Hello everyone. I need help. I just got the results of the standarized test that my stepson took. They are terrible. I knew he was struggling but I had no idea it was this bad. Yes, I know that I should not go by these scores but they were pretty bad. A little background: He just finished 8th grade. I took him out of public school in the 7th. He was failing miserably in public school. I am also homeschooling my two daughters. They are doing fine. The oldest graduates next year and the youngest just finished 6th. He is intelligent btu I can not seem to get through to him at times. He is already behind. He turns 17 this fall. I had hoped to graduate him a year or two early. I am afraid if he stays in school too long, he will drop out. Who wants to be 20 in 12th grade? I beleive the main problem was that his biological mother taught him that education was unimportant. My main question is how in the world do I get him caught up? Also, when he was still in public school, they did test him for learning disabilities. He has none. I am open to any and all suggestions.
Lisa~ I wish I had some really good advice for you. But, I don't. I just got standardized test results back for my 11 yr. old dd, and I will admit that I was a bit disappointed as well. But, I do know that I can't use them to measure what she is learning here at home. Like so many people have told me, they are just that- standardized. If the kids in 5th grade in public school are all learning U.S. History, how can I expect my dd to know that for the test when we spent the year learning Old World History? etc. etc. etc. I'm wondering where you live in PA? (I'm in PA too). Are you involved in any type of a support group? Does your stepson have any homeschooled friends? It may help for him to know some other guys who are homeschooled. Does he have future plans? At almost 17, I'm sure he's starting to think about what he wants to do with his life. Obviously, if college is a plan, he should realize that he needs to pick up the pace a bit and get serious about schoolwork. If a trade school is something he's interested in, maybe you can just get him through the next couple of years, and have him take the G.E.D. I really don't know............ I'm sure some of the other wise ladies here will have some great advice for you.
Lisa, I'm in Maryland, just over the line. We have a program here that uses lifeskills to earn your diploma. You have to be 18, but it relies on what you have learned throughout your life to show that you know basic things like math, reading and science. One of the ways I had to show knowlege of health was to say I'd put frozen food in a cooler while I cleaned the freezer, and that I'd put food from the fridge in a cooler while I wiped it out. I do neither- I sit the stuff on the counter and just hurry up!! You see what I mean, though? If you stepson has allowance or works he must have some idea of money/math/budgeting. It' all lifeskills application. My Kevin is 19 and he has no idea what he wants to do. He's majoring in eating and sleeping, though.
Heidi you explained why I go by the school's outcomes while I work with Jeannie. I had no path to follow until I finally-after two years of asking- found them myself on the school's website. Now I follow their kindergarten agenda, I just have to find activities to work them out.
YOU can't get him caught up alone. HE has to want to do that. What does he want to go in the future? What are his interests? How does he like to spend his time? Forget the testing. I don't believe standardized testing is worth a pigs foot anyways. It's not used for anything other than saying "most grade 5 students know...". Whats the point? So they know things he doesn't. I'll bet he knows things they don't! forget the tests. Focus on things he enjoys and is good at. Find ways to make him feel good about himself. Learn anything you possibly can about what he might like to do. Not knowing much about him, that could be a tall order, he may not even know those things right now. But thats what you both need to learn - everything you can about him. Thats the starting point. Forget "school" and focus on finding out just who he is and who he wants to be. Once you have that information, you can find the path to get him there, together. Glenda
Lisa... Its hard at that age to try to *make up* :wink: At this point, it seems it would be better to get him to enjoy something that he wants to learn. What type of learner is he? Visual or hands on. He might need a different way of learning.. Remember too, you do have 4 years still. He might not be able to graduate *early*, he might just have to graduate,kwim? Don't try to look at what he hasn't done, look at what he can do. Its only been a year, and the first year is the hardest :wink: Give yourself kudos for getting through that first year and realize you might need to change some things. I have seen students cover almost 2 years in a year because they were self motivated. They were interested in something they liked. I know one teenager in our area who is 17 and is *unschooled*. He likes co-ops (groups of other children of similar age studying one subject and meeting together) and is wonderfully self motivated because he doesn't feel *trapped* by structured curriculum. He has *goals* as his mom puts it and he suffers the consequences if he doesn't mean them, but he *meets* them at his learning style.. At this point, you want him to enjoy learning and learning life skills like being industrious. My nephew who is 17 and I schooled some over the summer is not what I consider very *intellectual* in some areas, but in other areas with his hands and electronics he is phenomal, but not good at *books*... :wink: But he is learning self respect and a certain satisfaction that comes from learning his way. I hope that helps..
Thanks to everyone. I do feel a little better. I know that I can't take the results too seriously. It just kinda took me off guard, I thought he would have done better. Heidi: I live in Franklin county. No, I am not a member of any support group. I recently began to look for one though. I haven't found any close to me yet. Becky: Your Kevin sounds alot like my Coty. Lifelearner: He says he wants to do this but then when it comes time to work he needs a lot of motivation from me. I have talked to him about future plans but he seems to have none, except for playing music. He does not want to go to college or any type of schooling after highschool. He can not decide on any future career. He does assure me that he wants to get his high school diploma (at least thats what he says right now). TinaTx: This is actually the second year for him to be homeschooled. I have actually been homeschooling other children of ours for 5 years now. I still have not figured it all out yet. Every year feels like my first. As for his learning style, I am still working on that. he is not a visual learner for sure, but at times he doesn't seem to be a hands on learner either. I believe his main problem has alot to do with outside influences. His mother being the main one. She just does not put any importance on schooling. She will say she does but tell him differently. I have two other step children of whom she is the mother. I schooled the oldest who did graduate two years ago. The other girl did not. I homeschooled her for two years and then her mother signed her out when she went back to live with her. She has already mentioned to Coty that she would be willing to let him dropout. He has told her he was not interested in leaving schooling. I hope he does not change his mind. I love my step children as much as my two biological daughters. It is so hard though to love them like my own but knowing they are not. Coty is a good kid. He is very active in church activities and his youth group. Being 16, I feel lucky that he has not gotten into any major problems in life. There are no drugs, alcohol, sneaking out , or things like that. He has a major interest in music, his only interest. He can play several instruments and does play some for church. I have not excactly completely supported him in this. I do not stop him or "put him down" for it. But his chances of becoming a famous musician are not good odds. Maybe I have been wrong in this. Should I encourage it more? I am proud of his ability and have told him so. I fear that if I let him concentrate too much on music, that he will neglect other things he must learn. I just want him to be the best person he can and succeed at life. Together,we will continue to try our best. Sorry for the long post. Again, thanks everyone for your support.
teachin music to kids I would encourage his love for music. One job could come out of it with a little help of a place (room) to teach in. He could teach music to others. My boys who are 8 take from a wonderful God filled lady and she has loads of students. Old and young alike. It makes her a good living.
Lisa... It is obvious that you are an extremely caring step mother...its like I told my sister once who is a step mom too about her daughter's bio. mother, some woman should have never become moms. :roll: They end up making life wrought for the rest of us. It sounds like your influence is working since he had the option of dropping out. Sometimes as stepmoms you can't see the progress because its coming in *inches* instead of miles. I know my oldest plays music loves the piano and learning on his own the guitar. Even though he is young the same side of the brain likes music is the very same side for math,science and technology. You know Lisa, I don't know how mature he is, but when some kids have been through problems early in life, it has a way of maturing them on some things, but it might be possible to let him take a class or two at the community college. Let one class be of his choice: (Music) and one of yours :wink: The consequence being he needs to do good in your choice to maintain his... Who knows studying music may help him determine he might not want to be that star? Or it could give him something to look forward to while he tolerates learning the basics. It sounds like you are doing a good job. I know its hard, but at that age, they may more than ever need your will inflicted upon them since they don't have good judgment about education or life either one. However, it does get harder to get a 15, 16 or 17 yo to care about some things when its not been ingrained from birth. Either way, my *hat off to you* for being such a wonderful stepmom. I know at times, just in my very very lengthy conversations with my dear sister that it truly takes a selfless person to care for independent dependents. :wink: :lol: Big hug to you and *stick to your guns*, your caring for them will come through, if not now, then sometime in the future. Blessings
Encourage his love of music as much as you possibly can. My parents always supported me with my own and I thank them for it every day. There are careers in music other than "being famous". BUT, you truly never know-he may be the next great thing to happen in music. There is a reason why God gave him the talent and it needs to be fostered. You could encourage him by explaining that he could go to college for music, but he also needs to be able to get past the other studies as well since all colleges require a mixure of different classes in order to graduate. AND, another big reason why you need to influence it is because it aids in learning. Research shows that music aids in childrens progress with learning and learning disabilities. Have you thought thay maybe he doesn't learn best from his current environment? I am not saying that I disagree with hsing (I do it myself), but all kids are truly different and learn best in different environemnts. What may work for your other two may not work for your oldest. For me, there is no way I would have made it in home schooling. I would have been too lazy when I got to be a teenager. I know there are standards in every state and county, and I think by some degree you SHOULD listen to them. They are there for a reason. Some people think it's no big deal that they're children are behind. Those are the kids that I feel bad for because they will struggle twice as hard if they decide to go to college. If I were to stay with homeschooling throughout my sons life I would do what Becky does and coinside with the school systems curriculum.
Lisa~ I think you've gotten some excellent advice and some very kind words. I just want to "second" all that and say that I really commend you~ I can tell that you are doing an awesome job as a step-mom. I would think, like Tina said, that it would be very difficult at time, especially when you're "on a different page" than the biological mother. I was thinking as I was reading your post, that you should really encourage this boy in his music. I know you're probably thinking that he can't make a living with music, but you never know. Some of the others said that music helps to foster other learning, and I believe that to be true. What I would do if he were mine is really encourage him- tell him how much you enjoy his music and how proud you are of him that he is so musical- then you need to tell him that in order to really make something of himself musically, that he's going to need to learn some other things as well. I love Tina's idea about the community college. If he's not mature enough for that, then suggest the same type of thing at home- you'll offer to pay for music lessons in exchange for him learning ..........whatever class you choose. Sounds like a great compromise. Keep up the good work! Oh, and I'm in Juniata County. Don't know how far away we are from each other?!
I'll throw my two cents into the ring and say that I would definately find what he enjoys then take that and surround his lessons with it. So...say fishing....learn about the differences between salt & fresh water fish, how many fish can you catchand what size do they need to be to pass with the game warden, what size boat would you buy how much does it cost what if you borrow money and have simple interest, what if it's compound interest. Just wrap it around his likes. The other biggie is unless he just doesn't get it...he could suffer from test anxiety. :? Been there done that my whole life!
I just want to thank everyone for your advice and help. I will definetly try some of the suggestions. I love him and will support him no matter what. He is a good kid and I have faith in the Lord that he will be there for him.
Just a little food for thought...... sometimes these scores are not the best indicators...... there are kids that just don't test well. It doen't mean that they are not learning .
I was totally that way in school. I needed fun hands on learning to make things stick in my head. I hate the whole "sit in class and take notes" way of doing things. I don't learn when I'm not engaged enough. And then to sit and read, take notes, study study study, and hope it sticks in my brain? No way. Give me a science experiment or essay any day!
I just thought of something........ I have a friend with a mild learning disability (don't even know what's it's "labelled"). Anyway, she once told me that whenever she did acheivement/standardized tests in school, that she had someone read them to her. It's not that she can't read, but it was easier for her to do it when she heard it, as opposed to when she saw it. Could it be that something like that would help your son? I guess just reading the last few posts made me realize even more that we are always stressing on here the different learning styles of children/people- how some learn best visually, others hands-on, etc. So, why should we each be expected to take the same type of test?! That doesn't seem fair.
I agree. That's the one thing that I wish the school systems would have been more concerned over when I was in school. I would have loved to have someone read stuff to me. I have to read it, hear it, and write it if I want to remember something. Now that you mention it, in college I had my husband (he wasn't my husband at that time), his roomate, and my roomate actually take the roles in Hamlet and act them out with me in order for me to remember the play. It worked, I got an A. If they wouldn't have done that for me, I wouldn't have done so well.
