Need help.. About to cry.. :(

Discussion in 'Homeschooling' started by mommix3, Dec 2, 2014.

  1. mommix3

    mommix3 Active Member

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    So I've been working 2 jobs, trying to homeschool my daughter, and still keep my house up. I made a VERY hard decision and decided to let homeschool go. We had Lyndsey tested at the school and waited.. And waited.. And waited for them to call. Almost a month passed and we finally got the call with her grade placement today.. She's in 5th, but they wanted to place her in 3rd! She's 11 and I didn't think she was at 3rd grade level. I'm feeling like a failure and I'm a bit overwhelmed once again trying to fit homeschooling into my already overbooked days. I barely have time to breath these days.. ((((sigh))) My husband has NO clue how to homeschool and has no desire to do it anyway.. Don't even get me started on that mess:evil:!!! So can someone help me figure out how to juggle this? I don't know how much longer I can take all this. I get up and go to work around 9:30 and get home around 7, then cook dinner and clean the kitchen and it's time for bed. Wednesdays I don't get home until around 10. How can I school her in just an hour a day?? This child is very smart and catches on very quickly.. She bombed the test though. I know she's behind on math but reading she does very well with as well as writing. Math she got 15 out of 40 questions right and reading she got 8 out of 20 right. She's upset and feeling bad about herself as well. That makes me very upset. She didn't do anything wrong. Anyway, It's been a pretty rotten day all around.
     
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  3. Shelley

    Shelley New Member

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    I'm so sorry. That must've been a very unwelcome surprise and extremely frustrating.

    I'm just going to assume your husband is completely out of the picture as it sounds like he isn't willing to help. So my suggestions will stem from that.

    First, did you talk to your daughter to see what she felt was the problem? You say she does well with reading but didn't do well on the test. Did she indicate why the test posed a problem for her? Some kids simply don't test well. If this is more of a testing issue than a knowledge issue, then your approach to the problem needs to address that.

    Second, what curriculum are you using? Could you shift to something like K12 or another online program that would more-or-less remove you from the equation if you aren't using those already?

    Third, does the school have any tutor recommendations in your area that you could take advantage of? I know your husband won't do the homeschooling himself, but could he drive her to a tutor who would [or perhaps a tutor could be found who would come to the house].

    Fourth, take advantage of the weekend for homeschooling. Target those subjects she seems to struggle most with and focus your attention there.

    Fifth, and this isn't so much about homeschooling but about your household, it looks like your other kids are all old enough to be contributing much larger amounts of time/effort to the household. Things like cooking, cleaning, laundry...those can and should be done by all the kids in your house unless there's some issue with them physically/mentally that makes it impossible. No way should you be working two jobs and come home to have to cook and clean. That's a recipe for burnout for you. You deserve a break, too. Make sure you carve out some peace in all that.
     
  4. Jackie

    Jackie Active Member

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    Oh, Sweetie, I am SO sorry!!! I wish I had some advice, but I don't. Shelley had plenty to suggest, however. The only thing I WILL say is to NOT beat yourself up over this!!! There's so much involved in learning and testing that you don't have control over. I think I would concentrate on helping her to not feel like a total failure, and work on building up her confidence.
     
  5. mommix3

    mommix3 Active Member

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    ((sigh)) Fortunately, hubby is part of our household. He's disabled and has a hard time physically doing any of the house work. BUT he also doesn't bother to make sure that the kids are doing their chores. Watches TV and Sleeps off and on all day. He's in a state of depression right now being that he just became disabled. We are waiting for disability to approve his request for a check. I feel bad saying that he doesn't contribute, but he doesn't. He could at least make the kids do their chores. If they did, it wouldn't be such a big thing for me to take care of the house. They are all old enough to do their chores that they have always had, but without someone here to make them, it doesn't get done. I told him he HAS to help me homeschool her. He was the one who wanted to continue with homeschooling anyway. Otherwise we would have tried to place her in public school at the beginning of the school year. He says he doesn't know how to do it, I completely understand what he's feeling, but he needs to try and help. And so far, this week has turned out to be a horrible week. Tomorrow is not looking to be any better. ((sigh)) Between stuff going on at my main job and trying to figure out what to do with my daughter I'm beyond stressed. Things will get better and we will figure it out, but I DO need a break. One that doesn't include being in bed for a week with pneumonia like last week. Thanks for your suggestions. I haven't had much time to be on here lately. Sorry it was a whiney post :/ Sometimes you just gotta vent.
     
  6. Jackie

    Jackie Active Member

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    Don't apologize. It's not a "whiney" post, but one that expresses your complete frustration. That's reality. We're a safe place to vent.

    Can you sit down with her the night before and give her the assignments for the next day, and then he could go over them with her in depth or just help her as needed? I would also make a list of jobs that need to be done while you're at work. List the job, and who is responsible to see it done. And have very specific consequences for not having them done by the time you get home.
     
  7. Shelley

    Shelley New Member

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    I agree with Jackie. Your post isn't whiney at all. You're obviously overworked and frustrated. That's going to happen when others aren't pulling their fair share of the load.

    I also agree that it might be time for a very direct family meeting. It's time to lay down the law with the whole family with regards to expectations. Don't sugar coat it. Let them know you're going to reach a breaking point soon, and then there really will be heck to pay. Tough love is in order for everyone at this point, and that includes your husband [although I would save that talk for private between just the two of you].

    Maybe make some crockpot meals in advance over the weekend and assign a child a day to put it in the crockpot before they leave [or have your husband do that]. If you buy the crockpot liners, clean-up is easy as you just remove the liner and throw it away.

    Really, though, for you to have any relief, your husband's just going to have to man up and be more helpful, even if that means leaving some comfort zones behind. I have no doubt he's struggling with adjusting to his new role, but that's no excuse to leave it all on you. Be honest and direct with him about your needs [and, yes, they're needs].
     
  8. 2littleboys

    2littleboys Moderator

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    I agree with what others have said. You have too much on your plate, and it's easy to see why you're so frustrated. I'm sorry you're in this boat. :(

    You need to be a manager and delegate responsibilities to others, and you need to come up with a homeschool program that isn't so teacher-intensive. Perhaps the low score was just a fluke (bad test-taking skills?), or perhaps it's just what was needed to say, "Hey, you're old enough to take responsibility for your own school work now." Let the lessons do most of the teaching, follow up to make sure she's understanding, but let her do most of the work herself. You can't learn for her.
     
  9. Lindina

    Lindina Active Member

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    Not whiney at all! I don't know that I can say anything that the others haven't already said. This schedule will break you down if you don't get some relief, and you can't get relief unless you sit them all down and explain things. I understand your hubby is depressed, so you should have the private talk with him. He doesn't have to know how to homeschool, just see that she does her work you assign. Like the others doing their chores - he doesn't have to do the chores, just see that they get done.

    I don't know what to say about her testing. It could be the testing itself that is to blame. I know TX says they don't have common core, but they do, just by another name. If you don't really want her in public school, don't send her and don't worry about what the testing results say. If you do really want her in public school, bite the bullet and let them put her where she tests.
     
  10. mommix3

    mommix3 Active Member

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    Thanks guys.. I asked hubby to order my daughters new homeschool curriculum (we went down a grade level) I thought I had the website up on my computer so he used it and when he opened it up it was on this very post.. He commented on it and I could tell it made him feel bad but..... I "sorta" felt bad about it, but he has been helping out much more since he saw it.. And the kids have been doing their chores as well. :)
     
  11. Jackie

    Jackie Active Member

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    Maybe he just needed to be hit on the head about how stressed you are. You know how guys can be SO clueless sometime!!! ;)
     
  12. MagnoliaHoney

    MagnoliaHoney New Member

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    I'm hoping things are going better now. I personally would probably have the same problem with my husband. He is so into taking care of his family, when he was with out a job (not his fault) for some months it put him into a depression where he didn't even realize what a pain he was being to me! I personally didn't care he didn't have a job (it did not make me feel he was less then, or treat him less then etc, but it was the first time in our whole marriage of over a decade that he did not have a job and could not provide completely for us, and it made him feel awful!).

    That being said, DiscoveryK12 (not k12 at all) may be something easy your daughter could do on her own. And you just check the site and make sure she did it! (they keep records, and it's free!). You assign some reading each week. Surely your husband could learn to go to the library and have the kids pick a few books a week and learn to take them back... stuff like that. And for sure sign up for khan academy (free) for math games, and such, to improve the math.
     
  13. featherhead

    featherhead Member

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    We went through the book Love and Respect last year, and one thing the writer said was that for most men they would rather die than lose their job or not be able to work. I think right now he is probably just very discouraged about his new disability. Hopefully with some time he will come around and be a bigger help to you at home.
     
  14. cornopean

    cornopean New Member

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    For the math bit, can you hook her up with xtramath.com? if you can require her to do one multiplication and one division per day.....that could at least help her with the math facts.

    Is there perhaps a neighbor that could help out with the HSing? a retired person who could perhaps coach her thru her lessons?

    Can you make a list of stuff she has to do e.g. one lesson from your math wkbk, spelling wkbk, grammar wkbk, and one chapter from whatever book. Then can your husband at least make sure she completes her list?

    Not sure what else to advise. You have a very tough situation. God give you strength to keep on. I hope there are family/church/friends who can come along side you at this time.
     
  15. cornopean

    cornopean New Member

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    I am a man and a husband, and I can heartily affirm the above. The thot of losing my ability to provide is horrifying.
     

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