a ds11 who is SOOO hard on himself when he gets the answers wrong? He is very smart, but did pretty poorly on a math test on adding unlike fractions. I know he will get it, but isn't really giving it all he's got. But he falls apart when he gets it wrong. I asked what it was that was so upsetting to him. Is it that it makes him feel "dumb"? or that he feels like a failure, or he's afraid he'll be in trouble? Or that I am mad at him for not doing well on his test? He said no to all of those, but when I asked if he is upset because he doesn't like to be wrong, he shook his yes, and cried harder. How do I handle that???? Any ideas of what I can say? I explained that it was ok...that is what learning is all about, and that because we are so blessed to be able to hs, we can just go back and figure it out and then move on when we get it. And, no one else knows he got it wrong, just he and I. No big deal. I don't think that helped him much.
Leslie, if you get an answer to THAT one, PLEASE share it with me! Rachael can be like that sometimes, too. I know I don't expect perfection from my kids; why do they have to expect it of themselves?
Okay, my boys both go through this. My dd just denies that she got it wrong! haha, For my boys, I encoruage him that everyone makes mistakes, and that he just needs to study that area a bit more. Then I share a time when I or soemone else had to try so hard on something... I got a D in HIstory when I really tired but did not click with the Teacher. Sometimes things just get in the way when we are trying our best. that sort of thing, Then we go back to before they learned that, do easier work for afew days even if they complain, and then lead up to that area that they blocked in and help them through it, the next test they take on ti they do great usually, sometimes it takes a few more failures to get the victory, but we all fail sometime, we are after all humans!
We have the same problem here. But, I have finally tough her to be patient with her self it will all work out we are learning, and to learn we have to make mistakes. She is doing better.
Ok...well, at least I know I am not alone! LOL We decided to stop for the day and go back to it tomorrow. I think he is feeling a little better about now. I told him we all get things wrong now and then...even as adults and we have to learn how to deal with that, otherwise, we will have so much unneccessary stress and pressure on ourselves it'll make us crazy! And it cannot allow us to give up, but to try harder! Thanks everyone!
You could read stories of "failures" like Benjamin Franklin (how many times did he mess up, and his dad considered him a failure), Babe Ruth (how many times did he strike out?!), Albert Einstein (his teachers said he was a hopeless case!) and Thomas Edison (how many times did he try before his lightbulb actually worked?!), and Peter---Jesus' disciple in the Bible (we all know HE made BIG mistakes!)! And those are just a few examples! Many of them were considered failures, but look what they accomplished! The only reason they DID accomplish the great things they did, however, is because in spite of repeated failures, they picked up and kept trying! If THEY can do it, so can our children! "Whatever they hand finds to do, do it with all thy might." I forget where in the Bible that is found, but I KNOW it doesn't say, "As long as things go well and you always get things right, do it with all your might!" :lol: God loves us in spite of mistakes we make, and I am sooooo thankful for that!
My ds is the same way! Looks like a lot of us have this problem. I am relieved in some ways to hear that! I was beginning to worry about my ds. I was wondering if I was doing something to damage him. lol. Great ideas Deena! Maybe I will make a mini unit study out of that! Those are encouraging to anyone.
MY dd8 does the SAME thing! She gets SO angry with herself, which leaves me speechless (a rarity) because I'm SO not upset at all when she makes mistakes. I also tell her it's all part of the learning process and I try to imitate Ms. Frizzle from Magic School Bus who tells her students to "get messy, make mistakes!"
My 10 year old son is that way. It takes time, but every time he gets upset we talk about why he feels that way, so he can understand his own feelings. Then, when he understand them, and realizes that the way he was made is a gift from God, but he has to learn to use it properly, and not be ashamed of it, we talk about a better way to handle it. I use a lot of laughter. We laugh at ourselves a lot. Learn to see the humor in our own special idiosyncrasies. Then lots of hugs. It takes time. Evan used to be inconsolable each time, but he is learning a little at a time to let go of those feelings and look at them properly. It just takes practice, like anything else.
Okay can you see there is an age group here? from approx 8-10 yr olds they are frustrated, is it because we begin letting them do a few more independant working situations at those ages? they are used to things being easy before this too, because it is basic, but then they begin learning new harder things, and so they will make a few more mistakes... I think we should let them know it is common for thier age, but that they just need to relax and re do the mistake? sometimes when I know my child knew the answer I will ask him it verbally, and if he answers it correctly I will be put a C for correct and write "Verbally corrected" and initial it. That has encouraged at times too, that its not too late to go back and fix it. For this age, that will work most ofthe time, ( 9)
When I was in the classroom, we had to post rules. I tried to keep positive rules, and one was "Do your best at all times". When a student would do poorly and get upset, I would ask if they had tried their best. Yes.... Then they had obeyed my rule. I would also explain that it was MY responsibility, as teacher, to figure out how to HELP them "get it". That took the pressure off of a kid who was really putting forth the effort. (Of course, I wouldn't do that with one that was simply being LAZY, lol!)
I like that, that what I do too, if my kids are not getting it, its because I did not get it to them, so I have even come to the point where I tell them "If you don't get it after studying it, 9th gr/8th, and if you dont get it after I explained it to you once, ask me for help by telling me "I don't get it!"
perhaps explaining letter grades, ie A 90-100, B 80-90 etc that are used in school, and the idea of average grades would be helpful. Also that improvement is sucess. I give Pre-tests then a post test. We also call these practice tests.
