Help with brazen family and friends

Discussion in 'Homeschooling' started by cherryridgeline, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. cherryridgeline

    cherryridgeline New Member

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    As I have stated before, this is our first year home schooling. Our schools don't start until September 7th, so I have touched on a few things here and there but, we haven't officially started. I have a couple of problems we are dealing with. I am just not used to people being so incredibly bold. The first one is, I had a neighbor of mine who was over having coffee with me. Extremely loud and in front of my kids she asks me "I just want you to tell me where you received your education to be able to home school your children" At the same time I was dealing with a situation with the television and my kids. So, I didn't answer her at first. One because I was thinking to myself, is she for real? Secondly, I was hoping this confrontation would just go away. But, she persisting saying Christine I asked you a question and I want a answer! Really??? :eek:

    Secondly, my sister in law is extremely judgmental of my family. She is a school teacher and of course she knows everything there is to know about schooling. My mother keeps saying to me, "What are you going to do when she finds out you are home schooling?" She is going to go nuts. We only truly have contact around the holidays. How do I approach this without ruining a family holiday. I will have a lot to say! But, I need to remember the amount of contact I allow my family to have with her. She also can be extremely brazen just like my neighbor.

    Any helpful suggestions would be great!!!!!
     
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  3. gizzy

    gizzy New Member

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    First off: You are not 6 years old. Nor are you 10, nor are you 14. You command the respect of a competent and equal adult and when ANYONE who isn't your parents or maybe your husband has the nerve to say: "I asked you a question and I want an answer!" You remind them that people in Hell want ice water, but they dont get it.

    Foolishness and rudeness must be handled carefully and the same everytime. Dont take that sort of thing from a 5yo and dont take it from a 35yo. Remind them that you will NOT be spoken to like that.

    Also, it amazes me that people act like you dont learn from books at school. If we are using books (much like they use in public schools) then what do you mean HOW are we going to teach? If your kids aren't in at least 8th grade yet, anyone who questions how you can teach a 4yo kid "everything he needs to know" is calling you an idiot. Dont be shy about responding in kind.

    As for your sister in law (I take it your mom supports your HSing) who cares what she thinks and why do you even intend to tell her you HS if you see her so rarely. Teach your kids, that if they love mommy and dont want her locked away for assault and battery to NOT mention they are homeschooled to their auntie unless she askes.

    You might have fun with it by naming your school and teaching your kids to say, We go to the " XYZ School of Academic Excellence and Individuality" when asked what school they attend and leave it at that.

    Just curious, what DID you tell your neighbor?
     
  4. gizzy

    gizzy New Member

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    Oh and remind Ms. High and Mighty that whatever she learned in Teachers College or what not, no matter how many studies she thinks are authoratative in Child Development and learning blah blah blah, those Degree Weilding Drs. who did all those intensive and extensive studies have not studied YOUR children and know nothing about YOUR students.

    While these Degree Wielding Drs. may hold Ph.D's, you hold an M.O.M. Masters of Mommyhood and you use the extensive knowledge and experience you have with (_____), (______), and (_______) to know how and what to teach YOUR kids and when.
     
  5. Mom2scouts

    Mom2scouts New Member

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    My first thought for an answer to the neighbor would be "I learned at a public school, like the one where you want me to send my kids. If they did such a bad job that I can't teach my own --grader, why would I want to send my kids there?" When I've been questioned about my choice to homeschool, I've tried to stay upbeat, positive and confident even if I'm not feeling that way.

    As for you sister, if you don't want a fight over the holidays, maybe you can just say "We've made the decision to homeschool, we're happy with our decision and it's not up for debate," and end the conversation there.
     
  6. MamaBear

    MamaBear New Member

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    I would have said, "Well, I dunno, do you hold a Phd in Psycology which might qualify you to berate me so?"
     
  7. Meg2006

    Meg2006 New Member

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    I had the same problem w/ my MIL. She is a 6th grade school teacher, and she went flop-bot when she found out we were homeschooling. I eman she blew up in our faces and then we didn't see her for a month sort of thing. (Which didn't hurt my feelings....oops..sorry) Anyway, she came back and said, "I HOPE you have changed your mind." We said no, and she was "ok" with that. We hope she will come around someday when she actually listens to our children speak and learn, but until then we take snide comments and such with a grain of salt. Really, public schools is all she knows and she's pretty narrow minded anyway, in alot of other acpects.

    As for the neighbor, I'd agree w/ gizzy. lol. I probably wouldn't say it, but I'd think it, surely! lol But really. You're an adult, and nobody DEMANDS an answer from you, let alone a neighbor. I had to learn w/ MIL that she doesn't NEED any answers form me, She doesn't NEED me to comply (I was 18 when her son and I married and it took a long time for me to realize that I was an adult and not a child in the game of life then.) and I think that's how you have to view this. It's your choice, and you don't answer to anyone on the matter.
     
  8. cherryridgeline

    cherryridgeline New Member

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    Gizzy,

    What I told my neighbor, Was I have a great curriculumn and I have eager and willing children who are thrilled to be learning at home. The curriculumn points me in any direction that I need to go. I also said, " I am blessed with neighbors who have PHD's and I know how concerned they are for my childrens well being so I can always ask them if need be" Her and her husband both have PHD's and are chemists. Her husband is sweet and even brought home a copy of the kids science books so he can come and help out. Especially, with the projects. He is not judgemental at all! He has come over at least 3 times this week to help teach the kids something fun.
     
  9. MamaBear

    MamaBear New Member

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    Surround yourself with helpful and supportive people. Don't allow those judgemental individuals to suck the life out of you and leave you questioning yourself, decisions and abilities. People like that are nothing more than poison!
     
  10. Jackie

    Jackie Active Member

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    "Excuse me, but who are you to be DEMANDING this information from me? Homeschooling is a LEGAL CHOICE made by myself and my husband. It is our decision, and is not subject to your approval. It is not open to discussion." And then I'd pass her the bean dip!

    Same with your sil. Thank you for your concern, here's the bean dip. DO NOT JUSTIFY OR ARGUE YOUR CHOICE!!!

    I might also add that, having been through the "teacher training" classes, they are 90% how to manage a classroom of 25-35 students. GUESS WHAT! You don't HAVE a classroom of 25-35 students! You have just two or three (OK, maybe more if you've a large family!). You don't NEED all those "classroom management" techniques! Or maybe you should have sent your kids to the government the day after they were born. I mean, how can YOU ever expect to teach them to walk and talk, go potty, or anything else without the proper training?
     
  11. TeacherMom

    TeacherMom New Member

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    Okay fro starters the neighbor--- You can pass the bean dip to, but she may just be curious. Then you tell her I have learned a lot on line but I also have completed said grade and according to the state of ____ that is all we need to be able to teach.

    Second the sister who is a teacher, I have a sis in law who teaches, I found the best thing I could do in our situation is tell her my schools here are way bad, she could check that out, then I showed that I would welcome encouragement in certain areas by asking for specific things, encouraging her in her teaching, and letting her know how much I admire her. This has helped through the years but we are on different sides of politics too so we don't converse all that much on school anymore.
    Personally I tell people I have had some college and have taught for z number of years ( hey since I was 19 I have been condsidered a "teacher" via day cares and twice been through ECE units in two states, but they don't know what that details just that I Have had some college. Offer to let them share thier expertise if you get stuck, remind them that its a free country and we are alowed to teach our kids as long as we know more than they need to learn. And then PASS THE BEAN DIP< its really notb.
     
  12. peanutsweet

    peanutsweet New Member

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    I would have ushered her to MY door and said good riddance. Doesn't sound like anyone I want in my house again, or in my life for that matter.
     
  13. lonegirl

    lonegirl New Member

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    I have very similar problems. My mom is very dismissive (not supportive). I point out that he is actually ahead of his cousin who is entering SK this fall (she is 5 and he won't be 4 until Nov)...his knowledge didn't come out of thin air you know. Then I get the "well it's just JK and SK but when he gets to real school you will have to think about what school he will go to." Uhmmm....and if we decide to continue??? I also get the "he better be in some groups for him to play with" No, I am locking him in his room, to never see another person again. LOL Sure he doesn't have as much interaction with kids his age as those in school, but we do Gymboree once a week and I have tracked down a couple homeschool groups and will see how the fit is...plus we do the park and splashpad regularly and the gym playroom....seriously I think he will be just fine.
     
  14. TeacherMom

    TeacherMom New Member

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    YA know, I understand school teachers today have to continue their education constantly so they feel intimidated by the fact we can teach our children without a constant cost of college classes and state ordained courses and guidelines to stick to so tight it is a wonder they can teach at all. My sil is really busy with classes all summer and then back to school where she has meetings and such to keep on top of things to teach JR High, or High not sure which at the moment. She loves her job but hates the extra stuff.
    WE research and learn constantly in my home school so I am constantly learning more too.
     
  15. AmyU

    AmyU New Member

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    I work in a school district for a summer program and before and after school program. I do think it is a good district better then the one I live in. But it is kinda sad and I wonder what is going on. Because a lot of the children I work with can't read, write or spell. They don't know how to do math. So what is going on here. The kids that excel are doing great but the ones that suffer are the struggler's and they get left behind and moved on grade to grade to grade and still don't know how to read, write or do math. My son is a struggler and when he was in public school, he just got moved from grade to grade till it got to hard and he started acting out and that became the issue with the school. Not why he was acting out. Little to say I pulled him out and yes he still struggles and hates school. But he has learned more then they ever taught him. My family has always supported me. My In-laws not so much. But oh well. They are not raising my child. The other thing I have done that the schools didn't, is found out why my son struggles. And we are work on it. I know this doesn't answer your question. But I believe you are doing what you feel is right for your family and that is what counts. And over time you learn to say I don't care what you think, it's my family.
     
  16. cherryridgeline

    cherryridgeline New Member

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    Jackie,

    I must say, I love your response! :)
     
  17. JosieB

    JosieB Active Member

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    oh my-I'd have went OFF. I'd have been like "uh-just who do you think you are to be able question the decisions I make for MY children? Where did you go to get that authority?"

    Besides-studies show the parents' level of education and the amount spent on curriculum have no bearing on well the children do...

    I will say though-every PS teacher that has been told we are going to homeschool has been very supportive!
     
  18. northernmomma

    northernmomma New Member

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    Wowzers! The gall of your neighbor to question your intelligence in your own house. I hope you used that as a 'how not to behave' lesson for your own kids. Great her husband is supportive. I would limit my coffee with the woman from now on so as to avoid further confrontations.
     
  19. Blessed_Life

    Blessed_Life New Member

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    I am a former PS teacher in a family of teachers, so I was very nervous to tell people about our decision to homeschool. But, most of my family and friends thought it was okay if I homeschool because I have a teaching degree and therefore "know what I'm doing"....I just smile and nod. Because I was a PS teacher, I *know* that my formal education has very little to do with my ability to teach. I learned how to teach when I was standing in front of 25 high school students as a new teacher. Great teachers learn from teaching....no matter where that may be. (And we all know that we learn TONS from teaching our own kids...I'm going to get a great re-education!)
    The real problem is not the teacher's education (or lack thereof) as much as the whole PS environment which expects that a teacher can meet the learning needs of 30+ students who are supposed to be 9th graders but whose abilities range from 2nd grade to college-level. When I chose to homeschool my kids, it was because I wanted to give them the *best* education...and homeschooling was the way to do it.
    Sorry for the speech, I'm pretty passionate about this subject ;) Most people have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to education...they're just following the crowd and sending their kids to PS because that is "what you're supposed to do." Maybe *we* know something they don't! So, my advice: just smile and nod and keep doing the best for your kids :)
     
  20. zombientraining

    zombientraining New Member

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    The public schools in where I live are pretty bad, so no one that I've told about my decision has said anything negative. One girl I know asked me if I thought it would be hard, since my new baby is due in two months, and I'll be homeschooling my 10 yr old. (I don't think it will be, at all)

    But I'd be pretty cross about a neighbor talking down to me like that.
    Id probably say something like "Having a degree certainly doesn't teach people how not to be so rude."
     
  21. BrandyBJ

    BrandyBJ New Member

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    Ahhh-this falls into the category of YOUR children. These people, and MANY MANY others are going to judge you. How you handle it-will get better with time-but I daresay NOT easier. In our society many people think its absolutely ok for them to hoist their opinions onto you and that you have to answer for not sharing the same opinions. Often times, these same people are the ones who cannot fully defend their positions-they just know most of the social group follows these morays and you should too.

    As with what you feed your children, what house rules you instill or don't, who you let them play with, what clothes they wear or don't wear, how they wear their hair...these are all the same category as how you choose to educate them. Your best bet is to know it will happen, and find a way YOU are comfortable dealing with it (ie-I am VERY straightforward and often tell people where to go, my husband is very clever and leaves people wondering if they've been insulted or not...others may be kind and try to "discuss" it)....

    and just know that if it wasn't how you choose to educate them it would be something else.
     

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