Help- my son takes things the wrong way

Discussion in 'Other Conversation' started by cabsmom40, Jul 5, 2013.

  1. cabsmom40

    cabsmom40 Active Member

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    I know some of you all can relate or at least I hope you can.;)

    My son sometime reads things into what people say that they did not say and did not even hint at. For example, yesterday we were all just talking and relaxing and his cousin (22 yrs. old) was teasing my son (18 yrs. old) and saying that if he didn't do something that he would throw him in the pool. Everything was light and carefree and all.

    I then said something like, "Hey, he has been working out and he has some good arm muscles." (referring to my son). It used to be that his cousin could overpower him, but now the tables are flipped. My son said (in an upset voice), "I don't just work out my arms."

    I told him that I didn't say that and I didn't even mean that or anything. I just don't get it. I wasn't insulting him. I was complimenting him for goodness sake!!!:eek:

    This episode did not escalate, but there have been other things that have really set him off at times when no one meant what he thought they meant.

    I will also mention that I may be like this a sometimes too. I see it in myself and recognize it, but, heck, could he have learned it from me? I hate that I have passed on some of my faults.
     
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  3. kricau

    kricau New Member

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    LOL
    Typical teenage boy. The hormons are raging!!! My husbands brother lived with us for awhile when he was 18/19 and boy was he confusing. The moods were up and down like a roller coaster. I am so glad we have girls :)
     
  4. ABall

    ABall Super Moderator

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    dealing with that kind of stuff here too, not much advice....... just let them know we are kidding......
     
  5. Sarah M.

    Sarah M. New Member

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    I don't know if this is anything like what he goes through, but.... I have a hard time dealing with "compliments" that point in any way to the way I was "before". For example, if I get my hair cut (once in a blue moon), I dread people telling me how cute it looks or how much more mature the new cut makes me look or whatever because it feels like they are actually criticizing the way may hair used to be. Or if my mother comments on my "pretty" clothes and how she never thought she'd see the day I would wear nail polish, I feel very put down because inside I'm still the same me as I was 20 years ago (I went home and bawled my eyes out after that episode recently...thank you, pregnancy hormones).

    So he might just be feeling very insecure.
     
  6. MegCanada

    MegCanada New Member

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    One rule we try to drive home to the kids in our church is, "Always assume good intentions!" So if someone hurts your feelings, don't assume they meant to do that. Instead, calmly ask them what they meant. And then either address the problem if there is one or let it go if there isn't.

    My husband is similar to your son, and when he started working with the youth, he decided to try to embrace the "Assume good intentions" rule. It's really made a difference! Not only is he happier, but he's noticed that things go a lot smoother whenever he's in conflict with someone.
     
  7. mom_2_3

    mom_2_3 Active Member

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    Yup, my son is the same way. We'll be joking around and someone will say something totally minor and my son gets all emotional. It might be something soooo small but he will totally take it seriously. Drives me bonkers. Feels like we have to walk on egg shells around him.

    I think it's a phase. Hope he gets over it-he used to be so fun!

    "Mooommmm, stop it!!"
     
  8. cabsmom40

    cabsmom40 Active Member

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    I think it is a phase AND a reaction to criticism in his life- from me and his grandfather. I have to admit that I tend to be negative at times and that negativity does not lend to a good attitude. I can be hypercritical and I hate that about myself. I am not blaming my father, but I did learn from him. Then again, I am old enough to behave better. I am a work in progress and doing better, but he lived through this.

    So when someone is used to being criticized, I think they tend to see criticism when there isn't any.
     
  9. Lindina

    Lindina Active Member

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    If they were girls, we'd chalk it up to "hormones" mostly, wouldn't we? Boys can be "hormonal" too -- overemotional, reactive... but people expect boys to be steady as a rock, and they're not, any more than girls of that age are. Teens! >shaking my head< It's true that we need to not be so hyper-critical with any of them, and teach them to "Always assume good intentions" or "Expect the best".
     

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