Raising a Gender-Neutral Baby...

Most people use "they", or use the child's name.

Or they could go with gender neutral pronouns... http://www.economist.com/blogs/johnson/2010/08/gender-neutral_pronouns

Or they could just drop them altogether, the way some people do when speaking.

"Yes, thank you. Little Storm looks great. Was cranky this morning, but still a great napper."

 

thank you for informing me on this topic.

 

It's actually really fascinating, and well worth reading up on. I used the information in a book, but my initial interest was sparked by the news coverage on Caster Semenya, the South African runner who was found to have testes instead of ovaries, despite having the external physical appearance of a woman.

Not only did this teenager have her career as a female runner torn away from her, but she now has to deal with serious obstacles to any dreams she may have had around love and marriage, as well as the discovery that she's infertile.

I can't imagine how it would feel if a doctor told me I wasn't actually a woman, despite me having lived my entire life as one!

 

While I realize there are medical circumstances that cause conditions of sexual/ gender malfunctions, this isn't the case with this particular child and parents.
Those that suffer from medical or genetic problems that affect their gender/sexual identity will have physical and mental health issues to deal with that were no fault of their own. And we should rightly support and comfort those who do suffer from these type of medical issues.
However, The article makes it clear that this child does not suffer from any of these issues. Mom stated the child's genitalia/gender and sexual identity were normal and known to a few select people. The parents' reasoning was that they didn't want their child placed in a box or limited because of it's gender, so they were keeping it's gender a secret.
Great. My question is, aren't the parents' building a mental cage for this child by not a sense of self worth in who the child is, both physically and mentally? After all, what kind of trap is it for a perfectly health child to be denied self value because mom and dad didn't want the child to grow up valuing it's gender?
Marty

 

It seems like they just don't want to let others know if their kids is a boy or girl. I can understand it, would I do it? NO, but they are parents, it's their choice. As far as raising a gender neutral child go, here is my 2 cents:

I ahve 3 boys, and I have always wanted a girl. Close family joke around about my oldest boy, Bo, being the 'girl' of the family. Meaning, he's more apt to play with dolls, want his nails done like mine, and generally be ore sensitive than the other kids. When I was breast feeding Marion, he would 'breastfeed' his toy Monkey, and change his diaper and so on. DH hates it, and worries that he's going to be 'gay' if he continues. I don't believe that at all. I strongly believe that he will be more sensitive to women when he is older. What is it hurting me if he plays with a doll, and rocks it to sleep? He is learning how to care for a child. What will it hurt me if he pretends to breastfeed a baby? He will know that a woman breastfeeds and he will expect it, and be able to help if need be. (Not like my 16 year old brother in law who thinks it's absolutally repulsive to breastfeed and has informed us that his wife wont breastfeed because he doesn't want her to. :/ )

 

Do you remember "William Wants a Doll" from Free to Be, You and Me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lshobg1Wt2M

I had the record when I was small, and used to go to sleep every night listening to those songs. :love:

 

Parents who allow cross gender play are teaching the value of self gender. Your son is learning that the opposite gender has abilities that he doesn't. He's also learning that those abilities have value while his do also. A child exploring through cross gender play learn that their own gender and sexual identity are valuable, and that the opposite gender also has special value unique to that gender.
A parent who denies a healthy child the opportunity to learn and explore the special value of its' own gender and the value of the opposite gender is trapping that child in a mental cage where NO gender or sexual identity has value. Since gender value and sexual identity are part of who we are as individual human beings aren't these parents denying this child the privileged of knowing and valuing itself as a complete human being?
Marty

 

Phillip's friend would "nurse" a baby, too. One day, he was cuddling his older sister's doll, and his dad was beginning to fuss about it to mom, when the little guy says, "I'm a GOOD DADDY!!!" And it shut his dad right up, lol!

My favorite from Free to Be was the one about how to tell girl babies from boy babies. The little boy baby pulls up his blanket to "show" the little girl that he's a boy: BLUE BOOTIES!!!

 

I have no problem with little boys asking for Barbies for Christmas or little girls asking for trucks or footballs, and receiving them. None whatever. Dress 'em however you want or they want. Wear hair or shave it. Whatever. But not to even tell the grandparents what gender the baby is, is to me beyond the pale.

Speaking of genetic or medical or congenital or whatever, has anybody else heard of the chidren from I can't remember but I think it's a Central or South American country where the children are apparently perfectly healthy girls -- until puberty! Then their bodies transform themselves into young men! They grow boy parts and facial hair and muscles and voices change.... What a surprise THAT must be! Happy birthday, dau... uh...

Oh, and Jackie - saw yesterday on either yahoo or msn, I forget which, a news article about male lactation, and some dad wanting to give it a try with his newborn....

 

WOW...I'm missing it all! LOL. I have been a bad homeschool spot lady lately. I've just been so busy.

Carol Lynn: He is ADORABLE! Love the hair and he looks like a boy to me.

To save time I will just say I agree with the usual suspects...LOL...Jackie, Jen and Amiee. Oh...I know I don't always agree with Jen...LOL.

I think it is unfair to the child to be an experiment as Amie pointed out...that was my first thought. I also think that no matter what you do you relate by gender. I find that most who claim to be gender neutral actually push the opposite gender on the child a bit more. I say let boys be boys and girls be girls. Now I see nothing wrong with boys having long hair or girls playing with GI Joe. lol. It is not those types of things like pink and frogs which make gender. My little 2 1/2 year old girl loves blue, dinosaurs, Buzz Lightyear, princesses, lip balm, and frilly dresses. When my oldest was 2 she picked a Barbie toothbrush and Darth Vadar toothpaste. When my son was 3 he refused to wear the Hawaiian shirt I bought him because it had flowers. My 6 year old girl is pink and frills but jumps and plays in ripped up jeans whenever she can. I don't push gender but I am not gender neutral.

 

I found an interesting article in today's paper, on this topic.

Prabhakar Ragde and his wife Naomi Nishimura conducted this exact same social experiment on their own children nearly two decades ago.

 

I don't think what they are doing is neutrality. They are like a reporter who wants to prove her objectivity by so thoroughly presenting the other side of the argument that her readers accuse her of favoring that side. These parents are so strongly encouraging a rejection of gender stereotypes that their children will not feel free to embrace anything that would fit into the stereotypical parameters of their gender even if that is what they want.

 

Agreed.

 

Yes. This.

 

I also agree!