Well, all I can say is that I'm thankful Carl doesn't go for "Barbie Dolls"! He's OK with me being not the same size he married!
Tiffany brings up another twist- men are never judged like women are. There's a rag at the checkout right now that shows celebrities with too much cellulite, and it looks like they only show women. Why the double standard?? I'm doing all I can to raise Jeannie so she doesn't get caught up in all that unrealistic stuff.
Yea, men have it easy in the looks department. Women are less visual than men. Men can be considered sexy based on more than looks. I have heard it said that when a woman loves a man he gets better looking and when a man loves a woman her personality gets better. We have all seen the couples that we think, "how did he get her?" lol. Women see beyond looks. Now, that isn't to say that all men are shallow. Men are just more visual.
I'm with you on that Becky and I don't understand it either. I hate that when at the check out line my girls have to see those pictures on the magazine covers - so unrealistic!!!! There has always been a double standard when it come to men and women. I remember when I was in high school that it was cool for the boys to sleep around but the girls were sluts. What kind of sense does that make?
I agree with the sentiments expressed on this thread, and I'd like to add one more aspect. Sometimes when people say things, they really do mean that they despise someone who has something (in this case, leanness) which seems unobtainable for them to have. That really hurts. It's based on jealousy. Other times they just say things to hear themselves talk or to be cute or funny. It still hurts, & it's not funny to the person it's directed to. But yet, sometimes, people are simply inept at expressing admiration or genuine affection. Sometimes they choose to do so in a teasing way, which even though it might be meant well, it still hurts. I'll give you a personal example. Several years ago at a wedding reception, I carried my plate of cake & cup of punch to join a small group of dear friends. As I neared them, I sensed they were talking about me, & one of them explained that they had been admiring my figure. "We can tell you've never been pregnant," an especially dear friend said, "because your figure is still so youthful!" She obviously thought I would be pleased at the compliment. In fact, it was all I could do to keep from bursting out in tears! Loosing one's "youthful figure" seems to me like such a small price to pay for the priviledge (and pain) of carrying & giving birth to one's children! (There is no way that I would have then nor would I now trade our beloved children for any others, born or unborn, but I missed the experience of being "everything" to these dear ones.) I couldn't formulate the feelings then like I am now, because my heart was in my throat. My dear friend just kept repeating that, probably thinking that I missed the love in the compliment. I will never tell her that I choked down tears for later at home, because she loves me dearly, & it would hurt her to think that she had hurt me, if that makes any sense. I guess what I'm trying to share is that it helps me to believe that maybe some of the people who say things which sound crass or rude maybe don't really mean it. Maybe they are a little bit like I am sometimes--simply inept or ignorant of how things sound. I wonder how many times my words have inadvertantly hurt people. I just hope they find grace to forgive me & love me anyway. Life is easier that way. Blessings to all of you!
I understand what you mean, Prairie. My sister who has Graves' Disease, and her husband, want children with a deep passion. They have discussed adoption but are still unsure. At church people, who do not know any better, tell her Happy Mothers Day on Mother's Day. Those who know she doesn't have children ask her when she is going to start having children because she isn't getting any younger. :roll: People ask my BIL what they are waiting for and they are both told that they do not know what they are missing out on. Obviously, people do not know why they can't have children. It is no different then the person who tells a women with five children, "You guys are having another one?!", or when somebody asks if you are pregnant when you aren't. Sometimes people say things without thinking how it sounds and other times they say it with the intention of bring hurtful. Then their are somethings people say and ask that are unacceptable regardless of intention. Patty
People often say stupid things. A wonderful, wonderful man at my church asked a visitor when the baby was due. She wasn't pregnant. To this day, he uses that as an example of how we need to watch our tongue and be sensitive. My mother did the same thing to a cashier! I was so embarressed. Because of that I have learned to never ask about pregnancy unless I am 100% sure the woman is pregnant. I also have a friend who struggled for years with infertility. I was a close friend so I saw her pain. From that point on, I never ask a couple about having children. There are some subjects that are sensitive and I have learned not to bring them up first. I have often been frustrated with people who feel they have the luxury or right to say whatever they want. I have shared before about being asked if my kids were my dh's. That drives me nuts. I don't walk up to strangers and question the paternity of their children. People ask me how my parents were with me marrying a black man. They know when asking that question that could be sensitive to begin with! Which thankfully, it is not anymore. I have had people say things about having an eating disorder because I was so thin at one time. Ok, ya know what, it isn't a joke because I did. I am only 5 feet tall. Why does everyone feel the need to comment on that? I am so sick of it. It makes me feel inadequate. I am talking about strangers! I have red hair. I have to hear about that also...I am asked if I have a redheaded temper. Well, maybe I do so watch out! LOL. I have pale skin and always have comments on that! Things like, "you need a tan", "how do you wear shorts, I would never show my legs if they were so white", "you should go to a tanning booth." UGH! So at the end of the day I am a skinny, short tempered redheaded albino midget, with three kids by three different men. lol. Ok, I feel good about myself now. Actually, I do miss the skinny part...I must admit. I am not one to ever ask personal questions. Sadly, that can look like I am uncaring. I am not...I am just sensitive to opening a wound or making someone feel uncomfortable. I am fine giving my opinion though... I guess I need to realize that strong opinons can bring on the same kind of hurt even if they are not personally directed. Now, I realize that most comments made are supposed to be in good fun. Most of the time that is exactly how I take them. I am not ultra sensitive nor do I get offended easily. I just tire of stupid comments and having to smile and take for fear of offending the offender. I never say anything back because I know some people are not trying to be hurtful. I have yet to think of a tactful way to handle these situations. All comments, no matter how nice, that I can think of don't sound quite right. Then I guess sensitive would just be added to the list anyway. LOL. Seriously, you never know what you say that could be hurtful to someone. So, I just say away from the obvious.
Seems to me that if people have been married a while and don't have children, it's either because A) they have made the CHOICE not to, in which it's none of our business to tell them otherwise, or B) they really want them and can't for one reason or another, in which case our comments can cause great pain. Either way, the best thing to do is keep your mouth SHUT! Of course, there's too many people who feel that EVERYTHING is THEIR business. Sometimes you can politely ignore them, and sometimes you can not-so-politely put them in their place. (But usually they're too ignorant to realize it when you try to put them in their place!)
I went through the same thing when I was trying to get pg with my girls. I had a had time 13 years and many many test and surgery to get my first one. Anyone one lady I work with told me you weren't a women until you give birth to a child. Boy, I was so shock I walked away and cried for days.
You're not a woman until you have kids??? I'd have asked her to explain that flow you have every month....
