Raising a Gender-Neutral Baby...

Raising a Gender-Neutral Baby (new article, page 6)

Okay, so not strictly homeschooling news, but it IS news and homeschooling might be a good plan for these folks in the future if they want to successfully lead counter-cultural lives. :lol:

Full story here: http://www.autostraddle.com/canadia...-neutral-baby-by-not-revealing-its-sex-90186/

Thoughts? Opinions?

 

I think using a baby as an experiment or social statement is really selfish. And it sounds like the at least one of the other boys isn't happy with their own arrangement.

 

As a general rule, I feel like parents have the right to raise their child in the manner they see fit. I read that story on yahoo. Made me a little sick. If the child is having to ask for his mother to clarify his sex for others, then it's gone too far. There is so much in growing up that is hard. I wish the parents would let this one go. Let their boys be boys.

 

Just plain stupid. Boys are boys, girls are girls, and YES, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!!! Having said that, I was thrilled with the little basketball hoop Rachael got for her birthday when she was four. (My mil kept looking at the box, shaking her head, and saying, "It's NOT for a girl!!!") So this kid grows up, not knowing if s/he's a boy or girl? And some days s/he'll put on a dress and be very feminine, and others s/he'll dress all guy. Was that other child in the picture the sibling? The one with long, pretty braids?

 

I think I'm more mellow about it because of where I live, and the kids I see around here. It's not at all unusual to see long haired (even braided, especially if they're Native) boy children running around, playing hockey in the street.

And there was a little girl in my daughter's Scout troop who everyone thought was a boy, because her name was gender neutral. She seemed happy with that, and never corrected anyone. But I saw her just a month ago, and she was a typical teen girl, with long hair and girly-cut clothing! It was quite the transformation. I'm guessing she hit puberty and got interested in doing more than just playing with the boys. (Same as me, at that age.)

Most people don't really seem to care much around here.

What I wish is that other mothers would have quit telling me that I was going to be "marching in the parades" with my toddler son, just because he was a sensitive creature! C'mon, three is a bit early to be expecting them to "man up"!

 

Well, I do agree that some boys are just sensitive, and that doesn't make them any less male. Nor do I have a problem with "tom boys". But at the same time, I'm thankful we're not quite as "open-minded" as they are in Canada, though I doubt that will last much longer.

 

Wow Meg that is crazy about the parades remark. I would have to say this experiment in question is ridiculous. A baby is a baby period. I don't think babies are swayed much by public opinion. And if my sons behaviour was any example I don't know too many kids who really care what grown ups think in general about hair, clothing etc.. lol

 

I think the more pressing question in all of this is how the heck did they managed to keep their toddlers from blurting out the gender!????

 

LOL!!! Maybe by not telling them which they are, and not telling them how to tell them apart...? I had a young lady, eleven years old, that was in a wheelchair, and lived in a nursing home. She knew she was a girl, but had NO IDEA as to what the physical differences between a boy and girl were. I was preggers with Rachael, and she asked me how, when the baby was born, would they know if it were a boy or girl. I told the nurse that came to school with her that SOMEONE needed to talk with her NOW!!!

 

I don't know the full reasoning of this family, but some kids are born gender neutral so they are neither male or female. Maybe that is the case for this family, maybe not. If so then I think letting the child grow up to choose the gender may be better than choosing for the child.

 

The other children know. From the Yahoo article:

 

Also from the other article

 

That happens to plenty of girls without brothers, not just the ones who live in nursing homes!

My mother lost her virginity at 18, and *still* didn't know what a man looked like. (It happened in the dark.) She's a big proponent of sex ed now, for all kids, having experience what happens when no one tells you anything.

It's funny how kids really DO know what gender they are, regardless. However you want to flout society's conventions, pink or blue, long or short hair, pants or skirts, it's all really just window dressing. Gender is far deeper and more fundamental than that stuff.

Have you ever heard of David Reimer? He was born one of two male twins, but during the circumcision they accidentally removed his boy bits. A doctor named John Money convinced his parents that he could be socially conditioned into becoming a girl. The ONLY people who knew he'd been born a boy were his parents and his doctors. Everyone else thought he was a girl. He got lots of therapy and training on how to be a girl. Money said it was a success and proved that gender was nothing but a social construction. But he was lying. David always felt like a boy. He ultimately ended up committing suicide.

I researched gender identity for a project. It was really eyeopening both how innately biological, and insanely complicated gender is. And it really makes my heart break for the kids who are born feeling as if they're in the wrong body. Because just like David Reimer, sometimes the brain and the body are two different genders - and people born like that know almost from the very start that something's wrong.

 

Actually, the author of that article can't know that for sure, unless they were there. Babies born with non-standard or "ambiguous" genitalia are as high as 1 in 100.

While I am incredibly grateful that my children were born normal, after a lot of reading, I came to the conclusion that in the unfortunate circumstance that my child's gender was not easily determined, I'd have to raise them gender neutral - just like this family. At least until my child could tell me what gender they were! (The infant surgeries tend to come out rather horribly, with massive numbers of complications.)

Now, I DON'T think this particular baby is intersexed. I think these parents are just making a social statement.

But honestly - considering what the intersexed have to go through, by no fault of their own - I think these parents are creating a lot of hassle for no good reason. It'd be like deciding to live gluten-free, even though you don't have any kind of gluten allergy.

 

They can know if mom or dad said, "the genitals are not ambiguous."

Which is why I think this is selfish. They are intentionally creating an unnecessary obstacle for their child.

 

I have no problem with some boys being more sensitive than others. I don't think toys are gender specific. Both my girls and boys may play with whatever we have around the house, kitchen sets, dolls, basketballs, blocks... But I am not raising my children gender neutral. I don't think that would even be possible. I saw boy/girl differences in all of children early on (other than the obvious :lol

I do, however, dress my boys like boys, although I have always liked them in bright colors, something that is getting harder and harder to find. It seems like small children's clothes have become even more gender specific. Boys clothes tending to be black, navy, and grey. Girls, well it is a pink explosion at our house with baby girl. There is very little to be found for infant girls that isn't pink. I think a girl can wear other colors, and still be feminine. My older DD's favorite color has always been blue, and she looked very pretty in it.

I have styled my children's hair in gender specific ways. DD1 very quickly grew hair down to her waist, and DS1 had a little boy clip at around 7 mos., because it was already in his eyes. Some of hair styling is culture specific. As a pp mentioned, they see Native American boys wearing their hair braided. I see that here as well. They still dress like boys though. My black son is 2 3/4 years old and hasn't had a hair cut yet. For the most part he wears it loose and curly, but when I know we will be swimming I keep his hair in corn rows for weeks. To many unfamiliar caucasian people this is confusing, and I have been asked if he is a girl. Simple corn rows are absolutely a boy hair style, and I have even known black girls to get questioned on their gender if they wear them.

 

There is no such thing as gender-neutral when you have one of either part. The 'gender-neutral' term only applies to those (which are rare) who are bore with BOTH parts or none (if none is even possible). Right? In this case, the baby is either boy or girl, period.

A boy simply having long hair or a little girl wearing a Spiderman shirt is COMPLETELY different than hiding the gender of a baby/child. If they want to give their child free range to pick and choose what to play with, how to dress and look, by all means do it...but don't LIE to other people or your child! The child is still a boy or a girl...there is no way to get around it!

Sorry, but these parents are morons! I also believe that parents have the right to raise their children how they see fit, but not at the cost of the child's well-being. This child will be so confused when he/she is older and the parents refuse to educate her/him. How ridiculous and asinine!

 

I agree!

 

I may be showing my ignorance, but can't a simple chromosomal test tell whether someone is XY or XX?

And the other huge question...

How in the heck are they finding gender neutral clothing?

It seemed to me when my kids were tiny that everything in the stores (other than onesies in the multipacks) are generally specific to one sex or the other.

 

The Black kids I work with at church.... Boy, some of those boys really do look like girls to me! I understand it is perfectly acceptable for boys to wear cornrows, or to have their hair pulled back in a ponytail. But they ARE BOYS, and they KNOW it, and if you call them wrong, they make sure YOU know it, lol!!! And unfortunately, sometimes the names don't help, either! So if I've any doubt, I wait until something or someone makes it clear to me.