I don't think so - I am pretty sure that toddlers will learn social skills from the people around them as they grow and develop. However. A dear friend (who is not particularly supportive of homeschooling in general) tells me that she is worried that my 2 1/2-year old 'needs that structure and socialization' that comes from pre-school. I am interested to hear other peoples thoughts/feelings about this issue, and how other people have dealt with getting their small ones socialized and/or teaching them appropriate social behavior for groups. My imagination (and limited experience) tells me that this is more of a challenge for first children than for subsequent children.
I had a friend that convinced me that I needed to put my 1st child a 3 y.o. at the time (on the verge of 4) in preschool. That was one of the wost decisions I made. It was a pain in the butt for my me, my son, my dd with health problems at the time, my bank account and the preschool. It's a long story, but dh and I ended up taking our son out of preschool after only 3 months. Fast Forward a couple of years to when I put my son in public school kindergarten...he wasn't used to a classroom situation and large groups of children and had a lot of anxiety (due to many things though). At the preschool/kindergarten age my son was the quiet sensitive crying type of kid. The school psychologist suggested social skills class once a week for my son. I must admit that did give him some tools to use to deal with things. That particular school, principal, teacher and such did not mix well with my son and/or our family, so the next year dh and I decided to homeschool our son instead. Things have been pretty good since then. For my 2nd child (my dd) I did not have her attend traditional private preschool and she seems to be doing just fine. Dd attended homeschool co-op classes with us, Sunday school, VBS and library story times for a couple of years now, so she is pretty used to being in groups. She also has a very different personality than my son. My dd seems to be rather outgoing especially with other children. My son does better with adults and has a more difficult time with large groups of children. He does fine with one-on-one or up to 5 other kids. Anyway, my daughter will be going to public school kindergarten in the fall (a different district and school than my son attended). She is already doing the summer school classes and is doing well. Anyway, to sum this up....I don't think toddlers or preschoolers HAVE to be in preschools to learn structure and socialization. There are other ways to teach them. Other places such as Sunday school, church nurseries, waiting in lines at the grocery store and learning to behave there, going to library programs/story times, where there are large groups of people can all help. Also, play dates with a few children might be a good idea too. I hope this helps in some way.
Now seriously who ever thought it was a good idea to get a bunch of toddlers in the same room together? lol They only learn bad social skills that take longer to correct. I think children need to be socialized at home and under parental supervision. I am not against playdates. I just see no reason to put a group of toddlers together. I have 4 children, three of which are over the age of three and all have never seen the inside of a daycare....ALL are well socialized. In fact, my kids do not have the same annoying toddler social behavior as many others. I think it's because their examples were adults and older children...OR supervised play. I had a home daycare and that helped my kids learn how to be friends, play and share. That's because I had a low number of kids and I was always very hands on. Preschool is not a bad thing...but I don't see that it is important in the least. Besides, you can't control what you don't see and you can't discipline what you don't see. Who knows what the preschool finds acceptable that you wouldn't..or whatever. Again, I am not saying preschool is harmful. I am saying it is not necessary. There are terribly behaved and wonderfully behaved children in and out of preschool. The point is how you parent...that is the main thing. Just have a few playdates for your child or go to the libaray for book time or something. If you don't see the need for preschool than don't second guess yourself. After doing daycare and toddlers at church and dealing with kids on my street...I don't think socialization is all its cracked up to be! LOL. Seriously though, children need to be social but the method for good socialization is not throw them out there and see what they do. lol.
Society tells these ladies their child "needs" socialization skills. I'm all for socialization, but that can be done just as well around older siblings, playing with friends, outside with neighbors, etc. No, a child doesn't have to go to preschool to learn "socialization".
"Socialization", i.e. having to have children your age to play with everyday, is a rather new invention. 100 years ago people weren't so into this kind of thing. Kids grew up without preschool or Kindergarten all the time, and they didn't miss out on socialization! It's NOT true that toddlers and other children NEED to go to school to get socialization---kids didn't have that for hundreds of years, so why is it now such a big concern? In school they learn peer pressure, that what the other kids say and do is more important than what parents say and do, they learn bad habits of other kids, they learn bad words, and what's cool and what's not is based on the "mob mentality", not on what is morally right or wrong. Those are just a few things that begin to happen in school. I'm not saying it always happens everywhere, but those are things that could happen. At home you teach them YOUR values, respect for parents, family and other people, and you can keep them away from certain things they don't need to learn at young ages, they'll deal with it enough as they get older. There are lots of ways to socialize, as previous posters have pointed out, school can be one of the worst ways to socialize your children! I have three children, the youngest is now 12, and the two youngers have NEVER been to a brick and mortar school. They are VERY well adjusted socially--they can relate to peers, but they can also relate well to people of all ages, which schooled kids sometimes don't do as well at! Some kids do great in school, but some do not, so weigh your choices carefully and do what's best for your child and you, NOT what someone says is best for you!
We had a similar experience as WImom. We enrolled DS1 into preschool because of everyone saying our shy boy really needed the socialization. What happened was he was miserable, he stayed sick (literally, for three months, and of course made baby DS2 sick all the time as well) and finally I'd had enough and pulled him out. Then I made mistake #2: thought I had to do a structured preschool curriculum at home so he wouldn't be "left behind" when it came time for kindergarten. In retrospect, I should've just let him play. DS2 was in preschool at ages 3 and 4 because I had to work FT at that time. He's a real people person so it was a good fit for him. He really enjoyed it...even though he was sick a lot, too. I think whether kids enjoy preschool or not has more to do with their personality than anything else. DS2 is still comfortable in just about any social situation, and DS1 still feels awkward if he's around more than a few people. I can relate, because I was the same way as a child, and even a little now. But he's smart and funny and treats people kindly, so it bothers me when people label shy HS kids as being that way because they're HS'd. I went to PS and wasn't anywhere near as socially comfortable as DS1 is at this age (he's 11). And I am certain that DS2 would be a social butterfly whether he'd gone to preschool or not. So I think the whole "they need school for social reasons" is total hogwash.
I haven't read any of the other responses.. but I am more worried about you letting someone else dictate how you parent your child(ren), than whether or not your child needs preschool. By the way do I feel kids need that group socialization.. nope!
I feel like yes, this could be a good thing. I'm kind of sorry I didn't send Jeanne to preschool. To me, if one does their job as a parent, any of the negatives with preschool can be overcome. You just have to stay on top of it.
Know what my oldest ds learned at preschool? How to pick his nose, how NOT to pick up toys (he was picking up quite well before this), and how to hit an adult when (s)he tells you to do something you don't want to do. Yep, that's about it. My two youngers do fine with social skills. Between AWANA, scouts, park days, and just being out in the world - they do fine. Really. And I get to be there and stop them before they make a mistake most of the time. "No, do not take that toy away from him. He had it first. Play with this instead." *children keep playing happily... and if not... one of them stands in the corner :lol: *
A 2 1/2 year old does not need group socialization, he/she needs Mommy's arms and the tools to develop motor skills, not social skills. I believe the need for social skills becomes stronger as the child grows. Still, the kind of social environment that is important is debatable. I feel safe in saying that a healthy and safe social environment isn't found in the public school system.
I have recently gone through this decision myself. We have three dds, the oldest being 3.5 yrs. I plan to hs in the future and I visit here for education and preparation. I turned to these ladies to remind me of all the reasons why I feel so strongly about NOT sending our girls to ps. Our girls participate in a drop-in parent supervised "preschool," they do gymnastics, they play at the park with other children, they go to the library every week. I do not see the need to send 3 yos to school. I had a bit of a heated discussion w a preschool teacher bc I told her that IMHO I think that ps is "glorified babysiting." Of course that was an insult to her and I shouldn't have said that, and when I see her next I will be apologizing. But in that conversation she told me that she thinks the children are better off at ps than with their parents bc "parents don't have the same resources." I fumed at that comment and thought about it. Our 3.5 yo can read all her alphabet and numbers up to 10, knows all her shapes and colours. Our 2 yos can count to ten and knows the alphabet song.... who taught them that???? Us, their parents. So, once I reminded myself of that, I come back to my opinion stated. I think society pressures parents to go against their intuitions and second guess themselves on what they think is best for their own children. I am so glad to have found this forum to be able to reach these ladies on here that help remind me and encourage me to have the strength to follow my own intuition on what is best for my children. You know what is best for yours. Katrina.
Since the 'discussion' about this with my friend, I have been watching my son closely. I was raised homeschooled (with my 3 siblings, all the way through) and have been embracing my life-long learning habits anew with my son. As I have been watching in the past week, I noticed that he doesn't socialize "well" with other 2 1/2 year olds, but can competently hold down conversations with all ages of people who are willing to talk with him as an equal. He readily demonstrates compassion when appropriate, and he uses good verbal manners. So, upon reflection, I have no idea where the 'problem' my friend saw is. Just one of those people who can't see beyond the system. Oh well. Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. I know in my gut that I am doing the right thing, but it's still nice to feel supported.
I had a friend that said the same thing. Ugh. Listen to yourself, NOT your friends. It was a nightmare for us. Take your kid to the park if you feel the desire so your "socialization" can include green, snot coming from kids' noses whose parents don't wipe, the stealing and lack of sharing of toys and the hitting of each other. Since when does socializing toddlers with other toddlers teach them to do what is right? I never get that.
I sort of think of it this way...A child only has a few years of devoted, one-on-one Mommy time. After that it's 60 or 70 years of group socialization. Why on Earth be so quick to give up those first few years?
Exactly! Except...I perfer the first..oh...8,9, maybe 10 years to be one on one Mommy time! LOL..just kidding.
Of course you're kidding, it should be the first 30! Then they can start being out on their own a little more! I know, I'm wild and crazy---Kris isn't letting go of hers 'til they turn 82!
I LOVE this. Also, in looking around the net I found this well-written and thoughtful article: http://www.homeedmag.com/HEM/246/takingcharge.html Good sources, great arguments, etc. I'll just save that for the next time someone tells me my toddler needs pre-school.
