Everyone is grounded

Discussion in 'Homeschooling' started by Maybe, Sep 18, 2014.

  1. Maybe

    Maybe New Member

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    Everyone here is grounded. Well, except the little ones of course. The computers have been taken. They have to stay in their seats until they can give me their work and I can correct it. 10 yr old continues to cause his problems of refusing to do his work and wailing about it. He did this when he home schooled in 1st and 2nd grade. He did this in public school in 3rd and 4th grade. His teachers would punish him, keep him in from recess and whatever else. He would turn in papers that were barely done and get a pass there. But at home, it has to be done.

    I write out his assignments. He "loses" them. I post his assignments on the board, they go missing. Now, I make several copies of his assignments. When he "loses" them, I produce a copy. And when he "loses" Monday's work, then on Tuesday, he has Monday's work, and Tuesday's work.

    12 yr old has Aspergers. We had issues when both boys were home years ago. Now, I am starting to have issues with 12 yr old again as he can see what 10 yr old is doing.

    In 1st and 2nd grade, 10 yr old only did one year of work. And I have a light work load. This was fine for when he went back to public school for 3rd and 4th because public school is pretty watered down anyway. He never wrote a paper, did not have spelling, used calculators in math, etc. But he is home again. I did back up his work to be at his level. I did not insult him nor did I use stuff that made him feel dumb because it says grade X on it. He is simply showing his usual work ethic, which is to throw tantrums-at 10 yrs old. When he was doing this at 3 yrs old, and 5 yrs old, and even 6 yrs old, I thought he would grow out of it. But he is 10 yrs old now!

    I went to my husband and told him that if it takes son two years to cover 5th grade, then he will still be a 5th grader next year. I will NOT promote him if he is refusing to do his work. He now has his own room. He has multiple copies of his homework assignments, one copy posted high where he cannot tear it down and hide it and claim it was never there. One copy is with his books. I do not know where the third copy is as it went "missing."

    My husband has collected up everyone's computers. (12 yr old has decided to imitate 10 yr old) and all have been warned..complete your school work, AND your chores, or you will never see your computers again.

    I am glad my husband is helping. Perhaps some day, 10 yr old will channel his strong will in to something good. He seems great at rallying up support for his "cause."
     
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  3. Shelley

    Shelley New Member

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    Hold the course, Mom! It's hard in the beginning, but when he sees himself losing all his perks and getting nothing back, he'll eventually come around. Consistency is key in bringing about change. You're doing a good job!
     
  4. Faith3

    Faith3 New Member

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    I think that is a great consequence! Stick with it!
     
  5. CrazyMom

    CrazyMom Banned

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    That sounds insanely miserable.

    Have you considered a spectrum sensitive school for the boys? We've got an aspie/autism spectrum school near us. My girlfriend's son goes on scholarship (she could not afford it otherwise) She had crazy tantrum issues, too...and the school helped give her some tools to engage her son so he WANTED to learn.

    I think you might be painting yourself into a corner where you lose your mind and run naked through the street with leaves in your hair. "The Day of Misery" will likely just make everyone miserable...probably most of all, you.

    "He has multiple copies of his homework assignments, one copy posted high where he cannot tear it down and hide it and claim it was never there."

    The problem is not work ethic or "losing" the homework.

    He's HATING his work. So much that he's being manipulative and lying to escape it. He's trying to gnaw his leg off...so to speak.

    How do you learn.... when you hate something that much?

    Why does he hate it to this extreme?

    There has to be a different approach that makes learning enjoyable again. For both of you.

    Good luck.
     
  6. Jackie

    Jackie Active Member

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    Another thought. (Just brainstorming here!) YOU keep a notebook. Each day, write all the assignments down on one page, and he SIGNS IT, signifying that he has seen it and is aware of what he is to do. Perhaps you can have some specific consequences (again signed) for not completing the work in a given amount of time. And positive consequences for getting it done. For example, you said he's off the computer. Each day he manages to get done without having a meltdown or whatever, he is allowed a half-hour (or whatever) on the computer. Again, just a thought.

    (Good for Dad!!!) Phillip, btw, has been off for the last two weeks except for 15 minutes to check email/FB in the AM and PM. Carl had promised Faythe she could get on "when we got home" because she didn't fuss when Phillip had it earlier. Phillip came in, got right on, and Faythe said something to her dad. Carl told Phillip it was Faythe's turn. He got mad, stomped up the stairs, and (the thing that busted him) used a certain inappropriate expletive that starts with "F". I didn't hear it, but Carl did!!! And he wasn't AT ALL pleased about it!
     
  7. Lindina

    Lindina Active Member

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    That sounds like a plan, Maybe. I'm glad Dad is involved with it too.
     
  8. Maybe

    Maybe New Member

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    Last night, 10 yr old was still sitting with dad, lower lip out, telling us all we don't love him, when I went to bed.

    Don't worry, I have seen this in him before too. He is very strong willed. I have had him do this over cleaning his room only to have him wake me the next day with a perfectly spotless room. I do not know if this is "normal." But he was in public school the last two years and they said it was. So, I just need to keep plugging away on this.
     
  9. dawn

    dawn Member

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    Ugh! I feel for you! My second grader is doing similar things. I have him complete his work three days a week and we do the other two days orally. I have even been doing that with my 5th grader because I get really great answers and discussions that way. Writing things for both my boys is torture. They both love learning and showing what they have learned but having them talk it out has been really beneficial. Maybe trying to let them do half of the work orally will help? (Them and you ) oh and definitely keep their computers until the attitude changes. Those are privileges. Not givens.
     
  10. vantage

    vantage Active Member

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    If this has been this child's normal mode of operation for many years, I might be time to seek outside help. Perhaps you could find a councelor to run his behavior patterns by and describe the family dynamic etc and see if they have some suggestions.

    I would be cautious about taking the child to a councelor until after you have seen what you can do yourself, ie it is better if the changes are implemented by you the parent instead of trusting your kid to a possible quack.

    I hope that made sense

    I also have to wonder about the gnawing the leg off to escape the trap concept. I would be asking questions like does he need glasses to read, do his eyes track together properly at close distance focus? Can he hear okay? Are their flourecent lights in the room he is working in or an adjacent room? (the flicker of fluorescent lights can drive insane those with eyes "fast" enough to perceive it, ditto the refresh of a tube type of computer monitor. Also the hum of the ballasts in fluorescent lights.

    Is there light or noise pollution in the house. If you are not sure, have your spouse flip all of the breakers off while you just listen. Is there a street light lighting up his room through a window at night, again with the buzzing and light vibes/flicker.

    Can he read? Is there an underlying deficit that he is having to compensate for? This can be very challenging leaving you stressed out about failing at each and every turn It leaves you with a feeling of incompetence and a total lack of control like everything is random and it does not matter what you do or don't do it might or might not be right.

    I had troubles in school because of ADD and Dyslexia that were not recognized and adjusted for. I was able to compensate well as I had enough reserve, but it left me with very negative and stressful feeli about some school subjects, especially grammar spelling and the like. Math was a challenge also, due to careless mistakes from turning numbers around and the fact it took me longer to think it through at times.

    You might have testing done for possible learning differences.

    Not suggesting you are not handling this the best you can, Its just that I can relate to an extent, and you might be dealing with something here that is not an academic issue. The academic issues might be a symptom of another problem.

    Good luck, I hope you son gets past this stage in your lives.
     
  11. Maybe

    Maybe New Member

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    I already did. But..the one thing I have not done yet is taken him to the eye doctor, which I am going to do now.
     

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