So my granddaughter just turned 7 in first grade. Her parents (my DD and SIL) have a couple reasons why they won't consider homeschooling: 1) they feel public school is soooo much better, because of the wide variety of people she'll be socialized with; 2) she's in French immersion; 3) they both work and need to work. DGD was having trouble with math, so the school provided RTI (intervention - aka math tutor) and she got better, worked up from an F to a C. Ok, so she has adding. Now the class is on subtraction. And of course, they're doing that stupid Common Core from EngageNY that first graders from NY to CA are going home crying about. Not only do you have to read and interpret the word problem, you have to draw a picture, make a ten group, then write number sentences that get you from there to the answer. Six problems take her an hour or more. Then there are the skill sheets that are just pages of 30 facts. Mama and daddy have to tag-team to get it done, because each of them gets so frustrated with her that it becomes undoable. Mama was a child who things just always came easy for, so she has no frame of reference from which to work "difficult". Daddy was a child for whom nothing came easy, but he has a low a tolerance for frustration as Mama. He has no insight such as "this is what worked for me so let's try this." And sometimes the child is so frustrated that she just shuts down and won't do anything. If she fails math, she will be put out of the French immersion program. Since the whole school is immersion programs, she will have to go to another school that they're actually zoned for, which is a "the pits" school. When they bought their house, they thought they would never have to worry about school districts because they didn't think they would ever get pregnant. So if she fails math, she has to change schools, and DD says they'll just have to move to a better school district. To complicate things further, the child is being bullied at school. There's this one jerk kid in the class who has pushed her down at recess, and generally intimidates her. When he has hit her, she has hit him back, and either both or neither of them got into trouble for it. Last week, he invaded her space enough that she felt threatened, so she punched him in the eye, earning herself a half-day in-school suspension. Her anxiety leads her to put things in her mouth, so she has her school supplies put up in the classroom and has to ask for what she needs specifically: eating paper, swallowing erasers, and such. When anxious, she tends to "hide" under her desk, then when the teacher tried to pull her out from under it, she flailed arms and legs and head... Which has now, after punching the kid, earned her a referral to a child psychologist "to acquire some tools for how to handle bullies" (because what she's been advising the child is apparently not working: ignore him, move away from him, hit him back IF he hits you first, tell the teacher), and a referral to her physician to determine whether there's some medical reason for her to eat non-food items. First thing her doctor asked was "is she being bullied?" Gee, ya think??? My DD says she kind of understands this bully, because he has two professional parents and three older siblings who beat the snot out of him regularly. SO WHAT??? So refer HIM to the child psychologist!!! Oh, but he's "not disruptive" in class. Instead, he harasses my granddaughter so that SHE becomes disruptive! Who has the problem here??? And there are TONS of people who grew up with two professional parents and older sibs, who are NOT bullying kids smaller than they are. My daughter agrees with me, but feels like she can do nothing against the system. I've suggested that DD buy me a house in their neighborhood, and I'll homeschool her until she's more mature and better able to handle the "socialization" of school. (yeah, right) I've suggested that we arrange something like our DGS is doing - spend two weeks with us at a time and go home alternate weekends. (yeah, equally right) I just don't think my DGD ought to be designated "the sick one" in the class and have to be the one seeing a child psychologist and a doctor. If it keeps on this way, she'll end up on anti-anxiety meds and who knows what else. Ok, if you've read this far, you're a brave soul. Pray for us, or send positive thoughts our way, or whatever. Thank you.
How sad for her and for all involved! I am praying! Is there a way you could provide the support and resources for her parents to homeschool her from where you live
Wow.. what a mess! That poor little girl! Where is your daughter? Maybe we have homeschooling friends who could help her somehow? I know most states you can only homeschool your own kids... but what the district doesn't know can't hurt them ya know.
Your post makes me want to cry and makes me furious all at once. Our system is so broken. I am grateful everyday that I am able to homeschool (even though obviously some days are better than others) but totally understand it is not always an option and it breaks my heart we are failing so many kids. I wish I really had some advice but all I have to offer are (hugs) and prayers.
I remember dealing with that kind of thing in school...I must admit I still resent that my mom didn't pull me out and help me! Yes she went to the school, to get told the same as your dd. And to have the staff laugh at me! I remember once the principal (yeah right pal!) said he is doing it because he "likes" you. And I said, well can you tell him to stop "liking" me like that. I don't like it! And she laughed and laughed, and said Heather you are so silly! I did NOT think I was being silly. I wish I could see her face to face today and punch her in the gut and then say, it's because I "like" you! And smile, and laugh when she complains! Or maybe knock some of her teeth out like the boy did me (knocked three of my perm teeth out!), and then smile and say I like you! UHG! Makes me mad, to even remember my childhood because of it. I had to go to school with that kid from K till 9th grade! GRRRRR!
Thank you for prayers, hugs, positive thoughts. I wish there were some way I could homeschool her! But her parents are "philosophically opposed" to homeschooling, because public school "offers more opportunities" to be involved in a more diverse group of people, yada yada yada. The Big thing is, they both have to work. They have to work similar hours, so "tag-teaming" won't work. I wonder how long it will take them to get it, that public school is not good for everybody and is detrimental to some. I believe that this baby has not had time to mature out of her prematurity at birth. There's a common belief that premies are "grown out of it" by the time they are five. LIE! She has NOT outgrown it yet. If ever the "hot-house homeschooler" SHOULD apply, it should apply to her! Let her get stronger before she has to get planted outside, so she can prevail over all the environment brings to bear against her.
I have thought about your poor granddaughter several times today. My heart just breaks for her. At 6 she had no idea the world can be any different and that's just sad. My prayers for you, her, and her parents again tonight.
That is just heartbreaking to read about. I can't imagine how you must feel having to live it. Children shouldn't be "thrown to the wolves."
I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles your dgd. It makes me wonder what it will take for her parents to realize their child is in pain and struggling. Oh and yes, I am frustrated to hear the bully getting away with the harassment. Zero tolerance is a joke. I don't know who the schools are kidding. It's more like zero tolerance for the victim. My friend's daughter had a boy harassing her in school, as well. My friend went around and around with the teacher and principal to no avail. My friend's daughter was suspended a day for hitting the boy (after he hit her, but the teacher didn't see that). She was told to move her daughter to another class or to another school altogether. Why should she have to move her life? She's the victim! She was also told the bully had a "rough homelife", like that was supposed to make everything ok. Anyway, it went on for the better part of the school year, then the boy moved away. Did my friend think about homeschooling? No, "there's more opportunities in public school". Sheeze! Anyway, hope things ease up on your dear little one.....
How can one be "philosophically opposed" to doing what is best for your child? I LOVE homeschooling, but if I thought public school were best for my kids, that's where they'd be. As a parent I've changed a LOT of what I thought because my kids made me change the way I thought about stuff, to do what was best for them!
Mom 2 3: you said "zero tolerance for the victim" and you are RIGHT!!! While I was walking my brother to the special needs bus after school, a girl caught me in the hall and asked me if I was going to the "veggie van". I didn't answer, so she proceeded to yell, "veggie van, veggie van" across the school. I know teachers were watching because they looked sad! I finally had enough and turned around and pushed her. Nt the best, but I'd had enough. I told my parents about it and they went to the school, but they were told that I was in trouble for pushing her, no matter what she said I was just supposed to ignore it. This same girl has an autistic son of her own, but had a "mental breakdown" because of it and the child is in the care of her aunt now, I think. Sad. I have been praying for your dgd! How sad!!!!
They ARE doing what they think is best for her. They both came up in public school, and are still bought into the public school mentality. I don't know what it will take for them to change their minds. All my DD saw of homeschooling when her brother was hs was that he was not mixing with other kids all the time. She wasn't here -- she had already gone to public boarding school for gifties when we started homeschooling him. She didn't see that the friends he had while in school were the friends who still came around to visit and "hang". The others weren't his friends. If she and he ever talked about it, I'm sure he complained no end because he didn't like school of any kind... So she has no really good frame of reference. She should, though, because her first college roomie had been homeschooled all the way through high school, and she was not "odd" or anything, although at that time, it was still illegal to homeschool in her home state. The girl often talked about things she got to do, like be a candystriper at the hospital, clubs and such that she and her friend had to be careful talking about because it was illegal to homeschool. DD's husband has no other frame of reference than public school, but he doesn't blame the school for his school difficulties, but himself. So of course it won't be that way with his child.... >sigh<
Thank you all for all the prayers, good wishes, positive thoughts, etc. All I can hope for at this point is to have the child come stay for a few days here and there through the summer, so I can offer her some respite from the anxiety she lives with and goes to school with. Maybe we can do some "summer school" that she will like doing (feel confident with), that she will beg her mom and dad to come live with Grandma and Pa-pa and do school with us!
That's terrible to hear. I'm so glad she has your unconditional love and support though. Every child in the world needs a grandmother like you!