Ok...after a long personal message to ABall..I decided to go ahead and post this message. I was worried I would sound like I was whining (which is actually a little more than venting) but I really don't have anyone to talk to. I have friends but none that I can sit down and have a heart to heart chat and them really understand. My stressers are just different than theirs. They think my life is perfect. They want to complain about their husbands and such. I don't have that problem. My husband is the best! But he takes things is stride more than I do I guess. So when I talk to him...I hear honey just let it go like I do. Tell satan to "get thee behind you" LOL... So here goes... I am having a hard time holding it together these days. And before anyone asks.......yes we are a very busy family but it is not the *busyness* of what we do that has me stressed out. The business that we do is for the Lord and I would have it no other way. It is more the uncertainty of everything that is concerning itself with our lives at this time. I will warn you ahead of time....this is gonna be lengthy. I will try to keep it as short as possible without leaving anythign out. I have started homeschooling our 10 year old daughter in Jan. and we are both having a great time. I am just concerned that she doesn't want to get far away from me. She has been this way all her life and the only place she ever wants to go is Grandmas. I am worried that spending 24/7 with mom will make this worse. She has friends over all the time for sleep overs and such but rarely goes to her friends houses and almost NEVER spend the night. I trie to tell myself it is because she doesn't like being out in the world (she is a ver perceptive kid for 10) and be around all the sinful things going on in other peoples homes but I am just not sure. Others accuse her of being a mammas baby. Then there is my daughter who lives with her father (by her choice) only about 1/2 hour away. She has no rules there, and thinks that by the way we live our lives that we FORCE religion down her throat so she went to her dad and told him she wanted to live with him. He is a good father (in the world) but has no Christian base to his life. His wife is very nice and her and I get along, but I was told by 3 different attorneys that I could fight it, but the judge would more than likely listen to a 15 year old and as long as her life wasn't in danger, that he would probably let her go. So all I would accomplish is spending thousands of dollars to only get the same result. She just doesn't want to follow the Lord. She was being very disrespectful to Richard and I (i.e. screaming at him "you not my dad" and at me "i wish (stepmom) was my real mom" they don't make me go to church if I don't want to." She is very much running from God right now. She is in her first relationship with a boy who happens to be leaving for the Navy in July. I am worried about her bing sexually active. She doesn't want to see us or even have anythign to do with her little sister. I just keep praying for her. About a month ago Richard and I finished our foster parenting classes. We started this venture as a way to minister for God to less fortunate children since we were blessed with 8 children between us. We both love children and want to give them aloving home. We can't have any children of our own because of a foolish decision I made when I was married to 10yolds father and had my tubes tied. Everytime we look at each other tears come up and we feel the pain of our past lives all over again because we can't have what we should have had 25 years ago. We haven't heard if we are licensed yet so we don't know what kids are going to be added to our lives. Then I am proud to say that Richard has been accepted into the Methodist conference to go to Pastors School in May, and then a 5 year course of study, and then to Seminary! I have never been more proud of anyone in my life as I am of him and his willingness to serve the Lord to the capacity that he does. He truely has a gift from God for preaching. This however puts our lives in limbo. We know we are going to be moving within the next three months, however we don't know where, when or what church he will be appointed, whether it has a parsonage, wether it will be part time, full time or if he will be able to financially quit his Job. I currently run a daycare out of our home and I REALLY want to quit. However financially we just can't handle that right now. The kids I take care of are kids that have been abused in the past and now live with their aunt who already had 5 kids of her own so now there are 7 kids and 2 adults in a 3 bedroom house. These little girls are so stressing. They have a lot of bahavioral issues...i.e. one pulles her hair out, pushes her sister down flights of stairs, hits me and DD, calls us names BAD names, and the other wets her pants and acts out sexually, and guardians don't have time to put them in counciling. And on and on. Thank God I homeschool now so Kelsey won't have to change schools. And THANK GOD we have a great marriage to keep up with all of this. When I talk to DH and mother and pastor they keep telling me that I need to "Let go and let God". That is all fine and good but I find this difficult. Apparently more difficult than they do. I feel like I sit in this house all alone with no one to tell anythign to. Yes I keep busy and smile alot and usually no one knows that there is anythign wrong. I used to suffer from depression but I don't feel depressed. I just feel anxious and worried about how things are going to work out for my family. Does anyone else have a problem with stress build up? How do you handle it? Am I being a whiner? Maybe I just needed to vent? Any advice or encouragement would be helpful. Wish I had a friend to trust in, then I wouldn't have to bug you guys. Sorry this went so long.
Well you do have a lot to deal with. Your daughter sounds like a "teenager" I don't want to say typical because now adays thats not a good thing, but you know after a while away from you she will learn that you are always looking out for her, just give her some room to decide that. (though I know its hard on you.) I wouldn't worry about your 10 year old. She will gain confidence in herself and perhaps she tries to stick to you because she knows how hurt you are over your older DD living with her dad. (her way of comforting you). as far as the other family goes, you need to let them get things straigtened out in their own way, and when you decied that you can't have the day care help them find one to go to, until that time, I know you will learn tactics to help (like put a gate up at the top of the stairs and put the little girl's hair in pony tails or what ever you can do) I have trouble letting go of stuff too. I must say it surprizes me that you chose me to send a PM to because I feel like I am not the strongest Christian here. Perhaps thats why I have some different perspectives than some one else, I havn't learned to just trust God will take care of everything, I believe that though God is there for us, we need to do our part in each situation. However you can't possibly handle EVERY situation on your own, sometimes it will benifit everyone to give giudance, yet space to make decisions (like your DD living with her dad). I don't think you are whining at all. And I'm always more than willing to give advice (usually don't have to be asked even.... pretty much say whats on my mind). I hope others will have some advice for you too. Take what you can and mush everything together to help you. And like I said before stressed is desserts spelled backwards, take a few moments to indulge in something rich and chocolaty.
Hi! Just a quick note regarding your dd , this is a good thing. My dd12 ( until saturday!) has attempted to go to friends to stay over night three times, prior to being 12, she called to come come home two out of three times, one of those was at a neighbors house so she was close enough that she was okay with it. She is now 6 hours away from me staying for a week and two days at the same family's home in Simi Valley. She is doing a great job having lots of fun and as my friend said ( they moved 3 yrs ago btw) she fits right in as a secon daughter. That is part of her security I am sure that she feels at home. There is nothing wrong with a ten year old not wanting to go away from mom. I would ask her from time to time if she wants to go play , as she grows you will be blessed by this time you two had together. Last year my dd and I were very much together and she has enjoyed it as much as I have. But now she is able to go off , both to camp last summer for the first time, and for this trip. She had been given the oportunity to go to Spain but said it was too far from mommy. That was her words to daddy! So stop stressing on that one... Every so often I get stres build up... with my shoulder surgery in January I have let lots of it build up and I know better! I came in here btw, and mentioned a few of my problems and they generally give me so much encouragment that I go off inspired! I have my scheduel working for school now and ds9 worked with out more than one complaint today! That is great as this whole month has been one problem after another. in regards to school that is. The best thing to do when you get stress build up is seriously to get out your bible or Worship music. Pray or just listen while you go about your daily business because it really changes yoru spirit. when we chose to carry our burdens they can weigh us down. I am sure you know this, but just a reminder to let go means to litterally let go, that is not always easy to do. I have in the past written down my stressfuls ituations and tossed them in the trash so I coudl remember that I let it go, and when I start to think on those things I remember the scripture that says THINK ON THESE THINGS... whatever things are..... you knwo what I mean? When I get stressed, my hubby talks me through what is bothering me, he asks me quesitions that could actually make a person mad lol, like Why does that bother you? And Why is that important.. once I think on why I find its not somethign to worry about and generally drop the mantle of heaviness. Anyway , thats just my two or three cents...
Jeannie, you are not bugging anyone! You are also not being a whiner. Stop being so hard on yourself. It is ok to be a bit out of sorts when your life is on hold and everything seems up in the air. It is ok to not feel happy. It is ok to feel your feelings. What we feel is does not make us good or bad or whiners...it is how we handle it. I can totally understand much of what you have said. I have been quite isolated lately. My best friend moved out of state and since I really haven't had anyone to talk to...I mean really talk to. I have friends but not like my best friend. My car needs a new breakline and until we can afford that I am stuck at home...all day, everyday. I also did daycare...currently I am not because the dad lost his job...however, I am thrilled I am not doing daycare. My life is also in the middle of changes and an uncertain future...uncertain because planning anything right now would be a joke. LOL....sorry...I not trying to vent but express to you that I can understand you. I am not depressed but sometimes things just get to me! I, too, appear to have it all and all together to those around me. I don't know why. lol. So, we have a lot in common. First of all, be thankful for your dh and your children. Try to think of 5 things you are thankful for everyday. Sounds silly but it is hard to feel anixious and uncertian while praising the Lord! Use the time you have right now..this in between time to strenghten your relationship with the Lord. The Lord is preparing you for something...so get prepared. As far as your dd being a mama's baby...that is just silly. I mean if she maintains friendships than I can't see a reason to be worried. Is she a confident, well adjusted child that simply enjoys the company of you and your family? If so, than I can't see it as a problem. Encourage her but don't pressure her. Enjoy the time you have with her. Don't worry about what other people are thinking...they all wish their kids were so attached. lol. My dd (9), loves to spend time with family and friends. However, she tends to stay close to home if she feels there is too much world and sin around. She too is very preceptive. I am thankful for that. Your dd being attached is not a problem...I mean unless there is something I am missing...let that one go! Your other dd (15), I have no answers for. I would continue to pray for her. Continue to love her and accept her. It may take time...even years...but your love will be remembered and appreciated. My dh just told me about a pastor on the radio discussing his dd as a teen. They had it very hard for years and now they have a loving relationship. So, be encouraged...the Lord can work this out. I wish I could comfort you on this.. I can't pretend to understand what you are going through. Your dh sounds like he is on the right track! AMEN! You do have reason to be proud! God moves you before he uses you often! Think about that....God moves you from your comfort zone often to prepare you for His work. As far as foster parenting...that is just wonderful..I hope the Lord allows it in your life. Please don't fret over your decision to have your tubes tied. The Lord will use your and your dh's love and burden for children to His glory! Ok...so...your life seems like you are on the verge of some exciting things! Look at as an adventure and you are just waiting for the Lord to reveal the next chapter. That is the way I have to look at my life. I am just giving it God. Hard to know what that means at times. Hard to give up our hold and our stake on our own lives...even when we want to. I really have no answers. I have my prayers. I have my compassion and my love for you as a sister in Christ. It is ok, to be apprehensive. It is ok to be sick of doing daycare. It is ok to feel uncertain. You mentioned you suffered from depression. Consider this as my mother suffers from depression also...she once remarked that after her depression she would have difficulties with feelings. She knew that sometimes she was stressed or just uncertian and knew it wasn't depression...yet...in the back of her mind she kept wondering if her feelings were normal. She didn't know what normal was. She was so afraid of going into a depression that if she didn't feel happy, she was worried that soon it would lead to depression. Gee...that was an odd sentence..hope you got the jist of it. lol. Now, I don't know if you share those feelings or not...just a thought. Anyway, I said we had a lot in common...so how do I handle it. Well, I pray. Pray, Pray and read the Word, pray and read the Word. I also request prayer from the wonderful ladies here. I also vent to the wonderful ladies here. We really do care for one another. We really do think of one another once the computer is off. I also lean on my dh. I work out...did I just say that? lol. I used to do that...I need to start that again. lol. I did notice that when I worked out on a regular basis, I was hardly ever stressed! Scrapbook! Write in a journal. Do something for yourself. Take your dd out for dinner. Do something to just take your mind off everything else. Let God do His job and you do your job! Ok? Ok. Look, I know that sometimes all encouragement and ideas still ring hollow. Be encouraged...the Lord is there and He will take care of you. Vent here anytime you want.
Oh my gosh........I should have said ......I don't have stairs.....LOL I have never understood why she doesn't have a gat up anyway. Her youngest is just 1 1/2 years old. They are a very uneducated family. I feel sorry for them. Thanks for the words of encouragement. Jeannie
Jeannie, I don't have much advice, but I can offer prayers for you and your family. On a side note, I run a daycare out of our home too...4 kids. Even though I'm not sure where God will lead me, I have decided to take a chance on him and stop running the daycare as of this next fall. The daycare helps us financially and I can't "not" work right now, but I believe that God has other plans for me and needs me to be with MY family and not other people's all week. I know the stressors of running a daycare so I can completely understand. If quiting the daycare just isn't an option for you, what about posting openings and interview others to replace the kids that are the biggest stressors? At least if you had more easy kids to deal with, it would be a little less stress on you. The kids you get in your daycare sometimes either make or break your sanity. (((((HUGS)))))
AMEN! That is an excellent point! Amy, we do have our part to do! You are exactly right! I can see why you Pmed you...you are very compassionate and give very practical and wise advice. And even though you said you are not a strong Chrisitian...the strength comes from us DOING because the Lord is leading. We need to do our part! We can't sit around waiting on God to change us or our lives...we can faith that He will give us the resources and the strength....be WE are also expected to step out in faith. Wiser words have never been spoken...I mean typed...yeah.
Jennie, Well first when I started reading what you wrote I thought you were writing about my oldest dd who is 14 now and doesn't like to stay away from home. There is nothing wrong with it. When she was ten there was no way she was going to stay with anyone. Last year she did go to summer camp and did wonderful. She will spread her wings when it's time. Like my dh said today at lunch people seem to want there children to grow up so fast now days. Let her be a kid, enjoy the time with her and she will spread those wings and you are going to miss her. Enjoy the time with her now and cherish every moment you have with her. Like Amy, said I think she is sticking close to help you with pain. Children can read minds. About your dd who is 15, I agree the judge will let her decide where she wants to live. You just need to leave the door open for her and when the time comes she wakes up and see the light she will be there. It's got to be very hard for you being your dd. I am very happy for your dh and I hope you all move to right area and enjoy it. Yes, moving is stressful, hard, there is alot of question. I know I have moved so much I don't know where home is. My dh always tells everyone home is where is family is. Which is true. Hang in there and try not to make the move so stressful, think postive, keep your head high and thing of future. About daycare children, that has to be hard. Do you put them in time out when they do something that is not right? Give them rewards when they do something right? Do they go to school? Don't feel bad, we are here for you anytime. We all have our problems. I have no one to talk to either. Sometimes I think the ladies think I talk to much on here, but they are my only friends. Don't tell them or they will kick me off. LOL
I am very thankful for my DH and my children. Without Richard I would not be doing as well as I am. I wake up every morning and thank God for sending me Richard and allowing me the privelege of being a "mom". I absolutely love the fact that my dd9 wants to spend time with me and only me sometimes. She is the child that bonded with me stronger than the others did. It is the kind of relationship that I had with my daughter that passed away 14 years ago. DD15 has always had that kind fo relationship with her father. I have feared exactly what is happening with her at this very moment her whole life. And he just sits around with a smug look and attitude of "I won I won!" If you looked at our lives years ago, when I told you he was going to be a pastor, you would have responde with ..."no way", "you've got to be kidding", or "are you out of your mind?" In the past (like 20 years ago), my husband was a drug and alcohol addict. Jesus freed him from that by involving him in a head on collision that almost killed him and in fact killed a man that was DUI behind the wheel at 8am in the morning. Since that day, when he was told he was going to die, he cried out from his hospital bed to a God he didn't even know, he says he has not even had the thoughts of doing drugs again. He truly was set free from that. Oh my Lord did you hit the nail on the head on this one. I think that when I was diagnosed with depression it was a very hard time in my life and I didnt' ever think I would climb out of that hole. (I have not had an episode in almost 5 years) Now I say the same thing that your mom says...I am afraid of it. I don't want to feel that way again. So I sit around and worry about it until I think "ok here it comes....I am gonna be depressed." That sentence made perfect sense to me. LOL I do pray constantly read God's word. I think that is the only thing that keeps me sane. I guess I just feel like it seems so easy for DH to "let go and let God" that I feel like it should be for me. NOT!!! LOL I appreciate the words of encouragement from you all. I have not spent much time in here writing lately but I do read up on the new daily posts. You are a great bunch and I promise I feel better just knowing that I am not crazy and alone.
I also just want to add one more thing that came to mind after reading Kris's post. Even though the "angels" you have in your daycare come from a disadvantaged life, it doesn't excuse them from learning the rules and proper manners of society. It's easy to feel sorry for them and it's ok to feel sorry for what they have had to deal with at their young age, but they still need to learn how to behave and obey. My hats off to you for dealing with it, because I don't think I could.
Oh JenPooh you are so right. These girls have been through so much. They have been sexually, emotionally, physically abused. The m(E)n that did these things to them were their father and their uncle. Mom left dad for the uncle and got pregnant. After having the baby she was given the opportunity to once again choose her children over the offender and she chose him. Their father laid out in a suicide letter what he had done to them and because it was siezed through a search in his locker at work.......while he had become a missing person...the judge said it was an illegal search and siezure. He got a slap on the wrist...a $500 fine, and 120 days in jail. They HAVE been through a lot and I can't understand why the aunt won't put them in counciling. I have even offered to take them to the appointments. The 3 year old has reverted to wetting her pants and has a speach impediment and also is way behind on gross motor skills. Did I mention they were 3 and 4 years old. It is a sad situation. Aunt has custody of the third child but she lives with another friend. That being said.......I do have rules and they are expected to follow. They do spend a lot of time in timeout with usually no effect. I think the timeout does me more good than them. lol at least it gives me a break. I also care for their 1 1/2 year old cousin who lives in the same house. There are 4 other kids living there (7 total) plus the 2 adults. Aunt is just in over her head. I also care for an unrelated 1 year old girl who is a dream of a babysitting child. I am a little alarmed for her safety at times but I do keep a watch on them closely.
Wow, that is stress. Yes there are alot of those Let go and Let God, items in that list. I tend to retreat and regroup when I have too much stress. There is a theory about stress based on a points system. If I recall correctly some folks did research over time on many people and assigned points to various events that take place in life, ie marriage, divorce, expecting a child, pending move, job change, loss of a loved one, and so on assigning less points to items like car trouble, door knobs that are loose, drippy faucets, wet newspapers, and other minor stresses. I cannot remember what the points were, but things like job changes were like a 70-100 point stress. They found that the average person could handle like 300 points of stress, regardless of how you added up to get it. Ever since reading about that a few times back in the day, if I get stressed out, I immediately try to get a few 10 and 25 pointers off the list to take the pressure off. When I retreat and regroup, it often involves fixing a few things, finishing up a project, clearing out a stack of paper work and making assorted phone calls I have put off. On such a day, I take a hot bath, iron my shirts, straighten linen closets and pantry and stuff like that. I also include some relaxation time on these days, turning it into a date with the kids. I will do something like pick up a cheap lunch with the girls, or get a soda or icee, and walk on the beach then go to the bookstore and read a magazine article or two. Other times, I will go to a gourmet shop and pick up a nice this or that and make a special dinner at home that night. I often end a day like this making a list or two of things that need done that I can knock out over the next week or two a little time here and there. Like weeding a garden bed, washing the car windows, cleaning baseboards, ........................................................................................................etc. I ask myself what 5 things would I like to get done most and I do them asap. If I am broke, I pick free chores, or the ones I have already bought the stuff for. A little nesting like this can go a long way to chip away at the stress. If you cannot clear up the big things, clear up some little ones. You will feel better, I am sure. Edited to add: The DH will probably think you went to the efforts for him, Two birds with one stone and BONUS points in the stress reduction.
Jeannie, I understand where you're coming from with people wanting to complain about husbands, and thinking you have everything together. I don't join in with anything negative about my husband or family! I'm also the kind of person that takes an active role in church, and people think life is grand for me. Well, it is! My dh and I have been married almost 19 years, and are very much in love!!! :love: My children are great---just the usual types of problems to deal with now and then, but not into drugs or sex or drinking or smoking, or violence, etc. But things come up. I have hard times sometimes, I feel down or sad, discouraged or worried, or all of them! I've had lots of people share their problems with me, and I love talking and praying with them! But because of my positions in church, I really had noone to share MY problems with, ya know? Sometimes, when I was tired emotionally and/or physically, I complained to my husband. He understood what I meant and where I was coming from. But though he's a wonderful listener, I knew I needed a special WOMAN friend. Sooooo, I started praying for God to send me a friend that I could really share with. And He eventually did! It was through a homeschool group, and she is of a different faith than me, but you wouldn't believe how well we get along and how we can share anything! God amazes me sometimes! Another thing is that our kids get along so well also! She has a boy my ds13's age, and twin girls my dd's age, plus two younger ones! So we get together off and on, and the kids get to play, and we talk and talk, and sometimes scrapbook also. It's so wonderful for her and for me to have this release time with someone who so understands and so cares!!! And you know what else is interesting? Often she or I will bring up something that we are struggling with, and the other one of us goes, "I just went through that, here's what God showed me", or "here's what I figured out"! It just amazes us how God brought us together and worked things out for us to help each other through rough times! God is AMAZING!!! So, I would pray that God brings you a special girl friend that you CAN share with and spend some heart-to-heart time with! It took awhile. I had almost given up, but God was listening and brought us together at the time that was best for both of us. We each have many other friends of course---but nobody we can really share with like this! So I'm just saying, this is a very special thing, and it may not happen right away, but if it is a desire of your heart, let God know, and He WILL bless you in that way somehow!!! :love:
Vantage...I think I remember that point system. Great post! I like how you said that you try to get 25 points or so off and how you do 5 things....very logical. I admire your logical attitude.
Jeannie, what a wonderful thing you are doing for those children. You are not alone. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. During the times when I feel the weakest my heart reminds me of this scripture. My flesh doesn't want to hear it but it does brings peace. I will pray for you and your whole family.
Jeannie, I look forward to hearing about how the foster parenting adventure turns out for you and your family. We were foster parents for over twenty years and adopted 4 of our 7 children out of foster care. It can be rough at times but we loved it. We had kids as young as three weeks old and as old as 17 years old when they came to us. We had as many as 11 kids in the house at one time. (Part of those were our kids.) We took in sibling groups and have had groups with as many as 6 brothers and sisters at one time. That was wild! We did it because we wanted the kids to get to stay together. Once we had 5 kids from the same family and all the kids names started with the letter J. It got crazy sometimes getting the names right. They were wonderful children and we still get to see some of them from time to time. I hope if you go ahead with foster care you will some day look back and have the great memories we have. I don't want to sugar coat it however. It can be hard, scary, and frustrating but even though we gave it up over three years ago, I still miss that feeling when the phone rings and the social worker would say Hi Beth. Do you have room for another one? Good luck. And keep us updated! Beth
Sorry you have to stress and worry. I have learned thru hubby being sick that life isn't fair and it does have loads of stress and all I can say is pray. God will help. Some days I think I can't go on but I have 3 kids who need a mom. I have a husband who is sick and needs me so I look around to see who is worse off than we are and pray for them too. Pray for your teen. That is really all you can do and love love love her. Send her cards and little gifts in the mail. Let her know that you love her no matter. As for the 10 year old I have twin 10 year old and they don't stay away from home over night at all. They don't like too. They like being at home. They still wake up at night alot too. They like to know they are secure and safe. I think they will out grow this because my other one did. Just give it time. Be glad she wants to be with you so much. Praying for your husband and the move. I think that is exciting. You need to pray pray pray up for all of it and God will take care of you. Trusting is the hard part; I know I have to live that life right now and it is hard to do. We as humans don't want to let loose of the control of finances and our schedules and such to let God do anything. I think that is alot of the reasons God has us where he does. Love, Lorna
Jeannie, I'm glad you shared in this thread. As soon as I write this, I'm going to log off and go do some of those things Vantage suggested! I have many friends--so many that "Christmas letters" literally take me months to write. I usually start in October! Some are really close friends kind of like Deena talked about, but the interesting thing is that I usually don't feel the freedom to share with most of them to quite the depth that I have right here on this forum. It's not that they wouldn't be understanding or that we lack empathy. It's because so many of my friendships and relationships are inter-related, and every problem can become a topic for a "prayer request" or something which in turn can get blown all over creation where those who maybe don't have our best interests in mind can somehow get perverse pleasure out of our suffering. blow it up, and feel pride to be able to pass it on. Anyone not living in a small community or having relationships that date back three generations almost from coast to coast won't know what I'm talking about. In general, it's great. It really is. I wouldn't trade. And we have shared just about everything with my beloved older brother. It's just that in sharing this kind of struggles with friends who know other friends who know.... things tend to get cheapened. On here, the gals don't have any vested interests in competing with eachother, and it seems more sincere. So, saying that, maybe you'll feel like you came to the right Spot. I know I did. Let us know how things are working out.
WOW! What a weekend. I wanted to apologize to everyone for not replying to your posts. I have had a VERY difficult weekend. I was feeling so good after reading all of your posts last week and I actually thought I was beginning to pull out of the slump I was in. I was in the process of praying and giving ALL the praise and glory to God for my "feeling" better when I was overwhelmed with chest pain that I couldn't hardly bear. I mean it hurt so bad that I would have rather given birth than felt that. (of course I have easy labors) Anyway I called my husband right away and he came to see what was wrong. Immediately the pain went away. So I continued to pray. Over the course of the last few days I have experienced this pain to the extreme of tears. Now you have to understand. I am the only one in this family who doesn't have insurance, so when I get sick I usually try to just *rest* through it. However there is a history of heart disease in my family so I was worried. Finally at church Sunday I talked to my Dr. and she asked me a few questions, and decided it wasn't my heart but that I was having problems with my stomach, more specifically the flap on the top of my stomach and the muscle attached to it. After asking about my diet, and finding out that I drink a lot of sunkist orange, she said that there is something in the dye of orange drinks that causes problems in people who have acid reflux or have problems with hyrnias in their esoughogus. Which apparently she thinks I have. Also my protien and iron are a little low so I am making some adjustments in my diet and it seems to be helping. So after all this, my initial response was "OK God, like I needed one more thing to *worry* about. Then my husband and I decided to go on a prayer vigil. We spent most of the day on Monday on our knees, him at work and me at home, then later that night together. (he has the kind of job that when his BOSS comes in the room and sees Richard on his knees...he knows something serious is going on and he just leaves him alone....isn't that COOL!) Anyway, we came to the conclusion that my chest pain started for explainable reasons yes, but they started when I was praying, praising and worshiping God for all the blessings in my life (including you guys and how much you care about people you don't even know ), and that satan didn't like it! I guess I should not be amazed at how satan uses situations to overcome the presence of God in our lives, but likewise I should be surprised when God enables us to kick him in the teeth and take that power back to battle him and say "Get thee behind me satan". So the just of this post is to let you all know how much I appreciate your prayers and your willingness to care about someone that you have never met and how much it means to me. I appreciate all of your suggestions and have taken all of them to heart. I know things will get better, and eventually all will work out for the glory of the Lord! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow! Love to all my online friends, Jeannie
