I just read all 7 reason and my dd's and I fit each one. I don't hold stock to "studies" or articles by 'experts" when it comes to babies/children. My dd's have always done what the "experts" thought wouldn't/couldn't happen because they weren't breastfeed or whatever they think I didn't do right. I think its the enviroment that they children are brought up in that is the biggest factor. I seen and been around plenty of breastfeed , co-spleeping, sling wearing babies that are sick all the time, super whiny and very clingy /not independent ( they have to be with mom all the time and can't play in the park with other kids) .I have seen that same set "fit" in the 7 habits that Dr. Sears listed. I have seen said things with the non- breast feed , slingwearing (etc) set too that I couldn't stand to be around or said under my breath that that is a clingy child. Each child and each home will be different, you could do one thing and I do another and our kids could turn out similar. As defined by the 7 things my dd's fit all and I didn't do what was "needed" (attached parenting) to get that result. Quote ( from the article): Researchers have long realized the association between good growth and good parenting. I guess the "experts" got that one right.
I totally agree.... when the kids are at Nana's house for a few hours. I could never with good conscience lock my kids in a room, the only doors with any kinds of locks in our house are the outside doors, the bathrooms and mine and hubby's bedroom. Oh and about a guest room.. well we just don't have that kind of space.
My children would panic if they couldn't open our bedroom door (because it was locked). So either way we have to be quiet and discreet. There's no difference in being quiet in the living room and being quiet in our bedroom. And I don't lock them in their room, either. Point is, just because a parent does something you think is weird, doesn't mean they are doing anything wrong. (not saying that all things are acceptable.. just that we shouldn't be quick to judge).
The locks were on the inside of the doors, not the outside - and we still use the one on the bedroom door! No panic if they couldn't get in either - but then doors get stuck all over our house. It was built in the 20s and then we lifted it up and built more underneath. Nothing's level in this place.
I agree with Actressdancer that we should not be too quick to judge. Also, thanks for pointing out the fact about Japan and co-sleeping. While I am not a co-sleeper....each of my kids have spent time in my bed at some time or another. I'm a night owl, so being up for 2am feedings (for a few months or so) wasn't a big deal to me...so the baby was in a bassinet alot during late night hours or with me in bed. I LOVE sleeping with a baby but I also love sleeping alone with my husband. I just couldn't do it every night...just not me. Also being a night owl, I do not go to bed the same time as my kids. My dh used to go to bed early, due to his work hours, and often when my oldest was a toddler she went to bed with him. It was cute. I don't lock my bedroom door. I am not getting the disrespectful comment at all but that's me. I think that unless a parent is abusing a child or putting a child in harm's way, it's none of our business. Some kids thrive with attachment parenting...personally I think it can make a child more secure about his or her surroundings. I'm not all the way attachment but I did breastfeed, co-sleep on occasion, wore a baby (not all of them..depended on the baby), and...well..not sure what else is considered attachment parenting.....oh I did not use cloth diapers. Disposable all the way...sorry. That's not attachment though. I will say that I do think not having boundaries and rules is harmful to a child. I do not consider co-sleeping harmful...but I will say I worried about the danger or perceived danger. the same way I worry about putting a baby to sleep on her stomach. I've done it..but you know..moms worry sometimes.
There are a lot of factors in child development. The personality of the child can make a big difference. My oldest ds would have been one of those clingy kids you referred to. He was a extremely high need infant. He needed constant stimulation and holding. He hated being away from me. He wasn't like that because of how I parented or didn't parent, but because of who he was. He had a lot of sensory issues going on. That didn't stop the judgmental looks and comments from others though, blaming me because I responded to his cries as needs. I practiced attachment parenting with him. It was what he needed. I think that if I used another parenting method with him it would have been detrimental to him. I practice attachment parenting with my other kids too. While they didn't need it like my firstborn, they have benefited from it. Now my oldest is 8 and is a confident little guy. He still needs constant stimulation, but he can fill most of those needs himself now. It is not uncommon to find him with a nose in a book fulfilling his deep thirst to know more. While not all children need attachment parenting, some do.
No locks here either. I typically have a monitor on so if someone wakes or gets out of bed we hear it. If you think about it, most of the world doesn't have master bedrooms with lockable doors.
For my daughter's first 9 months of life I went to bed at 4-5 am so she slept in her bed in the living room most of the night. When I went to bed she came to bed with me.
We don't have a lock on our bedroom door. I wouldn't mind one, but the door doesn't have it. We confine "parent time" to late at night after kids are in bed, or early Saturday/Sunday mornings when they're either still in bed or watching TV downstairs. We've always had an open-door policy with the kids. I expect them to knock before entering our bedroom (and I usually knock before entering theirs...it's a respect thing, and should work both ways!). But I want my kids to know that if there's a problem in the middle of the night, they are welcome to come and wake us. When they were little, that would be if they woke up and needed reassuring or whatever. I would let them get into bed with me, and after a while Carl would take them back to their room. I would often tell them, "Daddy's going to the bathroom now. When he gets back, you need to get back into your own bed." Sometimes I would take them in, and lie down with them in their bed if necessary. But I never let them sleep permanently in my bed. Oh, take that back! When Carl would be gone for some reason, they thought it a great treat to sleep with Mommy! My brother and I use to take turns doing that when we were little, because Dad worked a swing shift, and so he was on third shift on a regular basis.
I'm with ya, Jackie. That's pretty much how things work around here also. I never lock my bedroom door and I would never lock my kids in their rooms. Parenting is a 24/7 job....sometimes you need to work around that schedule. I don't encourage night waking in the least...geesh..I hate it. lol. However, I am happy (okay not happy..lol) to be there for my kid if he or she needs something in the middle of the night. Thankfully, that is very rare.
I am always up if my kids really need something at night, but they have been taught not to wake me unless it is a REAL emergency. Not just 'I need a drink'. But we DO use the lock. I don't think my kids need an eyeful of THAT! tried that once, USE the lock lol
I have also told my kids not to wake me for a drink or something unimportant. One of my kids used to call me so I could straighten out his blanket! Yes! He was little and it frustrated him. I put an end to that. lol. Crazy kid. Oddly...my 3rd child and one most like him, did the SAME thing years later! LOL. I have such crazy kids. I close my bedroom door and because it sticks a little....there is no need for a lock. However, I get your point. In fact, it brought back a yucky memory of me as a kid walking in on my parents. Whoa....yeah...locks are good...yeah... So..maybe I'll change my never to a "yeah maybe...I will". lol
That's pretty much me. My kids self-weaned, with the exception of the oldest (stupid reasons that I thought were valid at the time!). They weaned at 2 1/2, 15 months and 24 months on their own. I did wear my kids in a Snugli (I SO wish slings had been more mainstream then!!), but also used a swing and the floor some-neither for long periods of time. My 2nd child was what would be considered a high-needs infant. She needed me most of the time. A very good friend gave me a book that introduced me attachment parenting, and I felt so much relief from knowing that my instincts to follow her lead we OK, even when those around me insisted that she was spoiled, and it was my fault. I agree that you cannot spoil a baby. My now 11yo dd is VERY mature and independent. I guess I did something right. I am not completely against vax'ing, but agree with a delayed schedule and choosing the ones that are right for you. All of my kids have some, but the younger 2 have few. ( I became more educated with them!!) I never really understood the rigid scheduling that some parents use, but I can't say it's wrong. There are some great kids out there who come from very structured homes, and, there are some very bratty kids that come from every type of parenting style. (You all know one!!). Now.. allowing your child to make all of his/her own decisions as a child is really doing him/her a great disservice. It's the parents job to give rules and guidelines to guide children into a productive adulthood. Can you imagine these kids going into the adult world never having been told "no". As far as the gender neutral stuff... I have boys and girls. My ds has been known to play in the toy kitchen and to play with a doll. We bought him one when we were expecting dc #2. My girls have played with Legos, blocks, and matchbox cars, but they gravitate towards dolls and dress-up. I wouldn't force my child to choose a toy generally associated with the opposit sex. Ds 13 wouldn't go near a girl toy now, except maybe to torture his sisters. :wink:
I was thinking on the subject of clingy kids when I was folding clothes. And i realized something.... I don't think there's a correlation between clingy kids and attachment parenting at all. The moms I know (like me) who babywear, etc, have some of the most independent kids I've ever met. It's just like someone said: it's more about personality of the child. My second was SUPER needy as a baby. I HAD to hold him 24/7. That's when I found babywearing. I wore him nearly non-stop for his first year. I wore him when we shopped. I wore him when I cooked (on my back... safer). I wore him when I read to his brothers and when I folded clothes. I wore him when I slept. So, is he clingy now? Not a bit. He's the biggest loner of them all. He's super independent. He's the only one who cares about what he wears and who would rather play alone most of the time. So, basically, the idea that attatchment parenting = clingy kids is a load of hooey in my book.
I don't think a boy who plays with "girl toys" will turn out gay or have an issue. My son has three sisters! He plays kitchen and restaurant all the time...or did..he's a bit older now. In fact, he makes the best pancakes in town! He really does! He also has an interest in cooking or baking things he loves to eat. My girls love Legos...but I don't think that's a gender thing...they love hot wheels..but again I think that's for both. I think most "boy" things are really gender neutral. Blocks, trucks, Legos, blowing something up...guns...who doesn't love that stuff? lol. My 3rd child...Alyssa is all pink and frills but also enjoys playing rough. However, she is not into football and insists it's for boys. I say it's a game. But sure, it's more a boy thing. My oldest is a girl and very much a tomboy. She hates dresses and skirts. She isn't into pink or frills. But I don't buy her boy clothes, cut her hair short and call her Bob. That's what I take issue with. She's my kid that at 2 picked out a Barbie toothbrush and Darth Vader toothpaste. She has always liked a mix of things. She does not have a girly attitude at all...but I am happy for that! lol. Yet, she does like nice clothes, having her hair look nice, nail polish and that stuff. It just doesn't define her. I also know she likes boys.....UGH. At any rate...so I have a kid that doesn't fit the gender mold entirely but doesn't fit the opposite entirely either. I encourage her to be her. I like who she is. However, like I said, I am not going to turn her into a boy because she hates the color pink. I know, I know..it can be more complicated...whatever. You are the gender you are born with....PERIOD. I have a problem with parents encouraging boys to be pink and girls to be blue. I say let kids be kids and play away. Yet, I would discourage my son if he seemed to ONLY have an interest in things that were pink and frilly.
My second son's favorite color for a long time was pink. I used to get a kick out of watching the faces of adults when he told them. He is all boy and just happened to like pink.
Amie: I have to say that I agree that attachment parenting does NOT produce clingy kids. In fact, I think it's quite the opposite. My oldest was a bit clingy as a small baby...but hey..she was a baby and wanted her mommy...well..more daddy but that's okay. Anyway, don't all babies want mommy? What's wrong with a baby wanting and needing the security of her mom and dad? I held her all the time! I slept with her...I brought her everywhere..I wore her...all that. By the time she was about 2, she was the most independent, confident, happy child ever. I was not as "attachment" with the next two but close to it. They are very independent also. My fourth? She always seemed to respond better and was happier when I broke the rules...like never pick a baby up that's crying in her crib. When I laid her down and she cried, if I picked her up and held her for a minute and then put her down she was fine. No more tears and went right to sleep. If I tried to let her cry...it didn't work and she went insane. Now, not all kids are the same, I know. I am also not against allowing a baby to cry. However, I will say that I do not think clinginess comes from attachment parenting. I think attachment parenting fosters security which will foster independence. I think you can raise happy kids without attachment parenting also...just speaking to the myth.
That's funny because my son who was "all boy" as well...always picked out pink things when he was little. LOL. On his own, that changed. Although I have definite feelings on gender...I never focus on it. I never thought I needed to...kids are kids. pink is a color. Ya know? When my son was 3, he refused to wear a Hawaiian shirt because it had flowers on it. I tried so hard to get him to wear that shirt. He protested! LOL. Maybe he just didn't like that shirt, who knows. He just naturally gravitated toward boy things for the most part....but did like pink and loves to cook. I would only focus attention on gender if I thought there was an issue. I also would never have purchased anything girly if I only had a boy. That's just me.
