This is really just a little vent. Of all our family and close friends, we've had very few who have expressed open disapproval over our decision to homeschool. One of the most vocal has been SIL (dh's brother's wife). She is a public high school teacher, her kids attend ps (4th grade and K). Her biggest argument against homeschooling has been that "kids really thrive from the whole ps experience". She can't imagine not giving her kids the opportunity to foster those school friendships, participate in all the extra-curriculars (theatre and dance are very important to her), bla bla bla. Fine, whatever makes you happy, right? What annoys me is that every single time we see her (usually at family gatherings), she is just full of these awful stories about public school! About how the kids in her classes are showing up stoned and they're all more interested in texting than paying attention. About all the teen pregnancies. About the "mean girls" her daughter is having to deal with in her class, and the one mean girl's mother who has some sort of weird vendetta against her daughter because of an issue that happened between the girls in kindergarten, and how her dd was one of only two girls who weren't invited to a birthday party.... and etc etc etc. Honestly! You never hear a positive word out of her mouth about the public school she teaches at, or the one her kids attend, and yet somehow I'm supposed to want to send my kids there? Really?! Ugh! Anyway, that's all. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest LOL I'd love to say something to her, but I've been biting my tongue in the name of keeping the peace. I've got great inlaws for the most part, but dh's family creates enough of their own drama without me contributing to it LOL
Hmmm.. That would frustrate me as well. But it also tells me what she's saying against homeschooling and maybe what she feels are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. You know.. she's repeating what sort of amounts to (forgive me here..) propaganda about the wonderful experience and activities. But in her heart she wonders... just a bit. I don't know the answer. But I'd be tempted to smile vaguely and a bit patronizingly at her. I'd say, "Uh huh.. that's why I don't send my kids there." Then next time I'd just keep smiling that same odd little smile. I have a child in PS. And I don't even understand the party line.. what experience? Learning to be a cog in the wheel?? Ok.. I digress before I start a soap box post on your thread...
I think she is spouting what she feels like she has to defend her kids being in the PS system. Maybe deep down she is looking for a way to get them out, but being employed by the very system she is upset with feels "stuck." Hopefully something will work out to relieve the tension there
It sounds to me like she wishes she could homeschool. I know my sister has to work and always makes snide comments to me about being a stay at home mom (like I am wasting my education, etc). It is just jealousy talking, but it still hurts. You can always vent to us! Better than punching her....LOL!
When I was working in public school and homeschooling DS, I wish I'd had a dollar for every public school teacher who smiled wistfully and said, "I wish I could homeschool mine...." Many of the public school teachers', and most of the district administrators', kids were enrolled in the local parochial school at the time.....
My head would have exploded trying to hold my tongue, if I were in your place. Pat yourself on the back; you've already shown great self-control.
I have a friend that is like your SIL. She works for the schools and also tells me horror stories. But yet, she doesn't understand why I wouldn't want my kids to experience the public school system. I have the same reaction as you, "Really??!!" Personally I think that people like this feel they have to justify themselves to you. It's like they feel that we are somehow projecting ourselves as 'better' than them. I don't think I come off as 'holier' because we homeschool, but maybe our kids' manners and contented attitude bothers them because they can't do it (due to having to work or something). Like someone said, jealously.
I think society tells people the ps system is for the best. And until something happens to their own children to buck that idea then most are sheep and use it. It takes guts and perserverence to homeschool. Bless you for being able to hold your tongue in that situation.
I'm sorry this is going on. It's hard not to loose it sometimes! I have a MIL, whom I love, that made me feel as though she could homeschool my children better, and that I needed to listen to her. She homeschooled all of her kiddos until at least high school, and she just finished her SpED teaching degree. I was finally able to talk to her calmly about it, and told her that I am doing it my way, they way I feel is best for my kids. After 5 years of yelling and fighting, talking to her calmly worked. Now she gives suggestions, but is much different in the way she approaches it. And I have learned to not be so sensitive about it.
Yeah, I just don't get it either. If it is such a great experience, why do so many kids feel lost, frustrated, and hopeless. Yes, there is a percentage of kids who like the whole public school experience, but I would be willing to bet that the percentage is low. I think one of the most unfortunate things about public/private schools is this: kids feel they have to fit into one of the major groups of kids (clics) or they are a nobody. The super-smart, the rebellious druggies, the jocks, the country hicks, the rich, etc. There are many categories, but these were the main ones I can remember from my high school experience (20+ years ago), and I went to 4 different high schools. One of the high schools I went to was very small and it was the most comfortable to attend. I think the mass numbers of kids is one of the problems. The Bible talks about the foolish keeping company with fools. I think kids need more responsible adult interaction.
Maybe she is complaining about work, the same way someone would complain about a day at the office? I commend you for holding your tongue! I'm sure there are all sorts of interesting responses going on in your head!
Angie, sometimes its just hard for them to accept that we can teach our kids without all the years of reteaching ourselves via college and special classes the gov gives the teachers to learn new currics. I know in my younger years that my sil was more supportive of us than now. I love teaching as much as her but I have not had all the years of college as she has so I am no where near as good at it I am sure, and she knows it.
Personally, I wouldn't hold my tongue. I would just be cautious of the words I use when I told her nicely that I didn't want to hear about it anymore because it is the choice we made and it works for OUR family. Either way, you will irked from hearing her or she can decide to be irked because you will not listen to her talk against homeschooling anymore. I just assume not be irked and let her if she wants to be. But that is just me. From what it sounds like, there will be no peace with her either way. She will ruin the peace by complaining about homeschooling or she will ruin the peace because you will not tolerate her rants anymore.
You did a better job at holding your tongue than I would have. I surely would have tried holding it to keep the peace, but would have probably bitten my tongue off and said something, anyway
