Looking for suggestions on beating the bedtime battles... Because of the Christmas break from school, our usual routine seems tro be non-existant. What we're into now is becoming a routine in itself (the endless fights to get the boys to bed before 11 pm most nights). We do the bathroom trip, story, tuck in and then start it all over again at least 10 times a night and it's wearuing me down (should make for an interesting return to school next week - the school will have a bunch of crabby boys on their hands because they're so exhausted from all the late nights). We've tried warm milk (not working like it used to), and even tried outting them to bed earlier the next night if they goof around the night before (ie. if it takes them 20 minutes to settle into bed tonight, they go to bed 20 minutes earlier tommorow night - I wouldn't be so wound up if it were only 20 minutes I could handle that - it has become more like 2 hours). Does anyone have any ideas that have worked for you? The only thing I haven't done which I will admit I have considered is medicating them with Gravol or Benadryl (I should be ashamed I know). Brenda
I think Dad needs to be the heavy. How old are they? Once they're in bed, tell them that if they get up for ANY REASON (other than legitimate emergency!) they will be spanked. And do it, more than once if necessary. If they are in bed on time, you might want to let them read for a half-hour IN BED, but you may not. I know we're going to have adjustments to make next week, too! They've gotten into watching TV while DH and I stay in bed in the AM (he's a teacher on Break). Starting Monday, it will be up at 6 AM!
I agree with what Jackie said. Sometimes dad's gotta be the heavy, and they need to know that it's NOT going to be tolerated! You could also take away privileges such as tv or Nintendo or computer type games, playing with friends, whatever is something that would make an impression on them, and then FOLLOW THROUGH! Hopefully by now things have gotten better, without the Benadryl! :shock: How's it going?
Keep an eye on the time, too, Brenda. Give warnings beginning maybe 1/2 an hour before they have to go. Beginning even today yet, make a routine for them and make them follow it, even if you have to get tough. I have to do this myself everynight because my husband leaves for work before 10p.m. At 9:00 Jeanne has her snack and a video. At 9:30 Itell Jeanne to put her stuff away. Whatever she doesn't, I take away. At 9:45 we go for her shower, potty, brushing and blowdry. At 10:20 we read maybe three books. At 10:40 another potty At 10:45-50 we pray and I tuck her in. Yeah, that's a late bedtime for a four year old, but she wants to see her dad before he goes. And it's true your husband has to back you up. None of this 'Mommy says you're to go to bed', either. It's got to be his statement of what's expected, not like he's doing your dirty work. On Saturday nights when my husband is home he does a bubble bath with Jeannie. I needed that break each week and I argued until he said he would, which shouldn't have gotten to an argument anyway. Labor wasn't as draining as bedtime battles!
Brenda, You should have just asked me- in Ashley's 11 years, we've been through every single bad sleeping habit there is! At her 11 yr. check-up, I actually asked the pediatrician for some advice (as she was in another really bad phase!). He suggested possibly having "bedroom passes". I made 2 on the computer. She was allowed to use the "I have to go to the bathroom" or "I need a drink" excuse only twice- the passes were to be left in the bathroom as they were used. This seemed to work well! My girls are late to bed, late to rise; so, the actual bedtime isn't the issue around here- just the getting to sleep when you actually get to bed thing! Anyway, good luck! I know how frustrating it can be when you're tired and the kids aren't cooperating. Heidi
Becky~ Normally the girls are both up by 9:00. Ideally, I'd like them to have their breakfast, get dressed, and have their beds made, and be ready to start some schooling at 10:00. Since this isn't a perfect world, though, we're not always working on my ideal schedule! I guess that's one of the joys of homeschooling. Heidi
That's one of the advantages of homeschooling...you can set the schedule that works best for you. I was trying to get the kids up at 8, ready to go by 9, and I felt nothing was getting done. Last year, we started getting them up at 6 so they could have breakfast with their dad, and it's working SO MUCH BETTER for me! We're usually going strong by 7 (or 7:30 at the latest!) and are winding down by 10 or so. We "break" until lunch, then have reading time in the afternoon, plus a little time to finish up what wasn't done in the morning. I don't feel so guilty about running errands, etc. I friend doesn't start school until after dinner (!!!), and does school until around midnight or so and her kids sleep late. Not what I'd like, but it works for her!
Similar games again tonight and I'm not feeling that great (flu type garbage going on). Dad gets frustrated with the games but helps them a long by playing the "Brenda, Noah won't go to bed" game with me (that's such a big help when it comes to playing one of us against the other). Last spring we had a reward system going - when the kids went to bed without being nagged for an hour or longer they got a sticker and after they accumuated X number of them we went on a special outing. It worked and then we got to the point where we didn't have to continue with it - well, until the mortgage fiasco and then we've talked about starting it again because we have a couple other behaviors to work on as well. This was one issue we really didn't have when I home schooled Andrew. He went to bed easily and we didn't have the time pressures in the morning (makes me miss home schooling that much more). Thank you all for your suggestions. I do appreciate them. Brenda
Our ds goes to bed at 8 p.m. (he's an early riser, so it's non-negotiable - early to bed for him). He used to go to bed at 7:30, but for his sixth birthday, got an extra half hour! Ha! Anyway, we tell him 30-40 min. before bedtime to get his toys picked up. He then gets reminders the last 10-15 min. that his time is nearly up, and he rushes around to brush his teeth, get his jammies on (he's usually had a bath earlier), etc. IF he's in bed by 8, he gets a book or two read to him, or better yet, his Daddy tells him a story (Daddy is a master storyteller!). The thing we sometimes battle is the post-bedtime "need a drink", "need to go potty" stall tactics. We keep a sippy cup (to avoid spills in the middle of the night) of water by his bed, so that's one less excuse. And he's allowed to go to the bathroom once. Sometimes he has other imaginative reasons why he can't sleep. Dh sometimes has to lay down the law. The thing is, as someone mentioned before, you have to follow through with whatever consequences you've decided on. Blessings,
Jackie, I was like your friend- I tried to do lessons in the evening, on days Jeannie had classes. No way until 12!! It just didn't work out, because neither Jeanne or I felt like it. We will play games where she's got to count or put social skills to work, and I think that's just as important. My husband thinks I'm mean because I make her follow all the rules of a game, even if it's just me and her, but I want her to be acceptable to other kids when she plays with them. That won't happen if I'm letting her tell me her own rules for a game! I will let her change something if it's sensible, like if we're playing a game that will take forever with just two players.
I'm with you, Becky. You can;t go changing the rules of a game just because you're losing! And yes, there are times when we give some special considerations to the littlest one, because you can't expect him to do something as fast as his older sisters, or maybe we choose not to take him off on a board game, but as he gets older, the girls are expecting him to hold his own more and more. And besides, when he plays with friends, THEY don't give special considerations! Learning to lose graciously is a VERY important lesson!
Sorry to jump in here late....I was just going to add an "amen" to Dad being the enforcer (if he is home at bedtime). I once called a radio talk show to ask about children coming into our bed in the middle of the night (when you start them off in bed with you it is difficult to get them out! :lol: ).....their suggestion was to have Dad get up and walk them back to their room and lay down the law.
been there We have 3 dds. We have one that doesn't like to sleep. First of all, If our dds aren't sleepy at bedtime, I feel like they didn't do enough during the day. My dds go to the bathroom right before prayer time. If they talk or refuse to go to sleep, I hand out chores. Their chores include: cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, ect... I found this to be very helpful. They have to do these chores the next day after school. I once was like you. I felt out of control. My husband is very passive. So, I had to come up with an inventive way of taking care of it myself. We also stick to our routine very strictly during the week and are very easy on them on the weekends. My husband backs me up now that I have a plan. He enforces when I need him too. Hope this helps. melanee
It's my idea that if these fathers aren't going to equally share in the childrearing, they should assume full birthing duties ! I'd see that as fair. :wink:
Melanee, Thank you for those suggestions - all the suggestions here have been a great help to me, but I like the idea of the chores in place of bedtime (although I think I might get them to do them the same night - they'd surely go to bed without all the battles - every mother's dream). In the meantime, we (or should I say I) continue to plug away. Somedays are better than others - days like today when I'm exhuasted from work, I just don't have it in me to fight with them all night (especially when I'm fighting to stay awake myself - the temptation to crawl in bed before them and let Dad handle it himself was SO tempting, but I didn't). Brenda
more rest Brenda, I have found that I am more rested now because of the chores. A little hint is give them chores you have been meaning to do or that will help you in your cleaning duties. And for the more challenging child a more challenging chore. I have a very strong- willed child. She received the clean the wood floors on your hands and knees chores because of her stubborness. The next thing I know she runs through the house to the kitchen and back to the hallway floors she was cleaning. I asked her what she had done. She came down the hall with not one rag, but two rags under her bare feet skating down the hallway. That was fine she just had to clean all the floors twice since she disobeyed; however, I had to admit that was clever. I hope you receive much more peace and happiness at bedtime. Glad it helped. Blessings, Melanee
Oh, Melanee, are you SURE that wasn't my Faythe visiting at your house ? It sounds like something she'd pull! A very creative child, and her own way of looking at (and doing!) things!
I'm sure. I'm sure Jackie! That was my little Hanna. She is so very creative. I'm glad I'm not the only one with such an inventive child. (haha) Melanee
