Hi all, I'm new here so a little background: I homeschooled my oldest son from K-5th, then put him in a Christian school for 6-8th. He adjusted well, both socially and academically, with some accomodations for his (fairly mild) ADD and auditory processing disorder. He just finished his first semester of 9th grade at a Christian high school known for being tough academically and it is killing him. I'm not exaggerating when I say he has homework in every one of his 7 subjects almost every night. Most nights he has 5 hours of homework. He gets 6-7 hours of sleep a night which is not enough for him- makes him cranky and irritable. Some of this is due to his own slowness in how he studies. We've worked with academic counselors and use a lot of helpful techniques to get him through his work but fact is that the way he's studying works, it's just slower than many kids (he needs to read things more than once for it to stick, and he is terrible at memorizing anything unless he fully understands it first- so no cramming). Most of it is just the incredible amount of work this school requires. Because of our geography, public school is not an option: they are terrible around here, like bottom-of-the-state terrible and physical safety is an issue. There is one other private school the next town over which would be an option but a)I don't think we can afford it and b)It would make for a very long commute every day. My son spends so much time doing homework that he has no time for spending with the family, playing with his brothers, practicing his instrument, or doing much of anything. He plays one sport (track) and that is his only extracurricular- I can't imagine him having any time to take on anything else. When I talk to other parents at the school, the consensus seems to be that, yeah, the kids work really hard! My Johnny is up until 11 or midnight most nights, too! They'll really be prepared for college! I can't bear to see my kid living this kind of life for the next 4 years- all study, no play. I feel like we've stepped on a crazy train we can't find a way off from. Who cares if he graduates at 19 instead of 18? Or takes a 2-month break from math because it's making his head spin? (He's 2 years ahead in math, he can afford it anyway.) My H and I are considering bringing him back to homeschool (there is a really good coop in our area with classes that could supplement) but the catch is: he says he doesn't want to. He complains at night about all the studying, about how the stupid school gives him too much work, about how he doesn't have time for anything- but he enjoys the actual classes (good class discussions, interesting debates) and he especially enjoys being with his friends. He's afraid he'll be isolated, stuck at home with just mom most of the time, no interaction. His fear is based part on reality- During his last 2 years at home (4th and 5th grades) we had just moved and I was not good about getting together with other homeschoolers. He WAS alone a lot during that time and it was hard. I'm committed to making it different this time though and I'm more aware of opportunities. To be clear, he's not actively rebelling against the idea- he's really a very polite and nice boy! I think he would accept it with a grumble if that were our decision, but it's clear his preference would be to stay. Any thoughts on this strange situation?
How often does he spend time with his friends outside of school? What about friends at church? Does he realize he'll make new friends at the co-op?
As a family, you could have a discussion with him to weigh all the pros and cons. Help him see exactly what would and wouldn't change, and then just try it for a semester or a year. If things improve, he'll stay home. If they don't, then at least you tried. It seems to me like he's only learning how to be stressed out. He's not learning "how to learn", and really... college isn't like what you described. (Well... maybe med school is... but not undergrad.) Sure, he might have 5 hours of homework in college, but he won't be going to 7 classes all day long. He'll be attending 60-90 minute lectures, 2-3 days per week for maybe 4-5 core classes. It's not at all like high school. (I hate it when parents pull that line. Ugh.)
Friends outside of school? Almost never. No time. He sees church friends more often (at church fellowship brunch on Sunday), though unfortunately our church is small and there aren't a lot of teens. There is youth group at another church that he enjoys (some friends from school) but hasn't gone lately because, again, no time. I would certainly make sure he could keep going to that if we homeschooled.
I agree- learning to be stressed, not having enough time to *learn*, rather he just needs to remember. Our thought now is to put together a sample proposed homeschool schedule, showing him what kinds of classes he would take at the co-op and what other things he'd be studying. I'm tempted to throw a dog and a pony in there too!:lol: I like the idea of just proposing it for a semester, though, with the fallback of going back to school if he absolutely hates it. I guess what I'm really struggling with is how much weight to give to his desire to stay in school vs the responsibility we have as parents to do what's right for our kids- our whole kids, not just their academic side.
It's hard when they're that age, because you really do have to pay some attention to what they want. It's a very difficult balance. It might help for him to realize that he would be able to start going to the youth group again, because he'll have more free time. I wonder if any of the co-op kids would be at that youth group?
What about looking into dual enrollment classes for him? I know a couple of community colleges in our area have programs for homeschoolers.
It is really hard at that age. My daughter started asking to go to public school in 10th grade. The public schools here are horrible. We had a long talk about how bad the high school was; how she would have to go in as a 9th grader; about credits for graduation; time with friends and such. She then asked to go to the Catholic high school. That was not an option for us, we could not afford the tuition. In the end my husband and I decided she would continue on with homeschooling. She was not happy for a while. We made an extra effort to have her get together with friends. She got more involved with our church's youth group and joined another youth group at a church 25 miles away. She was able to go to numerous catholic youth group retreats. She volunteered with the youth groups. She went with her public and private schooled friends to their highscool football games, pep rallies at the Catholic high school, homecoming at both high schools each year, and prom. She graduated with honors, won the Catholic Leadership Award in our Diocese, started college, watched her public schooled and private schooled friends struggle in college, tried helping them by tutoring them, did homework for some if them, watched some of them flunk out of college, and finally realized that we made the right decision to homeschool through high school. In the end she thanked her dad and I for deciding to stick with homeshooling.
It's good to be able to sit back and say, "Yeah, that one was right!" And it's good that you've been willing to work with her in spending time with friends. I mean, a youth group 25 miles away? But you gotta do what you gotta do. We're in the same situation with Phillip. His youth group isn't that far, but his friends at co-op are! And it's not easy, but....
