I recently saw this show on TLC called Radical parenting, and in it they had three familes and 3 different parenting styles. 1. Parents saw their children as equals, and there was no heirarchy. Whatever the children wanted, they got. No discipline. They also did unschooling for their 5 and 6 year old. 2. Gender neutral parents. These parents let their boys play with high heeled shoes, dollhouses, and so on. 3. Attatchment parenting. Breastfeeding children until they are 4. Wearing children until they are 2 or 3. After watching that video I was floored. How can parents do that?!?! Family number 1: there has ot be a heirarchy at my house. I am the parent, and you are the child. I'm not going to order you around like a little slave, but you need to know who is in charge. Parent Number 2, my views have changed on them. A family friend brough some new toys over and my oldest son who is 2 1/2 went crazy over a doll house. I didn't totally disagree with them anyway, since kids can be kids. Parents number 3. Why? Extended breastfeeding...ok...helps the immune system. Baby wearing? They said that their youngest son Luke, in his first year he was held 24 house a day. How is a baby supposed to explore and crawl? Odd. Does anyone do any of these things or oppose my views? I would really like to know about this. Also, I think I have changed to the unschooling approach until my kids are older, like...4 or 5. The preschool structure just isn't working. My son liked doing his workbooks, but not sitting and so on. hm.
LOL, I belong in camp number 3 and have no problem with camp number 2. Baby wearing is a wonderful way to stimulate your child's development. Think about the alternative - a baby in a swing or a playpen. Sure the baby can see and explore his limited environment, but a baby that is worn gets to see and hear everything that the parent does. It is a great way to provide language models. A baby in a carrier is more likely to make connections between what the parent says and what he/she sees. Babywearing 24/7 would be hard. Did they wear the baby at night? Babywearing also gives your child a comfortable place to sleep. I still wear my almost two year old everyday. She loves snuggling on my back, folding her hands and going to sleep while I read to my older kids. Babywearing is also an excellent solution for a parent of a child who needs constant stimulation. To me it is weird that babywearing would be frowned upon when western society thinks it is normal for a baby to sit alone in an infant carrier looking around for long periods of time. While I wouldn't breastfeed until 4, I would until age 3. It is good for the baby and good for me. If I had my say my boys would have had dolls, dollhouses, etc to play with when they were young. But dh didn't agree. Now that they have a baby sister they get to play with those things though It is odd that a society that wants to raise children to be hands-on fathers actually has a problem with a little boy playing with dolls. High heeled shoes - probably not since I don't wear them myself. I have no problem with my little girl playing with cars and trains either. But I will not allow Barbie into our house I am an unschooling fan up until age 5 too. I don't believe preschool is more beneficial than playtime. Play is the work of the child after all
If it wasn't radical, it would be interesting enough to be a TV show. The popularity of many shows is founded in the controversy. I wonder how many from this board are going to look up the show now...? I have always thought that the ironic part about TV shows are that if they did portray the "average" family, we would be watching shows about people watching TV and how boring would that be? (Think about it.)
Indeed. There was a local man who was on a reality show. After the show aired he went on the local station and shared that what played out on screen wasn't exactly the way it was. The show was edited to look as if he hated a few of the people and he said that it wasn't so. They literally cut out words and mixed scenes to make it more "shock worthy". For contoversy of course. He even asked to leave the show but they wouldn't let him. So after it aired, he was legally allowed to go public and correct his image. Hmm! He shouldn't have gone on in the first place. Let that be a lesson in the world of entertainment.
Can totally get behind 2 & 3 (well, I wasn't an attachment parenter, but I know there are intelligent, logical reasons to do it). #1? No way. THAT explains a lot of what is wrong with our society as a whole today...just my humble opinion of course.
Embassy, do you wear them 24/7? I would guess that you DO let them have some "explore time", for lack of a better term. Sure, letting them spend all day in a swing/play pen/crib all day is not good for a kid, but neither is not giving them ANY time to explore their environment. I can appreciate parenting styles different than mine. While I might not agree with them, but guess what! God did NOT give those children to me! I'm too busy trying to deal with those He DID bless me with to worry about those He didn't! I'm quite content to let THOSE parents deal with their own kids! Phillip, btw, has been known to play dolls with the little girl across the street. Do I think it will warp him forever? NO!!! Just five minutes watching him run with the other boys in the neighborhood would convince you he's ALL boy!
No I don't wear 24/7. I highly doubt anyone does though. That is likely more of an expression. My oldest son pretty much needed 24/7 holding his first year of life. He did get plenty of non-holding time but the majority of his time was being held or touched.
And that's fine. It's not MY style, but I sure can't tell you, or anyone else, that you're "wrong". The point is, kids need BOTH the holding and cuddling, as well as the opportunity to explore the environment. Some people tend to be more one than the other, but unless a person is VERY extreme one way or the other, I doubt any damage is done to the child.
Oh yes, parents number 1 had a co-sleeping arrangement. I can't imagine doing that. I have not had a SIDS baby, but I know plenty of friends and aquaintances who have, and when it happens so close, you really think twice about it. I don't understand how parents can know the risks of co-sleeping and still do it. Now, i've seen the cribs that attatch to the bed, and that is alright, but couple 1 had the baby IN their bed...between them.
I'm in camp #3 with Embassy. My kids nursed until they were ready to stop (at 30 mos. and 20 mos.). We co-slept--didn't even bother setting up a crib. I even built ds's clubhouse with dd strapped to me in her snuggly at 2 weeks old. We wouldn't have it any other way. As far at camp #2, we encouraged ds to play a father role. Heels...huh uh. Most of the time, when I see parents who go out of their way to be "gender-neutral", they end up actually crossing over into "gender-reversal". IMHO, let it be a non-issue rather than a focus. Camp #1--say what?! Sounds more like uninvolved parents to me. I know people who practice this, but none of them are ignorant enough to try to claim it is intentional.
Been there done that too Most of the world practices co-sleeping (90-95%). Co-sleeping is safe if you practice it safely. Co-sleeping also reduces SIDS. Your baby is in tune to your breathing patterns. I find it awesome when I take a deep breath near my sleeping infant she does the same in her sleep. I have practiced co-sleeping with all my kids.
I watched this program over the weekend on Discovery Health. Family #1 were RADICAL Unschoolers.. I mean this in the most extreme sense of the word radical! I really worried about the educational future of their children. I do understand unschooling, and do impliment it some.. but I am the parent and so is hubby.. we are the bosses of our home, the kids have a bedtime and are required to do basic hygiene... these parents didn't enforce their children bathing or even brushing their teeth, ummm yeah ewwww. I am all for throwing the books aside because something else has struck my kids interests or something fun (and sneakily educational ) is going on in town, but I still feel my kids need my guidance.. how do they know what exists to get excited about unless they are told it is out there? Family #2, I didn't get to watch all of their segment, but did catch some things like a woman encouraging the boy to go pick out a dress to wear. To me that was just WRONG. My boys have access to and play with dolls, doll houses, pompoms, etc. And Rylee is forever playing with the boys toys. I see nothing wrong with this.. in fact Reagan stole Rylee's HUGE stuffed Strawberry Shortcake doll when he was just about a year old and still to this day sleeps with her. Big deal, no, but telling Reagan to go wear a dress... NEVER in a million years! They each know their gender role, and fall into it naturally. Reagan likes to help cook and clean, but if daddy is doing something manly he is right out there helping him, and would do that over doing mommy type things. Ry on the other hand would prefer to help me in the kitchen, but also is willing to help daddy clean cars or what ever. Garrett.. well I left him out of this equation.. he knows how to clean and cook.. and change oil and fix vehicles and build things and all things manly.. but would rather play videogames at this stage in his life..lol. Cameron he is just too small to be daddy's shadow yet so most of the time he is ummm helping me unfold the piles of clothes I just folded. The 3rd family, while I do see some of the points in attachment parenting, I have other children and can not devote every second of my day to any one of them. I do breastfeed... but can't imagine doing it until they are 4, I think my limit is probably about 2 (never made it that far yet). We don't co sleep, when the babies are tiny they are in a bassinett against my bed, then they go into a crib in our room till they are a year or so.. Cameron will probably stay till 2 because we are building a bedroom downstairs for Garrett and it will probably take that long to have enough money to get it all done (we don't even have an internal stairway to the basement right now!) I also don't babywear... to go out when they are tiny we use the sling, but at home I don't believe in carrying them around. I want them to explore the house, get into things and make messes. I want them to find some independance at a young age (in fact right now Cameron is completely inside my pan cupboard because he can't pull the ones out that are in the back). He peeks out to see that I'm nearby, and goes back in. If I leave the room he will most likely follow me, but I'm not going to panic if he doesnt'.
I think the essential thing wrong here is balance: #1- Yes, respect your kids, but they have to learn to obey and be under authority. Your whole life you are under some authority--in work. Even if you work for yourself you are under God's authority. As they get older you can give them more options and decision making as long as they show maturity. #2- Well, I don't think you should freak out if a boy chooses to play with a doll house, I wouldn't buy him his own. My sister once asked me something along the lines of "If your son want's a dollhouse bed, why wouldn't you buy it?" I haven't thought it all out, but I just wouldn't. #3- I think kids need strong bonds with their parents. I held my son a lot, but I also let him play independently a lot. One of my favorite things was to have him fall asleep laying on me and just leaving him there for a while. But, too much is just too much.
Originally, I am from Cornwall, which for locals is a comparatively poor area of Britain and very rural. In previous generations, it was one of the roughest places in the country to live. Anyway, I remember hearing how my uncle's sister (or it may have been aunt, I forget) would breastfeed her child after he started school. She'd lean against the school railing, and he'd feed from the playground. Apparently, no one thought anything of it because it was not unusual at the time. The family was very poor and rough-and-ready, so they probably didn't care about what others thought. That was maybe two generations ago.
I know lots of people who practice attachment parenting. I don't know of any who wear their baby the entire day. It is usually that they wear their baby when others would put their baby in a swing or playpen or saucer toy. Babies who are worn get plenty of time playing. I don't know about that particular family in the show, but a typical parent practicing attachment parenting would give their baby independent play time.
I agree with you. I think the point is being willing to wear the child when others would use a playpen or swing. My children slept on me and I wore them when my priorities dictated that I work on something else. They are both extremely independent people, but they still like to cuddle with mom and dad whenever our bed will hold us all.
#1 - NO freaking way! Enough said. #2 - I don't care what kind of toys my kids play with. My girls can play with dump trucks, they both have remote control cars and my oldest hunts. If I had a son I would be fine with him playing with dolls or something like that. BUT - Encouraging a son to choose a dress? Again No freaking way! #3 - I never wore my kids. We had a nice healthy equal amount of time between being held and allowing them to explore the house and get into things and just play. I know people do it and whatever YOU want to do with YOUR kid is fin but I could never see MYSELF breastfeed my child past 1 year or 18 months. I personally think it is kind of creepy. They can drink out of a cup so give them one. Just my opinion so don't go off on me. Like I said do whatever YOU want with YOUR kid. Co-sleeping? Again I know many of you do it but I never would do that. I always had them in a crib in my room by my bed until they were 6 months or so. The they were taught to sleep in their own beds in their own rooms. Sorry but I love my husband and want to cuddle with him and ......... well I'll just come out and say it........we have a very healthy sex life and that wouldn't happen with a kid in the bed. Okay now I gotta watch this show.
I always find it fascinating to discover that I'm doing something "radical" - but of course everyone on this board is a radical simply because we home school. Personally, I think you do whatever it is your children need you to do - there's no hard and fast rules about the right way to do it. If your family is harmonious and your children are healthy and happy, then whatever it is you're doing, you're obviously doing it right. With child no. 1, I had her sleep in bed with me from the day she was born. My husband and I got creative about our "alone time". Fun times! No worries about her suffocating - I was always aware of her. And it sure made night-nursing a whole lot easier! When she was about a year and a half old, I was about due to give birth to child no. 2, so I bought my first baby a twin bed and set her up in her own room - right across the hall from us. She spent a little while running across to get into our bed, but eventually she started sleeping through the night and (mostly) only climbing in for morning snuggles. She nursed for about a year and a half, and then seemed to wean herself - maybe the pregnancy changed my milk, I don't know. Baby no. 2, he only slept with us for a few weeks. He was a squirmer and a very light sleeper. I found that both he and I got better sleep if I put him in the bottom of the travel crib (I never bought a real crib). By the time he was about 9 months old I had him in the twin bed with his sister - she didn't mind him kicking her, and she slept on the outside so he couldn't roll out. I nursed him for about a year and a half, and then I'd had enough. I'd been nursing for almost three years straight, and I wanted my body back! He was a bit cranky about that, and in retrospect his special dietary needs might have been better handled if I'd nursed him longer. Oh well... I "wore" both babies everywhere, but I also put them down frequently. My first took her first independent steps across the floor at 8 1/2 months old. My second walked at 9 1/2 months. I wore them when I washed dishes, or went shopping, or cleaned house. It sure made getting on and off the bus a whole lot easier! My children play with whatever they care to play with, but I only buy presents on Christmas and Birthdays. I did warn my son, when he was going through his "princess" phase, that wearing sparkly dresses outside might attract some grief from the older boys in the neighbourhood. He's 12 now, is growing his hair long, and he still loves Winnie the Pooh, and no one gives him a hard time, because somehow the other boys think he's cool. My daughter meanwhile likes science (she dissected a bunny recently!) and math (she beat the boys!), but while people think she's nice, no one thinks she's cool. I listen to their opinions, and I'm willing to hear a good argument. My children are practiced lawyers. But I still have the final say, because I'm the Mommy. And I won't tolerate rudeness. I believe it's my job to train them up into civilized human beings. If I'd had the opportunity to have more children, I might have done some things differently, but it would depend on the specific needs of those children. I don't regret any of the choices I made with these two (except maybe for feeding them mac and cheese one too many times).
