Family doesn't Support Homeschooling

Discussion in 'Homeschooling' started by JoannaGar19, Jul 8, 2012.

  1. JoannaGar19

    JoannaGar19 New Member

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    Hello Everyone... this is my very first post on this site and to be honest I just signed up a few minutes ago. I felt I needed support and fast haha Quick intro here. I am a Christian momma of a 4 year old boy and we started HS about a month ago (moving along slowly). Now my husband and I decided it would be an amazing experience to move to Mexico for 6 months (w/ the hubby's family)to really change things up and help our son pick up the language quickly. I thought it would be perfect to teach him both in English and Spanish. Back home (California) I have the full support of both grandparents and family members (a few HS themselves).

    So here I am in a different country that has NEVER heard of homeschooling!! The first few weeks here I had to explain the idea of HS to every single family member and defend my view point. It worked pretty well and I was feeling confident. That is until the family got pretty mean about it. They began picking on my abilities as a teacher and said I was being a selfish mom. My husbands aunt went so far to pre-register my son for school. This has been going on for 6 weeks and to be honest I am tired and discouraged. (sorry if I am sounding like a pitty party here).

    I know you are wondering what my husband has to say about all of this.. He had to go back to CA on a family emergency and my son and I decided to stay. Most of the picking on happened when he was gone. I have mentoned to him what happened and he is beyond sorry I've had to deal w/ them. I know the last thing he wants is a family fued. We go home towards the end of November so we still have a little while to go o_O

    Oh wow this is a long one... Can anyone give me any advice as to how to deal w/ his family or people in general who don't agree w/ me homeschooling. Also a side note here... My husbands family is of a different faith and sometimes I think they could be using that as amo.

    I promise after this post not to sound so whiney lol :D
     
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  3. Emjay

    Emjay New Member

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    Welcome, I hope you find some of the support you need here, there's a lot of lovely people who have great advice. Hopefully one of them answers soon.

    You don't sound whiney or like you're having a pity party. Homeschooling can be hard even with the love and support of those around you, without love and support it can be very easy to doubt yourself and your choices. Throw in a new country and culture and wow, I can only imagine how hard it must be. Everybody needs a place where they can vent. I've done a lot of venting here and received wonderful advice and support every time.

    Remind yourself of the reason you and your husband chose to homeschool. You're doing it for you son, not for the approval of family (though it'd be really great to have that too). People are usually afraid of new things, people are often hostile towards things they're afraid of, homeschooling is new to them. Your son is gonna flourish and become all the proof you need that you and your husband have made the right choices.
     
  4. kbabe1968

    kbabe1968 New Member

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    Welcome! Do not let them loosen your resolve!!!! YOU are his mother. YOU decide what is best. You were nice about it, now it's time to let them know that educating you child IS NOT anyone's decision but yours and your husbands!!!

    (((hugs)))
     
  5. Jackie

    Jackie Active Member

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    So your husband is Mexican, and he still has family there? Are you actually STAYING WITH his family while there?

    1) Are you Mexican also, or could there by some cultural clashes, and this is just one more thing? Do you get along with them otherwise?

    2) Why exactly are you there in the first place? His job? Just to visit family? Can you pick up and come home any time you want, or do you have commitments there?

    3) Your son is only four. Is it required that a child that young be in school in Mexico? Even in the states, most laws don't kick in until the child is six. Is there a reason why you're considering formal school that young in the first place?

    4) When will your husband return to Mexico? I understand that he's sorry you're going through this, but what has he ACTUALLY DONE in dealing with his family about this? HE needs to set down the law; it is HIS RESPONSIBILITY as head of the household to set firm boundaries with them, and be sure they are respected. I know that's more difficult to do with you staying there, and him being gone.

    5) Read up on the Bean Dip method of Homeschooling. http://www.homeschoolspot.com/showthread.php?t=5712
     
  6. julz806

    julz806 New Member

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    I was wondering about this too. I'm sorry you're going through this. You would think they'd be more understanding considering you're only there temporarily. If I were you, I'd try to head home early. Does your husband speak spanish? If so, he could influence your son's language skills by speaking spanish around him. I think being there is doing more harm than good if the relationships with his family are toxic, and they aren't respectful of your decisions. I would be RED HOT angry if someone went as far as to pre-register my child for school. :evil:
     
  7. Lindina

    Lindina Active Member

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    My sympathies! I'd be livid!
    I fully appreciate your desire to have your son learn his heritage language by immersion. I WISH I'd had another language to be able to rear my children to be bilingual!

    There's this one kid I knew who was growing up in 3 languages: Japanese with his father, Italian with his mother, and English in the community and at school! I'm still jealous!!!

    I presume you and your husband aren't going to cut ties to the family in Mexico after you return home to California. I hope you will continue to raise your son bilingually. Then he can write letters to the family in Mexico, in Spanish, and they can see how much he's learned and how well he's doing by homeschooling. Send pictures. Have him read a storybook in Spanish for them on video!
     
  8. azhomeschooler

    azhomeschooler New Member

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    What a great language immersion opportunity. Sorry to hear that it has been more of a nightmare than anticipated. I thought the same thing about him being so young. He is of preschool age, not even old enough for kindergarten. I would have my husband speak to the family. It is his family and even if he is not there, he should be helping you so you are not treated poorly.
     
  9. vantage

    vantage New Member

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    I would explain that your schooling plans are based on your reality in the USA and not a commentary on the local offerings in Mexico.

    At 4 years old your child is younger than they start in the USA anyway.

    I would let the child have as much language learning opportunity as possible. This cannot be replaced. You can always worry about formal schooling after November.
     
  10. 2littleboys

    2littleboys Super Moderator

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    If you're legally still a resident of CA, I don't see how you could pre-register in Mexico anyway?? (I'm assuming he's almost 5, and they're registering him for kindergarten?) The whole situation seems weird to me. I'd try to go back home or get your husband back to Mexico as soon as possible.

    Matthew chapter 10, Jesus speaking:

    "34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’[e] 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it."
     
  11. Cornish Steve

    Cornish Steve Active Member

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    Involve the family in your son's education! That's what we did when grandparents came to visit. Have them spend time telling your son about things that happened when they grew up, the lessons they learned, and what their hopes are. Have them teach a subject that they love - or just talk about the country that they love. They have the opportunity to pass along wonderful memories and stories, only they don't see that right now. :)
     
  12. JoannaGar19

    JoannaGar19 New Member

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    Let me answer a few questions that I received.

    - Both my husband and I are Mexican and speak Spanish fluently. My father spoke ONLY in Spanish to me at an early age. Once I was about 5 he started speaking English around the house.

    - We are currently living with his Grandmother. We thought about renting because it's pretty cheap out here but we would have to furnish the place and it just didn't make sense with the amount of time we are staying.

    - The trip was more like a family get away with a huge emphasis on having our son learn Spanish. My husband is working here with his laptop and phone so there isn't a total commitment to stay. His work is in CA. We can leave if we need to.

    - From what I hear it is illegal to homeschool here in Mexico. That does not apply to our son. Out here families send their kids to school at 3 yrs. To be honest that is hard to grasp. So as far as they are concerned my son is 1 year behind. There is a sad case of a 14 year old girl who lives with an uncle. Her real father left her and the mom. The mom re-married but the new guy doesn't want to take care of the 14 yr old so he refuses to pay for her schooling. She's been out of school since she was 7 yrs old. There is an obvious sign that she lacks many things. I am wondering if they think the same thing will happen to my son?

    I have quietly accessed the children his age and (w/ out bragging here) he is far more advanced in almost every area. That does bring reassurance :) I am not trying to make him as good as or better than. He is exactly where he needs to be. He loves learning and I try to make it as fun as possible (I am a total kid at heart). So maybe they think that learning shouldn't be like that? haha

    Hubby just flew in this morning so he is here with us. Between the two of us he is the one who comfronts and argues when he sees something unfair. I've tried to play down the situation so far but I do think they have gone too far and I have now involved him. The last thing I want is to severe our relationship with the family but everyone is right when they say that it is our child and our desicion. I just pray for wisdom that we can strongly yet lovingly express how we feel and how things are going to be done.

    thank you to everyone who took time to reply! It meant a lot to me!! Will keep you all posted.
     
  13. kricau

    kricau New Member

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    This is so weird. I was just watching "Not Without My Daughter" (with Sally Field) the other day, and this sounds so much like it. Ever seen that movie???

    I know how you feel though. My DH and I are both "second generation" homeschoolers, meaning we were homeschooled and now we homeschool our kids (for anybody who was like "what"? LOL). But when I was a kid my dad's side of the family would ALWAYS make fun of us (the kids that is) and question our education (the adults).

    And I was SHOCKED when I told my mom that we were homeschooling our first DD, she tried to talk me out of it ?!?!

    Don't give up, you ARE doing the right thing!!!
     
  14. JosieB

    JosieB New Member

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    It's fine to ask opinions of family members you respect, but the fact is the ultimate decision on parenting belongs to the parents. For the life of me I do not understand why people think it's okay to try and tell (or bully) people into breastfeeding or bottle feeding or cloth diapers or sposies or public or private or homeschooling!

    All those things are CHOICES and none of them make someone a great parent or a horrible parent. Making the RIGHT choice for YOUR OWN family is what makes a good parent.

    As far as dealing with family, hubby and I have a rule, he deals with his family, I deal with mine.

    Unless you reach a breaking point where things become dangerous or just entirely to bad, my advice is to bite your tongue and treat them with as much respect as possible and wait on hubby to deal with his family. Then try not to put yourself in the 'alone with his family' position again.
     
  15. Emma's#1fan

    Emma's#1fan Active Member

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    If your husband does not speak up and/or the family does not stop coming against your choice, then you might want to consider returning home. You do not want your kiddo to believe homeschooling is a bad thing. It could completely change the outlook for him. Plus, you and your husband can speak to him in Spanish all day if you wish since you both are fluent in the language. I do not know what part of CA you are from, but where I live, there are numerous opportunities to speak Spanish on a daily basis.
     

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