Here's the story. She's an October birthday, but she started Kinder when she was 4 going on 5. So she's always the youngest in her grade. (she's homeschooled, but I mean that when we do co-ops or she takes classes, etc, she's the youngest). She is currently 14 and in 9th Grade. She's very motivated, driven and responsible. I give her a schedule of work to work on, she gets up every morning and works on it as soon as she is finished breakfast - no nagging, no begging, no tears. If she runs into a problem or needs help, she comes to me for it. She takes a few outside classes (from our co-op and Science, etc). She is very diligent in her work in those classes, never needs to be reminded of the deadlines, if I mention it, her response is "It's done" or "Let me show you". I compiling her transcript for her evaluation (we are in PA, lovely state with lots of hoops), I realized that she has legitimately earned 8 credits this school year. In looking at next year, she will again earn 8 credits. In PA, you only need 21 credits to graduate. And even with our diploma program (if we continue with them), she needs 23. She already knows what she wants to do for a living, she wants to go to Culinary School and become a chef. As a family (well, hubby, myself and her) we sat down the other day and she mentioned wanted to graduate early. I get nervous about her being 16 going on 17 and entering the "real world". I mentioned that, and she felt like she wouldn't want to rush right into Culinary School, but more than likely, want to work for a year, earn some money, etc. My husband is totally gung-ho. I'm not sure!!! LOL Would love opinions!!!!
Many students take a "gap year", and often schools encourage that. I'd be nervous, too, but it could be an excellent idea. Only you and your husband knows just how mature she is, but if the maturity is there, I think it'd be an excellent idea. Or could she take PSEO classes and get some college credit for free?
Kids are all unique. If she's motivated and getting her requirements done, I personally see no reason to hold her back. My other suggestion would be to get her enrolled now in one or two classes per week offered by a culinary school (or even a cooking class at a community college)...if she has the extra space in her schedule, she could explore the career to be certain it's a good fit...while maintaining her option to do something more traditional if it isn't a good fit. https://www.scholarships.com/financ.../scholarships-by-major/culinary-scholarships/ ^Here are some culinary scholarships to explore. She should start taking tours of culinary schools she's considering attending, and talk to the counselors about possible work opportunities if she wants to take a year off, or even study part time while working. She should talk to students and get advice. Sometimes culinary schools have contacts with better restaurants that will hire culinary students for prep work (terrific learning opportunity, too! They will likely have access to much richer learning work environments than she's likely to find on her own) Some AMAZING books for a kid interested in Culinary Arts: ALL of the Alton Brown Good Eats books. They're brilliant. They break down the science involved in different cooking processes, so you know not only how to do it, but why it works, and how you can modify it with success. Great techniques taught in a fun approachable way...that is extremely informative, but not too technical. Really awesome reads! She could also look into working for someone involved in hospitality...a caterer, a cake designer, bed and breakfast, etc. Sounds like a motivated, organized young woman with mature self-discipline. The world is her oyster! Good luck!
http://www.gatewaygourmet.com/cooking_schools_pennsylvania.htm This page has a list of culinary schools in PA. (Be sure to go all the way down to the bottom...there are more schools there) There's some good advice about all sorts of questions...financial aid, degrees-vs-certificates, cooking/chef -vs-baking/pastry....lots of great stuff.
Krista, my son decided he was done and went and took his GED a whole year before his ps classmates graduated, and went to culinary school for awhile. Turned out he wasn't suited to the classroom/book work that was required, so he left (he could have done it but wasn't interested enough in it at the time). He worked in several kitchens from fine dining to fast food, then went in a completely different direction. I say let her graduate early, whether or not she takes a "gap year", so she can get on with her life! IF all 3 of you think she is mature enough.
Thanks CrazyMom for all those links! We will pour over those and pull out info. We are blessed with one of the local community colleges having an enviable culinary school program in them. I am thinking of arranging a tour of the facility and program with the explanation that she's not ready YET. By train, she could get to several good schools also. She does intend to live at home, she herself admits that she's not ready to live on her own. Thanks, everyone, for the feedback. Both she and my husband are 100% sure. I'm the holdout. Not sure how much of it is that she's growing up just a little too fast for me!!!! Sigh. I do wish, somedays, that she was still in 1st grade. HA HA HA HA!!!!
Oh man...with my daughter going away to college this fall...I totally hear you about wishing they could be in 1st grade again. Life was so much simpler! LOL. I miss it, too. I miss looking at rocks and bugs and making costumes for the cats, and horseback riding lessons, and buying dry ice to make a swamp in the basement with green lights, and construction paper and markers, and bringing home stacks and stacks of books from the kid's section of the library. I miss Charlotte's Web and Ramona and Fudge and the Herdman kids, and Goosebumps and The Magic School Bus, and... *sigh* I was looking at a picture of my daughter at about 7 years old the other day....and I asked her...."What happened to this little girl? Remember her?" She grinned and said, "I ate her." Then she hugged me and promised to call me from college like almost every day (which I don't really expect, but hey, if she's offering...lol) They grow up so darned quick! Your daughter sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. She's going to do great. I was talking to my own mom about this today and she reminded me how much I leaned on her when my daughter was small, how often she babysat, how often she had us over to dinner...and I remembered how much you need your mom at different times in your life. Her advice was pretty good. Enjoy their independence, it means you did a great job and have earned a break. Let them fly, but maintain a soft place to land. Even when their lives get so busy you feel neglected....always remember that someday they're going to be begging for babysitting and calling you up for support and advice. They will NEED you again...lol. And as an added bonus...they'll be mature enough to understand the sacrifices you've made for them and have empathy for you as a parent. Seems like they're leaving, but they're not. They're just finding their own center of strength....and in the long run...you would MUCH rather have kids like that, than kids who are too afraid to leave the nest. My daughter asked me the other day, "What if I totally mess college up and end up coming home and hiding in the basement?" And I said, "Well, I DO have my fingers crossed!" She laughed and said I was horrible, and that she really didn't expect to find herself in that situation...and I admitted, I didn't either. But I said, "Yeah, but isn't it great to know that even the worst case scenario...would make me really happy?" She hugged me. We're doing a lot of that weird...saying goodbye without saying goodbye thing...lately. And sometimes we both burst into tears. And you know...that's totally ok. And then we laugh at our own sappiness...and it's nice. Feels really good. And sad. And funny. And healthy. Maybe we'll even get it out of our system before carrying all her stuff into her dorm? LOL...right! Ack! I digress... Definately take the tours with your daughter. Even if it's a little early, there's so much to think about and consider...so much research to do...it'll really get her thinking. No harm in looking, even if you're just window shopping for now. The more you can research and prepare for the next step...the more the odds will add up on the side of success. Being well prepared and informed is never a disadvantage. Again, best wishes on figuring it out, and good luck to your daughter in all her endeavors.
We purposely kept our sons out of school until they were either 6 or almost 6. I figure that they will have to work for 40-50 years, and pay bills and all that not so fun stuff for the rest of their lives. So I gave them an extra year to just play and be kids. Plus, on the selfish side, it gives me one more year with them at home. PS. My son also wants to go to culinary school and is currently in the 9th grade too.
Thanks My3legacies! Looking back, I wish I'd done that! LOL too late now. Trying to figure out how to redo my son without it looking like he failed a grade! He has a September birthday….and started right before he turned 5. Ugh!! LOL And Crazy Mom, your story sounds so much like ours will be! HA HA HA!!!! My daughter says she doesn't want to move out at all, just be more independent. I'm trying hard to let her go little-by-little. It is so hard, though!!!!
I REALLY didn't expect Elle to be going away to U of M. Just seemed really unattainable and unaffordable...and....terrifying! LOL. I honestly saw her attending community college, or the local state university where she could commute from home. That was MY plan. It was a great plan, too....except that it was MINE...not HERS. LOL. Funny how that happens. (and yes, I MISS my plan! lol) But she worked her butt off for her 3.94 GPA (while taking a total of 6 AP classes!). And she worked her butt off to score well on the ACT. And she worked her butt off writing her essays, and submitting everything by the deadlines...with absolutely zero prompting from me. Essentially, the girl worked so hard....she has no butt left. LOL. I didn't drive it and I didn't interfere. I just stood back and watched for the most part. After she got accepted, and I realized the opportunity she'd earned, I got on board with a massive scholarship hunt. I figured if she could do ALL THE WORK of getting in, I could do everything I could to try to make it happen. It's daunting...but little by little...the numbers are lining up. We're middle class, and I really didn't think she'd be eligible for much help, but you'd be surprised how differently schools treat grants/financial aid. She was accepted at all three schools she applied to. One offered her a full ride (the local one, of course *sigh*) One offered her only $3000 per year, and U of M offered her a grant and work study that would pay about half. U of M had the best programs in her field of study, and it's ranked the 18th best University in the World on this list: http://www.timeshighereducation.co.uk/world-university-rankings/2013-14/world-ranking Other lists rank it differently, but I've never seen it lower than 30...so...wow!....you know? It was an opportunity she couldn't turn down. When we asked her teachers if she should go to U of M at conferences...response was overwhelmingly positive. Her Calculus teacher said it best: "I have never heard of a science grad from U of M who was unemployed." That kinda sold us. We absolutely never saw this coming. But here we are. Life works like that. LOL. Maybe she's meant for things that I never imagined for her. I always thought...she'll be a biology teacher, or a forensic scientist, or something really cool, but normal, you know? And now she's talking about wanting to learn how to sequence the DNA of cancer tumors, so they can target the defect with a drug that does less damage than chemotherapy, and other therapies where you "reprogram" cells to hunt and kill cancer. They're even using a modified hiv virus to cure leukemia in kids now, due to it's ability to target certain cells and replicate. Just some amazing things being done! http://www.miamiherald.com/2013/07/29/3529382/doctors-use-engineered-hiv-to.html ^really cool article Elle just forwarded to me. It's crazy...and it kinda boggles my mind. But I'm incredibly proud. (I'm sorry if I'm getting ridiculous about this...just really really proud) It's so hard to let them grow up though...I totally feel your pain. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball... but in a really positive way? But at the end of the day, she's still my baby...and wow, it can be tough! I soooooooooo feel ya. Best wishes to you and your family!
How interesting!!! So is she going into biomedical engineering or what exactly? She sounds about as dedicated as Rachael. She was offered a half-scholarship at a Christian school in Tennessee which she really wanted, based on grades/ACT. She went to a scholarship competition weekend there, hoping to increase it, but didn't. So that school was out. She really liked Wright State and they gave her decent scholarships, but Ohio University offered her full tuition based on her ACT score. We visited there, and all three of us (myself, Rachael and DH) liked Wright State better. OU had higher room and board, so we decided it wouldn't be that much more to attend Wright State. It was an excellent choice for her; she loves it there and is thriving. She's hoping for an internship this summer, but doesn't have one yet. Regardless, she'll be staying there, because the lease on the apartment runs through the summer.
Right now, her official major is cell and molecular biology for her BS (emphasis in genetics). But she could go on to get her masters in Biomedical Engineering. (U of M has an excellent department) Depends a bit on where life takes her, and if we can figure out how to fund grad school. Uggh! But right now, she sounds awfully certain she wants to continue on, and as long as her grades are good, U of M provides very generous support and job opportunities to keep you in the fold. It will also help when she no longer has to include our financial info on her FASFA at age 24. She's in contact with the Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program right now, trying to integrate her work-study with research. Really crossing our fingers that this comes through for her. How cool would it be to get paid for getting college credit? Beats working in the cafeteria...lol...which she would gladly do to help pay her bill. I guess we'll learn as we go! That's sort of been my experience with this kid so far...I stand back and learn. LOL. What is Rachael studying at Wright? What year is she in? How did you handle those first few weeks after she left? I'm really hoping I'm getting most of the tears out now so I can behave like a properly excited supportive mom when the time comes...but man, I'm scared I'm gonna mess it up and cry like a loon. LOL. Ya can't win. Does it get easier? Do you talk to her a lot? I can just see myself obsessing, wondering if she's safe and what she might be doing...and I REALLY don't want to be THAT mom, you know? LOL! I really, really HATE this. (and love it and am excited and insanely proud...but ugh, it's HARD!) Any advice how to get through the first weeks?
Rachael's Senior year she took classes PSEO. Then she ended up at Wright State in Electrical Engineering. She's finishing up her second year there, but she's like one class short of being Senior due to the PSEO classes. She's thinking of going right into a MA; I guess there's a way of taking graduate classes your senior year for undergrad cost (!!!). Add a very serious boyfriend to the mix, who lives in the Dayton area when he's not at school in Georgia. Though this summer will be spent in northwestern Ohio at the camp we do AWANA Camp at. He'll be graduating I think the end of next year, and they are talking marriage eventually, though they are not engaged. I was good with her going, but I really do miss her terribly. Part of it was she was REALLY ready, and the PSEO classes cemented that, for both of us. And there were many families in the Dayton area that she knew well from AWANA camp, such as her sweetie's family (though they were "just friends" that first year, and he was still there.) But anytime things might get rough, she was welcome in a half-dozen homes. I got a FB message one day, "Oh! Your daughter and I had a lovely time the other day making cookies!" from one of her friend's mom (whom I only know through FB.) And she's only an hour away. We also message a good bit on FB. I may have mentioned while we were looking at colleges. She took Calc PSEO at a community college. Carl, a math/science geek, was concerned it wouldn't prepare her adequately for what she'd need to know at a university. When we visited Ohio University, he asked the head of the engineering department about that. This guy asked Rachael where she went to High School. "I'm homeschooled." Up to this point the man was friendly and polite. When he heart this, his demeanor changed. He became VERY respectful and replied, "Oh, you'll have no trouble then. Homeschoolers know what they need to do and aren't afraid to do it." WOW!!! From the head of the department at a State university!!!
Rachael sounds very ambitious, and like a girl who knows what she's doing! So cool that she got the jump start with the PSEO....what a great advantage. Really hope she gets those grad classes at undergrad costs...that would sure help! Wouldn't she be going for a Masters of Science (MS) rather than a Masters of Arts (MA)? Here, engineering would be an MS. Maybe it's different there? It's really wonderful to hear how positive the Ohio University engineering dept. head was about homes school! We've had really positive experiences talking about it, too. Once again, Elle only home schooled through seventh grade....but we've been pleasantly surprised that her having been an Unschooler has raised more sincere curiosity than skeptical eyebrows....which is pretty cool, since for a while Unschoolers were thought to be pretty radical. (read nutty) LOL. Ah...the Boyfriend! They complicate things, don't they? Elle has had a high school boyfriend for two years. Something I'd ordinarily frown on...but they are such good friends...they communicate and look out for each other. He's a really good kid, too. Not as motivated as Elle, but very bright! He's going to Michigan State...and they've decided against doing the long-distance relationship thing....which is really wise IMO. They both need to date more people, put their educations first, and enjoy some independence. But you know, I wouldn't even be surprised if this kid turns up again down the road. They've already promised to see each other over breaks, even as good friends, and I'm sure they'll keep in touch. But it's good to see both of them talking about needing some time to grow, and it's also good they're going to different colleges. They're going to prom next week...for the second year. You never forget your first love. And sometime...you never know...if it's meant to be...stranger things have happened than meeting up again in a few years when you're more prepared for a serious relationship! But when you're 17 and in love...parting is such a tragedy. I keep asking Elle..."Am I gonna wake up to a phone call in the middle of the night that the two of you have eloped?" She laughs and says, "Not a chance. That boy needs to learn to do his own laundry, load a dishwasher and figure out his major. If he gets done cooking, and it becomes a threat, I'll let you know." I really hope she waits on any serious relationship commitments until she's done with her education. She's driven enough...I'm pretty sure she's not going to let anything derail her. It's great Rachael has support away from home, and was ready to go. I think Elle is ready, too. Ah...youth! It's wasted on the young! LOL
You know, it probably is a MS, rather than an MA. That would make more sense. Whatever it is, I think she's going for it! Being good friends now is SO important!!! I've tried to tell the kids at camp to just work on developing FRIENDSHIPS. If something comes out of one later, that's great. If not, you still have an awesome friend. When I was our girls' age, most of my best friends were guys! And that was how it was with Rachael. They've been best friends for several years now, and about a year ago, they decided it was more than that. His mom asked me about two years ago what I thought of their friendship. I told her that I did NOT want to be having this conversation right now, as I didn't want to try and read something into their friendship that wasn't there. But now, there IS something there, lol! She's flying down to Georgia at the end of this semester. His roommate is getting married right after graduation, and she's going with Timothy, then driving with him back to Ohio. She's gotten to know his room/suite mates from skyping. They say Rachael's a real "keeper", because she sends cookies once a month! You daughter sounds just as determined. I've a good friend (one of those guys from high school, lol!) who is a professor in bio-medical engineering at some school in Milwaukee, and we've discussed some of it. Like why wheelchairs for basketball players are designed the way they are, and some stuff dealing with prosthetics. (I taught physically handicapped kids for over ten years, so that's a real interest of mine.) I think the DNA stuff must really be cool!
I so agree about stressing good friendships with potential dating partners. I'm gonna take a leap here...and discuss "The Talk" Sometimes, I think when we talk to our kids about relationships...and the topic of pre-marital sex comes up....it's not enough to just talk about religious conviction. I think we'd be doing ourselves a huge favor if we talked more about practical issues, too. It should be more comprehensive than a public service announcement against teen pregnancy, or a faith-based abstinence lecture. I remember when I talked to Elle about sincerely hoping she waits to have sex....I talked more about the side effects of sex emotionally. How it could complicate her decisions, how it could add stress at a time in her life when she really needs to be able to focus on self. I also talked about how much worse it makes break ups and fights and all the normal stuff that dating couples go through. And how this kinda stress bleeds into your school work, and your support system. Serious boyfriends/girlfriends are hard on other friendships....they don't threaten them, exactly, but they do limit time and common ground sometimes. They remove the need for intimacy with others, and sometimes a best friend feels neglected. You really need your friends at this age. They are so important. Sex is heavy. It makes things very stressful and implies a permanence and seriousness that is really hard to deal with when you're in the position of figuring out your life and making decisions about your future. Not to mention the players involved are inexperienced, and tend to hurt each other...not because they mean to, but because it's a hard time of life to navigate, and learning the give and take of serious relationships isn't an easy skill. I think if we talked more about this practical stuff.....we'd have better conversations, and make more of an impression that we DO understand, and that the caution we express comes from considerations they might never have thought of. I just think it's important that we keep the lines of communication open. Not that this has anything to do with Rachael and Timothy...I digress! But you got me thinking about the friendship issue....and I whole heartedly agree that we should stress communication, commonality and fun in the early relationships. It's a great time to work on those communication skills you'll need later when a relationship takes a more serious direction.
I think it's a fantastic idea. Gap years can be really fruitful if you have some goals and a little bit of structure. Going into another program (if she's sure she wants to do it) can be great too. I have a friend who, like your daughter, was young in her year and skipped a grade. She graduated at 17 and entered an accelerated pre-med program, then the same with med school. She's 24 now and already doing her rounds in the hospitals.
I agree with it not being enough to say "God says so!" for most kids! I'm all for them learning the ramifications of sex outside of marriage. When God says no, he has a very good reason for saying so!!! I also don't believe the crap that we can't expect teens to be celebrant. The whole premise behind most sex ed programs is that it's "unrealistic" for teens to wait. We tell them "Waiting's nice, but we know that's unrealistic and you're not going to do it anyway, so here's how not to get caught. And don't worry about the emotional and physical consequences!" I EXPECT my kids to wait. And quite often, kids live up to the expectation you have of them. Shoot, Rachael's even more straight-laced than I was at her age!!! I waited, buy only by God's grace! It's also "less threatening" that her sweetie is in Georgia for school, and this summer he'll be working at the church camp, about five hours away from where she'll be. But there's another young lady they both know working at the camp, and the two plan on driving home most weekends. He and Rachael are also talking about meeting at our house occasionally; we're kind of in-between. I'm all for that!
Like a typical unschooler...I don't want Elle to decide not to have sex because I tell her not to (she knows I think it's a bad idea)...I want her to decide not to have sex in college because she's really thought it all the way through and comes to the conclusion herself. I think I'm focusing on the emotional aspect because it really seemed to make the most serious impression with her. She seriously cares for her boyfriend, maybe even loves him, and the idea of hurting him worse when they have to go their separate ways for a while...isn't something she wants to do. She also realized it would be really hard on her, too, and might affect her decisions at a time in her life when she owes it to herself to have the freedom to follow her own path without compromise. Rachael and Timothy sound like they have a wonderful arrangement for people their age. Lots of communication and commonality. It's great that they're on the same page spiritually, too, and both have a sense of community service. I like that they're taking things slow, and nothing is *urgent* you know? That's a good sign they put each other first, and have something really nice.
