and he feels bad that he can't do it. Some times it ends up that older brother is trying but can't understand certain things and younger brother gets frustrated because he can't understand why older brother doesn't understand it because its easy for younger brother. How do I explain to the younger one about why the older one doesn't understand some things. How do I explain to the older one why younger one can do more things than he can? Its all so frustrating. I feel bad for my older son. I don't know how to get him unstuck and to understand more. I don't know if he can get unstuck and understand more. I'm afraid he may have just gotten to a point where he can only understand so much and he may not progress more. When he was in public school it wasn't any better. He has learned a lot since I've been home schooling them but certain things just seem too hard for him to understand.
HELLO!! Let me tell you, I was in the same boat quite a few years ago. Take a cuppa, sit back and relax...this is going to be a long story. Once Upon a time in a land in NW Missouri...lol I have an autistic brother who is 2 years younger than me. He is by NO means high functioning, and when my parents can't care for him anymore then he will come into my home with my family and I will care for him. I never remember a time when I didn't know that my brother was special. My mom was ALWAYS speaking to me about it. I'm thankful she did. Having a brother with autism taught me compassion and patience. Let me tell you, I got FRUSTRATED with him and embarrassed by him MANY a time, so I know how your younger son feels. It's hard being a sibling to an autistic child. I always felt that my younger brother got EVERYTHING! He got McDonalds when he asked for it, if he threw a fit in the store then he got what he wanted, he got to be in FUN special Olympics and I never got to do anything like that and the only thing fit throwing in the store got me was a butt beating! lol However, I have received priveleges that he will never get: I get to drive a car, expressed my love for another and got married and had the blessing of having children, I got to go to college, and if I wanted to I could get a job that could pay me more than the shelter workshop pays him for his job. If I could speak to your younger son, I would say, "Listen here, sonny...Your brother is NOT stupid, he thinks DIFFERENTLY than you do. He is a person. Treat him like a person who matters, and not like something lesser. It's valiant and respectable to help your brother with daily activities and school work. You have no idea how much this will mean to him, and can only deepen the bond between you. What will happen, young man, when you get married one day and have children of your own and one of them has autism? Can't happen to you? It happened to me. I have a 24 year old autistic brother, and a 5 year old son who has autism. Would you believe me if I told you that having an autistic brother prepared me for having a son of my own with autism? I never would have survived had it not been for my brother. God works in mysterious ways, honey, and sometimes it's unclear to us why we have to live like we do and in the circumstances he puts us in. Trust in the plan. There is a reason. Having a brother with autism hurts sometimes, but having a son with it is a different kind of feeling. It's difficult. Very difficult sometimes, and I KNOW you know that. I struggle with teaching Patryk's (my autistic son) 2 other brothers about his disability, like your mom struggles teaching you about your older brothers disability. Trust me, it's difficult for her too. Showing patience and understanding goes a long way in improving things. I encourage you to go to youtube.com and to look up speeches given by a fabulous lady named Temple Grandin. She also has a movie about her life out now, but I want you to look up her speeches specifically. She speaks about what it is LIKE to have autism! Please look these up so you can more understand how your brother views life. It is a huge step to understanding how your brothers brain works! I hope this helps things! Remember, your brother will always be with you, and even though he is older than you, I KNOW he looks to YOU for encouragement!" As far as explaining to the older brother why his younger brother understands things better: Does your older son know he has autism? I ask this because I met a family who had an autistic daughter and never told her she was autistic so it caused a ton of problems I wont even go into. That's step one. Can he tell you how he thinks? Have you had conversations about HOW he actually perceives things? I'm asking because when we found out Patryk had autism we told him immediately, even though he was only 18 months when he was diagnosed. When he was older he would get upset because he "just didn't understand" a certain thing and he explained to him, "Well, son, you have autism and it might be difficult for you to get this right away. How can I help you understand? What does it mean to you RIGHT NOW?" Asking questions goes a long way. Quiz him if it wont frustrate him too much. Tell him that you want to understand each other. Is it possible he knows the material, but doesn't know how to explain it back to you, or splash it down on paper? I know Patryk is silly because he knows how to read. He really does, but he REFUSES to read to me. He throws a HUGE fit telling me "I don't know! I don't understand!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" But when I am trying to covertly suggest a special dinner and spell out the words, "F-r-I-e-s" "m-c-d-o-n-a-l-d-s" "n-u-g-g-e-t-s", "o-v-e-n", "c-h-e-e-s-e" or whatever...he will PROMPTLY say, "We're getting MCDONALDS?! YYAAAAAYYYYYY!!!" See, he hears it being spelled, puts those letters together, identifies their letter sounds, and reads the word in his head. Boom. Viola. Only. When. It. suits. Him. Little stinker. Not saying your son does this, I'm just saying it's something to consider. DO as many practical applications of the material as you can. You're trying to teach him money? Let him count out the money at the grocery store. Clerk gives you a dirty look because he's taking so long? Forget 'em. Let the boy work. Have a family store to teach him money, if that works for you. Things are always going to be difficult for him. Work on Life skills. Skills he is going to need for going out on his won, OR for being as independent as possible. I think at his age that is really key! Give him some priveleges! For instance, if he wants to learn money then he can buy his own things and use his own money, but first he has to learn to count the money. Gives him something to look forward to. Well, my baby just woke up, I'm sure I'll have more to say!!! I always do! Private message me if you want, if you have any questions I'll be more than happy to answer them!
I've been thinking about your post all week. I have no experience with autism. However, your first paragraph described my dd. We gave up on the facts and gave her a TI 30 calculator. She can do everything she needs with that. She also has a 15x15 multiplication chart that she keeps on her desk in a clear plastic 8 x 10 picture frame. She uses that for factoring. We are using teaching textbooks and are up to algebra 1. I do have to sit with her and help her. She feels good that she is on the same level as her twin brother! She can't remember anything about grammar! I have her doing Easy Grammar's 180 Daily Teaching Lessons (9th grade). Surely repetition will eventually help! She does that on her on. I think the book says 9th grade on it, so she feels happy to be on grade level. Since your ds is 15, find out what he wants to do. Will he be able to go to college? What does his future hold? Go from there and work toward that goal. Also, we banned the word "stupid" in our house (unless you are referring to the dogs!). We just made sure that she and her brother understood that her brain works differently and that is the way God created her. The response from meg was great! Prayers to you as you try to sort it all out!
Love to hear you share your story Meg2006. You both have a hard journey. Praying dandrews, that your sons will grow together in time, and that you will have the instinct you need (and the strength/energy) to navigate the road ahead with them.
