Need a little help. This is our first year homeschooling and it really is going great. At least the school part. The kids are very diligent and hard working. I try to not be really hard core with a schedule, but I am a very organized person. The receive agandas at the beginning of the week and they know what is expected on a daily basis. Some evenings they even ask if they can shut the tv off or come in from outside and do the next days work. (bare with me.. there is a point to all of this.) It is great because they want to do there work so that they can enjoy being outside the next day or enjoy free time. BUT>>>>>>>>>>>>>> When this happens they end up fighting and bickering all day. When we have no schedule things all go to pot. So I struggle with buckling down and making them space out there work so that they don't have free days, because I love that they are eager (what ever their motivation is) But the fighting drives me nuts. I know that they get tired of being with each other, but do they have to yell and fight all the time. I don't know if there is some idea for a punishment that I haven't thought of, or something else. Anyway, if there is anyone that has any ideas, it would be great. Thanks
Well we live in a small area, My dd's do fight but not very often. If we have a free day we usually make it a board game day, caft day, or some fun movies, baking. I try to keep them busy but sometimes I run out of things to do.
When we just had my dgs here, he didn't have anyone to fight with, now with the 2 extra boys (here for 6 months, no relation), they fight all the time too. I thought it would always be 2 against the other, but no, they just fight to fight. From telling on each other, complaining about something to hitting and kicking. I don't know the answer either. I'm waiting for someone out there to have an answer too.
I tell mine if they are fighting that they must need something to do so I will find some jobs for them and suddenly they are buddies again. But they are girls. My boys are different. They really don't fight but they are 17and one is mentally handicapped so the other one knows that he can't get into it with Bill. They do wrestle in the pool a lot but it is a game not fighting. I used to make my twins hug and make up if they fought and that always made them laugh. They are girls too and girls just seem to fight in a different way. Boys always seem to be trying to prove who is the top dog. My husband says it is an alpha male thing. He says he is the alpha male here! Did I mention that my husband is a nut! Beth
as for the decipline problem i suggest reading the "1,2,3 Magic" book... ill find the authors name and post later. its a great book you can read in a few sittings that will really help you and your children get a handle on dicipline, i use it with all 6 children in our house and it is just as effective on our 15 year old niece as it is on our 4 year old. we have a child in the family with downs syndrome and he has no more trouble with the system than anyone else because it is VERY clear and as long as you stick with it is VERY efective. we use a combination of the 123 system and gental decipline (no spakings, yelling, or other forcfull measures) some days kids are just going to be kids and all you can do is send them to their rooms! the ideal situation would be to avoid those situations all together, its wonderful that your kids want to work ahead but i can also understand the problems with doing all the scheduled work for the week by tuesday lunch! you need to keep them busy and on task but you dont want to "punish" working ahead by adding more work... heres my suggestion: come up with some sort of orginzation for "free days" keep a stack of these fun day lesson plans tucked away for such emergencys, things like "scinece days" where they can learn about chemistry while making gack or some other fun substance in the kitchen, keep a video on hand on the subject, let them help you make somthing 'icky' to go along with the theam for a snack... fun things, but not free rain of their day either. you could also try keeping them seperated more too, if you only have two this would be alot eaiser. one kid gets computer time while the other gets to help you cook... then swap, the other child gets computer time while you work on a special project with the first child just some ideas, i hope some of this helps good luck and let us know how things go
here is the link to the website for the 1 2 3 magic book, apparently there is a whole series of books, dvds and programs about this system, however if the prices are looking a bit scary keep in mind that we only ever read the book (third item down, for $15) and it CHANGED OUR LIVES with the kids!!! id give that a shot before you spent oddles of cash on one of the fancy sytems. http://www.parentmagic.com/shoppingcart/prodlist.cfm?categoryid=6
When the girls all started to fight I told them they had to be "Stuck Together" until they solved whatever their problem was and that I didn't want to know about it. That ment they had to hold hands if we were out somewhere or if we are home sit on the bed together until the fight was solved. Amazing how quick fights got resolved when I wasn't going to chose sides, hear tattling about it or listen to them fight. I liked it because it taught them to learn to talk to one another and to learn how to compromise and work out differences.
another thing I have always done, is I tell them they have to work it out themself if there is no blood, bumps or anything I don't get in middle of it. I leave them alone and let them work out. Sometimes it's something we all need to go through. I figure getting in the middle of it wouldn't help. they need to work it out between themself and it has always worked with us. they work it and get on with what ever they were doing. I figure it like when you and your dh have a disagreement you have to work it out with no one in the middle. Anyway you don't want no one in middle. So, let them try to work theres out too.
I could have written the same post! I think kids just need structure. They get bored and then take it out on each other. Kind of like a baby who crys when she is tired. My kids are wonderful when engaged in activity. Give them a little space and then they argue! Not all the time. Sometimes they will find something to do together that does not result in fighting. However, it has been my experience that my kids need to be occupied. If left to their own devices for too long---like all day---there is more of chance for fighting. Like Kris, I let my kids work things out. I am not going to be put in the position of taking sides. If they want my involvement both end up in trouble and doing chores all day. lol. I also think that if you take sides too often it ends up in more disagreements amongst the kids. I always punish both. Does that seem unfair? Oh well, don't argue then. lol. Now, I realize that one can be more wrong than the other and all that. If any extreme cases come up I do retain my rights as judge and jury. I am talking about the silly little fights and bickering that occur over minor things. For instance, my kids argured this morning over the last piece of pizza. We had pizza for dinner the night before. There was one piece left. I wake up to them (yes, I slept in a bit too long) arguing over who gets the piece and that it wasn't divided equally. Ok, who said they could have pizza in the first place? Who bought the pizza? Whose pizza is it really? They were really acting nuts over this. So, both are now in trouble because of the disrespectful way they treated each other and for being selfish over food that isn't theirs. lol. Why am I laughing??? They are doing double chores! That is what happens when you argue first thing in the morning. There is nothing I hate more than arguing first thing in the morning! I just sets me off in a bad mood.
with out reading the other responses, I could simpathize with you. We do our schooling in the kitchen, and the fighting gets out of hand here too, I have to seperate the one who is being the worst and have them take a hard book and their work and work in the other room, they are usually begging to come back shortly.
I agree Kris, learning how to handle differences is important to learn. So sometimes they just need to work it out. However, as they are working it out, there should be no shoving or hitting, no name calling or yelling, and they need to respect one another enough to allow that person to finish what they are trying to say. I read the 123 Magic book and liked the philosophy behind it, because you're leaving the problem as their problem. You're not getting upset or angry, becuase you all know the rules, so all you have to say is, "that's once" to remind them that they are crossing the set boundaries. If they keep arguing, you say, "that's twice" and they know they better stop. I prefer first-time obedience, but sometimes they need to be able to finish what they're saying, even if I don't like it. So that gives them that, and still let's them know I'm not happy with it, even though I have not fussed or whined at them. IT's on their shoulders, they have a decision to make. Are they going to stop, and move on with life, or are they going to keep it up and get in trouble?! A lot of times, the fact that you do not react to what they're saying or doing puts the fire out! First, you need to have a family meeting, and work together to set up rules and consequences. When they help set up the consequences, then they can't complain about them when they are enforced! Make sure, at first that everyone completely understands it all, maybe type out a copy to give to each person, then enforce it. It really does help, and I would agree it's worth a try!
Oh, the book "Parenting by the Spirit", by Sally Hohnberger, is a good book also. It talks about different personalities and how to deal with them. It has some great ideas on discipline and respecting each other, etc.!
I just looked for the book at half.com and ebay and it is out of stock! There are two of them one about raising Godly children in a Godless world and one on recreating your child's character, both by Sall Hohnberger. Both out of stock. lol. I will just try the library or Amazon. Thanks!
Ok, just tried Amazon. The book takes 1-3 weeks to ship. I am going to order it from the library. Geesh, when I get something in my brain, I just can't let it go! lol. Sounds like a great book! My dd is very, shall we say, spirited! lol. She is actually pretty calm now, after years of torture---listening to her father lecture! UGH! That is worse than chinese water torture. However, my littlest one seems to be even more "spirited". lol. I love it though! It makes every day an adventure.
