Okay this is going to be a long post and I am Sorry for that but please read through it cause my wife and myself are discussing homeschooling. Here is why we are considering homeschooling: - My wife and I both had bad experiences in a public school. We had respect issues with some of the teachers because they showed none for us. We had social issues with the way some of the other students treated us and the way is was accepted. We even had issues with some of the curriculum presented to the students, in some cases they were required. Here are some of my major concerns about homeschooling: - Socially how are my kids going to adapt to the real world? I know society has a lot of issues today that are morally wrong, but that is just reality and my children are going to have to deal with it in any adult atmosphere (college, career, ect.) We know we can still involve our kids in 4H, dance, summer league sports ect. for social activities, but we live in a small community and there isnt that much available. I dont want to "throw them to the lions" when they are 18! - What kind of effects is this going to have on my wife? She will be doing it all! I have a great job but it requires me to work ALL of the time. I wont be able to help. She is highly intelligent (trust me I went to college with her LOL), but how is she going to have time for herself? She will not only be a housewife but a teacher as well. Is she going to regret not accomplishing some of her own goals? I honestly want this for my kids, I want to homeschool them. But this is such a big decision. Well why sugar coat it I AM SCARED!!!!!! Scared we will fail, scared we might make the wrong decision that will ruin our childrens lives. How did you all become so confident? HELP!!! Nick
It takes time to become confident! But trust me, you can too! There are so many things available for homeschooling now-a-days that it is almost overwhelming! You can search the net and find literally thousands of things you can use for homeschooling. So a first step would be to narrow it down to whether you would want secular or religious materials. Do you want a program that is totally laid out for you---including teacher's plans etc., or do you want to put your own program together? How much are you willing to spend? Once you figure those kinds of things out, we can help guide you to some programs that have worked for us, remembering that every child is different, so what works for one may not work for another, even in your own children! About you and your wife: Are you NEVER home? If that is the case, then it is ALREADY hard on your wife and children! Any help and support you can give while you ARE home would be very valuable. I suggest if you REALLY want to homeschool your children, that you FIND the time to spend with them and help out a little. Noone can work 48 hours a day! Other than that there are homeschool support groups that you and your wife could look in to, usually in every large town. Some are coops, some you could go drop the kids off (and therefore get some much needed "me" time)! Another thing to do, that we have done since our oldest was a toddler is have "Quiet Time". Even young ones can learn to play quietly (if they don't nap) for 30 minutes to an hour each day. Your wife will need to use that time to do something for her! NO CLEANING ALLOWED! Also, no paying bills, or work of any kind. She should read, do computer, whatever helps her relax and rejuvenate, that's what she should do! Socialization.......we call that "the S word"! Kids that are homeschooled are not cloistered inside and never allowed out! We are out and about, we get groceries, take classes, go to the library, park and many other things! To tell the truth, homeschoolers actually get more "real world" socialization than kids that go to public school (ps)! If the kids go to ps, they will be in a room with 20 or more other kids their very same age! How "real world" is that? I know of no job that has only people of the same age working together! Anyway, the kids learn to relate with who? Kids their same age! Homeschooled kids, in all the variety of things they do, relate with, and learn to respond well to, people of all ages, colors, religions..... Based partially on their well-rounded socialization, you won't be "throwing them to the lions" when they're 18! By that time your children have explored their interests, had one-on-one attention from their teacher (mom), who happens to love them more than any other teacher ever could! They've learned a value system that you want them to learn, and learn to stick up for it and believe it. They learn conficence because they're not bullied or teased or made to do things they don't believe in! They've never been beat up, or labeled. They've had support and care, and a solid, steady education. By the time they're 18, they are strong, well-mannered, caring peiple who are more than ready to face the world becuase of their strong up-bringing! You won't be sheltering them from the world, you will be encouraging their belief in family, good ethics and believing in themselves and others. They don't get that in ps! Personally, I'd rather my kids do NOT get that other socialization! They're going to be (and already are) WAY better off without it!
Nick, Ok...warning long winded.... Being scared that you will make the wrong choice is always the number 1 on the list of parents. No matter what it is we do for our kids. How old are the kids? Are they already in school or are they 3 months and 3 years? Homeschooling sit down focus work doesn't take the WHOLE day. Now...I'm not going to sugar coat the fact that it does take time and it take dedication for mom with the teacher hat. It also takes balance. Dad might work all the time but...dad will have to pick up some of the chores or hire help to ease the burden off mom. There are days that dinner won't be on the table for you when you get home. Instead you will find a sink full of dishes and under a history project you think you can still see some counter top. The real world does not exist like it does in a public school environment. I'm sorry. When I hear that the local high school has a no talking during lunch rule so that they can keep control of the kids. Hello? Where is their socialization that they get? I never in a million years thought I would homeschool. I mean really! That is something that the ultra religious people do because they want to shelter their children from life. Right? ROFL ROFL ROFL Well....here I am and not only do I home school but...I am heavily involved in my local community to help other homeschoolers. I honestly believe that if it is on your heart it was placed there for a reason. We become confident by doing it day in and day out. Year after year. Each year things get changed up just a little and other years we say well...let's try this. HA! The monetary paycheck of homeschooling the kids stinks but...the time we get to be with them and see all those "ah ha!" moments is priceless. They enjoy to learn and will read a book just because they want to know the answer that is swirling in their brain. What other questions do you have?
Deena, First of all thank you for taking the time to read my post and answer my concerns. We would want secular material, mostly planned out for us, and money is not an issue. I would like secular material for personal reasons of course I would to have most of the learning plans provided with some flexiblity available just to take a small amount of burden off of my wife. We are not filthy rich but do well for ourselves and money definatly would not be a factor in deciding rather we homeschool or not. About me working all of the time. Yes, it is already hard on my wife and kids. Im a locomotive engineer. I work 12-16 hrs at a time and get a 8hr undisturbed rest period in between which I use to sleep so I dont injure myself at work the next shift. Sometimes I may get almost 24 hrs off in which case I try to do my laundry, prepare some meals I can take to work, or mow the lawn (and shave if I get a chance ) Of course I help out as much as I can! I am by no means a dead beat dad because Im lazy. It is a difficult lifestyle but has its benefits (unbeatable health insurance, excellent retirement, ect.) and was a choice WE made together. That is why I am concerned. We are already strapped for quality time together as a whole family, and I know homeschooling would be the best thing for my family but it would add to the burden my wife already carries. Thanks Nick
She, Yes, you hit it on the head! We are very spiritual people, just not to hip on "organized" religion. I think you will get that, lol. I hated the control that was in public school. The who has the last name game. They treated us as if we were not individuals and we had to play by the "rules of society" I despise that! It distracts people from what is important in live and creates a society full on desensitized drones. My daughter is 5 yrs old and starting Kindergarten next year. My son is 18 months old. I understand what you mean about gaining confidence as you go. I mean, that first night home with my daughter was horrifying. I cried my eyes out and called my mommy first thing in the morning :lol: , but we learn with our children how to be parents. I suppose its like that with homeschooling as well. I left public school in 11th grade because I was caught in a catch 22. A certain teacher touched me in a way I felt was inappropriate and I very "strongly" told him how I felt about it. He failed me, of course. Well that made me "academically ineligible". I was planning on being a musical therapist as a career. Being "academically ineligible" meant I couldnt travel with the band to compete in state contest, or pep band to sporting events. These events were half my grade in band and choir, so I flunked band and choir and became "academically ineligible" See the pattern! I was doomed! No college music program would accept a student who was flunking band! I ended up finishing through other means. It was so long ago I dont remember how I did it. But I was 17 and could learn on my own by then my mom really didnt help me much. But with my children being the age they are we are going to have to build even the foundation of learning, which makes me nervous. Man it is great talking with you! Im really feeling better.
Nick, I know a co-worker who walked away from a railroad job- and the money- due to the commitment it demanded. His wife got sick one time and he couldn't be contacted, so he decided to leave that job. I had a lot of your worries about socialization when I started hsing. Truely, it's up to you and your wife to remember to teach them how to interact, react, etc. I've met hs families where the kids behaved as though they were never taught these skills. My daughter is 6, and I try hard to remember to teach her how to deal with other people. As she gets older I'll have to explain the good, the bad and the ugly that is in all people, and hopefully I'll be able to teach her the skills she'll need to deal with it. If you are convinced you'll never be able to help your wife, then try now to put together a network of family who might give her breaks and household help. Look into cleaning help for her if she's comfortable with someone coming in. Ss far as activities for the kids to get them out, I live in a small town, too. Everything is located in the two big towns to our west and north. I drive 45 minutes one way to most of my daughter's classes. I put out a barrel of money for her classes, but I think it's important for her socially. Nick, you get two thumbs way up from me for worrying about your wife like you are!
Thank you Becky. Just a HUGE decision ya know. :wink: And Im sorry to hear about your co-worker having to quit his job. I hope he had an easy transition into something that works for him and makes him happy. Thats truly what matters money isnt everything. We had to think long and hard before I even applied for the job. My wife had to choose to be a housewife, ect. But the benefits was something we both really wanted and its will provide us some opportunities we probably wouldnt of had otherwise. I just want my cake and eat it too. :lol:
In a way it DOES add to her burdens, in another way, it keeps her and the kids occupied while you're away. Maybe it will help the time go by faster! I was serious about her taking that quiet time each day. We started when the kids were very young, and they did great with it! My dh and I made tapes they could listen to: We talked to them, sang songs, said the abc's, memory verses, etc., and they enjoyed listening to those! Sheila should be able to tell you more about Calvert. That may be a good one for you? I usually use religious stuff, so I don't know the secular as well. One thing that IS good, once they're in first grade, is Story of the World, by Susan Wise Bauer. There is a book with stories, and an activity book. There are 4 books. They start with Ancient history and move up through modern time. The Activity book is wonderful! There are so many neat things to do and make and cook! For K, a lot of hands-on stuff is good. Unless your 5-yo is one that loves sit down workbook pages, if she does a lot of outdoor stuff---walks running, playing, etc., and a lot of hands-on stuff---cut and paste, songs with hand motions, sandor rice with measuring cups, etc. with her, she will learn very well! It may be good to have blocks that she can build with, snap together things, clock faces that she can turn the hands on, and a calendar that she can put the weather sticker on, etc. Saxon math has a good 1st grade book that your dd may be ready for. That's what my dd did when she was 5, and it was a little slow for her. The K one may be too easy. There are a lot of activities in it that really get the concepts in their heads! I think if you guys start looking now for friends, homeschool groups and maybe household help, that you'll be ready once the school year starts. It's smart to start looking now, as you are! BTW, I hope I didn't come across rudely in what I said in my previous message, I certainly didn't mean to!
My friend went back to the job he left. One of the first things out of his mouth when he told me about his railroad job was the benefits. You don't need to tell me how huge a decision it is when deciding whether or not to homeschool. Ask anybody here how I whined and groaned with worry about my daughter. I still do, but mostly to myself. See, our neighborhood is full of teens and babies, but no kids my 6yr old's age. The kids in her classes are all her age, but there's no time to get together outside of class. All the moms scoot the kids into the van and they're gone. We don't belong to any group, so we don't have those possibilities, either. I'm actually rolling around the idea of enrolling her for next year. There are things she wants to do that we can't here. We lose all that time driving back and forth, so we've always got work to finish in the evening. Then there is the thing of she has no one to play with. She has a bajillion acquaintances, kids who like her and she likes them, but for many reasons they don't spend time together. I will tell you she's happy as a clam. It's not like she sits and pines. She's a very kind, pleasant child. Everyone likes her because she's so sweet. I sometimes look at her and wonder where she came from!! Hsing her hasn't made her a recluse or anything, but I do feel like it has limited her where friendships are concerned. Her brother is 20, so it's almost like she's an only child as well. Some days, though, it's like I have two 3 yr olds!
Deena, Thanks for the book idea! My daughter is already doing most of the things you have stated and doing them well. She has been in preschool for 2 full years now. I really like the teachers she has had so far because they dont limit what the children can do. That works great for my daughter because she is our little sponge and is interested in everything. So this is the agenda so far, tell me how it sounds. Gather information, make new friends and network with them. (already started ) Get a plan together that works for us from what we have gathered. Look for some type of service to help us with the type of structure works for us. Oh and about your first post. No I didnt find it rude, you addressed a hard reality in our situation. I just wanted to further explain our decision and how we came to it :wink:
Becky, About the moms scooting their kids away in their vans. People seem so busy nowadays dont they. I miss the good old days where people had a sense of community. It was nothing to find a city block on one persons patio any given evening when I was a kid. Family structure has really gone down hill now too, not for every family but in general It seems to be the case. Sigh........ I never used to worry about these things. :lol: My little brother is 11 and Im 26 I know all about being an only child, but yet not. Man, talk about perfect birth control. :lol: Having a screaming infant in the house when I was 15 made me want NO part of it. It sounds like your child is happy and that is what I want. Its truly what both of us want even if it does take sacrifices. But I want to gather as much honest opinions from people who have done it or are doing it. So again Thanks Nick
We started home schooling four months ago. I am definatly not 100% confident. I know that my daughter is learning. Dh and I are surprised what she has learned in the past few months. It's mpre about my daughter taking the Standford 9 ( I hope I got the name right) test in May or June. My husband wants her tested because some of the state we can move to require testing. I am horrible at test. I get all anxious just thinking about it. My husband is all calm and knows she'll do just fine. He has to take tests, sometimes twice a year. He is in the military. At first I worried a lot about socialization. I think they do it more than me. I still worry about it but not as much. My daughter gets along better with her younger siblings. She gets along with her friends younger siblings. When school is done for the day, she's outside with kids ranging from 5-9. She is still shy around adults. I am protective of my chidren and I don't like them to talk to strangers except for saying good morning. Right now everyone observes how I talk with people at the store, bank or where ever else we go. I can realate to THE WIFE TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING, INCLUDING HOME SCHOOLING. It's a lot of work and my husband says he helps but he is just to busy at this point in his life. I take care of house, the animals, the children, schooling, maintance on the vehilcles and now the yard. The only thing I don't do myself is the bills. That is one thing we do together. He isn't a bad person, just busy. His job right now is to do good at work and to spend time with his family. I don't want him worring about chores and stuff. This is our second and last camping season before he leaves for sea. Here are some things that I have done or plan to do. MOPS-Mother of Preschoolers. www.mops.org This is a wonerful program. It's usally held in a church but you don't have to be attending a church to go. It gives you a few hours in the morning, either once or twice a month, to have fellowship with other mothers. Some MOPS groups are starting to have a home schooling room or have home schoolers help with child care. I wish I had known about them back when my oldest was younger. I was a single mom and this would have been a big help to me. I still helps me now. I go to the site about once a week. Homeschool support group in the area. I just found a local one This will help on gas, I was going thirty minutes away. The one I just started has monthly mtgs. and does something once a month through out the year. I go on just the field trips with another group. It also helps to be around other home schoolers. Most of the people I know have their children in public schools. I just recently found others like me out there. This really helps with the confidence issue. So does this online forum. YMCA-if you have a good one. The one near me isn't all great for the home schooling family. There is nothing for my oldest to do while I am in a class and her siblings are in daycare. They told me that she can sit along the wall and watch. What fun. The one in FL was wonderful. I did see home schoolers there. It looked like they took turns watching the older children while the younger ones were in the childcare. Family, is your family near? Go vist them or they come to the house. Help watch the little on while you do one on one with the oldest. Do they have something they can teach? I plan to spend two months with my parents while my husband is deployed. My dad did contruction. His home is his toy. He builds a wall and knocks one down. Always doing something to it. He actually has projects ready for all three of mine when we visit them, which is very soon. You say you are never home but you are. If you get in late maybe the older one can have a late night and see you when you get home. Have a snack together. Or read a short story. I did this with my oldest when my husband worked nights and she was in school. I make her take a nap and she got to stay up until 11 to see Daddy. Or if she could't she would make someting special for when he got home. You could try a late night with the younger one but I don't recommend you do it often. Since you are gone alot why not read some stories onto a tape or even a video. This way you are still reading to your children. Write little notes to your daughter. Now that my daughter knows how to spell, I find all sorts of notes here and there.
Homeschooler, Thanks for the good Ideas. Im sorry you have to do everything maybe it will all calm down someday. I wish I could plan enough to have my children stay up late to see me. But Im on call 24/7. I already do those things you stated when I can but there is definatly no "planning" involved. I will have to make time but it will require only sleeping 4-5 hrs before I go to work again. Which is scary in itself since Im in control of a 20,000 Ton train. Not a real good time to be sleep deprived, if you know I mean. :lol: My schedule might be from 4 p.m to 7 a.m. the next morning, back to work at 3:30 p.m. the same day, gone for 36 hrs. and repeat. None of this is set in stone either. Lol not much of a "schedule". Unless you are a railroader or a surgeon none of this will make sense I know. And I honestly dont want my wife to have to do all of this but Im not quitting my job, SHE doesnt want that.
I don't have as much advice or input as some of these wonderful ladies here. I only just started homeschooling my 3 this past fall. But one of the things that convinced me to attempt was this comment "Try it. If it doesn't work, they can always go back to school." This is so true. Just because you make a decision to do one thing, doesn't mean you have to stick with it. Part of being a parent is trying to find what works best for your family. What may work for me and mine, has a very good chance of not working for anyone else. If it is something you both want to do, work on a plan, research and then try it. If it doesn't work, reevaluate and try something different. Life isn't an all or nothing venture. Thank goodness! There is plenty of room to try something and then change our minds to something that might work better. Good luck! I look forward to reading about your family's progress
I just wanted to share something that I have learned recently, but I will give you a little background so it makes sense. I hs my 2 kids (dd11, ds10), for about 2 years now. I do it all. I write my own unit studies, put together our curriculum form a variety of sources. Lots of times I use teachers notes, so I'm not writing it all from scratch (why reinvent the wheel, kwim?). I also work full time as a midwife - for me that works out to be 4 ten hour night shifts a week, always including the weekend. My husband also works full time, days, mon-fri. We are both involved in our local church. The kids have gym, music classes and rangers. So we are busy people. here's what I have learned.....(drum roll).... When you follow the path that God has set out for you, no matter how busy you get, it is not a burden. If it is right for you, it will not overwhlem your wife. It is my delight and joy to hs our kids, and it has actually made the parenting easier than when they were in school. Difficult to believe I know, but true just the same. My husbad is very supportive. He says it took him a while to figure out how to be 'the supportive non-teaching parent'. He also refers to himself as the substitute teacher (you know, the kind that makes everyone happy that the teacher is back!). He doesn't do any of the actual teaching or preparation usually, but he talks to the kids about what they are learning, and is helpful in re-inforcing expected behaviour. He doesn't mind that the house has been almost completely taken over with school stuff, or that our family holiday has to include educational activities too. And he gives me the freedom to buy whatever I need for their education, and to teach it how I see fit. He loves seeing the change in the kids too. Some times he cooks, or does stuff around the house. It all helps. You don't have to be the teaching parent to make a difference. I certainly wouldn't want to do it alone. If this is what you both want, then I say Be Bold, go for it! And what Auris says is so true. We put so much pressure on ourselves, but life isn't and all or nothing venture....
Oh don't be sorry at all. With being in the service myself, I knew that my husband would be gone a lot. He is even considering doing back to back sea duty when the time comes. Just like with home schooling it works for some families and not for others. Except with home schooling families can send thier children back to either private or public school if it doesn't work out. Also my dad did construction work half the year and drove a semi the other half. In the spring/fall time he did both. There were times we didn't see him at all. Best of luck with your decision I was told the first year is difficult, I beleive it. It only took us three months to finally get a routine going.
One of my biggest worries was the social part. I have a very energetic and social 6yo dd. SHe started kindergarten this past fall at public school. We pulled her right before Christmas for 2 reasons- she's ahead by a long shot and the school would not work with that, and two, the behavior she was coming home with awful. My social fears were put to rest the first week we pulled her and attended a homeschool park day. I met the most wonderful group of kids from the ages of 4 to 15. There are about 8 of us that meet every week and I have never seen a group of kids who are so civilized, respectful, and kind to each other. The older ones usually get games going for the younger ones and they all play so well together. I can hold a very nice conversation with any of them- even the youngest who was 4 at the time. They are wise beyond their years and the knowledge they have in their brain would blow you away. As far as your wife being able to handle it, how does SHE feel about homeschooling? I would never have thought of it before registration last spring. I wish someone had mentioned it to me because I never felt right about putting our daughter in public school from the get go. I always had this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am not an overprotective and overly attached parent either. She's been in preschool since she was 3 but it was a private preschool. At 3 1/2 I was away from her all day 5 days a week because I had to work full time. So it's not that I couldn't handle NOT knowing what she was doing all day. I've learned to listen to my instincts when it comes to our daughter. I have a very supportive husband and his big concern was social activities. We can't afford a lot and he was afraid she'd just be home here all day every day. Granted we do spend a lot of time at home, but right now we've got park day, swimming lessons, and soon she'll have an art class. We go hiking, do all sorts of things just the two of us. Another thing good about homeschooling- you DO know what they are doing throughout the day, you know what they are learning and can teach to THEIR level and style, and you know who their friends are hehe. Good luck in your decision!
Oh and another thing about kindergarten. It's a lot of hands on- we do quite a bit of bookwork but I have a daughter on a 2nd grade level so I have to constantly feed that. Kindergarten should be fun though, lots of playing with playdoh, painting, cooking, expiriments, field trips, ect. While we have quite a bit of written work, it doesn't take us long to get through it and we do a LOT of hands on activities. I just happen to have a child who loves worksheets and workbooks and retains things better when she has to write it down.
Just some background on me, I haven't "officially" started HS yet. My oldest is 2 1/2 and my youngest 6 months. We are planning to start a few mornings a week in the fall. I don't have a lot of experience to share with you but I did teach in PS for several years and strongly feel children will learn a TON more at home and will be better prepared to be adults by learning at home then at a PS. You've mentioned that your schedule is erratic. That could be a benefit with HS. You and your wife pick the schedule- not someone else! If you have a traditional school day off, the kids can take it off with you. I think you might end up with more quality time with your family!! Also, my husband and I agreed we would try HS until our oldest is through K. After that, we would re-evaluate and decide what to do. I think we will be re-evaluating the situation often to see if it is still the best decision for our family. Give it try- if you guys like it, stick with it. If not, what is the harm done?
I've read each of the replies on this thread, and they're all excellent. AussieMum, this is a "classic!" I'm going to put that phrase into my heart. Thank you for it!
