I am worried about my dd and ds. They seem to have no one to play with. We live so far from any hs group it is very difficult to get involved. I was a member of one hs group but it was very hard to get to meetings and to go on field trips. We are the only ones in our area that are hsing. I know everyone has heard it again and again about the "S" word. But I am really concerned about my kids. They only have each other to play with. We do the team sports (soccer) but that is only in the fall the rest of the time they just play with eachother. Danyele doesn't really want friends, because she was hurt something aweful this past summer. She says that, if that is the way friends are suppose to be, than I much rather play with my brother. I tried to tell her to forgive and try being friends with some other girls that are at church. But she hates going and even being around other girls her age. Austin gets along with everyone. He makes friends easly. But as I said we live so far out. There isn't a park or anything around here that we could meet at. When one of his friends did come visit, his mother said that we lived to far. She will not bring him back even if he had a great time. I would love to move closer to others, but we can't sell out home. I guess the Lord isn't done with us here yet. Should I be worried? Is it that important to have lots of friends? They don't even have one true friend. Makes me wonder why. :? I have one real good friend and we only get to see each other 2 times a year. But we call 3 times a week and email eachother.
Vicky... I often wonder about this myself. We live near people and see people often but my kids haven't made true best friends with anyone. I keep telling myself that it's fine and true best friends don't come easy. My dd wants a close friend to play with but we just haven't found the right match. Both kids play with their cousin (boy) who is about their age range often. They love him. So, I guess playing with him is enough. But, I really want my dd to find a girl she can become close with. We find families but either the kids are too little or the kids just don't click. Honestly, I feel they are learning a lot from each other. I know my kids have grown so close and formed such a bond that they will be close forever. That is the plus to this. So, look at it that way if you can! You are doing all you can to encourage your dd to make friends and now it's up to her.
Hi Vicky... I hear ya :wink: You know even if you lived near a support group, it might be kids younger than yours. :? That seems to be our problem now.. The group I'm in is wonderfully active,BUT they are all prek-2nd grade. My oldest still goes, but I worry too about his lack of *peers* his age. BUT then I think of the alternative (ps peers that might not be approved friends anyway)suggestion, and I just breathe a sight of relief At least my kids do have each other to play with...How about your church Vicky? Even though there are not tons my kids age either, they do get the socialization, conversation and association with others. Thats adults and grandparents. DH and I have talked about this, and since ds is getting older, he does want to do more things. So DH and I have decided a few more *family trips* might need to be taken. We will have to look at the budget again :wink: I too live out in the country, and it seems all i do is drive :shock: and the cost of gas GEEZE...But anyway, I hear ya! I guess Vicky I take solace in the fact that my kids are getting the best. Thats US as loving parents and the family and friends, even if they are mine. I know God will see to it that they are well nurtured adjusted adults if Iove them and keep watering them. Circumstances change, kids drive SHOCKS OF ALL SHOCKS :shock: :lol: ..So that too one day will be a viable option for us. In the meantime, I look at every opportunity and try to take advantage of them. Too, of all the grown homeschoolers I have met, I have yet ONE to tell me they missed that in looking back at the WHOLE learning process.. Hang in there! and a Big Hug, I'm right there with ya! Blessings
You know, there's no promise that your daughter would have lots of friends even if she went to ps. Some kids are just more solitary. Some kids prefer the company of adults. Remember, they socialize with everyone they interact with. The magic "S" word doesn't only happen with others her own age. If you think she needs help re-building trust with people outside the family. Maybe you could get her writing to a pen-pal or two as a writing project. That could create a friendship that she might find to be more safe. I used to teach hs english. I could get whole classrooms of pen pals for my students by picking a small town from an atlas, finding the zip code online, and addressing a letter to "9th grade English Teacher, in such and such a town, such and such state. Big cities don't have time to help with that sort of thing, but small town post offices are delighted to deliver your letter to the appropriate school and teacher. You might make a project out of writing several letters to homeschool co-ops that you find advertized on the internet in far away, interesting places and see how many of them pass your letters on to girls of the appropriate age who might be interested in a pen pal.
friends My kids have a few homeschool friends but my oldest 12 has no one her age at all or anywhere near her age to be friends with. The closet is 9 for a girl. She has no close friends but a several penpals and that has worked very well. You may want to try pen pals but get a couple so if one stops writing that it isn't the end of the world. We have several and 2 write on a regular basis. Two others write only once every few weeks but the 2 good ones have even sent birthday gifts and Christmas. It has been a very good thing. As a matter of fact we have a new penpal starting. Maybe that would be an outlet for your kids. Even in school your kids may still not have close friends and their parents may still not drive to your home. I just weigh out the good things against the bad things. My 3 mostly play together. We do have the homeschool group but like I said it has no boys at all and my youngest 2 are boys. They play only with girls but the girls are their age at least. Their are 3 little girls. Ansley is almost 13 and the closet to her age at all is only 9. Oh well. Life goes on.
I have to tell this story about my 13 year old son. Last year I too was extremely worried that he didn't have a single friend to talk to, call, etc. and my husband and I were at odds over what to do. Hubby rationalized that it was better for him to not have friends than to have the "wrong" kind, but I just wanted him to have someone. I decided to pray about it and I spent a lot of time praying for him to have a friend if it were God's will and one night a new kid joined his Karate class. The next thing I know, my son has a best friend with a great Christian family, the boy is also homeschooled, and now they are nearly inseperable and traveling around the country to Karate tournaments together. This all happened nearly overnight. I just thought I'd tell about our experience and I hope something like this happens for you too. Karla
Vicky, That's been a big issue in our house hold. My two dd's have no one but each other to play with. We did join a homeschool group and all the kids are so young that we don't even go anymore it's no fun for them to go and just sit on the bench or play with each other we do that enough at home we don't need to do it at a park. We are decideing weather to hs or ps next year for that reason. We have them both writing to pen pals which is wonderful and they both love it. But, I think they both miss the talks they have with other girls there age. If you all know what I mean. It's always nice to have someone to talk to other then mom, dad or sister. SO, we are running that one over and over in our head. Our the girls missing something important because we want to hs? Still searching for that answer. :lol:
My brother, sister, and I were all homeschooled. We lived on a farm 26 miles from town. Our nearest neighbor was over a mile away. My mom was not big on social activities. All we had were each other. Now, a decade later, we are all still very close. We have been through a lot together and they are still some of my closest friends. One of the reasons that I am homeschooling is for that very reason. It fosters a closeness in families that I believe gets lost in our busy society. My two boys are best of friends. They support each other, play together, etc. They have opportunites to be with other kids, but they always have each other, which they both seem to prefer. Homeschooling gives our kids the opportunity to grow and adapt to all sorts of different situations. Real life situations. Friends come and go. We lose track of people. We have different interests. People are different ages. We have to respect others. "Socialization" in the public schools, IMO, sets our kids up for failure. You will not always have someone there, who is your age, in your economic tier. Look at the importance of family in the founding of this country. After looking at my jumbled thoughts, my point is that you need to decide how important "socialization" is to you. We have been so programmed to hold it in the highest regard, more than education, family values, etc. I don't think it is hurting my kids at all to be best friends, and occasionally, their only friends. They are experiencing a part of life that most kids don't get to experience until they are out of high school or college. Thanks for listening to me ramble!
Thank you. I would like to get her a penpal. She did have one they were emailing each other, then the other one just stopped. I am glad that we are homeschooling. My kids are very close. They consider themselves best friends there is only 25 months between them. Finding out that I am not the only one feeling this way, makes me feel alot better. I am going to start praying that someone will come along for her. My husband teaches 7th grade in ps. He never wants them to go back to ps. Because of what he sees and hears. My husband and I are not very social people. We would much rather spend time with family than with others. I do like talking to the ladies at our new church. Hey I have an idea. Check out my new post. Thanks again everyone. If you have any futher information please let me know.
I'm duking it out with this very issue myself. Most of you know my dd is 4 and her bro is 18, so it's like they are both only children. Jeannie is in many different classes where she sees the same kids each week, but there's no time to just play. She's not around 'true friends' each day,KWIM? I think the issue gets dismissed too easily. Yeah, we can feel all warm and snuggly as parents that we are providing this excellent education for our kids, but how do they really feel? If they are lonely for companionship with others their own age, outside their siblings, I think it's wrong to just suck that up and keep on truckin'. I, too, don't want Jeannie influenced by the morals of friends whose family might not believe the same way I do. At the same time, I think it's wrong to assume they will be fine socializing with just the family day in and day out. NOW BEFORE I GET SCALPED...... I'm not knocking anyone's choices here. I'm just saying I believe we need to look at all sides of the issue. A kid can be in p.s. and you can still tightly monitor who they see, what they do, what they listen to. Just because the kid is in p.s. that doesn't mean you give up your parental control or duties. I should let Kevin post to this! He'll tell you what a warden I am. He had plenty of classmates who were basically raising themselves, but what they were allowed to experience and whaty Kevin was allowed to were two different things. It's hard to know what the right answer is, I guess.I can say absolutely that Jeannie having friends, is my one worry with h.s.ing.
Becky, I have to agree with you 100 and 10 percent. That is true. We need to look at the children and what they want not what we want. I know you all are going to say, that p.s. is a bad place, but I have been in homeschooling group for 2 years and my dd's have learned some wonderful things there too. So, it's not just the p.s. The mothers don't always have control of there kids in h.s. either. They all want to think so. But, when this happen to us I think it woke up alot of eyes around here. Come to find out the kid hated homeschool and wanted to go to p.s. We are talking this subject over good with our two daughters, it has to be there choice too. Yes it's wonderful to have each other. But, we have to admit it's wonderful to go outside the home and have a friend you trust and can talk too about anything. Becky, I feel the same way you do. You didn't do anything wrong but spoke the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. Good luck with what ever you decide to do with your daughter. :lol:
Becky, only YOU and your DH can decide what is best for Jeannie. And I know that HS'ing doesn't produce "perfect" kids....don't we all wish :wink: . I can only speak what is right for MY family, so don't duck!!! I'll sharpen my scalping knife for another day, lol! Seriously, for us, the option would never be given to the kids. We homeschool because we feel it's God's direction for OUR FAMILY. We believe that God tells us (more specifically DH) the direction our family should be going. The children need to learn to trust their us in how we feel God wants us to raise them. I agree with what Homegoddess says about family. I want my three chlldren to be best friends with one another. Yes, they have friends outside our family, but friends come and go. Family should always stay.
I don't believe listening to the kids' feelings is turning the choice over to them. It's just that- hearing what they have to say, weighing the options and going from there. If a child is so lonely they are speaking out about it, then maybe it is time to sit down and see what's going on. And I mean genuine loneliness, not just an 'I'm bored' thing. I know a first grader who is not enjoying the homeschool experience. She's quite vocal about it, too. The mom is doing what she believes is best for the girl, but I'm betting at some point the child will be back in school. I posted some time ago about a forum I found after googling 'homeschooling an only child'. One lady posted that her 6 yr old was so lonely for playmates that he cried. Other people who answered said they're kids were lonely, too, but they were glad the kids went through loneliness because it turned them toward their family. I found it creepy and disturbing. There was no concern for the happiness of the child, and I found that to border on crazy.
No one is going to get scalped!! :shock: I think their are as many opinions about friends and social activities as there are homeschoolers. I think it strikes a nerve in everyone because we are all facing the same internal struggle, am I screwing up my kids by bucking the so called social norms of our society? I just think we give way too much time and energy to something that isn't as important as we make it out to be. That is only my opinion. I have come from a different background than you and a whole different set of homeschooling circumstances that has shaped what my husband and I feel is best for our children. Our children will always be involved in activities that they are interested in. But going to ps will not be an option. We definitely don't believe in social isolation, but we just feel like what was said above. Friends come and go, family should always stay. Only children bring in a whole new set of difficulties that families must deal with. But that is the joy of homeschooling, to find what works best for you and your family! I apologize if I came across as trying to beat you over the head with my opinion. But it was just an opinion and I think the purpose of expressing your opinion is to get others to maybe view things from a different angle. That's all!
school or not We all have different ideas here. That is what makes it so great!!!! Maybe each one just needs to pray over their kids. God will direct if a change is needed.
Well I agree with Becky we all need to listen to the child and if they are so bored why not let them have friends. They will just act out. Like when we use to be another homeschool there was a girl in the 5th grade there I talked to her mother and ask her them how she like homeschool the little girl spoke up and said I hate it so much. There's no friends, the mother said oh well dear life goes on. Yes, I agree life will go on. But, is it good for our children to keep them away from other kids there age because we don't like something? No one is going to scaple in here we all are big ladies and just giving our opinons to see what we can do to help each other. So, I guess my question is what do you do when your child wants to talk to someone other then you or her sister she was to talk to someone her age? Just wondering? :lol:
I'll be honest and say we haven't had to deal with this problem. We have always listened to our kids and tried to encourage their interests. They participate in AWANA, church groups, archery club, little league, etc. We come from an area that has very few homeschool support groups, but those are another option. Just because they will not get to choose how they receive their education doesn't mean we are dictators. We feel homeschooling offers them the freedom to pursue and develop other interests. They may not have one particular best friend other than each other, but yesterday at their AWANA picnic, 20 little boys all were excited to play with them and to see them. Perhaps the problem isn't homeschooling for these people you quote. Perhaps they aren't listening to their kids about what they would like to to outside of homeschooling. Education is so much more than reading and numbers. I would tell someone with the above stated problem to start there.
I think there must be a balance between listening to a child's opinion (which IS important!) and letting them dictate what they do. I would no more condone totally ignoring how a chld feels any more than Becky would condone allowing a child to dictate how the family should be run. We've each got to find that middle ground. We visited the church where my children attend AWANAS at. We walked in, and the next thing I knew, my oldest had four young ladies from AWANAS surrounding her, talking with her and making her feel welcome. They do have friends outside the family. I also know it is different when you're dealing with an only child (or, in Becky's case, where the only sibling is so much older), or when you are so much more physically isolated from others. Though with some of our neighbors, the physical isolation may not be such a bad idea..... :roll: But I maintain (and again, this is just my opinion!) that there are times when we simply need to trust the parents to do what they feel is best for us. And the parents need to trust God in all matters. If God is leading us in a direction then we go with it. I know some people, both here on this board and friends elsewhere, have felt God leading them to send kids BACK to PS. They were really torn over this, but honestly felt it was what God wanted from them. We each need to search what are the best priorities for our children. For some that may mean more social interaction, for some less. But let's make based on what we feel is best, not on what society dictates. I know that often I get caught up with what I see others doing, and want to base my decisions on that, rather than my "gut reaction" of what is right.
I have yet to find a forum or group where there is anyone h.s.ing an only child Jeanne's age or any age for that matter. It does make it harder when it's an only child or when there's just no opportunities to be had where someone lives. I know if we were talking Kevin here instead of Jeannie it would be a different story, too. All the stuff I have her in I didn't know existed back then, plus there is his disability. Plus as a single mom the money wouldn't have been there. Kris- (and anyone else)- find out if your school system will allow h.s.ers to participate in extra-curricular activities for a fee. Our local paper just ran a story about this not long ago. Some schools accept h.s.ers, some won't.
Hi! I haven't read all posts...just popping online for a second...thought I'd share.... We have a conviction and leading by the Spirit to homeschool, so another option is, well, just not an option :wink: . My 8yo ds was in public school for a couple years so we knew he would need time to detox from peer dependency when we started homeschooling. We rode out the storm and he is now adjusted very well. We are a very, very social family. We have evangelism in our blood and we can't help but want to be with people a bunch....sooooooo.....we actually took into consideration our ability to connect with other homeschoolers when deciding to move or not. We were in a very rural area away from libraries and theaters, museums and cultural events. We moved to the city my hubby grew up in and I am so glad we did! We are able to participate in the local homeschooling group activities and have formed relationships with several of the families. We still don't see them as much as others would deem enough for "adequate socialization" :wink: , but we have connections and when we get together the kids have bonds with other kids. They are forming friendships at our new church as well. These things take time and friendships can't be forced. I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones I have are for life. We spend the majority of our time with family (immediate and extended) and we consider them our friends. I, too, have prayed for the Lord to bring the right friend along for each of my kids and I trust that will happen....and it might have already happened....friendships grow at an individual pace. God knows the desires of our kids' hearts just the same as He knows ours. Obey if you are called to homeschool and God will take care of the details!
