I met a lady at the park this past summer. She seemed really nice and we had a lot in common or so I thought. We saw each other a few times at the park and we finally exchanged phone numbers. She has a daughter that's a year younger than Cailey. Well the more I got to know this lady the more I realized that she wasn't quite my cup of tea. I have really struggled with this for a while and I pray to God to forgive me if the way I am feeling is a sin but She is driving me NUTSO!! At first we would get together at my house to have breakfast. It was ok for a little while and then a few times she showed up other days of the week wanting to know if I could feed her breakfast because she didn't want all the way back out to her house. I finally put a stop to the breakfast thing and told her that the get togethers at the house were interfering with the other things I needed to get done. I do have a job even though I don't work outside the home. Which brings me to another point. She asked me if I would help he clean her house. I gave her flylady.net to look at and help her. Because if her house looks anything like her car I really don't think I COULD help her. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that my house or my car are immaculate because they are not. But her car was the dirtiest thing I have ever seen as far as vehicles go. She apparently eats on the run a lot. She had whole plates of food in the floorboard and when she opens the door it smells like rotton milk. She cleans it and it gets the same way again. She used to come over and ask for me to give her things. Once she came over and wanted to know if she could cook her supper at my house. Weird. Most of the time she calls before she shows up but I have gotten where I don't answer the phone when she calls and she just shows up. And she don't even knock. She just walks right on in!!! I try to keep the door locked unless it's nice outside and then it's opened. Once I had it locked and didn't want to deal with her and she knocked on the door for a whole 10minutes and was hitting the door with her body trying to get in. Then she went down the street and used a phone at her church to call me. The next day she asked why I didn't answer the door.I told her the day before that I didn't want company. I reminded her of that. She wants my daughter and hers to have playdates but Cailey don't really want to play with Meagan. She's a very rude little girl. She pushed me once and said "MOVE". I couldn't believe it. And she don't listen to anything Her mother or anyone else says. If I weren't a chrisian I would just tell her to buzz off but I don't feel right doing that. But on the other hand when she leaves and I feel like I better get down on my knees and pray HARD for forgiveness for the way I feel about her. somethings gotta give. My Grandmother and my very good friend and neighbor both told me that our friendship is not of God or it would be uplifting. I have to agree but how do I deal with this in a chrisian way?? I have't been saved very long. About a year now. Even though I was raised in church , Christ wasn't the center of our lives. Church was basically a 3x a week thing and pritty much left there for the most part. Am I being a judgmental person? I honestly don't know how to deal with this. She called today and I didn't answer the phone. I'm sure she is wanting the girls to get together for spring break Being that it starts next week. Cailey doesn't want to play with meagan though and I'm not going to force her to. Suggestions please Angela
Angela, I am sorry you are going through this. I do not think you are being judgmental at all. God gives us discernment for a reason and this is clearly one of those times. You can already tell that this isn't a person who wants a friendship. Her motives appear to be self serving. As difficult as it will be, I think you need to lay down the law with her. That might eventually mean ending the relationship all together. I have gone through this and it came to the point that I told my friend, or exfriend, that I was not going to be used by her anymore. She couldn't get her life in order and expected me to bail her out because I was a Christian. Sometimes people will take advantage of this. She cursed me left and right but I didn't care. It was worth having her out of my life. I tried locking my gate, not answering my phone, etc. It didn't help. She would jump my fence and pound on my door yelling, "Pat, I know your home!" I know the feeling! It puts you on edge and you feel as though you are constantly on the look out. God doesn't want us to live like this nor does He want us to carry on any negative relationships. You can always keep her in prayer but you don't need to befriend her to do so. I will be praying for you and for her to realize and accept your feelings. Patty
It's probably best if you tell her how you feel about it. Worst thing that can happen is she doesn't want to get together anymore which from the sound of it is probably the object . Also, Christian =/= doormat, you can stand up for yourself and not be a bad person.
Being a Christian does not make you a door mat and it doesn't mean that you have to befriend everyone that you meet. If her presence or perceived level of friendship is a concern for you (as it seems to be), first pray about it, then go to her and tell her that you need some space that you're not comfortable with it (please don't use my words because I'm not there and don't know all the details - how I choose to say something might not be the best words for your situation Be honest with her - you owe it to her but most of all, you owe it to yourself. Most importantly, pray for her - she needs it and it's the one (and most important) thing you can do without having to have her physically around or befriending her.
She sounds like a wacko, especially the parts about entering your house, or trying to. You're better off without her.
I would hate to have to do it, but I would tell her you don't want to continue the play dates and that you need her to stop calling and coming by. Tell her you feel the friendship isn't working out and that her visits interrupt your work. If she really does have mental problems you may not get rid of her until she latches onto someone new. Don't feel mean about this as long as you are being honest in telling her your feelings. It is better and kinder than letting her think you really are friends. And I would absolutely not make your child play with hers if she didn't want to. There may be things going on you aren't aware of. I wouldn't leave them alone together. I hope this situation gets better soon. Beth
I agree with everyone else. She's using you, and it's not a positive relationship at all! We had something like this happen to us too! I got very uncomfortable with it before dh---I knew this guy was using us, and how! This guy even started asking dh to go outside to talk to him (he would ask for money or things), because he knew I was onto him. Finally dh said, "What you're doing is not good for my wife's and my relationship. Whatever you want to say, you can say to both of us!" It got so bad this guy even came over the day we brought home our dd after having her in the hospital. He banged on the door and dh answered it. He said he wanted dh to come outside and talk with him, and go with him and buy him some food. DH said he couldn't do that cuz we just got home with our new baby and he needed to be with his family now! This guy started yelling and cursing, I was shocked! Come to find out he had gotten into drugs and was selling everything we had given him, and what others had given him, and getting drugs! Crazy situation!!! Eeeuuuuwww, makes me shudder even now when I think about it! All that to say, that you don't want this relationship to go any further. A true friend would not treat you the way she is treating you! You need to end this somehow! I will be praying hard for you to know what to do!!!
Angela, God will bless you for trying to do the right thing. You no doubt sowed some "good seed," and there might be fruit from that some day. Never-the-less, the woman was not using your friendship at the present time for good. You wouldn't be doing her a favor by letting her continue in her destructive habits of taking advantage of other people. Because you are a kind, caring person, saying "no" doesn't seem right, but in this case it is! I vote with the other replies here, and I pray you'll find peace in this matter.
Angela, this situation sounds so scary and I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I would be very fearful of my child playing with the child and with this kind of person overseeing. Please be careful. Talk to God and he will show you the right thing to say and help you to be strong to speak it. Let us know how you are doing with this. It made me feel creepy just reading it.
This woman has several mental issues. It is hard to get out of this type of relationship. Be careful. She sounds like the type of cling-on that is hard to shake. Don't feel bad. She is putting you in difficult places, and that is not your fault. What friend would barge in when you have stated that you need that to stop. That she wants to eat at your place, and to even cook there makes me wonder if her lights have been turned off.
YES! to all who said "being a christian doesn't equate to being a doormat!! Also...having a certain "feeling" isn't a sin; it's how you react that can possibly be a sin. Don't beat yourself up. You're way nicer than I would have been!! and ewww to the carsmellthing...
I agree with everyone else. You just need to tell her you are working and don't have time for a friendship right now.
Ditto to all of the above! You are not a bad person because you do not care for someone's personality, it's how you react that matters. I would be honest with her and tell her how you feel. It sounds like she's stressing you out. You shouldn't feel like a prisoner in your own home because you are afraid of her coming over. I'm sorry you're going through this. That woman sounds awefully crazy.
