I am looking for any type of feedback. I'm just very worried and trying to gather all the info I can. I'll try to make it short. I am pretty sure my son has undiagnosed tourettes with adhd and possibly depression. He has had very mild ticks off and on for several years. This year they have increased in type and frequency. Right now he is whisper repeating his own and others words, toe walking, rapid eye blinking and having twitches in his cheek and legs. Most of these are daily, repeating himself is almost constant. He doesn't have anything at this point that I would consider a distraction to others during class. He is very bright but also very unorganized and unfocused. I have tried everything I know to help him. These seem to also wax and wane with the tics. He is also very introverted. Everything he does (sports, scouts, etc.) we have to MAKE him join. He has no friends with the exception of those he connects with online (previously went to school with). He has very low self-esteem. And I am very worried if he tries and fails it will crush him but if he succeeds it will give him enormous confidence. He would be in 9th grade. We have been homeschooling since 5th grade. Why am I thinking about sending him to high school. At the beginning of this year (before the tics increased), we started discussing that if he wanted to go back, this would be the year. DH is very concerned with him not associating with other kids and so pushed him toward going back. Ds decided he wanted to try. Now the tics, ds still wants to go back. DH and I are not so sure. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Debbie
My first inclination is "why" would you do that!!! ???? I reread a few times and see that he wants it. Hmmmm….you might want to consider getting the tourrettes diagnosed. My nephew has tourrettes. The medications available today are more effective and work well on controlling the tics and such. I'm normally totally NOT for meds, personally, but I feel there are certain disorders that are real, not over-diagnosed, where medication IS the right course of action. Putting him in HS, with this stuff going on, is going to make him a target for emotional and physical bullying, in my opinion (and only MY opinion, so take it for what that's worth). I'm just trying to be very honest, and what I would do in your situation. Hope that you find answers.
My spouse has many Tourette's like symptoms. They were well managed by one of his meds as a side effect actually ,but unfortunately that med put him into having parkinsonism symptoms also. Due to other diagnoses that override the Tourette's symptoms we do not treat it specifically. I say this because for some people the symptoms you mention are well managed with medication, even if you have to try a few to find it. I am not for jumping into meds for children either, but if a med during the most formational years of ones life could make the difference between being set up for success socially, academically, and economically for life I would consider it. Getting through school, getting a degree or career skills and certifications are all processes that are one size fits all. Being socialized and able to interact with others is also important for employment success. Once a person is through the cookie cutters and has their career job and is settled then they can use extra time and effort to make up for any differences they have and perhaps use coping skills to do without meds. High school and college are perhaps the hardest time in life to have differences.
Krista Thank you and that is exactly what I'm looking for...opinions and maybe things I haven't thought about. I guess I'm not sure it is "his" decision. He looks to DH for praise and acceptance so when DH wanted him to go back, I don't know if that's why. He does seem lonely sometimes though. As for meds, we haven't bothered trying to get him diagnosed figuring since he's home, we didn't want meds unless it became really bothersome or embarrassing to him. Also hoping the symptoms will lessen as he gets older. I'll be completely honest in telling you "I" do not really want him to go back. I want to protect him from every bad influence but I can't be there forever either. I just think it would be easier in the adult world than in school. DH is on the fence now and leaning to homeschool. Thank you again. Debbie
Vantage, Thank you. I shared both responses with DH. He is very adamant that he doesn't want ds on meds if at all possible. DS doesn't really have a problem getting along with people. It's more the motivation to do anything. Once we make him join something, he seems to get along well with others. He just has no interest in keeping in touch with them. We have pretty much given up on pushing college for him, in the near future, because we can want him to do go from now till the cows come home but if he lacks the motivation to do it, he just won't succeed. We are trying to get him focused on something interesting to him no matter what that may be. Lack of motivation is an issue. I don't know if meds would help with that. Would you happen to have an opinion on this? Thanks again Debbie PS. Is lack of motivation normal with tourettes?
I have been thinking about this for a few minutes and I can only share what I think we would do. I know I would not put my child back in school. Pier pressure is an awful thing for a child who is different. (I do have a child with learning differences and social anxiety.) In my opinion, homeschool kids learn and mature free from pier pressure and are generally better equipped to deal with adults in the real world. Some people are just introverts and perfectly happy doing their own thing. The only activity we have forced on our teenage introverts is Wednesday night youth group. Otherwise, it is their choice. With time, love and maturity, they will find their own way and make it just fine. I would have my child formally diagnosed and investigate all the possibilities. Medication, therapy, anything that would be beneficial. Medication is a wonderful gift from God when used for the right reasons and as directed. Finally, on a lighter note, we have 2 teenagers who require constant proding to get them motivated! His lack of motivation may be a teenage boy thing that requires endless patience!!!!! I hope you find a comfortable resolution. Many blessings to you!
Shilman, Thank You! I have been praying, worrying and thinking about this. I am a big believer that things happen for a reason. His tics intensified for a reason this year. The only year we have considered sending him back to PS. Maybe that happened for a reason. I really do not worry about him handling situations in the real world because we have purposely started letting him take care of some of the things we normally would and sometimes I think he handles himself better than adults. As for the motivation, I have watched kids around me take till 20-21 to get motivated to do something with their lives. My nephew is 22 and just started college. In the grand scheme, what's an extra year or two? I think we're going to continue to gently push and prepare him for anything he might like to pick up later. I want him to be happy with what he is doing so if it takes a little longer to find it, so be it. Now, in an ideal world he'll change his mind and want to continue homeschooling without it being something we are making him do. Thanks to all you guys, I am much more peaceful than I have been in a long while. Debbie
When I was reading this thread, the first thing I thought of was that tics were increasing because he didn't really want to go to high school. My thought, though, is that as bad as it is to be different in high school, it's even worse to be different in junior high, and he's past that, although some kids carry junior high attitudes with them through adulthood. I, too, think you ought to get him diagnosed, whether you decide ultimately to use meds or not. It could make him eligible for some college money if he eventually decides to go! Look into Vocational Rehab. Kids in England/Europe "normally" take a year off after high school before doing college or whatever. Backpack around Europe, take a trip around the world, do "something else" while they "find themselves", and when they go to university, they're more settled on what they want to study and they get down to it and do it. Just a few thoughts.
I don't really take much time anymore to stop in at the spot, but decided to today and was happy I did when I saw your post. We sought a TS diagnosis for my son (9) around 2 years ago. We choose not to medicate because he has a very mild case. Tics are rarely painful and wax and wane frequently enough that we know if something is a nuisance to give it around a month and it will hopefully go away. Tics can actually increase with both worrying about things, but also excitement. I joke that my son could never be a professional poker player because when he gets excited is when we tend to see the tics. Weather, illness, and puberty are also things that can play a factor in increases in tics. I personally saw no problem in getting a diagnosis. We have always homeschooled so we did not think about it from that perspective, but it really helped me to have that confirmation. It has also helped me because I have been able to find resources and a support system. I like to know that if things ever escalate, I have a place to turn when I need help. We see a neurologist once a year just to keep an eye on things. We went to a counselor for a few months last year just because the anxiety and OCD were so bad and my son wanted help and we did not want to medicate. It was enough to help him until things improved enough that he felt he no longer needed the counselor. My favorite resource is on Facebook, a group called TIC Talk (For parents, kids and adults with TS). If you are on Facebook, you really should check it out. There are so many posts that you (well, at least I) look at and think that it describes my son exactly and that there is one more "thing" that is attributed to TS. Our first eye opener was filling out a checklist at: http://www.tourette.ca/learn-diagnoses.php . There were many things that began to make sense. Please, feel free to message me if you have any other questions that you would like to ask me personally. There are days where we hate Tourette's, but mostly we embrace it as our challenge in life and thank God that it is not worse.
I don't think that lack of motivation is specifically a tourettes symptom. It may be a symptom of being a hormonal teen. It may be a symptom of being depressed, or over stressed by life in general. Tourettes symptoms could be part of such a scenario. I was not saying anyone would rush to meds, but I have seen situations where a kids life was devastatingly a mess until they were on meds. Where family members and spouses were at odds with each other over what seemed an uncontrollable situation. Where relations with friends and in laws were severed. You always wonder about the broken family ties etc, and whether or not things would or could have been different with meds. You never know via the internet where someone really is and if meds are an appropriate options. That is why I don't jump on the NO meds band wagon. I also know from experience that there are people in the world that are mentally ill. Its not fun when it hits close to home, but it does happen. Many learning differences, and social differences are the first signs that someone is on a spectrum. As to the natural remedy thing, just love it when people I know tell me that I should try different food options here in my house, and that eating organic, or gluten free, or vegan, or macrobiotic, or............ would fix my spouse. If he did not take meds we would not be an intact family, it is manageable with meds, even if not great. Don't people think that I have tried these things? My favorite is having people offer me a copy of the 5 lanquages of love. Or of those stupid syrupy "Christian" movies like "Fireproof". I will ask the next one "what language of love are you exhibiting by offering me this stupid book?" I think that ninth grade, assuming he is close to on grade level for his age, is a bit early to expect motivation toward making something of himself. However if there is a lack of motivation toward life in general I would be worried. If lack of motivation toward the adult world is the greatest worry, I would not seek medical help. Boys this age are often a little dull, socially and motivationally. They often sleep more, daydream a lot, and are having emotional and physical changes like no other time in their lives. Does he have activities that he enjoys and looks forward to. Does he have friends he interacts with regularly? If you choose to keep him homeschooled , and are not seeing college in his future, consider using the next years to get him ready for the work world. At the same time it is very important he have a social outlet. He just cannot talk about girls with his parents etc. LOL Maybe find him part time jobs outside the house where he can be mentored in work ethics, as well as skills. This will also give him social interaction. Even flipping hamburgers would be a good thing. Consider teaching consumer and business math lessons instead of algebra and the like. Consider also statistics, and bookkeeping and payroll. Even learning to use a program like quickbooks using the sample business data might be quite educational. Order the booklets for sales and employment taxes for your state and learn the how to's of this. All of the above would prepare him to be useful to and understanding of entrepreneurs. Even having him participate in JA or creating a micro business and running it properly through a bookkeeping program might be good. Worse case, you will have a college student that understands how the real world works before hand instead of after.
Thanks you guys. Just a few random thoughts on the last few posts. We are going to go ahead and take him to the Dr. to start the process. Because of insurance reasons, I can't get it started till June. I'll just keep a log of things until then. I pondered the idea that going back to PS is the cause of the increase in tics. That led to the question...What is going to show up when he heads to class? New or worse tics. Bullying? More tics. Sounds like a vicious cycle I don't want to start. We've decided he's staying home. AZ- Thank you so much for responding. I just might take you up on your offer to msg if I have questions later. I will check out the Tic Talk on facebook. Vantage - I also do believe meds are necessary and the only thing that will help for certain things and that certainly may be something we have to consider in the future depending on where this thing goes. I'm very sorry you have people judge you for the meds. THAT IS TERRIBLE. I'm really not a "no medication" type of person and do not believe I can sit in judgment of anyone. I am not in their situation or their body. I've just heard so many bad side effects to the ADHD and Tic meds that if things can get better on their own and it just takes a while, I can wait. Lack of motivation is towards anything! That is the most worrisome. Maybe seeing a counselor as AZ said. He is still a little young to get a job but I have mentioned that in a few years he needs to get one. We own a business so he is very aware of a lot of business practices. I think I will teach him more though (taxes, payroll, invoices, advertising.) We were thinking along the same lines for the school. Thanks you guys Debbie
Hopefully you will be in a better position to plan and make decisions once you have collected medical information. Is this young man getting enough sleep? Do you have monitors on the computer? The TV, Phone? is it possible he is staying up playing all night. I highly recommend using some parental software for this age group, if only on a spot check basis. I used to do computer consulting and one of the things I did was help parents and employers know what was going on with their computers.
