My dd went on and on last night on the way home from church about how cool it would be if she could live forever with her 2 best friends and have their family adopt her. I told her "Well, you know they don't live on a farm." She said that we should go live in their house and they could live on our farm and life would be just perfect. That just really stings. I didn't say much, just let it drop, but still it kind of hurts to think she considers her family disposable.
I know how much that can hurt. :cry: I'm there right now with my son, and was there at one point with my daughter. Many times it seems like children just don't "get it" or appreciate how much their parents really love them, and all they do for them. Pre-teen and teenage years can be really tough! Thankfully, my daughter has matured since then. She appreciates us and her life here at home with us more than before. My son..........well, let's just say he doesn't have a clue! He's so impatient, rude and selfish these days. I do have hope that one day something positive will click in his head and give him a new outlook regarding all he's taking for granted! I figure by the time he's old enough to want a car, want to have his own place and needs money to do these things and buy stuff, reality will set in and the light bulb will go off in his head!
Just remember, her friend probably wishes she could live on the farm with you! The grass is always greener on the other side. It's plain human nature to want what you haven't got. She'll appreciate you guys more once she's grown up and got a little perspective on things. My response to these kind of statements from my kids was just to laugh and say, "Well, sorry kiddo. You're stuck with us until you're eighteen. Then you can move out, create your socialist worker's paradise and never do another load of dishes again. Oh wait, I don't think real life works like that..." The kids got tired of hearing me mock them, and have since learned to zip it.
Sounds to me like it isn't the people she feels are changeable, but the location. We live on my old family farm. My dd12 went through a phase where the grass looked greener at her friend's house. She thought being able to walk to the park and hang out was the end-all beat-all of locations. She has since decided she enjoys where we live and our way of life. But I know that my son will probably not choose to live in the country, at least not in his early adult life, and that's ok. Take heart, mama. She was willing for you all to move with her....and for her friend not to live with her.
What hurts even more is when your 13 year old point blank tells you that they don't want to be with you.. I know he didn't really mean it the way it came out.. He has a "girlfriend" that he spends a LOT of time with her and her family and would much rather be with them than us these days.. We are boring.. LOL.. It's ok. Her parents are JUST like us.. so I have to laugh at that.. We have the same beliefs and wants for our kids and they are actually a bit more strict because their child is a GIRL.. The grass is always greener on the other side.. That is so very true.. But once you get to the other side you realize that it's just as green where you came from to begin with.. (((hugs)))
Maybe I'm a horrible mom, I'm not sure, but I'm not above using a little guilt to get them to really think before they speak. When my dd says something like "I hate it here, this stupid house with this stupid brother. I want to go live with BFF." I usually say "ok, lets ask a kid who lost their stupid home in a tornado, or someone who lost their stupid brother in a tragic car wreck, or some poor kid who's parents died in Haiti's earthquake if they'll trade with you." I say this very pleasantly. It isn't intended to make her feel bad, just to really think before she runs off at the mouth. works every time.
I'm sure all kids dream about how life would be living with thier friends....... It doesn't mean she doesn't love you just that she is using her imagination. besides at age 13, she really can't fathom her words can hurt your feelings
Emily doesn't mean to hurt our feelings, but sometimes she says things that point out how much older we are than her friend's parents. A couple of weeks ago one of her new friends at school saw us at WalMart and asked her later if I was her grandmother. Time to cover up the gray hair!
She's 13. She's just trying to express how much she likes the other people and being 13 is prone to clumsy phrases and hyperbole. She's still a kid who's going to say hurtful things on occasion because she doesn't yet get the full impact of what she says. If it really hurts, let her know. Don't sit and nurse the hurt in silence. If you're not going to say anything to her don't assign motives (like she thinks you're disposable) and continue to carry the hurt around. Model how to properly deal with these emotions to her. Personally, I wouldn't think much of it. I'd probably tease her about it, pretending to be horribly hurt and then forget about it.
All I have is *hugs*. My daughter gives me that with her grandmother, bc my ex-MIL spoils her senseless, and it makes me wanna cry every time - and she's only ten. I can't wait for it to get worse. >.<
Oh dear something for us with youngers ones to look forward to? Right now my dd only loves God over me and that I can take But yes I imagine those words would hurt. But don't take it too rough teenage years are about moving away from parents as we work ourselves out of our job of being a full time parent.
